


Destiny's Fate

by ladyamesindy



Series: ShepShep - John and Jane  Shepard [11]
Category: Mass Effect - All Media Types, Mass Effect Trilogy
Genre: Angst, Biotics, Death, Descriptions of battle, Divorce, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, F/M, Injury, Loss of Pregnancy, Marriage, Pregnancy, Strained Relationships, fighting in battle scenes
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-02-13
Updated: 2021-02-19
Packaged: 2021-02-28 01:54:11
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 30
Words: 98,590
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22695865
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ladyamesindy/pseuds/ladyamesindy
Summary: “A person often meets his destiny on the road he took to avoid it.”  Jean de la Fontaine“Life is what you make of it, friend.  If it doesn’t fit, you make alterations.”  Stella (Silverado)“It is not in the stars to hold our destiny but in ourselves.”  William Shakespeare“What’s meant to be will always find a way.”  Trisha Yearwood~~~~~Once united in all things, Destiny has guided John and Jane Shepard to separate, divergent paths; however, both know the future holds a far greater threat than the rest of the galaxy is willing to acknowledge.  Can they join together one last time to complete the mission they started together, or will Fate deal them a final losing hand …
Relationships: Female Shepard/Male Shepard (Mass Effect), Male Shepard/Ashley Williams
Series: ShepShep - John and Jane  Shepard [11]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/116749
Comments: 99
Kudos: 18





	1. Prologue

**Author's Note:**

> And so ShepShep returns! This is the first, the main story of events that will take them through the Mass Effect 3 timeline. There will be additional oneshots and smaller pieces that will show up in another work entitled: Where Destiny Leads: Downtime. While they are set in the same timeline/time frame, they are not as essential to the main story plot (which is already set to be 100 chapters. Help!). 
> 
> Please keep in mind, this is an AU on a number of levels, so don't expect an exact retelling of the story as we find it in game. There will be additions, potential subtractions, and a whole lot of rearranging!!!
> 
> One last note: additional tags will be added as the story progresses. There may also be a need to upgrade the story's rating, but for now I will leave it at Mature because of themes and some content and language.
> 
> I really must give a HUGE shout out to Guile and Gall who has been with me through this almost from the beginning. What began as a casual conversation about Destiny's Road way back when, quickly developed into hundreds of emails tossing around possible ideas, plot pieces, ways to flesh out parts of the story, etc. I cannot thank her enough for brainstorming with me over these two!!! Thank you, my dear! You are a godsend and the most patient angel I have ever come across!
> 
> I also want to give a shout out to you all, the readers, for following this journey with me. I didn't really expect many people would, and despite some long absences over the past few years, most of you still remain. Thank you, thank you, THANK YOU!!! I appreciate it so very much!

_Small twigs and a light coating of dried leaves covered the dirt path before her as it meandered casually through the forest. Trees resplendent in shades of green, yellow, orange and red were a welcome sight after the weeks shut away indoors, and Jane was not about to take it for granted. But as delightful and pleasant as the sight was, it brought with it memories of times past. Briefly, she hesitated, but the unexpected wave of panic quickly eased when it became clear they were more not wholly unwelcome. The family cabin in the mountains. Hiking through the forests surrounding it. The warmth of home and family. All things she had far too few reminders of in her life._

_Moving at a steady pace, she the unfamiliar tree line ahead of her approached rapidly. It was not one she recognized readily, and she searched the area for any details which might identify it. It wasn’t the forest surrounding the Shepard cabin in the Rockies; that much she discerned immediately. Over the years, she had visited a number of worlds, some of which were heavily forested, but that, too, did not seem right. A quick look up at the barely visible skies through the wooded umbrella above assured her she was on Earth. The only other place she could think it might be was a wooded area near HQ visible from the windows in her cell. But those woods weren’t_ this _large, were they?_

_Lack of recognition did not stop her from entering, however, and as she took her first steps deeper in, what she discovered took her breath away. Evergreens and aspens, birch and maple, and several other varieties she could not identify easily by sight. Here, the path was nearly undiscernible as needles and leaves carpeted the forest floor. She inhaled slowly, deeply, her nose crinkling at the familiar yet sharp scent of pine. Pausing momentarily, she reached out to run her finger along trunk of one. The bark was rough against her calloused fingertips, tickling lightly and leaving a residual sticky tackiness of sap. Lifting her finger to her nose, she sniffed softly, a pleased smile curving at her lips. Wherever this place was, it was familiar enough to remind her of the cabin in the Rockies._

_Picking up her pace once more, she wove her way through trees clustered closely together, noticing also the occasional shrub and flowers scattered among them. There was no marked trail, but it was easy enough to find a path of least resistance through. Ahead in the distance, it narrowed; an invitation to explore deeper, if ever there was one. Though there was not much in the way of light, obscured as it was by the canopy above, the air was filled with birdsong and the calls of other fauna blending together in perfect harmony. It was a calm and relaxing atmosphere; one might even say idyllic._

_It was an invitation Jane could not resist._

_But almost as that thought occurred to her, everything around her changed. Trees and flowers once in full bloom shriveled up and died in less time than it took for the heart to beat. Everything around her appeared ashen, as if fire had raged through, though no flames were visible. Some trees remained tall, deceptively whole, while others shrank to mere stumps of trunks. The sounds of wildlife, once so beautiful and charming, clashed discordantly, painful to the ears. Adrenaline surged through her system unexpectedly, the natural fight or flight response reacting to the change of condition. She was far too experienced to give into full-fledged fear, but the urge was there, thrumming just beneath her skin._

_The sudden warning blare of a klaxon echoed loudly in the distance; so deep and resonant, so sonorous her body trembled uncontrollably and without permission. Head darting around, searching for the source of the change, Jane fought back against an urgency unlike any she ever encountered before. It filled her gut, unsettling it, before rising like a tidal wave, washing over her. Another klaxon blared, and another, and finally she could fight the urge no longer._

_RUN!_

_Through the forest, ducking and dodging around the skeletal trees and shrubs, ignoring the cries of terrified animals unable to defend themselves, she ran as fast as her legs would carry her. Out of the corner of her eye, she noticed she was no longer dressed in the civilian clothing she wore at the start of this venture, but was now fully armed and armored, the blazing stripe of her N7 markings the only flash of color in the ever darkening landscape._

_The path before her turned around a sharp bend and she followed it, eyes automatically seeking and searching for the clearest path while identifying dangers she could only imagine. She lost track of how far she traveled; time had no meaning now. Minutes or maybe hours later, she rounded another bend and drew up short, her path suddenly blocked by a small figure on the ground. She sat with her knees beneath her, and tiny hands covered her face._

_It was a not quite unfamiliar child with red pigtails and a peaches and cream complexion. As she drew to a halt, Jane was reminded of her childhood, but she knew this was no memory of her own. That fact was confirmed when the girl looked up at her; wide, soulful, greenish-blue eyes staring back instead of her own emerald green. A light smattering of freckles dotted across the bridge of the child’s nose, a shade or two darker than Jane’s were at that age._

_Cautiously, Jane knelt beside the girl. Concern coursed through her and she barely remembered to turn her gun away at the last moment. Almost at eye level with the child, she asked, “Are you alright?”_

_Her hands slowly lowered, revealing a much too solemn visage for one so young. Jane spotted two missing front teeth behind pink lips and decided the girl was no more than seven or eight years old. Slowly, the child shook her head back and forth, her long pigtails bouncing over her small shoulders._

_Experienced hands reached out quickly, taking the child’s hands in hers and lifting them while searching for injuries. “Where are you hurt?” She glanced away once only to make sure no one or thing was sneaking up on them. “What happened to you?”_

_The child pulled her gaze from Jane and turned, her eyes staring down the path that continued ahead of them. “They’re coming,” she whispered, her voice a hoary whisper echoing far too loudly in Jane’s ears. “They’re coming ….”_

~ n ~

Bolting upward out of deep sleep with a loud, sharp, painful gasp, Jane struggled to find her breath and nearly choked in the process. She coughed roughly in an attempt to dislodge the sensation, while at the same time her eyes flitted rapidly around the room - from shelf to table to windows. All the while, her heart pounded frenetically in her chest. She blinked repeatedly and recognition of her surroundings came slowly, but the memories did not fade. If anything, they became sharper, clearer. 

A low, agonized groan escaped Jane’s lips as she made the final transition from dream to reality, and she drew her knees up to her chest. Wrapping her arms around them, she pressed her forehead to her knees and held on as a series of violent shudders left her visibly shaking. The door across the room hissed softly as it opened, echoing through the room, but she barely noticed. 

“Commander,” a deep voice, strong but rough with sleep asked, “you okay?” 

The struggle to regain herself was very real as Jane sat in the center of her bed. Eventually, after the space of a dozen heartbeats, she managed in a raspy reply. “I’m … I’m fine.”

She hoped it was enough; hoped he would just let it be and walk away, give her time and space to recover in her own way. The weight of a strong hand at her shoulder, however, informed her that Lieutenant James Vega, Systems Alliance marine, was not buying her story. The mattress dipped wildly and sank to her right as he sat. Her hand shot out in alarm, but was immediately caught in his strong grip. “Sorry,” he muttered, shifting until she found her balance again. “Better?”

Jane refused to look up at him, but she managed a small nod in affirmation. She hated feeling vulnerable in front of anyone. It was bad enough he had to see her as she was during the day; stripped of rank, confined to quarters, a husk of her former self.

 _Husk._ A violent shudder rippled through her shoulders at the irony of her thoughts.

If he noticed, he said nothing about it, thankfully. He struggled to stifle a yawn before asking, “What is this, commander? Second time since you got here? Third?”

This time the trembling was minimal, but it was present. “Fourth,” she whispered.

He grunted softly in acknowledgement. “Want me to call for a doc?”

Adrenaline surged at the thought; only one doctor would understand, and she wasn’t anywhere near Vancouver HQ at the moment. “No.”

Another silence fell between them, this time lasting for long minutes, until Vega broke it. “You know I’ve gotta report this. Right?”

The hint of trepidation that formed by his comment didn’t take hold; it was an empty threat. Each time she had a nightmare like this, Vega reported it … and nothing. No doctors checked in with her. No psych evals. In fact, there was no indication whatsoever that the Alliance had any active care or concern about her current state. That in itself wasn’t a surprise; not really. The way things were going so far, she more than expected the ‘throw away the key and forget she’s even here’ attitude. What could the doc or docs say, anyway? She needed fresh air and sunshine? She needed physical activity, while if not quite on par with her previous service, at least would give her some sort of outlet? If anything, the fourteen weeks since her return to Earth did nothing but prove that the Alliance, when they wanted, could be more effective at keeping her and her warnings about the Reapers out of sight than the Council ever could. 

And yet, Jane didn’t argue with it. _I agreed to this when Admiral Hackett asked me to be ready in my dress blues_. _I knew, more or less, what to expect_.

Vega eased himself from the bed and ducked out of the room. When he returned a moment later, an unexpected rattling sound accompanying him, she frowned over at him. “Here,” he said, pressing some sort of cup into her hand. “Try this.”

Curiosity won out over the last remnants of unease from her dream, and Jane lifted her head a fraction so she could get a better look. She squinted at it through the darkness and finally discerned a shape. _A cup?_ She frowned. No, not just any cup, the lid to a thermos. Her brows deepened as she took it from him before darting a wary glance up at him. “What is it?”

He grinned tiredly, white teeth light in the dimly lit room. “Best thing to cure what ails you,” he insisted. “C’mon, try it. My _abuela_ and _tio_ swear by it.”

She brought the cup to her lips, but caution had her sniffing at it before tasting.

Vega chuckled in his usual friendly manner. “C’mon, commander! It’s not some fancy French wine or anything!”

Side-eyeing him with deep suspicion, she tilted the cup and wet her lips just enough to for a taste. Running her tongue over it, the familiar light tingle and taste of the liquid brought back a wave of memories so sharp and painful and in such a rush that it instantly replaced the images from her nightmare. _Who am I kidding? One nightmare is as good as another, right?_ With a groan, she shoved the cup into his chest and ignored the liquid that sloshed over the edges onto her bedding. 

_Pain. Anger. Hurtful words and accusations tossed around like loaded weapons by two who supposedly loved one another but were desperately searching for a release from personal agony. Moments of weakness, on both their parts, and the inevitable swell of loneliness …_

These days, she could look at the situation and recognize the desperate call for help. Chasing that downward spiral such depth, almost to a point of losing herself, had taken months. The trip back had been even more difficult. 

_It doesn’t matter now, though, does it? Any promises that were made then are no longer binding. He’s made sure of that._ The voice in her head, bitter and pained now that she had far too much time on her hands and no one else to help her battle the after effects, sighed softly.And the temptation was all too real and ripe for her taking.

_Only it isn’t, is it?_

Jane blinked as she lifted her eyes to meet Vega’s, the lieutenant staring down at her in confusion. Shaking her head, she managed, “I … no, thanks. I appreciate it, Vega, but I … I can’t.” It wasn’t that the temptation wasn’t there any longer. It was. It likely would always be. But her struggle had brought her strength and self-control, and she actively fought against it, tooth and nail. _Besides, It’s a moot point now anyway. A momentary buzz, perhaps, but that’s it._

Anger and frustration, buried deep for the past year or so surged forth. Swallowing back a scream that fought to break free, she wrapped her arms around her legs again. The temptation might still be there, but the idea of having to explain it all to Vega held her in check. From their initial meeting just months ago, it was clear that the kid – mentally, she snorted at the assessment. The ‘kid’ was nearly twice her size and just as effective a soldier as she was – thought highly of her, practically idolized her. She had no desire to be placed on that pedestal, but she wasn’t making that decision. Still, if she gave into temptation, he would be at much at risk as she was. _If I let him do this, he could go down with me …_

Jane shook her head again, this time more firmly. “No … thanks.”

Vega set the cup aside, muttering, “Okay, okay. Just trying to help.”

Sniffling softly, she rasped, “Under normal circumstances, and for someone else, it might be a good idea. A great one, even, but right now, I just … I can’t.”

He rose from the bed and retrieved the cup, pouring the contents back into the thermos. Turning toward the door, he asked, “Anything else I can get you? I mean, my _abuela_ swore a shot of tequila cured all the worst evils out there, especially after nightmares, but –.”

A small, somewhat grateful smile creased her lips. “No thanks.”

The door closed behind him without another word, and Jane was left alone.

 _Why did it have to be tequila,_ she thought, covering her face with her hands and groaning softly. _Why couldn’t it have been whiskey or vodka or something else? Hell, even ryncol would have been acceptable! Just something that doesn’t remind me of just how quickly, easily, and low I fell before? The one thing that brings John to mind so readily because of our struggle to reconcile afterward?_

Slipping from the bed, Jane stumbled into the private bathroom. Without turning a light on, she ran the faucet and threw water over her face. For a long, drawn out moment, she stared at her reflection in the mirror, barely visible thanks to the pale moonlight from the windows leaking in from the other room. 

_Focus._ Heaving in a deep, stuttering breath, she forced herself to shift gears. _I am in control; not the alcohol, not the memories_. Eyes narrowing now, she stared long and hard at her reflection before acknowledging the obvious. _I know who you are._

One particular image from the nightmare slowly took shape in the mirror to her left. Jane’s eyes shifted to focus on the child. She didn’t stop the tears that started to trickle from the corners of her eyes as the truth from her past now faced her head on. Like most things in her life, this too was a challenge, and it was one she would find a way through. 

_Four dreams. Four times seeing you. It took me a long time to figure out who or what you are, but now I know._

Had she been in a better frame of mind, a better place in her life right now, Jane might have caught the signs sooner. The red hair, the freckles; all she had to do was look in the mirror to see the resemblance to herself. It might have been her as a child, but for the nose, the dimple on her small chin, the long lashes framing greenish-blue eyes; those belonged to the man she’d loved enough for them to create her. They belonged to John. 

_I failed you_. _I failed you then …_

For the briefest of moments, she watched the child’s head turn, their gazes connecting and holding. Biting her lip, Jane swore silently as her back stiffened. _I failed you then, but I won’t fail you now. Not this time!_

The child’s wide eyes stared back at her without reaction or emotion. Her expression did not change, nor did her lips move, but the warning was clear enough for Jane to hear. _They’re coming._

A shudder rippled across Jane’s shoulders as the words echoed through her head once again. Her eyes slammed shut and she took several deep breaths. When she opened them again, the child’s image was gone. All that remained reflected in the glass were dark circles beneath her eyes, exaggerated crows’ feet at their corners, and obvious signs of exhaustion.

Shoving herself from the counter, she returned to the main room and stumbled her way over to the console near the door, slamming her hand against the button. A second later, Vega’s voice responded. “Yeah, commander? Change your mind?”

She ignored his train of thought, one thing only guiding her now. “Vega, I need to speak to Anderson whenever he’s available. It’s important.”

A couple of minutes passed without a response. “He said he’d be here early today, ma’am. You’ve got that tribunal hearing, remember?”

Jane hissed softly between her lips. How could she forget? And yet …? “Thank you,” she managed after a moment before turning away. But as soon as she took a step, she spun back around, jamming her thumb on the button once more. “Oh, and Vega?”

“Yes, commander?”

A small smile curved at her lips, the barest hint of dry humor tinging her tone, the slightest bit of normalcy starting to make a comeback. “You’re not supposed to call me that.”

A quiet laugh at his end accompanied his reply. “Yes, ma’am.”

Jane dropped onto the mattress and crawled beneath the covers once more. Sleep was still elusive, as it tended to be these days, but at least the panic from the nightmare receded. That was something, at least.


	2. In My Dreams

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Still trying to work out a 'normal' posting schedule, but for now here is another Chapter!
> 
> Songs I listened to while writing this ...
> 
> "Eye in the Sky" by Alan Parsons Project  
> "Pressure" by Billy Joel  
> "Dream Police" by Cheap Trick  
> "Mr. Blue Sky" by Electric Light Orchestra  
> "Urgent" by Foreigner  
> "Your Wildest Dreams" by Moody Blues  
> "Uninvited" by Alanis Morissette  
> "One Vision" by Queen  
> "Black Blade" and "Protectors of the Earth" by Two Steps from Hell  
> "Rada" and "Nemesis" by Thomas Bergersen

The morning started about as well as the previous night ended. Overly bright sunlight filled her room as Jane smoothed out her uniform, but it was the sudden opening of the door and the way in which Vega stalked inside like a man on a mission that sent a rush of adrenaline flooding through her system. She recognized that look, having been on the end of it three times now since arriving. 

“Commander,” his tone was clipped, no-nonsense, “I need you to come with me. Now.”

She was already following him out the door without question by the time he finished. The use of her rank notwithstanding, it didn’t take much to determine the situation was hardly one for humor. Something was wrong.

Outside of her rooms, the hallway was nearly empty of foot traffic. James took point, guiding her, only deviating from his path when necessary. He pulled her to the left and positioned himself between her and two uniformed soldiers exiting a room on their right. Jane dared a quick glance up at his face. His eyes remained on them at all times. A subtle ripple of muscle across his shoulders informed her his right hand moved to sit atop the butt of his pistol at his hip. Tension oozed off his body in waves. By the time they reached the bank of elevators, Jane’s heart raced even faster with a secondary rush of adrenaline simply because of him. 

The doors closed and they were alone. “James,” she asked, eyes searching his face for any tells he might have, “what the hell’s going on?”

He punched a button on the control panel and took a step back. “Security threat,” he replied as he glanced at the changing numbers.

It took a moment for Jane to realize that the lift had shot upwards rather than down, which left her wondering just what that threat might be. Their ride was short, and though her attention was split in that moment, one thing stood out clear to her; the situation she found herself in presented an interesting challenge. She had no worries that James could or would defend her. His job was that as much as it was making sure she didn’t try to escape. But it left her frustrated on a number of levels.

If there was one advantage she had right now, it was that she was more than a little skilled when it came to self-defense. As a soldier, she relied on weapons, but her N7 training had brought other hand to hand combat abilities into the mix. Under house arrest, she was without armor and weapons, but that didn’t mean she couldn’t put up a fight. Her choices in reaction would simply be dialed back from her usual. Unfortunately, being without her omni-tool restricted her from any technical attacks, some of which were her preferred method of fighting in conjunction with those other skills. But, by far the biggest handicap for her at the moment was her lack of a biotic amp. Using her biotics was still a possibility, and while she might even be able to hold back one or two attackers, without the amp her attacks would be wild, unwieldy, and more often than not, unpredictable. In the end, she would be just as likely to hamper or injure herself and Vega as she would an attacker.

When it came right down to it, she wasn’t greedy; all she needed right now was _one_ of those items. A temporary aid to help defend herself, or at the very least give her a fighting chance against an unknown threat, whatever was to come, whoever she might have to face.

The elevator stopped about five floors above their starting point. Vega moved to fill the doorway space, this time pulling the pistol free from his hip before walking forward. He searched left and right before leading her out onto the floor. It appeared to be as quiet here as it was on the other floor. Within five minutes, he ushered Jane into an empty room devoid of windows that had only one door in or out. Vega moved to position himself between the door and her. Jane quickly scanned the room, noting where the ventilation shafts were located. She then opted to position herself between James and them as best she could. 

“Batarians or Cerberus?” she asked as she sat on the floor. It could only be one of the two. The former with open threats to just take her and return to batarian space to deal with her; the latter having already made at least one attempt of which she was aware to gain access to her. 

“All I know is there’s a threat,” James replied, voice as cold as stone and eyes never leaving the door. “You know the drill, Shepard.”

Sighing, she remained silent. She knew the drill well enough by now, indeed. First, they had to wait for the all-clear signal, only then could they retreat to her rooms again, assuming they weren’t breached. After that, there would be an inordinate amount of time spent waiting for Anderson to arrive and update the situation. Returning to some sort of balance could only come after that.

_If you can call this kind of a life balanced._

Another thought trailed quickly on the heels of the previous one, and Jane sighed heavily. _Which means my hearing this morning will likely be rescheduled. Again._ She dropped her gaze to stare at her uniform. A stripped-down version of her usual BDUs, there was no rank insignia or any markings of any kind. It was a depressing sight to say the least, and the longer her house arrest dragged out, the more depressing the situation became. In the three months since her return to Earth, after the initial hearing at which formal charges had been read, all three of the follow up hearings had been postponed or delayed for one reason or another. 

_And now a fourth._

She could do little about it, or about her current situation, so rather than allow her thoughts to spiral downward, she instead fell back to a tried and true method she learned from both Thane and Samara less than a year before. Taking a deep, relaxing breath, she closed her eyes, focused her attention inward, and drew strength from the inner peace and calm she found there. She was still very aware of her surroundings, almost hyper-sensitive to them even though her eyes were closed, but time lost meaning; she simply was.

“Uh, commander?”

The lack of stress in Vega’s voice was the first thing she noticed as she centered herself. That in itself was enough to indicate that whatever the threat had been, it was now gone. Eyes flickering open, she looked up at him, only a mild hint of warning in her tone. “James …”

He extended a hand to her, and she accepted his help to her feet. “Yeah, yeah,” he told her, a half-smirk at his lips, “once your situation’s all squared away, then you can worry about bringing me up on charges.”

Jane chuckled as she dusted herself off. “Back to my room?”

He nodded. “For now. I know you wanted to talk to Admiral Anderson before your hearing. He said something about finding you once all this settles down.”

“Alright, that’ll have to do. Let’s go.”

~ n ~

It was mid-afternoon by the time Anderson arrived at her quarters. “Hello, Shepard,” he greeted her, entering to find her staring out through the windows. “You look no worse for wear.”

Jane turned to face him, her eyes searching his face for a long minute. “What can you tell me?”

The only acknowledgement he gave her brusqueness was a nod. “Infiltration team nearly made it here,” he explained with a hand gesture to indicate her rooms. “It was close. Too close.”

A chill ran through her, but no fear accompanied it. _I’ve already died once,_ she reasoned. _What more can they do to me?_ “Batarian or Cerberus?”

His dark eyes narrowed. “Human,” he clarified. “We don’t know yet if they were Cerberus or employed by the batarians. For what it’s worth, I have my best people working on it.”

She sighed heavily and nodded. _It’s too soon. They need time to find answers._ Well, that was to be expected. “And my hearing?”

“Pushed back another week. I’m sorry.” He gestured toward two seats at a nearby table. “Vega said you wanted to see me about something else?”

She nodded but didn’t sit. When it became clear she was going to remain standing, he indicated she should go ahead. “I had a dream last night,” she told him simply.

A startled look passed over his face momentarily. “Another one?”

“Yeah.” She hesitated before adding, “And this time, there was a message.”

His brow arched. “And what might that message be?”

“ _They’re coming._ ” 

“‘They’re coming?’” Anderson repeated. “That’s all?”

Sighing, Jane pushed herself from the window. “That’s all.” 

This wasn’t her first dream since arriving in Vancouver, and she had shared the others with him. All contained similar themes – the forest and a young girl; one that vaguely resembled her. The only new element this time was the warning itself. 

“So, you think it’s a message of some kind?” he hedged. “Not just a typical nightmare?”

Half-turning, Jane met Anderson’s steady, dark gaze with one of her own. “Sir, I’ve never been one to have fanciful dreams. Just ask John.”

“I will.” Walking over to join her, he glanced outside. 

The view from her cell, or what constituted her cell, could have been better, as could the location for her imprisonment. However, Anderson and Hackett had both been instructed that the Defense Committee wanted unrestricted access to her any time they needed to question her. Under such circumstances, this was the best they’d been able to arrange. _Too bad the Committee isn’t using the time to actually ask anything._

“Sir, would it be possible to … go for a walk? Outside?” Jane asked, the hesitation in her tone purposely suggesting she wanted no chance for unwanted ears listening.

Anderson stared at her for a long minute before replying, “Give me a minute.” He was out of the door a moment later. When he returned ten minutes later with Vega right behind him, Jane knew he’d succeeded. “Come on, Shepard. Let’s go get some fresh air.”

They exited the room, turning left and heading down the hallway towards the elevators. When theirs arrived, Vega cleared it, allowed them on and then barred any further riders from entering. A few minutes later, they exited out into the main foyer of the building at which point, Anderson turned to the right and led her down another long hallway ending at a door. This he pushed open, guiding her outside. Vega, still following, remained a discreet distance behind them. It took Jane a moment for her eyes to adjust to the brightness, but once they did, she realized they were walking out the back side of the building.

“So, Shepard,” Anderson said once they were outside and walking along a nearby dirt path, “got something else on your mind?”

It was the opportunity Jane had hoped for. “Sir, on the way back to Earth, Major Alenko hinted that you and Admiral Hackett might still have a use for me in preparing for the Reapers,” she said, jumping right into the meat of the matter. “I’ve been here for over three months now. I’ve been doing as you both asked, yet … nothing. Isn’t there some way I can help?” She hesitated, wavering whether she should admit the full truth, then decided if it meant a change, it was worth it. “I’m about to go mad up there!”

As her words faded between them and he prepared a reply, Anderson noticed they were no longer alone. Three uniformed Alliance personnel walked along the path in their direction; none were familiar to him by sight alone, and he gave them a wide berth. Their identities were a moot point at this time, he would have done the same even if he had known them. Waiting until they were well out of hearing range, he finally replied, “Shepard, I’m not going to lie to you. The fact of the matter is, Command won’t allow your involvement right now.”

Jane stopped suddenly, turning on her heel to face him, and Anderson followed suit. “I did as Admiral Hackett requested,” she stressed. “I turned myself in. I came back to answer questions. It isn’t _my_ fault their legal process keeps getting delayed! I kept my word; I’m here, aren’t I?” A growl of pent up anger and frustration started bubbling to the surface, and it was all she could do to bite it back. Despite their differences over the past year, she wasn’t mad at Anderson, and it wouldn’t do any good to take it out on him when he wasn’t responsible for her current state. “Dammit! Haven’t they figured out I never asked for this?” she hissed, half-turning from him so as not to make it look like he was her target. “As soon as I was able, I returned! I’m here to take responsibility for Bahak. What more do they want from me?”

To his credit, Anderson did nothing to stop her from venting. “I wish I had an answer for you, Shepard,” he replied. “I really do.” He sighed and they continued walking. “But the fact of the matter is this: Command is severely limiting what Hackett and I are able to do.”

Jane darted a quick look over at him. “You mean, you _aren’t_ preparing at all?”

He lifted a hand, gently warding off her disbelief. “That isn’t what I said,” he chided. “However, what little we _can_ do has to be framed in such a way that it doesn’t look as if we are ignoring orders.”

Her immediate reaction was to scowl, but his words held more than just the simple explanation they seemed to convey. _So, you are doing something then. That’s a relief_ , she thought. _But that certainly won’t be enough, and it isn’t helping me, either._ Realizing that she needed answers to some very difficult, very specific questions, and understanding that Anderson might not, or possibly would not, give them to her even if he could wasn’t helping her state of mind at present. She chewed on her lower lip thoughtfully for a moment before deciding to push her luck. _Nothing ventured, nothing gained, as the saying goes._ “This … Command didn’t just want me under house arrest because of the batarians, or because of Cerberus, did they?”

The sharp, shrewd glance Anderson turned on her was more than enough of a confirmation, but outwardly he wasn’t willing to acknowledge it. “What do you mean?”

Taking a deep breath, Jane faced him fully and met his look head on. “Ever since we tracked down and took care of Saren and Sovereign, I’ve become a much larger threat to the Alliance than the batarians or Cerberus could ever hope to be.” She kept her eyes on his, searching for the truth in them. “During the two years I was dead, things died down, became less of an issue. Now that I’m back, they’re keeping me locked up like this in an attempt to stop me from stirring up the whole Reaper pot again.” Something flared behind his dark eyes at that, and Jane’s worst fears were realized. “Aren’t they?”

Anders kept his eyes upon her, his expression schooled into something neutral, but he said nothing to counter her argument. 

Jane didn’t need him to. _So, you_ are _aware, too._ Lowering her voice, she said with an intensity that vibrated throughout her body, “Sir, we both know no matter what the Alliance or Council says the Reapers are a threat. They are going to show up, somewhere, some way, some day. We have to do _some_ thing to prepare for their arrival, or we aren’t going to stand a chance!”

The neutral expression faded into something more consoling. “We are doing what we can,” he insisted. “I wish it was more, Shepard, you know that, but our hands are tied. And, without you having clearance, Command will not grant you access to any of this.” 

He started walking again and Jane hustled after him, falling into step beside him once again. “Are _any_ preparations being made, David? Can you at least tell me that much?”

“Shepard –.” The warning was clear.

At this point, however, Jane wasn’t about to be cowed or back off. Slicing her hand through the air in the space between them, she hissed, “No! Sir, they were seconds, _seconds_ away from entering the galaxy through Bahak! Had Admiral Hackett not sent me, we would now be in the fight of our lives, of that I have no doubt whatsoever!” She paused to take a deep breath, to calm herself. “I do _not_ regret my actions in that matter. Not. One. Single. Bit! However, while I may have slammed one door in their collective faces, that incident only proves that they can and will find other ways to get here!” She reached out, grasping his wrist and held tight. “Twice they’ve tried. Twice I’ve stopped them. You and I _know_ they won’t stop at that! And at this point, who knows where they will eventually find an opening! Sir, you _need_ me out there watching for them! I have insight into them, their thinking, their past methods! If anyone should be advising right now –!” 

His sigh was barely noticeable, and when coupled by his free hand reaching over to gently remove hers, only more emphatic. Still, his words did little to convey anything beyond the most basic of information. “Admiral Hackett and I are well aware. We have been trying everything we can think of to get you pulled into this somehow, but this thing with the batarians is dragging, and the repeated attempts to get at you only adds to that challenge. Every time we think we’ve found a way to get you free, another complication arises.”

“Then find me something I can do from my room!” she begged. “Sir, you need my help!”

They walked on for a good ten minutes in silence, slowing only when they reached a fork in the path as it divided to shape a small lake. Without continuing, Anderson stared out across the water to the trees beyond. “You know they’re scared.”

He could have meant the Defense Committee, but something about the way in which he spoke suggested he meant the Reapers. Jane reacted by snorting in disbelief while shaking head sharply, her gaze narrowing in on him. “They aren’t scared of me,” she insisted. “Not yet; not enough.” Taking a deep breath, she ran her hands over her face. “Besides,” she continued as they fell back to her sides, “as far as that goes, if you remember your old Earth legends - folklore or religion, take your pick - Goliath _should_ have been afraid of David, but he wasn’t. If anything, it was the other way around.” Turning to face him at full attention, a sparkle intensified in her green eyes. “And _that_ will be our advantage.”

He stared at her for a very long, thoughtful moment. “David slew Goliath.”

A dark, intense smile worked its way across her face and up into her eyes. “Exactly.”**

Breaking his gaze from hers a moment later, he chuckled softly and started to retrace their steps back toward the main building. He said nothing as they walked, and without the stops, the trip back was much faster. Only as they reached the doorway leading inside did he finally reply. “I will see what I can do, but I can’t make you any promises.”

As answers went, she found it less than satisfactory but it would have to do for the moment. “Thank you.”

They entered the lobby soon thereafter as he added, “That isn’t as promising as it might sound, given the difficulties we’ve encountered so far.”

“Maybe not,” she agreed, “but it’s more than I had before.” 

They arrived at the bank of elevators and a lone uniformed servicewoman exited the car. Vega quickly claimed it for their purposes, deflecting any other potential passengers to choose another while Shepard turned to face Anderson one last time. “Sir, you don’t need to escort me back. Lieutenant Vega can do that.”

A small smile twitched at his lips as he glanced over at Vega. “See that you do that, lieutenant,” he ordered.

“Yes, sir,” Vega responded, saluting. 

Turning back to Shepard, Anderson added in a low voice meant for her ears only, “And Shepard, hang in there, okay? We’ll get you through this. I promise.”

Jane watched him walk away before joining James inside the lift. After the doors closed, she leaned back against the wall and again running her hands over her face. “Do you know Admiral Anderson well?”

Vega shrugged. “Not as well as you, but we’ve crossed paths a time or two.”

Despite their interactions when he was councilor, Jane knew she was rather fortunate to have the man on her side. A lot of water had passed under the bridge between the two of them since her return. “He’s a good man,” she admitted. “One of the best, all things considered. He and I may have had our differences over the years, but I will always believe that.”

“Yes, ma’am.”

She darted a quick look up at him as the lift came to a halt. Pushing herself off the wall, she stepped toward the door. “And Vega?”

He met her gaze just as sure and resolutely as always. “Yes, ma’am?”

“Quit with the formalities. You know you aren’t supposed to use them with me.” The doors opened before he could answer and she was through and walking toward her rooms almost before he realized it.

~ n ~

“ _They’re coming?_ ” Hackett’s voice echoed inside the small QEC chamber.

Anderson nodded. “I don’t need to check with John to verify that she isn’t given to fanciful ideas,” he added. “Whether it’s the Reapers talking to her, some deep intuition guiding her, or just damned good luck, I believe her. The Reapers are coming.” He sighed. “Damn it! We need more time!”

“ _I highly doubt we will ever be ready for them, even if she was free_ ,” Hackett replied. “ _Still… Is there any way to get her involved with what we’re doing, David? Any way at all?_ ”

“Not without risking courts martials for treason on our parts.” Anderson started pacing in the limited space. “We’re skating on thin ice as it is. Have you heard anything out there, Steven? Seen anything yet?”

Hackett shook his head. “ _No. Everything is quiet_. _Almost too quiet, if you ask me._ ”

“Well, keep your eyes out,” Anderson advised, “and I’ll see what I can do from this end.”

“ _Check with Major Alenko,_ ” Hackett advised. “ _He might have some ideas on that and he knows how to get around certain challenges without being seen._ ”

Anderson nodded. “Understood. He and his students have been a godsend in keeping watch on her, let me tell you,” he admitted. “Today’s little adventure was far closer than I’d like to admit. I’ll check and see if he has any thoughts that might work to her advantage. Anderson, out.” 

Exiting his private communications room, he walked over to his desk. He spent the next several minutes carefully crafting a message before sending it. He hoped to whatever god there was that it was good enough to slip through undetected. If not, he might well find himself in a cell alongside Shepard’s under house arrest. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> **Okay, so over the years and well before I ever came across Mass Effect, I fell in love with the deep timbred voice that is Keith David since he narrates many of the history/military history doccumentaries I like to watch (history major! lol). When I first heard him as Anderson, I nearly cried. I'm so delighted we've had him through all three games, and I love the character! One of the few things I never watched/heard him in, however, was the Gargoyles animated series. However, in speaking with my bff over Skype ages and ages ago while I was playing the game, she asked, "Isn't that Goliath I hear?" I told her who it was, and sure enough, Keith David was the VA of Goliath. So, in tribute to the man, his skills, and that lovely deep baritone, I've included a little Easter Egg, I guess you could say? Anyway, hope you enjoyed the chapter!


	3. The Weight of Time

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So, I thought I had this ready to go a couple weeks ago. Then I had the muses poking at me and I decided to adjust the chapter; basically, rewrite it from an entirely different point of view. That wasn't so difficult ... until MS Word decided to shut down without saving it and I had to start all over again. That plus the craziness going on in the health world these days and, well, it's been a long couple of weeks! However, I finally kicked myself to stop poking at the chapter so you all can enjoy it!

Jane stood at the windows; her half-dazed gaze focused beyond the cold pane. Long ago, the days faded into weeks, and those weeks into months. Christmas came and went with little fanfare; here then gone. New Year’s, too. Vega and Anderson did their best to keep it somewhat festive. Jane hadn’t had the heart to tell them not to bother. This time of year was always challenging for her. Had things been better between her and John, it might not have been so bad. But they weren’t, and life went on.

She shifted her weight to her other hip, bracing her left arm against the window now and leaning her forehead on it, a soft sigh her only comment. 

Her quarters, such as they were, were just the same as that first day; a hastily emptied private office with an equally private attached bathroom. Day in, day out, nothing changed. Smaller than the captain’s cabin she shared with John on the SR1, the space stopped just short of cramped. By her best estimation, it measured no more than twenty feet by twenty feet. Once per week, she remeasured it; once per week, it remained the same.

The bed provided was large enough for her needs, even comfortable at times, but was of the same dull grey that matched the paint on the walls. One lone bookshelf towered from floor to ceiling against the wall to the right of it. Unlike the shelf Kasumi used to house her books on the _Normandy_ , the imposing steel framed figure mocked the homey atmosphere found in the thief’s quarters. It was a surprise to find a small stack or two of books and papers on the shelves when she arrived, centered and squared neatly with the edge of the shelf. Beneath them all, Jane found a couple of datapads; nothing of any import or interest, however. Simply evidence left by the former occupant of an unexpected and hasty retreat. It only added insult to injury to discover that they must have worked in recruitment; apparently the Hero of Elysium, the Savior of the Citadel, the Alliance’s golden girl poster child for all that a marine should be was no more; replaced by fresher, younger faces just out of Basic. 

The wall running the length inward from the windows and containing the book shelf was almost entirely taken up by the doors. Only the shelf and a small water cooler fit in the remaining space, and even they were wedged in tightly. The bathroom, just large enough for a sink, mirror and toilet stall, presented itself as an afterthought. At times, Jane wondered if it wasn’t simply a converted janitorial closet. There was a small bit of open space, about ten feet, that ran from the foot of the bed to the bathroom door. At the corner where the walls met, and in lieu of a full-sized desk, sat a small table, barely large enough for two people. The few times Anderson visited to discuss her defense, there was barely enough space for them to sit without bumping elbows and it made getting actual work done a challenge. 

The last wall of the room was a doorway of its own. Large panes of transparent glass provided a somewhat scenic view beyond her prison. Located on the seventh floor, she was able to see across the base and to the city and bay beyond. The only downside to them was they did little to block lights of incoming shuttles or the bright rays of the moon at its fullest, thus making already troubled sleep even more difficult. Add in the lack of contact with others, the sense of utter _isolation_ that came from the complete separation from others, from her _duty_ , and, well …

At the time when Jane agreed to return to the Alliance, her _home_ for so much of her life, and ‘face the music’ as Admiral Hackett requested, she hadn’t fully considered what it might entail. Standing before the Defense Committee, explaining what happened and why, facing the tribunal’s decision – those things, she expected, even anticipated, because it meant progress, finding a way forward, getting to the point where she could get back to helping prepare for what was to come. She was a proactive type – get out, _do,_ that was how she lived. _Thrived_. Even facing a life without John in it any longer was something she could manage and accept because there were far worse things heading their way that required their attention. She needed to keep busy, and if there was one thing the Reapers promised, it was that.

But the reality of her situation was entirely different. Years before, one of the many things ICT prepared her for was the possibility of capture and interrogation by enemy forces. Part of that training included how to deal with being isolated. It was a psychological tactic, and one Jane found a way through, never once looking back. 

Until now. At first, it wasn’t so obvious, but her situation dragged on and on, and one delay came after another as well as the lack of personal contact; all of it built upon itself, but the sad part was, it wasn’t the worst of it. Now, as she continued to stare out the window, her eyes finally settling upon a child playing on one of the nearby grassy rooftops, Jane swallowed tightly past an ever-growing bitterness and despair. 

_No, the worst thing about this situation is knowing that my current ‘enemy’ are the very same people who taught me how to survive such things … and right now, they are winning …_

~ n ~

Kaidan exited the elevator and turned to his right. His eyes were automatically drawn toward his destination, but his thoughts weren’t on the impending encounter, but rather on what had almost been. It frightened him in ways that he still couldn’t fully fathom just how close the infiltration team came to succeeding with their goal. If not for a lack of specific knowledge on their part, and an insane stroke of luck on their side, things would likely have turned out far different.

The atmosphere on the floor appeared no different than any of the others in the building, which was both expected and somewhat of a surprise. For all appearances, it was the typical hustle and bustle of a military headquarters operation. No hint of a security breach. No signs of the intense battle that took place only a couple floors below. Not even a noticeable increase in security presence. Very few knew the details of what happened that day. He happened to be one of those few.

He entered the small ante-office chamber to find a familiar lieutenant sitting at the desk. “Vega,” he said by way of greeting.

Lieutenant James Vega jumped to his feet and saluted. “Major Alenko.”

Kaidan’s eyes drifted to the smaller doorway to his left. 

“Admiral Anderson got clearance for your visit, sir,” Vega assured him as he reached over to press a button. The locking mechanism on a second doorway turned from red to green. “Said you’re to have as much time as you need.”

“Thanks.” He took two steps toward the door then turned back to Vega. “Where will you be?” When Vega looked confused, he clarified, “You are technically responsible for her.”

Vega’s lips twisted into a wry smile. “Yes, sir, I get that. Admiral Anderson said I was to give you privacy for this visit. Suggested I head down to the gym for a while.” He shrugged. “I’ll be back in … an hour, tops? Maybe two?”

 _Good._ Kaidan nodded. “Take your time. Thanks, Vega.” Without another word, he stepped through into the small, dim hallway separating this room from Shepard’s.

Kaidan hadn’t seen the room prior to Shepard’s arrival and he wasn’t certain what to expect, though he had been in rooms on this floor and others in the building. As the door slid open, the first thing he noticed was the late afternoon sun shining particularly brightly from the south facing windows. It took a moment for his eyes to adjust, but once refocused, he saw her. Her uniform was the same bare one given to any new recruit, devoid of rank or insignia of any kind. Her hair, he saw, was pulled back into a thick braid that hung loosely over one shoulder, nearly reaching her elbow. But it was the fact that she didn’t bother to look up at him when he arrived that struck him most. Her attention appeared to be focused on a datapad in her hands, but he knew better.

Kaidan cleared his throat, smiling when she jumped, a startled expression crossing her features. _Have I ever shocked her before?_ he wondered briefly. _Surprised her? Is Commander Jane Shepard even capable of being surprised?_

She quickly scrambled to her feet, the datapad dropping harmlessly to the bed. “Kaidan!” 

His smile was warm and easy, but he kept his eyes on her like a hawk. There were several reasons behind his visit, but one had been requested specifically by Anderson. _Evaluate her current state of mind._ _She’s hanging in there, but being closed up like this has to take a toll, even on someone like her._ “Hey, Shepard.”

Her eyes closed and she inhaled slowly, deeply, and it reminded him of someone savoring a favorite food or drink they hadn’t tasted in a very long time. It was an effort to fight back the urge to let his level of concern show. _Is this just reaction to seeing an unexpected face?_ Her eyes opened again, and the old, familiar lopsided smile she often shared with them back during their SR1 days fell into place. “Hey.”

 _Will she be honest with me if I test her?_ “Anderson thought you might like to see a familiar face.”

Her smile went full-fledged grin immediately, but it was impossible to ignore the sudden wariness in her eyes. “It certainly helps,” she admitted, “but I can’t help but wonder if you don’t have some other purpose in mind?” 

Her voice lilted in question. She was intelligent; he had no doubt that if she was still on her A-game, she would see through him like wet tissue paper. Still, he had his part to play, too. A part that, later maybe, he might feel guilty about, but for now he treated it like any other mission. One thick brow arched upward in her direction.

Her eyes widened just a fraction as she inhaled sharply, hastily adding, “Not that I mind! I mean, it’s good to see you!”

He relaxed a little and smiled before walking over to sit at her table. “Anderson thought you might like an update on the latest security breach,” he explained. “I’m your man.”

For the briefest of moments, she stood staring at him, her head tilted slightly, before walking over to join him. “You were involved?”

Sighing, he nodded. “That’s one way to put it.” A wry smile twisting his lips. “Almost from the beginning, my students have put their training to use helping Security keep an eye on things since your return.”

Her shoulders relaxed as he spoke, and he saw a flicker of relief pass behind her eyes. “Well, you can give them my thanks and appreciation for a job well done.”

“I’ll do that,” he promised. Leaning a bit forward, he rested his arms on the table, adding, “I’ll be honest with you; we got damned lucky this time.”

Though her eyes darted quickly to his, he found no shock or surprise there, but genuine curiosity. “Oh?”

It took a moment for the truth to filter in. _She doesn’t know?_ He ran his hands over his face, gathering himself. Maybe it had been presumptuous, but he assumed she was aware of that, at least. _Anderson, I hope you know what you’ve gotten us all into now._ Selecting his words carefully, he explained, “Whether they had an inside source or were watching us for a while, we don’t know, but they were clever. They tried to sneak in when the students were changing shifts. They were spotted by the team coming on duty.” He sighed and shook his head. “Who just happened to be early because of transportation issues,” he added. “A few minutes later and ….”

She sat quietly but unflinching. “Anderson said they were human. The infiltrators, I mean. Do you know if they worked for the batarians or Cerberus?”

“Cerberus.” His reply was immediate, tight. “It took a while to trace them back, but we eventually caught a break.” 

Her eyes shifted away. “You’d think the Illusive Man would focus on the Reaper threat,” she muttered almost absently, “instead of trying to get even with me.” She paused a moment and collected herself. “So, everything back on track now?”

He nodded. “The students took it as both an insult and a challenge to their training. They aren’t about to let something like that happen again on their watch.” The aura around her flickered briefly, but he understood. _Of course, she gets it. She is N7; it isn’t like her credibility hasn’t ever been challenged before_. 

Companionable silence filled the room for a few minutes; no pressure, no weight. Kaidan couldn’t determine her thought process, but one thing was clear; she no longer had doubts or concerns about the incident.

“How goes the retrofit of the _Normandy_?”

He flashed her a teasing grin and made an exaggerated show of checking the chronometer on his watch. When she rolled her eyes, his grin widened. “She is quite the ship,” he allowed. “A lot of money went into rebuilding her.”

She snorted softly. “Yeah. They letting you work on her?”

He shrugged. “I’m occasionally allowed to … ‘inspect’ progress, shall we say?” Another shrug. “I’m here, Hackett isn’t and Anderson has other duties taking his time. They wanted my input on some of the technological … adjustments being made.”

Her nostrils flared slightly and he caught the flash of green in her eyes to match. For half a minute, he expected her to warn him not to mess with her ship. But when she spoke, she was as calm as a warm summer day. “She’s a good ship, despite those responsible for creating her. We gave her as many upgrades as we could before –.”

Kaidan lifted a hand. “That much is obvious. She’s certainly in better shape than when the SR1 went down.”

It was, maybe, the wrong thing to say. Though her facial expression didn’t change much, a sudden bleakness filled her eyes. Mentally, Kaidan kicked himself. She didn’t need to say anything; it was more than clear she was still affected by those events. How could she not be? _All of this is a direct response to that._

He lowered his hand to a pocket on his right leg and fished around inside. _It also makes this more challenging._ He settled both hands on the table between them. Awkwardness, thick and heavy, suddenly filled the space as he searched for the words he wanted. “Last time I was on board, I found something you left behind.”

The wariness returned as their eyes met. “What do you mean?”

The sun was low on the horizon now, and in the amber-hued light he could see she had no idea what he was leading up to. Gently, he set the item on the table and pulled his hand back. “I was asked to take a look at the galaxy map display in your cabin and while I was there, I found this under your desk.”

She pulled her gaze from his with effort, before dropping it to the table. Outwardly, he sat quietly, patiently; inwardly, his mind was rolling with questions. His answer came within the space of a heartbeat.

She gasped softly, her hand trembling slightly as she reached out, tentatively, cautiously wrapping her fingers around the device. A hint of pink was visible from one end as her fist as her fist tightened around it, her eyes closed. If it was possible for a person to _deflate,_ Jane Shepard did in that moment. She pulled her lower lip in between her teeth and bit hard enough he could see the skin turning white. 

Kaidan winced and was glad and was glad her eyes were closed. _Dammit,_ he cursed himself silently, _why did I have to be right?_ Softly, he asked, “When?” 

When her eyes opened, it was as if he was looking at a different person; fragile, shaken, _pained._ It shouldn’t surprise him, not really, but it did and it took a second for him to realize why. _So many people look at her and see Commander Shepard; Soldier, Spectre, Savior. But how many see her for who she truly is? A normal person, like the rest of us?_

She lurched to her feet, stumbling the short distance across the room to the windows, a soft wheeze of breath escaping. She braced her right forearm against it, her forehead to cool surface. “When … when I found out?” Her voice wobbled, but she gathered herself quickly. “After Saren, while we were finishing off pockets of geth out in the Terminus. You … were stationed on the Citadel at the time.”

Kaidan stood and slowly, cautiously, crossed the room, stopping just a few feet from her. “I guessed as much. John never said anything about it … after.”

She glanced over her shoulder at him and he noticed a few stray tears trickling down her cheek, the afternoon sun flickering against them. Her throat worked visibly before she managed, “He didn’t know. I was on my way to tell him when … when we were hit …” 

She dropped like a dead-weight to the floor, eyes closed again, and the resultant thunk left him wincing. His concern grew further when she seemed unable to catch her breath, and he took a knee before her. Reaching out a hand, hoping to reassure her she wasn’t alone, he was startled when her eyes flew open wide, the jade green depths flashing brilliantly with anger. 

Kaidan retreated instantly out of instinct, his hand falling to his side. He had no doubt he was watching her battle … something; what that might be, he wasn’t certain. Herself, most likely, or at the very least some inner demons he had no first-hand knowledge of.

Jane pushed herself to her knees, practically at eye level with him. Out of the corner of his eye, he caught movement as she drew her arm back. Uncertain of her intention, he threw out his arm, the mnemonic for his biotic barrier flying from his fingertips. He needn’t have bothered. With a loud, pained roar, she launched the device across the room with surprising strength where it clattered and shattered against the door, an oddly crashing sound for something so small and made of plastic. 

She fell forward and threw her arms out to brace herself as momentum carried her. “There just … there wasn’t … time.”

Head rising, she looked straight up at him. Kaidan had to suppress a shudder as their eyes met; the depths of her anguish as unexpected as they were violent. Something else was going on here, something for which he had no context, and he was left a target in its wake; it didn’t take a genius to determine why. _Time and place. I’m here, I triggered this._ With few options available to respond, he simply held his ground. He wouldn’t walk away from something he started, unintentional or not, and released the barrier field. 

The room continued to darken, the silence between them broken only by her labored breaths as she focused on him. 

Cautiously, he cleared his throat and asked, “Is it worth telling him about it now?” Her eyes widened, taking on a deer-in-the-headlights sort of look, and he wondered if pushed too far this time. 

“N-no,” she rasped after a good three minutes. She broke eye contact, head dropping to her chest. “I … he … just, no.”

“Shepard –.”

It was the wrong thing to say. She reared back, eyes flaring more brightly than before, and violently hissed, “ _Don’t_ call me that!” 

He flinched at the sharpness of her command, unable to stop himself, but remained where he was. She noticed, remorse replacing the viciousness almost immediately. “I’m – I’m sorry, Kaidan. I just …”

He could tell her it didn’t matter, that he brought it on himself. He could tell her not to apologize. But it wouldn’t prove his point, that much he knew. Instead, moved closer so their knees practically touched. “I should have thought before I spoke.” He sighed softly. “This must bring back painful memories for you –.”

A few more tears trickled down her cheeks. “You have no idea …”

Mentally checking himself, he continued, “I’m sorry for that, but I do have a point.”

The war in her eyes continued, though he couldn’t decipher the details. Whatever fueled this was ages old and far deeper than he could fathom. She attempted to brush it off, brush _him_ off, with a simple shrug of her shoulders. “And that is?”

“Let it go. Let _him_ go. Once and for all.” 

A growl vibrated in the back of her throat, and for a moment he thought she might leap at him; her eyes dark and fiery in her anger as her head swiveled back in his direction. “What makes you think I haven’t?”

He reached out a hand to brush a few tears back with his thumb. “It’s eating you alive.” She flinched, but did not withdraw. “I know from personal experience, the longer you hold onto it, the more you bury it, the worse it will be when you hit your breaking point.”

Sitting upright, she wiped her face with her hands and scowled at him. “What would you know of what I’m going through anyway?” 

He could have reminded her that he was friends with both her and John. He could have pointed out that he witnessed a good deal of how she dealt with her divorce over the past year, including their joint drinking binge on the Citadel. Instead, he said, “I’ve been in your shoes before. The circumstances were different, but they were similar.” 

A moment of doubt marked her features. Clearly, she didn’t believe him. That wasn’t wholly unexpected; in fact, he would have been surprised had she taken him directly at his word. Seeking a way to reach her, a half memory of a conversation years before returned. “Do you remember when we talked on the way to Ilos?”

Confusion clouded her eyes, but cleared after a minute. “The girl you knew?”

Kaidan rose to his feet and offered her his hand. She stared at it a long moment before accepting. Once she was steady on her feet, he returned to the table. “I told you and John both about what happened at BAaT,” he said quietly as he sat. “About Vyrnnus and how he took his anger and frustration out on one of the students.” He sighed, head shaking slowly for a moment as the memories returned, as clear as if they just happened. “She wanted a glass of water and reached for it with her hand instead of using her biotics.”

Jane slowly followed him, sinking into her seat. Though the light was low, he could see her clearly enough. “She was the girl, I take it?”

Acknowledgement came in the tip of his head. “She was. Rahna had a gentle heart. She loved everyone. Vyrnnus terrified her, so I –,” he cut himself off with one shake of his head before correcting, “ _we_ protected her from him.” A hand rose and rubbed along the back of his neck awkwardly. “The rest of us, I mean.”

Jane propped her chin upon upraised hands. “You loved her.”

“Hmm.” 

This time, the tables reversed and she searched his expression. He chose not to hide anything from her at this point. “What happened after you killed Vyrnnus? I mean, if she was terrified of him, I can only imagine how she reacted to –.”

 _You are far too good at this,_ he mused silently. _If circumstances were different, you could be teaching my students._ “She was more than terrified of me afterwards,” he admitted. “Called me a monster. Didn’t want to be near me. A full biotic kick at the age of seventeen that broke a turian’s neck? Who wouldn’t be, right?”

She blinked and sat back abruptly in her chair. “A full biotic kick …?” This was the first time he’d spoken with either Shepard regarding the details from that time. “That’s why you were so controlled with your biotics, isn’t it? Back when we first met, I mean.”

 _She noticed even then?_ That wasn’t surprising, really. “No more so than any other biotic,” he replied. “Look, my point to all of this has nothing to do with biotics; it has to do with you. Either you bottle up all you feel and let it destroy you from inside – again, something I know about first-hand – or you let it go and grow from the experience.” He sighed softly when he saw wariness build up, a nearly impenetrable wall now between them. Quietly, he added, “And I would hate to see you destroy yourself.”

At first, it was a soft snort of disbelief. However, as she shoved herself back and rose to her feet again, putting distance between them, their eyes remained glued for a moment, breaking only as a tidal wave of emotion broke over her. Turning sharply away from him, she stumbled to her right. 

Kaidan followed immediately. She dropped to the ground, hunched over, huddled over her knees as raw, gut wrenching sobs tore free of her lungs. For the first time since meeting her, she lost complete control. Her body shook with the violence only the truly distraught displayed. Dropping to sit beside her, he wrapped an arm around her shoulders. She came willingly, landing in his lap and resting her head on his shoulder. In that moment, Kaidan was reminded of the time he and Ashley escorted John to his and Jane’s apartment on Arcturus after her death; John had his time to grieve. Had Jane ever found that since returning? He guessed not by her reaction now.

Time lost meaning for a while, but he recognized the moment things shifted. She didn’t move, but he sensed the calm that now filling her. He let her recover at her own pace, continuing to sit with his arm around her in silent support.

Eventually, she sniffled softly and sat up. She took several minutes more to simply stare out the windows at the darkening skies and first flickering stars of the evening before meeting his eyes. 

“I’d say you had that bottled up for a long time,” he murmured, offering her a somewhat neutral segue back into conversation. 

Her lips twisted into a wry smile as she dropped to sit beside him, snorting softly. “You always did have a flair for understatement,” she muttered.

He laughed softly, teasingly. This was a good sign, and he decided to test that. “I’m counting my blessings, actually,” he admitted, smirking in her direction. “I’ve seen firsthand just what you can do with your biotics.”

When she didn’t immediately respond, he wondered if he overstepped again, but a moment later she sighed. “Thankfully, that doesn’t happen often. I’ve only ever lost control of them twice. The first was when I discovered I was a biotic.” 

This was news to him, though not wholly unexpected. “And the other?”

She hesitated briefly before meeting his gaze again. “Horizon.” 

_Horizon._ “I don’t think I’ve ever heard you talk about either.” As invitations to talk went, it was about as subtle as a Reaper attacking the Citadel. She surprised him by accepting it. 

“I was sixteen the first time,” she began. “My mother was only a few months gone and I was living with my grandmother, my father’s mother. Neither of us really knew one another. I was angry, alone, scared and confused and I kept trying to withdraw from everyone and everything around me.” She tilted her head back against the wall, staring upward. It was impossible to miss the wonder in her tone as she added, “Grandma Susan wouldn’t let me. She fought me, tooth and nail the whole time. Called me out when I tried to hide away. And, no matter what terrible things I did or said to her, she kept reaching out to me.”

“You were her granddaughter,” he replied, wondering if she realized she had done the same with him and the rest of the crew on the SR1 three years before. “What else would she do?”

Jane’s hand rose and pulled at the hair tie coming loose from the remnants of her braid. She took those few moments in silence, combing her fingers through her hair until some semblance of order was established. He was more than patient enough to wait for her to continue. “I came home from school one afternoon, having done poorly on a test, and she was waiting for me. It wasn’t a confrontation, not like you might think, but she pushed a little.” Looking over at him, she clarified, “In a gentle, caring sort of way, if that makes any sense.”

“It does.”

She stared in the direction of the windows again, beyond them, but Kaidan suspected she was seeing the past and not the bright lights of Vancouver in the distance. “Well, at sixteen and feeling so alone and lost, it felt more like an attack. One minute I was trying to get out of the conversation and the next I was sitting on the floor, a broken and torn up wreck of a chair scattered around me and she …” Her voice cracked and Kaidan reached over and touched her forearm, a gentle reminder she wasn’t alone. “She didn’t show any fear but knelt down in front of me and said, _‘Why don’t you stay home from school tomorrow and we’ll go find some answers?’_ ” 

“And you did,” he replied quietly, knowingly. How many biotics like the two of them went through something similar when their abilities first manifested? He was certain the majority probably did. Their generation produced some of the first; no one really knew what was happening to them, except perhaps groups like Conatix. Over the years, it changed, still were changing, but it was a long road with no end in sight. He’d been lucky; she’d been lucky. Right now, that was all that mattered. 

“I did.” She glanced over at him again, almost as if to reassure herself he was still there. “I was fitted with my implant and given some basic instruction over the next few weeks on how to keep my biotic impulses under control, but my grandmother died before we came up with any long-term plan or solution.” 

“Is that when you joined the _Reds_?”

She jumped a little, just enough for him to notice, and surprise shifted to suspicion before melding into understanding in her eyes. Nudging his shoulder with hers, she muttered, “Figures you’d remember that.” 

Kaidan chuckled and grinned. “Kinda hard to forget a guy you shot down in the middle of _Chora’s Den,_ you know?”

She shook her head and didn’t look directly at him, but he saw a decided curve at the corner of her mouth. “Bastard deserved it,” she insisted.

A momentary though cleansing silence filled the air for a moment. Prepared to meet resistance this time, he asked, “The second time was on Horizon?” 

She nodded but said nothing. 

“What happened?”

She turned as if to reply, but he was quick to note a flicker of panic in her eyes. She shook her head sharply and averting her gaze, whispering, “I’m sorry, but I just … I can’t …”

While he would have preferred direct confirmation from her, it wasn’t as if he couldn’t guess. _John._

Sighing, he pushed himself to his feet instead of pressing the issue. Slowly, she turned back to look at him, which was a win in his book. Instead of pushing the issue, he glanced over at her and said, “You aren’t the only one who has a dark past, you know.” He took a moment to stretch before starting toward the door. 

As he hoped, it caught her attention. “What do you mean?”

He offered her a hand which she accepted. As she landed on her feet, he replied, “If I tell you everything now, I won’t have a reason to come back to visit again, will I?”

She stared at him for a long moment, seemingly speechless, but he didn’t expect that to last. It wasn’t in her nature, after all. “Kaidan, what –? Wait a minute, you can’t just –!” 

With great effort, he schooled his features into a neutral expression. “It’s late and I’ve been fortunate to not get chased out of here sooner,” he said. “And while Anderson somehow arranged for some dispensation to get me in here, I doubt it will last much longer.”

Her disappointment was clear in her expression, and she retreated a step to put more space between them. “Of course,” she agreed. “I understand.”

“I can’t guarantee they will let me come back,” he told her honestly, “but I will try.”

Her tongue darted out, wetting dry lips before she pulled the lower one between her teeth and rolled it back and forth. He’d seen her do that many times during the hunt for Saren and understood it was her ‘thinking’ tell. After a moment, she inhaled deeply and tilted her head to look up at him. Though her disappointment was still present, he was encouraged to see a spark of hope in her eyes for the first time since he arrived. “I – thank you.” 

Pausing one last time at the door, he glanced back over at her. _I have to ask … to make sure._ “Jane … everything else aside; do you want to see John? If Anderson can arrange to get me in, he could probably –.”

She turned to give him her full attention as she stood immobile in the center of the room. Even in the dark, he could see the green of her eyes flaring angrily. “No…”

~ n ~

His mission came with the ability to make decisions, and by the time he stopped by Vega’s desk, Kaidan had several in mind. 

The lieutenant jumped to his feet almost before the door closed. “Major. Everything go okay?”

Kaidan nodded. “Well enough, lieutenant. I do have a suggestion, however.”

Vega nodded. “Admiral Anderson said you might. Want me to pass it along to him?”

He shook his head. This one would require a face to face discussion first in private. For now, he replied, “Anderson wanted me to evaluate Shepard’s current state of mind.”

Vega nodded. “Yeah, he said as much. Told me you might have some ideas on how to help her.”

It didn’t surprise him Vega understood. Seeing her on a daily basis, he was probably one of the few who would notice it first _._ “I do, actually.” But, seeing was one thing; actively doing was another. Kaidan’s gaze fell to the damp collar of the lieutenant’s t-shirt. “Get that workout in?”

Vega grinned and flexed one arm. “You bet. Sir.”

It was the movement more than the words that struck a chord in Kaidan. _Maybe it isn’t as much as difficult as it seems._ “Next time,” he suggested, thinking aloud, “consider taking her with you.”

Vega’s brows dove into a V-shape to mark his confusion. “I’m sorry, what was that, sir?”

“Think about it, lieutenant,” he said, “A highly trained marine, _an N7_ , locked up for months without any sort of physical outlet. If that was you in there, what frame of mind do you think you would be in right now?”

“I …” Vega glanced down at his arms self-consciously, head tilting as he considered. “Yeah, okay, I see your point,” he admitted after a moment. “But, do you think they’ll allow …?”

Halfway toward the door leading out, Kaidan nodded and called back over his shoulder, “Anderson will take care of that.” The doors whooshed close before the lieutenant could respond.

By the time he reached the elevators, a firm plan was taking shape. It would take a bit of maneuvering, but the pieces were all present; Anderson simply needed to get basic approval. After that it was simply a matter of simple logistics, and if there was anything he and his people were good at, it was the subtleties of logistics. 

_Anderson first_ , he thought, as he entered his office a few minutes later. _The rest will be simple_ …


	4. Work Out

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is one of those instances where the idea of the chapter is probably better in my head than how I got it down on the page, but such is life. Enjoy!

Three days after Kaidan’s visit, Vega bade Jane follow him through the halls of HQ yet again. Without question, she did so; his return to her rooms less than an hour after breakfast triggered immediate concern of another security breach. 

That thought disappeared before they reached the elevators. For starters, Jane observed that Vega was far too relaxed. During previous attempts, intensity and focus oozed off of him like the incoming waves of a storm-churned tide. Right now, he appeared … buoyant. Excited. _Enthusiastic._ Added to that were the people milling about the halls as if nothing was wrong. No evacuations, no sheltering in place, just military efficiency at its best.

With that possibility out of the way, Jane sought others. The hearing postponed from the day of the security breach was rescheduled but still days away. Could this be related? An informal meeting between her and the Defense Committee? Or, perhaps, others within the Alliance? But that, too, didn’t seem plausible. Anderson was her key contact, the one she could trust to stand up for her and who was in direct contact with her defense team. If he wasn’t present, it couldn’t be that. Could it?

She was still searching for other options when they exited the lift and headed down a less crowded hall. Unlike many of the other corridors in the building, this one only had a single doorway at the far end. They approached and Vega paused to punch in a code, and a moment later it slid open. Her breath caught as James led her inside. Astounded, eyes as wide as a child on Christmas, she took a long minute to simply process the scene before her. _A gymnasium!_ “But … why?” she managed, curiosity still nudging insistently. House arrest was house arrest, after all, and meant no privileges whatsoever. It was impossible to view this as anything _but_ a privilege after months of no access.

Vega shrugged. “Why not?” he argued. “You’re a soldier, right? A soldier’s gotta stay in shape.”

She bit her lip, fighting back the urge to reply. _That remains to be seen, doesn’t it?_ Jane sensed there was more behind the move – not that she didn’t believe Vega came up with it himself, but doing so without approval from above could result in being busted back down to private so fast his head would spin for months, and she he certainly didn’t project that sort of recklessness. At least, not where his career was concerned. 

He ducked into the locker room, returning practically before his disappearance even registered in her head, and dropped a couple of towels onto the nearby bench. It was a smaller gym, but there was a ring for sparring, and a small track area plus another open space available. On the far side several pieces of equipment lined the wall.

Her head still in a bit of a daze, Jane unzipped her hoodie and tossed it on top of the towels. She was dressed in a black tank top and BDUs, her usual fare when exercising in her room, and her hair was twined into a braid that hung down her back like a heavy rope. Hesitantly, almost as if she were in a dream, she approached the ring. Another minute, maybe two, considering the situation, she decided the whys didn’t matter; she was simply glad to have another physical outlet available to her. After all, there were only so many sit-ups and push-ups she could do in her room without losing her mind. Pulling her gaze to look closely at him, she asked, “So, what exactly do you have in mind?”

Vega grinned like a Cheshire cat before slipping between the ropes and into the sparring ring ahead of her. Bouncing lightly on the balls of his feet, he drawled, “C’mon, Shepard! Haven’t soft, have you? Where’s your sense of adventure? Your _osadía_?” For such a large man, he moved with the grace and litheness of a large cat; a tiger or panther, perhaps. Silently, she wondered what it would be like to watch him move across a battlefield. 

Shaking herself free of the image, she chided herself and entered the ring. While boxing wasn’t exactly her forte, she had picked up a few skills over the years. Some came from her Alliance training, other from a variety of sources including her time spent in the _10 th Street Reds_. Back then, Mattie had made certain she knew enough of the basics to protect herself, just in case. She wouldn’t go so far as to classify herself as anything near a master by any means, but she was more than capable of holding her own in a fight, fair or otherwise. 

Vega continued to bounce around as she took up position, but her hands remained at her side for a moment. Before fully committing to this, she needed clarification. “Rules of engagement?”

He laughed. “Connect.”

Jane’s eyes flared a bit at that simplistic approach, recognizing an attempt to goad her into a false sense of security, but it fell short. “That’s all?” 

“Start slow and work your back,” he suggested. 

A slow, steady grin curved at her lips. His words suggested reason, but his eyes hinted that he had something in mind. _Well, two can play that game_ , she decided. Arms rising into position, she nodded. “Let’s get started.”

~ n ~

As he stood at the window, one that was a mirror inside the gym but allowed him to see into the room from the other side, Anderson couldn’t help but wonder if the device truly worked as claimed. He’d inspected it himself not minutes ago, but a part of him still held doubt. The same part that knew good and well if Jane Shepard ever found out he was watching her right now; she would take it out on him. She was observant, intelligent, intuitive, and damned good at her job; all traits that made her one of the best at what she did. 

_I really don’t want to put that to the test today._

Sighing softly, his eyes tracking her movements, put it aside for the moment. If he was honest, it galled him that Alenko was able to see more clearly what both he and Vega could not. Then again, the younger man had served with her on a regular basis for months. And, while Anderson had known her far longer, neither served together more than those few days three years before. He could have asked John to make that visit, he supposed, but there were two problems with that. First, he was far too close to Jane, probably, to notice some of the fine details Alenko had. Second, they were divorced. That elephant would have been far larger than Jane’s quarters and possibly led to injury. Or worse. Though he hadn’t gone into details, Alenko did mention Jane’s emotional outburst. Would the same have happened around John? Anderson didn’t know, but he hadn’t wanted to find out, either. And so, he’d sent Alenko. The major’s training as a field medic certainly had helped with that decision, too. At least, in theory.

But the woman Alenko described from the other day did not match with the one before him now. She moved with a style and grace all her own. Considerably smaller than Vega, she was quick and agile, ducking and dodging as necessary in between her own swings. A bit rough at first, after just a few minutes she moved with the fluidity of a well-trained dancer. She connected with Vega’s chin, startling the lieutenant, if his reaction was an indication, before he shrugged it off with a laugh. She was good, _very_ good, and Vega’s reaction to that informed Anderson what he needed to know. Jane Shepard still commanded respect. 

He caught a glance of her face as she moved around Vega. Her eyes sparked with fire, her lips twisted in a smile of satisfaction, but above all else, there was a look of pure _joy_ in her expression. It was _that_ , and that alone that assured him Alenko’s assessment had been correct. She _needed_ this outlet like a person needed air to breathe. With a heavy sigh, he accepted the fact that he and Command had failed her. _Again._

The door behind him opened, a soft whoosh that broke the silence. He didn’t need to turn to identify the newcomer. “You were right,” he announced without turning.

Alenko joined him at the window. “It only made sense, sir,” he replied, glancing at the scene playing out before them. He nodded once, as if satisfied, then turned to Anderson. “She will be here shortly, sir.”

Inhaling deeply, the admiral turned. Alenko’s recommendations had been two-fold. The first part was clearly successful. The second part …? 

“Good. I hope you’re right about this,” he muttered. “I’m taking one hell of a risk. Command granting her access to work out is one thing, but interaction with a superior officer that could be viewed as official training? That’s a whole different kettle of fish. If anyone other than Admiral Hackett catches wind of what we’re up to …”

“I understand,” Kaidan replied. “Hitomi told me they met once before. When I spoke to her the other day and I mentioned Jane’s current state of mind, she said that much of that time was spent sparring together. The same type she and I have been working on together for the past year or so.” 

Anderson’s brow lifted, eyes appraising the younger man. _The type you use for your biotics?_ It didn’t take a genius to see where the major was headed with this intervention. “I never heard about this,” he replied quietly, the first hint of a smile starting to form as he turned back to look through the window.

Kaidan said nothing as he, too, looked through the window. His eyes were focused on the door on the far side of the room. “Admiral Hackett has, sir. That is why I approached him with the idea first.”

“So, I gathered.” 

Through the window, the hand to hand sparring match between Jane and Vega came to a stop. The lieutenant said something in protest, but she only waved him off. While Anderson couldn’t see the look on her face, the rest of her body language was clear; enough.

The door on the far side of the room opened and a petite, dark haired woman of Asian heritage entered the room. Her clothing was not standard Alliance, and she moved with a fluid, cat-like grace as she entered walked in the room.

“She’s tiny.”

Kaidan chuckled, a sparkle twinkling in his eyes. “Don’t let Hitomi’s size fool you, sir,” he warned. “She’s been doing this since she learned to walk. Many people underestimate her – much to their own regret.”

“Alright, let’s see where this gets us ….”

~n~

Bent at the waist, hands propped against her thighs and heaving in deep draughts of air in an attempt to catch her breath, Jane rasped, “It’s … it’s been a while.” 

Vega snorted and shrugged. “If you say so, commander.”

Tilting her head to the side, she glared up at him, the flicker of fire starting to burn behind them. “James, what have I told you about –.”

“Jane?”

The voice, soft but vaguely familiar, pulled Jane’s attention away from chiding the lieutenant. Straightening to her full height, she turned to search the room. “Yes?”

Hitomi Matsuda walked up to the edge of the ring, a smile curving lightly at her lips. “It has been a long time since our training session all those years ago on Arcturus, my friend.”

Jane stared, trying to place the face with a name. To cover her hesitation, she tightened the ponytail holding her long lengths out of her eyes. _You remind me of Kasumi …_ She frowned as a series of half-remembered images flitted through her memory. _Soba … sake … sparring …_ Shock blindsided her, and she blinked, whispering, “Hitomi?”

The woman nodded, her smile widening slightly. “You remember.”

Stunned, Jane looked around the training room. Other than her, Vega and Hitomi, it was empty. “I do! But … what are you doing here?”

Taking a step back, Hitomi spread her hands out before her, gesturing to her current clothing, a _karategi_ , which Jane recognized from their sparring session so long ago. “I came to practice.” She glanced between Jane and the lieutenant. “I would ask if you will join me, if your _banken_ will allow it?”

_Banken._ It took a long minute for the meaning of the word to return, but when it did, a smile curled at her lips and a bright twinkle flickered in her eyes; all worry fled and Jane chuckled in appreciation. Glancing over at James, she found confusion which elicited another soft laugh. “ _Matsuda-sensei_ has a … unique sense of humor, Vega. _Banken_ means, ‘watch dog.’ She is asking your permission to practice _karate_ with her.”

“Oh.” He thought about it a moment before baking up a few steps to give the women room. Shrugging, he replied, “I’ve got no problem with it if you don’t.” The woman appeared about half his size, but even he could see she meant business. Giving Jane one final grin, he added, “I’ll admit I’m curious. Just don’t ask me to join in. I’d rather watch you get your ass handed to you.”

For the first time in what seemed like ages, relief in the form of a full blown smile met Jane’s lips which she turned on Hitomi. “I think it’s safe to take that as an affirmative.”

As they walked over to the open mat area, Vega darted a quick look over in the direction of the mirror when the women weren’t looking. 

“It’s been a long time,” Jane said as she positioned herself across from her friend. “Think we could start with a refresher course?”

Hitomi nodded, bowing politely. “Absolutely.”

~ n ~

Jane groaned and lay on her back for two full minutes simply to catch her breath. She ignored Hitomi’s Cheshire-like smile as she stood over her, hand extended. “ _Jane-san,_ you cannot be tired already?” There was a hint of laughter in her voice to match the smile.

Jane rolled her head back and forth twice, a scowl pinching her brow but she remained where she was. “Nah,” she rasped, slightly irreverently, “I just … need to … get a breath in every … once … in … a while!”

Hitomi shook her head and retreated a step. Tsking softly, she chided, “You are not that out of shape, _Jane-san_! Come now, take your position and we will try again.”

With one last, deep inhale, Jane pushed herself into a sitting position. She blatantly ignored an amused Vega off to her right, whose attempts at hiding his laughter were meager at best. Instead, she looked up at Hitomi and for a half second, froze. Something behind the soft chocolate brown eyes staring back were communicating in silence, though Jane could not decide exactly the message was. 

Unease rippled across Jane’s shoulders, awareness of her situation settling. It was impossible to forget that she was under house arrest and really shouldn’t be in contact with anyone, even though outwardly they looked to only be two people sparring against one another. And, though she wasn’t trained in the more subtle techniques used to gather intelligence, it was far too clear to Jane there was a specific purpose to this unexpected encounter.

It was time to try to discern exactly what that purpose was. Jane shifted to her knees, but did not stand. “What has you in Vancouver?” she asked. “Last time we saw one another, you were stationed out of Arcturus.”

Hitomi’s lips twitched at one corner. “I hold rank in the Systems Alliance,” she replied simply. “Why else would I be here?”

Rising, Jane considered this as she took a moment to stretch before returning to her starting position. _Vancouver HQ. It isn’t exactly a normal duty station unless you’re going through OCS or training others or of higher rank._ Her gaze returned to Hitomi who waited patiently and with a relaxed smile. _Why this? Why now? There’s a risk in talking to me, let alone actively engaging in discussion or training. If you are caught, your career will be destroyed._

Jane took her stance and watched her friend do the same. No movement was wasted; if anything, she reminded Jane of the beauty and grace of a waterfall. A result of a lifetime of experience in _karate_ , of that she had little doubt. It was often the simplest yet most subtle of movements that defined the combat style. _The longer you can go without giving away your next move, the better…_

She was prepared, watching as closely as she could, but even then, recognition didn’t set in until it was far too late. “Shit - ah!”

A soft laugh escaped Hitomi this time. Kneeling beside Jane, she offered a hand and mused, “You appear to be distracted.”

Jane accepted the assistance to a seated position, pausing to rub at soreness in her bad shoulder before standing again. “Maybe,” she allowed. _She speaks like an instructor, which isn’t far from the truth, but …._ Thoughts rolling on top of one another, Jane asked, “Are you teaching _karate_ for the Alliance now?” It was a long shot, but worth it.

The smile at Hitomi’s lips widened a fraction as she took up her position. “Do you remember the skills we practiced on Arcturus?”

_Skills._ Jane frowned, understanding that the other woman was driving at something specific but still not quite seeing it. “Which one?”

Without waiting for Jane to take her stance, Hitomi moved, this time pulling a very small amount of dark energy to her right hand until the faintest of light blue haze surrounded it. Jane blinked, startled, her attention drawn to the biotic aura like a moth to flame. Just as quickly as it flared, it dissipated, and Hitomi retreated to her starting position.

Memories of a somewhat philosophical discussion eating soba and drinking sake returned with a speed that left Jane breathless as the pieces of a much larger puzzle fell into place one at a time. “You … you’re training biotics?” she murmured. _Training biotics … this isn’t the Alliance’s main biotic training center; why here, specifically?_ “Oh! You’re working with the biotic black ops program!”

Hitomi bowed her head slightly in agreement.

Understanding, however, did not necessarily translate into details, and the pair continued their sparring for another half hour or so before stopping. Hitomi bowed politely, explaining, “Our paths must part for now, _Jane-san_.”

Though reluctant to stop, Jane returned the bow. “I understand.” Reaching out, she added, “Thank you for this.”

Hitomi’s gentle smile provided a rush of reassurance. “Please know, not everyone ignores your warnings. We are doing what we can to prepare.” Without another word, Hitomi turned on her heel leaving Jane standing in the middle of the mat to watch her retreat.

James sauntered over and handed Jane a towel then a bottle of water. “Pretty impressive, commander.”

Jane wiped the sweat from her face before giving him a sour look. “You know, Vega, it wouldn’t take much to bring you up on charges.”

He smirked, his laughter acknowledging the threat but he was well aware she had no power to act on it. As for the rest of Command, they had to catch him at it, first. “Yes, ma’am. C’mon, let’s get you back to your room. You can hit the showers while I have dinner sent up.”


	5. Shit's About to Get Real

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This lockdown/quarantine, whatever you want to call it, has had the side effect of making my muses difficult to get to cooperate. :( I have two side chapters I'm trying to get sorted for the Destiny's Fate: Downtime collection, but I don't want to keep holding back the story. So, until I can get that sorted out, here's the next installment of Destiny's Fate for you! 
> 
> Hope everyone is well and healthy! Hope you enjoy the story as we move on!

Never one to succumb to worry or anxiety during her career, Jane Shepard preferred taking life by the horns; adapting, adjusting and succeeding on her terms. She came by it naturally; worry accomplished little save undermining success and her own sense of self-confidence.

That was _before_. Before dying over Alchera. Before returning from the dead. Before being placed under house arrest. _Before_ the galaxy placed a target on her back and decided she was the root of all its ills.

She wasn’t actively tracking such things, but the calendar in her room informed her that today was day one-hundred and eighty since her arrival in Vancouver. Under other circumstances, _normal_ circumstances, an ordinary day; except, it wasn’t. Not for them, and certainly not for her. After weeks upon weeks upon months behind closed doors, her patience running thin, and multiple attempts to keep the situation from moving forward, she was _finally_ to face her initial hearing before the Defense Committee. No more delays, no more interruptions. It was a dual edged sword, to be certain. Not only would it bring her face back out into the open, a reminder for all of her of who she was, at least in the past, but it would inevitably dredge up events in Bahak from the previous year. Still, it was a beginning. 

Of course, during the past weeks, every ‘beginning’ had been delayed due to one reason or another, and each took its toll; her breakdown during Kaidan’s visit wasn’t so much the end result than it was an opportunity to let off steam simply as a way to cope. The opportunity to release stress through a physical outlet helped, and she saw his hand in that as well, but it was only a bandage over a still seeping wound. It helped, of that there was no doubt, but until she was free once more, it would not completely heal. 

No small wonder then that from the moment her alarm went off and she started to prepare for this day, her senses remained heightened and on full alert to the point where she expected Vega to charge into her room and escort her off to safety yet again because of another security breach. 

But, when Vega entered her room, casually whistling as he set her breakfast tray on the table and promising hot tea in just a few minutes, Jane staring after him, dumbfounded. When he returned some three minutes later, she still stood that way. If he noticed anything out of the ordinary, he made no comment, which left her bewildered, but encouraged all the same. She took the time to sit and eat, forcing herself to at least attempt to behave as if noting were wrong. After eating, she collected the Alliance fatigues stripped of rank or insignia designation that currently formed her ‘uniform,’ and stepped into her small bathroom to clean up. This took all of maybe fifteen minutes plus another five to dress. Straightening, she caught her reflection in the mirror, and for just a moment stared, realizing that there had still been no interruption. A small kernel of hope gathered inside her chest, but no more. Next, she focused her hands on twisting her hair back into a more severe, no-nonsense sort of style that met regulations. As the last pin tucked into place and there was still no interruption, the kernel began to blossom. Tentatively at first; she wouldn’t go so far as to consider her mood ‘hopeful’– it was far too soon to suggest that things couldn’t go FUBAR – but when she exited to find Vega entering and announcing it was time to leave, the surge of positivity that flooded her system was impossible to hold back. 

As they traversed the halls, her eyes flitted around, searching, seeking, always on the lookout. Her attempts to calm herself using the techniques Thane and Samara taught her months before helped some. She entered the elevator and as it descended, that hope took solid hold. There was still time for everything to go to hell in a handbasket, she understood that, but this was the closest she had come to actually having her initial hearing on its scheduled date. By the time the doors slid open and deposited them on the ground floor, that hope was near full bloom. There was a difference about today; she could _feel_ it.

This time around, security in the building between her room and the committee chamber was as air tight as the Alliance could make it. They were met at the elevator by a four-member team of soldiers in light armor and armed. Youthful in appearance, their demeanor was all business, and as she fell into step with them and they took their places around her, she realized two things. The tension filling her, that constant expectation for something to _happen_ and screw up her situation yet again, bled away immediately. The proverbial weight on her shoulders was lifted, and the difference was amazing. As they walked through the halls in the direction of the committee chamber, Jane got a good look at the two ahead of her. Relief followed next in waves; it was impossible to miss that they were biotics. _Kaidan’s students_. After so long, this was the proverbial writing on the wall for her; the signal that the business of sorting out her situation within the Alliance was _truly_ about to start.

Anderson was waiting for Jane in the lobby just outside of the committee chamber. He was flanked by two officers whom he introduced as her legal counsel. A brief moment of doubt unsettled her, concerned that they might be more inclined to side with Command’s view of things, but she was aware she had no other choice but to accept them. Anderson was as invested in seeing her free as she was, and it was better to go into this with professional guidance as opposed to none. With that in mind, she shook their hands and otherwise remained silent. It quickly became clear that Anderson was comfortable around them, and if he trusted them, she could as well.

Side by side, she and Anderson entered the chamber together. They were met just inside the doorway by a lieutenant who showed them to a small table up front. Before them, in front of large paned windows sat the three Defense Committee members themselves, their bench raised to put them at a height just above everyone else in the room. Off to one side were a handful of Alliance personnel, including the lieutenant. Jane figured their function was most likely to serve as gofers for whatever the Committee might require. Her table was closest to their side of things. On the opposite side of the room, with only about four feet separating them, was a second table. Here, two additional Alliance personnel sat waiting. It didn’t take long to recognize that they had the same authoritative air as her own legal counsel. Just beyond them sat three batarians flanked by additional Alliance members.

Jane closed her eyes, took a deep, cleansing breath, and settled herself as best she could. _Shit’s about to get real …_

The doors closed and security guards took up positions to either side. One of the Alliance personnel moved to the front of the room and announced the date and time and nature of the hearing. The proceedings were underway …

~ n ~

Kaidan glanced at the chronometer on the wall as he stepped into the small anteroom off to the left of the committee chamber. He was running slightly behind schedule, mostly because he wanted to make absolute certain his four students had everything under control with their escort duties. Thankfully, everything went off without a hitch, and they now stood guard on the lobby side of the doorway. It was time for him to now focus his attention on the next step. Anderson had requested he be present for the hearing, though there was no necessity for him for dress blues as he wasn’t slated to testify. Yet. 

The small chamber was nearly filled to capacity when he arrived. He was beginning to think he might have to stand at the back to watch when he spotted a familiar face seated approximately in the middle. Quietly slipping between tables, he slid into the one unclaimed seat, murmuring, “Hey.” 

Ashley pulled her attention from the vidscreen just long enough to glance over and identify him. Just as quickly, they returned to the broadcast. “Hey. Anderson call you in, too?”

He nodded even though she wasn’t looking at him. As he sat, he asked, “What did I miss?”

The only sound in the room at the moment came from the vidscreen and Ashley’s sigh. Sitting back in her seat, she blew a soft puff of air at a few troublesome wisps of hair that had come loose from the regulation twist she wore at the back of her head for training days. “A hot-headed, long-winded batarian with a grudge that could cross the Milky Way at least a dozen times before ending?”

Kaidan winced. “That bad?”

Snorting softly, she added dryly, “Oh, yeah, and hey, it gets even better.” She used her chin to direct his attention up to the vidscreen where a human stood before the committee reading what looked to be a prepared statement of sorts. They wore no Alliance uniform, but the label beneath his image on the screen announced his association with the University of Arcturus. “I’m not sure who all is behind the other side of things, but whoever it is managed to convince the families of the Alliance scientists who were killed to come today and demand Shepard be flayed alive for her part in their deaths too.”

Kaidan wasn’t surprised, necessarily, but he was disappointed. “I thought this was her initial hearing. Should they even be here at this point?”

Ashley shrugged. “Initial hearing, yes. Maybe a lot of this is just the airing of grievances or posturing or simply a way to stir up public opinion against Shepard, I don’t know.” She glanced over at him and shrugged again. “I’m no legal expert, but I can tell you, whatever it is isn’t good for her.”

Quietly, Kaidan watched the proceedings for several minutes. Because this was Jane’s initial hearing, the press was allowed to be present, even if it was only the Alliance News Network. In fact, their logo was present in the upper left corner, a fact that hinted it was being broadcast outside of the base; a fact that made him shudder. As a general rule, soldiers weren’t fond of the press for any reason. Too many reporters twisted events around, seeking any and all ways to appeal to the greater population; ratings were more important to them, not whether they had the facts straight or were reporting the ‘truth’ or not. “Who’s reporting?”

Ashley chuckled. “Shepard got lucky there. Emily Wong – remember her?”

That eased his mind slightly, and tension slowly bled from his shoulders. “That’s better than the alternative, I guess, but I thought Emily hit it big on the Citadel?” 

Ashley shrugged. “She was with FCC last I heard, but I saw her briefly out in the lobby and I overheard her saying something about ANN asking for her specifically. She said she wanted to ‘help a friend,’ so why not?” Ashley gave him a pointed look. “I just hope she means it.”

He chuckled softly. “Such a cynic,” he murmured. “Still, I have to agree; Shepard could have done far worse than Emily. At least she didn’t get Kahlisah or someone like her.”

Ashley glared at him. “Bite your tongue!”

There was a short break in proceedings as speakers changed, and Kaidan used that time to take a glance around the room. He didn’t know many of the other people or their reasons for being here, and it was probably better that way, but there was one noticeable absence. “Where’s John?”

“Mission for Hackett,” Ash replied. Absently, she started drumming her fingers against the table. “He’s supposed to be back tonight or tomorrow, last I heard.” It was impossible to miss the note of disappointment as she shook her head a second later, adding, “If I didn’t know better, I’d almost think it was intentional.”

Concern brought his attention back around to her. “No reason to be paranoid.” 

Two individuals dressed in Alliance uniforms approached the podium to speak. Kaidan was a bit sketchy on the process for such hearings, though he’d heard something about there being two sets of legal counsel, all from the Alliance. It soon became clear that these two were defending Jane as they slowly, methodically refuted the complaints against her.

Sighing heavily, Ashley shifted in her seat, eventually leaning forward to rest her arms on the table. “Do you really think she has a chance to be reinstated?” she asked after a minute.

“I do,” he replied. 

“Even with these new accusations?” She darted another quick look at him, adding, “The batarians are one thing, we both know that. But humans were killed, too.”

Sensing where her argument was turning, Kaidan sought a way to counter it without giving away what he knew about the details. Admiral Hackett had shown him Jane’s report dating back to the Bahak incident. Many of the extenuating circumstances she experienced throughout those events Alliance Command was refusing to be allowed to support her defense. It wasn’t going to be an easy process to defend her when terms such as ‘Reapers’ and ‘indoctrination’ weren’t allowed. 

“Do you remember how Eden Prime played out?” he asked in a deliberately calculated move. Ashley turned toward him, the emotions playing across her face ranging from _are you fucking kidding me?_ to _have you lost your mind?_ “My point,” he continued calmly, “is this: did you willingly shoot the husks we faced there? On the Citadel? On Trebin? Chasca? Virmire?”

Her expression slowly, almost begrudgingly, changed. “These scientists weren’t husks!”

Kaidan shrugged. “Were you there when she faced them?”

“How can you say that?” A fire of anger flickered to life behind her eyes. “How can you even suggest that any of this is the same?”

“I’m not. All I’m saying is, don’t judge unless you have complete information,” he replied, hoping she would make the connection for herself.

He watched closely to see if she understood; she started to say something but snapped her mouth shut quickly, cutting herself short even as her eyes narrowed on him. In a hushed whisper, she demanded, “What do you know that I don’t?”

He ignored the question, reiterating something he’d said once before when he couldn’t provide her with specifics. “I really do wish you’d been a biotic. You would have been a perfect match for the black ops program.”

Her mouth slammed shut and she sat back in her seat again, folding her arms across her chest, her attention returning to the screen. The feed only lasted a few minutes longer before the session was adjourned.

Rising, Kaidan waited for Ashley to follow him out of the door. “So, John’s off on a mission?”

“Uh-huh.” 

“How about a little friendly competition at the firing range?” he suggested. “Loser buys dinner?”

The suspicious look in her eyes darkened into a gleam of anticipation. Kaidan expected that; some things about her never changed, including her competitive streak. “Pistols?” she countered.

Or her willingness for a somewhat fair fight. He smiled and nodded. Of course, she would try to keep relatively equal; if only to rub it in more later. “Best three out of five.”

“Deal.”

Before they reached the main lobby, they heard running feet behind them. “Major Alenko! Commander Williams! Please wait!”

Kaidan glanced over at Ashley and immediately saw the mischievous twinkle in her eyes. Clearly, she wasn’t in a mood to be accommodating. Rolling his eyes at her, he slowed his steps and turned back, ignoring her sigh of resignation. “Yes, lieutenant?”

The young officer came to a skidding halt just a foot from them both and quickly saluted. Ashley figured the kid couldn’t be more than a couple of weeks out of OCS. “I – the Defense Committee,” he panted, struggling to regain his breath. “They … they ask that you both be … prepared to … to testify n-next week!”

Brows narrowing in concern, Kaidan heard Ashley gasp beside him as he asked, “So soon?”

The lieutenant nodded. “Monday,” he clarified.

 _Monday._ Today was Thursday. Kaidan darted another quick look over at Ashley, noting that she’d paled considerably at the announcement, but when their eyes met, she nodded. “We’ll both be here,” he promised. 

The lieutenant saluted once more and turned to retrace his steps.

“That,” Ashley murmured as they started in the direction of the firing range again, “was a lot faster than I thought.”

Kaidan shrugged. He, too, thought it a quick turnaround, particularly given that the initial hearing was scheduled to complete the next day, but he wasn’t a legal expert. “Well, look at the bright side.”

Her head spun toward him, astonishment on her face. “Bright side? What possible bright side do you see in all of this?”

Grinning, he opened the door and gestured her inside ahead of him. “At least it will allow us to get back to doing more important things, like preparing for the Reapers.” He continued on a few paces before taunting lightly, “Come on! I have a decided preference for you buying me a steak dinner tonight!”


	6. Repositioning

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Enjoy! Hope everyone has a great weekend!

John walked through the halls of the Mars Archives like a man on a mission, which in fact he was. The majority of space here was home to the scientists and researchers who worked in the labs. However, approximately a quarter of the site was a dedicated base for the Systems Alliance who provided security forces. _That_ was why he was here.

He maneuvered to his left around two people dressed in white lab coats, both so focused on their intense discussion they barely noticed him. 

It was rare to be called on to reposition through a base as small as the one located here, but right now; all John was thankful for was the fact an Alliance base existed. As small as they were, they were at least prepared for such an eventuality. He’d arrived the night before, a shuttle from the _SSV Trafalgar_ dropping him off after he received repositioning orders from Hackett, and managed to snag one of the spare bunks. Today, his goal was to look into replenishing his supplies before heading meeting up with his fellow N7 and heading back out. He wouldn’t find any of the high-quality N7 gear he was used to, but ammo and the occasional mod, or at least a workstation where he could work on his own, was better than heading back out into the field with nothing. 

“Major Shepard?”

John paused mid-stride, a partial frown creasing his forehead. The unexpected nature of being recognized here, of all places, was startling, but there was a familiarity in the tone that he could not ignore, and he turned on his heel … to come face to face with an old friend. The frown faded into a smile as he breathed, “Liara!” Stepping toward her, he extended his arms as they exchanged a brief but warm hug. “What are you doing at the Mars Archives, of all places?”

A hint of pink flooded her cheeks, but her smile was warm and wide as she reminded him, “I _am_ a prothean expert.” 

Suddenly, the hall far too crowded. It was nearly impossible to hear one another without raising their voices, and crowding seemed an issue when one scientist ran into Liara’s shoulder as he raced back in the direction from which John had come. When she nodded further down the hall to a small recessed area, he nodded and followed. People continued to walk by – this was one of the main halls in the Archives and therefore had the most foot traffic – but it was far easier to speak more privately. “I am here at Admiral Hackett’s request,” she explained. “How could I refuse to help when I know first-hand what is to come?”

“Indeed.” John was aware of the lengths both Anderson and Hackett were attempting to go in order to prepare for the Reaper threat, but the official Alliance view kept those efforts restricted to behind the scenes. That wasn’t to say they didn’t have people helping; they did. He was more than aware that he, Ashley and Kaidan weren’t the only ones assisting the admirals, though he wasn’t privy to any of the specifics regarding who else was involved, their missions or the methods being utilized. The arrival of the Reapers was inevitable; they all knew that. It didn’t surprise him that Liara was brought in to assist. If anything, it helped ease his mind somewhat. “And how goes your research?” 

Liara shrugged, her manner casual yet displaying a certain level of frustration at the same time. “Like most things, it has its good and bad days.” She sighed softly and offered him a soft smile. “How have you been? I understand the admiral has you and Kaidan running off on missions quite frequently these days to help our cause.” Her eyes surveyed him from head to toe and back again. “Should I assume you are heading out on another one? Don’t they ever let you get any rest?”

A wry smile twisted at his lips, but he bit back a snarky reply. He’d grown up in the Alliance and knew well and good what he was getting into when he enlisted at eighteen. They might have been short on the specifics at the time, like having to help save the galaxy from a giant sentient alien race bent on the destruction of the human race among others, might have been minimal at the time, but that didn’t change anything. His decision came with the understanding that he would be at their beck and call for however long he served. “Yeah, something like that,” he acknowledged. John looked up and down the hall quickly, deciding he could spare a detail or two, just in case it meant something more to her. “I’m meeting up with another N7 operative. We’re heading out to the Iera System in a few hours.”

Liara’s eyes widened in surprise mixed with immediate understanding. “The Iera System?” she breathed, a hint of her old bubbly excitement in the sudden bouncing on her heels. “You must be going to investigate the Whiteland ruins! Admiral Hackett mentioned them to me!” 

Her enthusiasm was infectious, and John couldn’t help but smile in return. “The science team dug up a couple of artifacts. The admiral thinks it might help with the translation of the ruins here, I guess.” He rubbed a hand at the back of his neck and he shrugged in the next moment. “Don’t ask me to explain it, _you’re_ the prothean expert!”

Her cheeks darkened, but the twinkle in her eyes and her laugh reassured him that his retaliatory teasing was taken as intended. “Indeed!” she agreed. “I heard they found something out there, but we haven’t received any specific information about the relics yet.” 

Silence filled the air as her voice drifted off. Her eyes drifted over, beyond his shoulder briefly, returning a moment later at which point John also noticed a nervous twitch at the corner of her lips. Curious, he waited patiently. That patience was rewarded a moment later as she asked in a soft whisper, almost as if speaking on a taboo subject, “John, how is she?”

_How is she?_ His gut tightened. He couldn’t feign ignorance at her meaning, and he sighed heavily. _I’ve half expected this since the moment I saw her_. Taking a deep breath, he replied, “I really don’t know. They won’t let me or anyone see her. No one but Anderson,” he amended quickly.

Liara’s lips pressed into a tight, thin line as she nodded. “I’m sure she wishes she was anyplace but there,” she said after a moment. Head tilting, she added while chewing nervously on her lower lip, “I also heard there was an attempt by Cerberus to get at her?”

John grimaced but nodded. “From what I understand, there have been four attempts,” he clarified. “Two were by Cerberus, one by the batarians. The fourth is still under investigation, or it was at the time I left Earth.”

It was clear his words did little to reassure the asari as Liara continued to chew nervously on her lower lip. In that moment, John was struck by the similarity to Jane whenever she took on a thoughtful mood. “But, is she alright?”

Running his hands over his face, he considered how best to answer. “Physically, she’s fine; no one got near to her.” He offered her a reassuring smile. “That’s part of why they put her under house arrest, you know? To keep her safe?” At least the Alliance had upheld _that_ part of their promise, from what he understood.

Liara’s eyes narrowed on him. In a cold, almost chilling tone, she muttered, “It also allows them the opportunity to keep her quiet about the Reapers return.”

John swallowed back a reply he didn’t really have. How could he respond when he agreed with her assessment? 

A movement down the hallway, just over her shoulder, caught his attention. Looking beyond her, he spotted familiar N7 armor. He didn’t want to leave things like this, but he was now left with no other choice. “Look, I have to go,” he told her, returning his full attention to her and offering an apologetic smile. “It was good to see you, Liara. You stay safe, you hear?”

Liara’s lips reluctantly tilted upward. “I will. You do the same. And,” she added almost as an afterthought as he started to turn away, “if you have any input on the final destination of the Whiteland artifacts …?”

A warm, friendly chuckle escaped his lips as he started down the hall. There was little to no chance that his word would mean anything, but he understood her need to ask. If it was up to him, he would do it without question. She was, as far as he was concerned, the most reputable prothean expert out there. Waving back over his shoulder, he promised, “I’ll put in a good word for you!”

~ n ~

Though John had little information on what might await in the Iera System, he had served on Horizon less than a year before and knew it to be populated by civilians. The scientists he was going out to see this time, from his point of view, fell under that category as well. It was _supposed_ to be a simple job; in and out with no problem. But that far out in the Terminus there was always an opportunity for trouble; trouble that could come from pirates or slavers or something else. Though he had no desire to return after the events of the previous year, he had no choice, and that being said he would take whatever backup he could get. Any heavy weapons and gear they might possibly need were already loaded on their transport; John was now focused on restocking the simple things. Heat sinks. Grenades. Sentry turrets.

After meeting up with his fellow N7, John continued on with his original mission to find the quartermaster. Once he finished there, he would head to the spaceport and board the transport.

He found the small armory tucked away near the docking bays. It was, perhaps, the most crowded intersection point of the entire Archives as it was the conjunction of all main hall routes. A staff sergeant by the name of Michaels was on duty. “This is what I have available, major,” she announced, leading him into back storage area. “Standard Alliance issue, all of it.” She offered him a sheepish smile. “Not quite up to N7 standards, I know, but …”

John chuckled softly, relaxed and replied with a smile of his own as he said, “It’s better than heading out empty handed, trust me on that.” 

Her eyes widened briefly. With a quiet laugh of her own, she nodded. Soldiers were soldiers. The only difference between them, when it came down to it, was the level of training. “Understood, sir. And, if it means one more of us comes back safe, you are more than welcome to what you need. Go ahead and load up. All I ask is that you stop by my desk on the way out so I can adjust my inventory.”

It took him all of about twenty minutes before he was back at the main desk. As she filled out the paperwork – there always seemed to be a disproportionate amount of paperwork for this stuff in relationship to what actually was taken out of inventory – he watched the comings and goings around him. 

“Alright, major,” Michaels announced after about ten minutes spent entering information, “you’re set to go. Good luck and Godspeed.”

“Thanks.” He hefted the extra duffle bag onto his shoulder and was just turning to depart when a flurry of activity to his left caught his attention. A short distance away, he spotted a tall woman with dark hair that reached just beneath her chin. As she walked by, two assistants in lab coats scurried after her. John couldn’t make out from this distance what exactly was being said, but by the way the assistants were hunched slightly, murmuring in an obviously remorseful manner, it seemed they were apologizing profusely. 

To his right, the staff sergeant chuckled beneath her breath. “I swear, there’s always a stir around her,” Michaels muttered. John raised an eyebrow over at her in question. “That’s Dr. Eva Coré,” she explained. “She arrived here a couple of days ago.”

John’s eyes trailed back down the hall, but both the woman and her followers were gone now. “Doctor of what?”

Michaels shrugged. “No idea, sir; above my paygrade. All I know is she arrived a couple days ago and her credentials support her presence. If you need additional information, you could ask Davis on your way to the docking bay. He was on duty when she arrived and he’s the one who cleared her.”

“Thanks, sergeant.” John half considered doing just that, but in the end decided Dr. Coré’s presence had nothing to do with him and certainly didn’t constitute a security threat. Instead, he waved one final time and headed to the spaceport. Within ten minutes, he was boarding. His ship, the _SSV Hong Kong_ , wasn’t difficult to find. Fifteen minutes after that, he was shown to his quarters where he found Nelson, his fellow N7. 

Shorter than John, but broader across the shoulders, Nelson lay sprawled out on his back on the upper bunk. He glanced down at John and grinned as he entered the small chamber. “That took a while,” he observed mildly.

John set his bags aside, replying, “We still have two hours before we depart. Besides, there was a commotion, there at the end. Had to make sure my services weren’t … needed.”

Nelson snorted in amusement and sat up. He and John had worked together before. “A commotion? Twenty credits says it was that Coré woman again.”

Startled, John turned startled eyes on his companion. “You know her?”

A sly smile worked its way across Nelson’s face as he slapped his hand against his leg and crowed before dropping to the floor with a resounding thud. “I knew it! Nah, can’t say I know her, not exactly, but I came across her once or twice before meeting up with you. From what I was able to gather, she arrived a few days ago, sent here by god knows who to do research, I guess. Depends who you ask. Most of the people I talked to said all she’s really done is stick her nose in where it doesn’t belong. She isn’t making many friends among the other scientists, that much I can tell you. End result; her presence is a distraction more than anything else.”

John frowned. “She doesn’t sound like your run of the mill research specialist to me,” he agreed, though his own personal knowledge of them was limited to one. Shaking his head, he shrugged. “Ah, well, better here than Horizon.”

Nelson chuckled and thumped his hand against John’s shoulder. “True enough,” he agreed. “Anyway, you hungry? Captain Sagan said we were welcome to head down to the mess. Figured we could eat and strategize at the same time.”

John opened his mouth to protest just as his stomach grumbled loudly. Ignoring Nelson’s amused grin, he replied, “Sure, why not.” They could plan out the rest of their mission after a good meal.


	7. Off Hours

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Enjoy!

The shift from the brightness of the outdoors to the dimly lit interior of the _Off Hours_ was a jolt as Ashley entered the establishment. She glanced around, biting her lip in frustration as she searched the interior. She was late, and though in this instance it wasn’t as essential as, say, meeting with one of her superiors, it still grated on her. One thing she’d learned long ago at her father’s knee about being in the service was the importance of being on time. She could have _sworn_ she left with plenty of time to spare, but then traffic was backed up due to an accident – all circumstances beyond her control. According to the chronometer over the bar as it flashed the current time, she saw she was _twenty minutes late_. It was aggravating, irritating even, but also something she could not change. She knew that, and while the logical part of her brain reminded her events out of her control were just that, the other side, the one ingrained for generations, kept repeating, _a Williams must always be better than the rest just to be the same._ No matter how she counseled herself, it still ate away at her at times like this. Even when it wasn’t necessary. _Especially_ then. 

Her eyes finally adjusted to the interior lighting of the bar and her focus became clearer. Sighing softly, she searched a bit more closely. _I just hope it doesn’t end up in incessant teasing as a result._

One of the servers came over and asked for her seating preference. Politely refusing, she said, “I’m meeting someone.” Of course, he chose just that moment to wave at her from the booth on the far side of the room. _Too much to hope he got caught up in the traffic too, I suppose._ Another sigh slipped past her lips and she crossed the room. “Hey, Alenko,” she said by way of greeting as she slid into the seat. “Sorry I’m late.”

Surprisingly, he shrugged without concern and raised two fingers at the server. “Traffic’s a bit of a nightmare out there today. Don’t worry about it.” He lifted a mostly empty glass near his hand and downed the last dregs before asking, “So, what’s up? Your message sounded urgent.”

Ashley snorted softly as she reached up to tuck a loose wisp of hair behind one ear. ‘Weekend’ was a relative term for anyone in the military, and for her especially these days. Add to it all that waited for her at home was an empty apartment since John was away, the idea of burying herself in work was even more appealing. It was also a good way for her to keep busy in an effort to distract herself from the upcoming hearing. “I just thought … I don’t know, maybe we could talk a bit more about this Defense Committee thing tomorrow?”

He nodded, his hands settling on the table. His smile was reassuring as was his quick agreement. “Sure. What do you want to know about it? It’s all pretty standard stuff, so far as these things go.”

Their server arrived with their drinks and left almost immediately. Ashley took a long pull from the glass before she responded, “Yeah, maybe for you. Only time I’ve ever had to deal with administrative types in the past was when the promotion board shot me down.” The thought triggered a visible flinch. She took another long sip, sighed heavily, then forced herself to let it go. _I guess some wounds never really heal no matter how much time they have._ “I mean, what am I supposed to do in there? What do I say?”

The room around them currently contained a handful of patrons at present. Numbers aside, it still teemed with activity, the usual type expected in such an establishment. Over the bar, three vidscreens displayed an assortment of sporting events, including the local bioti-ball game on rerun, the cheers of the crowds and the play-by-play provided a dull roar throughout the room. Somewhere above that, someone’s questionable taste in music played. And, if she focused hard and listened very closely, she could catch the hushed voices in conversation from the other patrons. As atmosphere went, it could have been far worse, but all she hoped for just now was that it masked her conversation from the rest of the place.

Kaidan shrugged in a relaxed manner. “They’ll ask you about your experience serving on the SR1,” he replied. “You never served with either Shepard before then, so you won’t have to worry about anything other than that. Just answer truthfully; that’s all she would ask of you, you know that.”

At the reference to Jane, Ashley averted her gaze over in the direction of the television. She had no interest in the bioti-ball game, but it hopefully kept him from seeing how deep her concerns ran. “I’m not so sure,” she finally hedged. She brought her gaze back around to him, attempting to put on a brave face as she shrugged. “You know what happened, how things between us haven’t been good since … well ….” Her voice trailed off and she stared down at her hands, now resting on the table in front of her. She distracted herself briefly by picking at her shirt cuff before taking a deep breath and finishing, “What if the Committee pulls up what happened on Horizon? Or, her relationship with John. Or –?”

He reached out and gently squeezed her hand before withdrawing. “They won’t,” he assured her as her hand moved to tap lightly at the base of her glass. “They _won’t_ , Ash. This hearing is about her; her as a leader, her role in the Alliance, the choices she has made while serving. That’s all they will focus on. Remember, their focus is on placating the batarians, possibly the families of the scientists, nothing more than that.”

A scowl marred her features, but it was mixed evenly with worry and the effect was lost. “I wish I could believe that,” she muttered, taking another drink before changing the topic. “So, we really haven’t had time to talk lately. You’ve been ‘out of the office’ the last couple times I stopped by. Hackett sending you out to the far reaches of the galaxy like he is John?”

Kaidan tilted his head slightly to the right, but his even expression didn’t change. Most of his missions of late were short, sweet and to the point, lasting only a handful of days. “I thought you said John was due back yesterday?”

She shook her head. “Oh, he completed his original mission on time, but Hackett cut new orders that has him repositioning on Mars, of all places.” Ashley glanced up at him, expecting a barrage of questions to follow. It was beside the point if she could answer them; she simply didn’t want to right now. “And no, I have no idea where he’s headed, for what reason, or when he’s due back now.”

Her words were thrown at him like a weapon, and Kaidan chuckled softly. Lifting his hand to lie flat on his chest, he teased, “You wound me! Would I ask such a thing of you?”

Her eyes narrowed, almost accusingly. “Yes!” One of his thick, dark brows arched in silent response and she rolled her eyes. He was baiting her, and she knew it. “Look, Alenko, you’re good at what you do –.”

“Which is?” 

Her scowl darkened as he sat back, relaxed, and took a casual sip from his glass though his eyes remained on her. Pointing a finger at him, she retorted, “See? You’re doing it right now!”

“And what, exactly, would that be?”

He was retaliating by teasing her; she knew it and he knew that she knew. All Ashley could do was sigh again and fold her arms across her chest. While he was distracting her from her worries, mostly anyway, she wasn’t about to let this comedy of errors continue. Not at her expense, anyway. “Our conversation lasted all of three minutes and that’s all I know. He was diverted to the Mars Archives to reposition for another mission. End of story. If you want more than that, go pick Hackett’s brain, not mine.”

Kaidan finally relented, but not without a small smirk. He had hoped the teasing might help her relax. Instead, it only seemed to rile her up further, and to a point where he started to wonder at what the core problem bothering her might be. He had a thought on that, and it was one he couldn’t ignore, not if he could help in anyway. He hesitated to even bring it up, but she was a friend and he was concerned. “So, with him gone so much, have you two been able to set a date?”

Her head dropped and she wouldn’t look at him, but it was impossible to miss the twitch at the corner of her right eye nor the way she scraped her teeth over her bottom lip. “Yeah, about that …”

Leaning in toward her and pitching his voice low enough that only she could hear, he asked, “You two aren’t having problems, are you?”

Her head shot up, eyes wide in bewilderment. “What? No, of course not! It isn’t anything like that, it’s just ….” She paused to blow a bit of air at the loose wisps of hair that had moved in front of her eyes again. “Look, anyone who knows us understands we have far more important things to worry about right now,” she said. A moment passed in silence before she added, “Somehow, it just doesn’t seem right to be worrying about a wedding when the fate of the entire galaxy is at stake, you know?”

Kaidan considered arguing the point, but it wasn’t his place. There was more at play here than she was willing to admit, that much he understood. After everything they had been through, after death and life and everything in between, he suspected there would always be raw feelings between Ashley, John and Jane; feelings that would likely never go away completely. But that didn’t mean she and John couldn’t move on with their lives, did it? “Just … don’t cheat yourself,” he replied after a minute. “It isn’t selfish to find some happiness, even if you know other things will fall apart sooner rather than later. We all have our duty, yeah, but you two need to think about yourselves, about what will help you both get through what’s to come.”

Ashley shrugged. “I know how he feels about me, and he certainly knows how I feel about him, so we both know where we stand with one another. The rest of it’s just … window dressing, I guess?”

Kaidan acquiesced without another word, just a simple nod of acknowledgement. The decision wasn’t his to make. Of course, that didn’t mean he wasn’t concerned for them both.

“Speaking of other things to worry about,” Ashley continued, “scuttlebutt says that ruckus at HQ a couple of weeks ago was a Cerberus infiltration team.”

Kaidan lifted his glass and took another drink, all while examining her face over the rim. “I don’t know anything about that,” he replied in an even tone when he lowered it. He was lying through his teeth, of course, but she didn’t need to know that. Then again, she knew him well enough now to understand how he worked. 

Ashley snorted softly. “Yeah, sure, you don’t,” she challenged, but with no real heat behind it. “Anyway, I was more concerned about Jane. She’s been shut up in there – what, nearly six months now, right?”

Kaidan nodded. “More or less.”

She set her now empty glass aside and leaned toward him. “So, why attack now? You’d think anyone trying to get her out would have tried earlier.”

The slightest twitch at the corner of his left eye was the only sign of reaction. He knew she noticed it when one dark eyebrow arched upwards sharply. He wasn’t at liberty to discuss it – not in any specifics – and he had no desire to bring the topic up while out in public. Still, she was like a dog with a bone when she latched onto something she wanted to know. If he could keep the conversation vague enough, perhaps he could give her something? _If not specifics, perhaps hypotheticals?_ It was a risk, but seeing the determination building in her dark eyes only reinforced his assessment of her tenacity. Quietly, he advised, “Keep in mind, looks can be deceiving.”

Her eyes widened with anticipation as she recognized he was willing to give her _some_ thing. She leaned in toward him, breathing, “Yeah?”

“Just for the sake of argument, suppose it was an infiltration team,” he began. “For that matter, suppose the rumor you heard is correct and it was Cerberus. What possible reasons would they have to go after at her while she’s under lock and key?” 

Ashley sat in silence as she quietly ruminated over the possibilities, of which there were quite a few. However, it was easy to eliminate some of the most basic, which left one or two that were more concerning. “They aren’t controlling her? You’re positive about that?” It was an old argument and one that never really held any weight with John. She never gave it much credit either, but there was always a chance ….

Kaidan nodded. “Absolutely positive. Since her return to Earth, she has been out of contact with everyone but her guard, Anderson and the Defense Committee.”

Nodding, Ashley mused another minute or two in silence. “Okay …. So, if that’s true, what about kidnap? Supposedly she left on bad terms with Cerberus. Maybe they want to get her back?”

Kaidan stared at the beer in his glass as if it was the most interesting thing in the world just then. “Possible,” he replied in a level tone, “but try this scenario. Let’s say you’re the one who countermands a direct order from Alliance brass and then flip your allegiance to the other side. How do you think they would respond?”

She froze, her breath catching in her chest as his suggestion drove the point home. Obviously, he had switched the information around for their discussion, to drive his point home. But if what he suggested was the truth, if Jane had done that to Cerberus after they brought her back …? 

She frowned as she considered it further. If she accepted that as truth, only one possibility remained, but it made no sense! Not when they went to such efforts to bring her back to life! Yet, it was the only thing that the information added up to; if what he was suggesting was true. Taking a deep breath, she whispered, “They … They want to eliminate her?”

His head moved just a fraction of an inch in confirmation, but it was enough.

 _Shit!_ “But … why?”

Kaidan shrugged slightly as he replied in a mild tone, “Have you ever countermanded an order given by a commanding officer?” 

Ashley snorted, her eyes narrowing on him. “Of course, not! I already had a huge strike against me because of my name. Something like that would get me booted out of the Alliance so fast my head would still be spinning!” 

He tipped his glass and downed the last the beer in it. “Her former … employer, shall we say, has no such structure, or compunction when it comes to that sort of thing.” 

“Oh, shit!” she breathed, exhaling in a rush as the full truth hit her hard. If what he was saying was true, if she really believed him, then Jane was a sitting duck under house arrest. _Sitting duck._ She frowned. “Wait a minute, if that’s the case, that still doesn’t answer the question why they didn’t try to get at her weeks ago.”

With a nonchalant shrug, Kaidan sat back in his seat. Scuttlebutt ran rampant around HQ just as it did ships and bases, even colonies. If Ashley hadn’t heard about the prior attacks, it wasn’t his fault, and he certainly wasn’t going to keep feeding her information. She was smart and could figure it out on her own.

Without a direct reply, Ashley let the topic drop. He was still hiding something, that much she was certain of, but if he refused to share anymore, there wasn’t much she could do about it. They continued chatting for a while after, their conversation turning back to less chaotic topics as they shared one more drink before calling it a night. 

As they left the _Off Hours,_ and walked to their vehicles Kaidan asked, “Feeling more comfortable for the Defense Committee hearing now?”

She nodded, eyes drifting up to the night sky. “Yeah, I think so. I just … I don’t want to say something that will adversely affect her, you know?” She glanced over at him to see him nod. It wasn’t that she didn’t think Jane chose her side poorly a year ago, but right now the greater threat was the more important one, and on _that_ issue, at least, they could both find agreement. The sooner the Defense Committee cleared Jane’s name and reinstated her, the sooner the Alliance could get back to their preparations as a whole rather than just the small group that had been working on it these past six months. 

“You won’t,” Kaidan assured her. “Just answer their questions honestly. Like I said, they’re going to focus on when you served with her two years ago, not on anything outside of that.”

“Except, maybe Horizon,” she insisted. It was the one big worry in the back of her mind for all of this.

Kaidan briefly rested his hand on her shoulder in reassurance. reminding her, “Where you and John walked away because you didn’t trust the information she presented. End of story. Relax, Ash, it will be fine. You’ll see.”

Ashley ducked into her vehicle with a last nod and a wave. Kaidan continued on toward his, but as he slid into the driver seat, his only thought was, _I sure as hell hope I’m right …_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> More information about John's repositioning at the Mars Archives can be found over in Destiny's Fate: Downtime Chapter 3.


	8. On the Horizon

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter gave me fits, but after four complete rewrites, I think it's finally where it needs to be! Whew! Enjoy!

From the moment they exited the shuttle at the spaceport, John’s attention was drawn to the overcast skies lurking in the distance. With each passing mile the thunderheads piled upon one another, their billowy shape casting darker shadows upon the land. Stray rays of sunlight peeked through the growing complex, shining impossibly bright against the slate-tinted backdrop; an omen to anyone of a superstitious nature, merely foreboding to those with a sense of how weather worked. Ever a practical man, it was easy to accept the science and ignore the rest. Or, it would be if not for the reason he had returned here. 

_Horizon_. 

His last deployment here had not gone well. Almost from the beginning, things fell to shit. Colonists resentful of an Alliance presence, even for their own protection; an attack by the Collectors in which many of those same colonists were taken despite his best efforts; the reunion with his once dead wife, only to find her in the employ of Cerberus. The best part of that mission, he decided later, was his departure. 

“You okay?”

An inelegant snort escaped John’s lips as he spared his partner a quick glance. “Shouldn’t I be?” Eyes still focused ahead, he allowed his thoughts to linger on the view. _Storms. What was it Lilith said last year? Everything on this planet revolved around the whims of the weather? Something like that. Storms don’t bode well for our job._ A flash of lightning arced far in the distance, tracing its way to the planet’s surface. 

Nelson’s deep chuckle filled the vehicle and wrapped around them like a warm, familiar blanket. “Hey now,” he chided with unabashed amusement, “I’m just the messenger, isn’t that what we decided?”

Another snort escaped as John sat straighter. He pulled his gaze from the storm, turning with a hint of a smirk at the corner of his lips. _Don’t shoot the messenger._ He sighed heavily, but nodded. “Yeah. Somehow, I get the feeling that’s going to mean little to our scientist friends.”

“Not gonna bet on a sure thing,” Nelson replied as he brought the vehicle up over the top of another rise. The path before them, barely scored into the planet’s surface, was hardly enough to be considered a ‘road,’ but it was all they had. “I mean, I know the university-scholarly types can be kind of … stubborn when it comes to this kind of thing, but breach of contract? Seems kind of odd to me.” He shrugged then flashed a grin. “Though, if they call out an army of lawyers, I’m passing the buck back to Hackett!”

John tried to hide a grimace, but knew he failed when he saw that grin widen just a fraction. It was a challenge not to fall victim to Nelson’s wit and charm. 

Open fields of wild grasses and flowers continued to speed by in a blur of color as they veered southward. “Ever hear of this Dr. Sorokin before?”

John shook his head. “Nope. Not my area of expertise,” he replied, though he chastised himself silently. _I should have asked Liara if she knew him_. “All I know is he’s good at what he does.” _Why didn’t Hackett have her come out here and lead this excavation herself?_ “Hackett supposedly knows him, too.”

Shaking his head, Nelson replied solemnly, “Hackett knew Dr. Kenson, too, don’t forget.”

John scowled. He didn’t need the reminder of that fiasco. Had Jane not gone after her, he couldn’t help but wonder if the Alliance would have her under house arrest right now. _Having her free to help prepare for the Reapers might have achieved more. On the other hand, if she hadn’t gone, where would we be right now …?_

They topped another rise, and this time paused briefly before descending. “There’s the camp,” Nelson said, pointing ahead of them.

Ahead and to their left he spotted several parked vehicles. “Pull up over there,” he said. “Looks like a crude loading dock.”

Nelson eased their transport between two larger, heavier ones that displayed obvious signs of time spent off-road. The dried mud splatter only reinforced John’s concerns about the weather, and his eyes drifted skyward once more. Another flash of lightning arced to the ground. It took over a minute for the vaguest hint of rumbling thunder to reach his ears. “Let’s get this done before that storm hits.”

In step, they turned toward the series of prefabs closest to them, their easy stride a display of confidence and authority that came along with their N7 classification. It didn’t take long to find one of the scientists, and before they knew it, they were led deeper into the dig site.

John wasn’t overly familiar with how archaeological digs worked, his only previous exposure the one on Therum where Liara had joined the _Normandy_ team, and there were several stark differences. Indoor versus outdoor no doubt led to most of them. This one was broken into several areas, but what most caught his attention was a wide-open space with four clearly marked sections. John assumed that was actual dig site, as a half dozen people appeared to be carefully clearing the ground away. Nearby, two of the marked areas showed obvious signs of digging, yet were devoid of attention just now. The last one contained about four people. 

To the right of the area, a series of canopies offered protection from the environment. Beneath them and somewhat shadowed, John made out several work stations and scientific equipment. Their guide continued in that direction. After a brief but silent exchange with Nelson, John followed.

Beneath the canopy, an older gentleman dressed in lightweight clothing straightened and spoke with their guide. His gaze fell upon the two soldiers warily, though his words were too quiet to discern. A moment later, he walked over to join John and Nelson. “I am Dr. Arkadiy Sorokin. I understand you are looking for me?”

“Indeed, we are,” Nelson replied. “I am Commander Eric Nelson and this is Major John Shepard. Admiral Steven Hackett sent us to –.”

Sorokin’s eyes narrowed, darting between Nelson and John, staring at the markings on their armor. “I know who the admiral is,” he replied. “What I want to know is, why are you here?”

“We are here to collect the first two artifacts,” John announced, “as per your agreement with the admiral.”

Sorokin’s eyes widened in surprise briefly before dropping into a scowl. “That is not our agreement.” he insisted angrily. He half-turned to one of his assistants and murmured, “You know what to do.”

Nelson responded quickly. “Now, doctor, let’s discuss this …”

By prior arrangement, John let his partner speak with the professor while he watched for any outside interference. Watching as the professor’s assistants scurried to the far side of the table where he caught sight of two shipping crates, he determined this met that requirement. “Let’s not do anything hasty,” he suggested quietly as he joined them. The two, both he guessed around his age, shared a quick look before nodding and backing off a few steps. Sighing in relief – not that he really thought he would have to draw his weapon on these people, but relieved nonetheless – John took a knee so he could examine the labels on the crates more clearly. _Object Alpha, Object Beta. Fragile._ The address appeared to be a university lab, if he read it right.

The conversation behind him grew more heated, and John rose back to his feet, turning toward them. “I am sorry, commander,” Sorokin replied, his voice clipped as he swiped his hand in a manner as if to brush Nelson away like an annoying fly, “but I do not have time to discuss this.”

Ever patient, Nelson responded, “Correct me if I’m wrong, doctor, but you and your team are here at the express request and contract with the Systems Alliance, are you not?”

The doctor’s face reddened in anger. “That does not mean we are at the whim of whatever dictate they decide to –!”

Startled, John decided to join the conversation. “Doc, the agreement you signed specifies we will take the artifacts for study in our labs.”

Sorokin turned to glare darkly at John. “ _We_ are to get first study of the artifacts!” he insisted. Stepping over to the table, he pulled out a datapad and thrust it at John. “Read this!”

John’s initial instinct was to refuse; his part in all of this was to see that the artifacts made it onto the shuttle and were escorted safely to the Mars facility, end of story. But something about the doctor’s manner struck him as genuine; a level of sincerity behind the insistence. Taking the pad, John scanned through it. As he reached the end, he frowned and handed it over to Nelson. “Where the hell did you get this?” 

Sorokin, frowning in consternation, retorted archly, “ _That_ is our contract, signed by Admiral Hackett himself, as well as a representative of Allied Command.”

“That’s impossible.” Several items in the professor’s document triggered warning bells to him, but the most glaring inconsistency came from the doctor’s own lips. Outside of Admirals Anderson and Hackett, very few others within the Alliance were directly involved in the preparations for the arrival of the Reapers, and none had any direct connection to Allied Command. 

“Doc,” Nelson interjected, “Major Shepard is correct. Allied Command has no direct authority in this.” He threw a concerned glance over at John before asking, “How did you come by this document?”

Sorokin grabbed the datapad from Nelson’s hand with a with ill-grace, muttering, “It was brought to us by an Alliance representative as they always are. I care not what your –.”

John sighed heavily. “Doctor, your participation in this project is dependent upon Admiral Hackett authority and his alone. You were made aware of that from the very beginning when he first contacted you, just as you were made aware that any objects successfully uncovered would be taken to the Mars Archives for study. That is not open for debate.”

Nelson and John exchanged places, the former so he could look at the crates himself. He was just reaching out to turn one sideways when a loud shout of alarm from across the site pulled both his and John’s immediate attention away. In the same moment, a shot echoed across the site.

Instinct had John reaching for the pistol at his hip without conscious thought. Before he could get sight of the shooter, the sickening squish of a bullet entering unprotected flesh mixed with a sharp gasp of surprise filled the air. Lurching forward, he caught the doctor beneath his shoulder even as the man’s legs gave way and he sank to the ground. Sorokin’s eyes met his, wide with pain and shock before fading to lifelessness. No sound escaped his lips, just a long, soft hiss of air departing his lungs. 

John pulled the scientist around the end of the table, his actions automatic as he searched for the wound. A bloom of crimson just above the man’s left breast began seeping into the fabric covering him. 

“Doc!”

Nelson and Sorokin’s two assistants dropped behind the table. The N7 peeked around the edge of the crate, seeking the source of the shot while pulling his pistol free. “Over by that prefab on the east side!” he called over to John.

Assessing that there was nothing he could do to help the man; John lay Sorokin on the ground as gently as possible under the circumstances before scrambling over to join Nelson and the assistants. Following Nelson’s gesture, he spotted the building. He saw nothing but wide-open space between the two positions, and the complete and utter chaos as the personnel caught in the fray started running for cover. Within seconds, another shot echoed through the air around them. Another body fell to the ground. 

_Shit!_ “Go!” he hissed at Nelson, sparing his friend a quick glance just in time to see the man suddenly disappear from sight. _Tactical cloak_. Not for the first time, John wished he had that capability. Invisibility in a situation like this could certainly tilt the odds of survival a little more to his favor, if nothing else. _On the other hand, Nelson doesn’t have this._ John opened his omni-tool, his fingers flying over the haptic interface, and a moment later two sentry turrets darted across the field and into position. Turning to the two assistants still hiding nearby, he hissed, “Stay here, stay low. We’ll take care of this!”

Both nodded, but one, a woman of middling age, replied, “You don’t have to tell us twice!”

Another flurry of sound, the clatter of shots hitting _some_ thing, pulled John’s attention back to the matter at hand. Still, he could see no signs of the shooter. However, the two turrets started shooting, and using their data, he was able to narrow down the possible location. Whoever it was appeared to be hiding behind an outcropping of rock just to the right of the prefab across the way.

John depressed his comm. “See anything yet?”

Nelson’s response was hushed, but immediate. “ _Negative._ ”

“Check to the right of the prefab,” he advised. “Just watch out in case they aren’t alone.”

“ _Got it._ ”

Scrambling out of cover, John made his way forward. As he neared the prefab, he came upon two other bodies lying unmoving and silent. Opting to examine the one on the left first as it appeared to the outer edge of the shooter’s range, John paused briefly to check for life signs. A quick scan of the woman with his omni-tool told him enough of the story; _Margaret Cho,_ assistant to Dr. Sorokin, no signs of life. Gently, he ran his hand over her face and closed her eyes.

He turned and started in the direction of the second body, but his shields flickered as a shot flew by near his right ear. The turrets responded immediately, and he changed direction, instead following the prefab down to the left while using it as cover. Cautiously, he peered around the edge. When there was no immediate shot at him, he ran to the ladder less than five feet from him and started climbing. 

More shots rang out again, most not near him though one or two flew over his head but far too close for his liking as he reached the top and rolled himself over the edge. Taking a half second to catch his breath, he pushed himself into a low crouch and worked his way to the back side of the building making certain to keep behind cover. Never before had ductwork been such a blessing. Retrieving his pistol, he slowly rose, peering out to scan the large, rocky area below. Two things caught his attention immediately; the shooter was in an area less than ten feet from the building, and there was still no visual confirmation of their location.

“ _Where are you?_ ”

Nelson’s question was a barely whispered tickle in his ear, but John couldn’t answer on the without the shooter spotting him. Lifting a finger to his comm, he tapped out the Morse Code for ‘up,’ and hoped his partner recalled their training. 

“ _Understood,_ ” the other N7 replied a second or two later. “ _Still trying to locate the target._ ”

As Nelson spoke, John caught just the hint of a waver in the air in the rocks nearby and he frowned. _Is that Nelson, or does our target have the same capability?_ Glancing down at his omni-tool, he checked the status of his turrets, but both were silent and unmoving as they waited for a contact. John’s gaze locked back on the area where he’d seen the flicker. _What are the odds he or she has a tactical cloak?_

“ _Anything?_ ”

John tapped out the Morse Code response for ‘no.’ Crap. The call was his to make, and if he wasn’t careful, he was about to strike at his fellow N7. He needed to know where Nelson was, but his tactical cloak was working as a disadvantage for him in this situation. How much longer could he wait? 

His shields flickered again, this time near his shoulder, as another shot came at him. Years of training and sheer instinct dropped him flat on the rooftop, but in the background, he heard the turrets kick up once more. Ignoring the near miss, he instead used their data feed narrow down the location. “To the right of that huge boulder!” he hissed to Nelson. Grabbing a grenade, he added, “Incoming!” and lofted it in the general direction of the shooter. The blast hit as it landed, sending shards of stone and dirt raining up and over the area. From this position he couldn’t tell if he managed to catch the shooter in range of the blast, but he hoped it was enough to disrupt any cloaking ability.

Within seconds, Nelson’s voice broke across comms. “ _Got him!_ ”

Pushing himself up slightly with his hands, John finally saw it; approximately twenty feet to the right of his initial location assessment. He grimaced and levelled his pistol to provide cover as Nelson’s tactical cloak faded and he approached. From his high position, the figure looked to be down, but as crafty as they’d been so far, he had to rely on his partner to verify it. The seconds that ticked by in silence did nothing to improve John’s mood or patience. “Well?” he demanded after what felt like an eternity.

“ _You need to get down here and see this._ ” 

John could see Nelson looking up in his direction, but he couldn’t make out the expression on the man’s face at this range. Dread started to churn in his belly. Descending quickly, John hurried over. He adjusted the sentries to remain on standby, just in case, and kept his own pistol at the ready. “What is it?”

“She’s dead,” Nelson replied. “You got her. But there’s something … weird about her.” He shrugged. “I don’t know.”

“Her?” John switched places with the man and took a knee beside the body lying face down. Carefully, he rolled the body just enough that he could see the shooter’s face. Her tanned skin was proof she spent plenty of time outdoors, most likely working the archaeological site. Wide, greenish-blue eyes stared out at nothing as a trickle of blood dried at the corner of her mouth. “What do you mean ‘weird’?”

“Look at her eyes.”

John frowned up at Nelson. “Yeah? Greenish-blue?”

Nelson moved around to kneel opposite him and reached over to hold the eyelids open. “That color ain’t natural, man,” he muttered. “It looks … they glow funny like; almost as if they were electrical or something. You know?”

Startled, John examined them again. He could see it now, see the oddly bright shade of greenish-blue, even in death. Lifting his omni-tool, he made a quick scan of her head and then the rest of her body. “Ocular implants,” he mused aloud as he read the data coming back.

Nelson shrugged again. “Not like any I’ve ever seen. I’m telling you, it ain’t natural.”

John stood. A quick movement to his right reminded him that the turrets were still in play, so using his omni-tool he quickly stood them down. “We need to find someone to identify her,” he decided a moment later. “Then we need to figure out what she was doing here.” Sighing, he looked around the area. Now that the worst was over, he could see several people now venturing out of cover, their focus solely on him and Nelson. He waved encouragingly over at the scientist they’d met upon arrival and who brought them to Dr. Sorokin. “Maybe ask Dr. Petersen.”

With a nod, Nelson wandered over to speak with the scientist. In the meantime, and after a wary glance in the direction of the approaching storm, John finished examining the body and patted it down for any other weapons. Only once he was satisfied that all was as safe did he join Nelson and Dr. Petersen. 

“She was one of Dr. Sorokin’s assistants,” Dr. Ella Petersen explained. “A doctoral student. Came from the University of London, or so she said.” She frowned for a moment, concentrating. “I spoke with her several times, but I never knew her well personally. Arkadiy said she was one of his undergraduate students a few years ago. Katya Stewart, I think she said her name was?” Slender shoulders moved up and down in a shrug.

“What was her job here?” John asked as he led Petersen closer.

“She was responsible for cleaning and packaging the artifacts for travel.” She stared down at Katya for a long moment. “Such a waste of a good mind!”

Nelson joined them. “And Dr. Sorokin never suggested she was a threat of any kind?”

The doctor was adamant as she shook her head. “No! So far as I knew, she’d never even raised her voice in anger at anyone here!”

The sound of someone clearing their throat had John glancing over toward the edge of the prefab where a younger man stood. “Katya was under a lot of pressure,” he explained when John gestured for him to move closer. “She told me that one of her professor’s back home was forcing her to take part in this excavation whether she wanted to or not.” He smiled apologetically at Dr. Petersen. “Katya was supposed to send home any information she could find out about the artifacts.”

John exchanged a quick look with Nelson. His gut churned, something about the man’s words didn’t settle well with him. “Did she happen to mention the name of her professor?”

He tilted his head and thought for a moment. “A Dr. Eva Coré, I think? I never understood why Katya didn’t want to be a part of the project,” the younger man added. “This is the opportunity of a lifetime!”

The first rumblings of the approaching storm filled the air around them, softly at first but growing with intensity. John spared a brief look in its direction before murmuring to Nelson, “We need to get moving.”

The unexpected rustle of rapidly approaching footsteps had John and Nelson both spinning around with their pistols raised. A communications technician skidded to a halt immediately, her eyes wide as they locked onto both weapons. Catching himself and lowering the pistol, John asked, “What is it?”

“M-major,” she stammered, struggling to catch her breath, “you – you’ve been ….” She hunched over at the waist, propping her hands on her legs as she drew in as much air as possible. “J-just got an … an emergency evacuation order for you a-and the commander!” She pulled a datapad from her pocket and handed it to him. 

John scanned the pad quickly before handing it to Nelson and returning his attention to Dr. Petersen. Their original orders had given them three days to complete their mission. Something clearly had changed. “Doctor, we’ve been ordered to evacuate ASAP _with_ the artifacts,” he explained. “A transport is being sent for you and your team as well and should arrive by evening.”

Petersen frowned. “But, why?” she asked. “We still have two artifacts to unearth!”

John shook his head as he had no answer for the question. “I’m sorry, doc,” he said as he started walking in the direction of the two crated objects, “those are my orders. They don’t always give me specifics.” 

Nelson joined him again over by the crates. “Something’s going on,” he muttered quietly while grabbing a nearby cart. “Why send this when they can’t possibly be aware of what just happened?”

John shrugged. “All I know is what’s in that message. We’re to take the artifacts with us and evac ASAP.” Once the second crate was loaded onto the cart, he started pulling it after him in the direction of their vehicle, Nelson following. “Did you see who signed the evac order?”

Nelson blinked twice and shook his head. “No?”

They reached the vehicle and between them shifted the crates inside. As he closed the doors securely, he handed over the datapad. “Anderson.”

Nelson scrolled down to the bottom of the message and stared at it. “What the hell?” he muttered. “I mean, I know they’re both in charge of this, but so far the only signature we’ve seen on our orders has been Hackett’s.”

“It can’t bode well,” John replied as he took the driver’s side this time. “I have faith in Anderson, don’t get me wrong, but he made it clear from the outset that Hackett was our point of contact. Either something’s happened to Hackett himself –.”

Nelson shook his head. “Not likely. Have you _seen_ the protection he’s got these days? Makes normal marines look puny.”

John snorted softly even as he finished his previous thought. “- or he’s too busy with other things.”

Nelson cast a wary eye over to John. “What about your ex’s hearings? Anderson’s handling that, isn’t he? Do you think this could have something to do with that?”

John ran a hand over his face. “My point exactly.” He drove the rest of the way in silence, grateful that Nelson respected it. As the spaceport on the outer edge of the colony proper took shape ahead of them, his look became more somber. “I’m not sure I want else it could be, in all honesty,” he added as he pulled to a stop.

The pair exited the vehicle and waved at a handful of marines who ran over and unloaded the crates into the shuttle. “Shit,” he hissed softly so only John could hear. “You don’t think –?”

A loud crack of thunder overhead preceded the fall of rain by less than ten seconds. John stared up at the sky for one long moment, his face a mask of cold stone. “I think our time may have run out …”


	9. Roles & Regulations

Monday arrived far too quickly for Ashley’s liking, but there was little she could do to stop it. Avoiding the summons wasn’t possible, and even if it was, the more she thought about it and considered Kaidan’s input, the more she understood she didn’t necessarily want to. Okay, so maybe there were still a few niggling doubts lurking in the back of her mind regarding Jane’s previous association with Cerberus. That was to be expected. But there was a far larger threat – a fact she agreed with Kaidan on wholeheartedly – and that was where the focus _needed_ to be centered because Earth was still woefully unprepared to face it; and any time they had was rapidly running out.

In the six months since she, John and Kaidan agreed to assist Hackett and Anderson in doing what they could to face the challenges ahead, she had been given access to any and all available intel, much of it generated by Jane and her team while hunting down the Collectors. Her personal concerns regarding Cerberus aside, she had to admit the reports were valuable, and when combined with the information collected during their hunt for Saren and Sovereign, they presented a far bigger picture of what lay ahead. Nothing, however, changed the old saying, _bigger is not always better_. This case certainly proved that.

One simple fact remained; even with the support of Hackett and Anderson, there was far too much to be done. Their group was limited in size, if not scope, as well as their impact. Still, they tried. Spec ops forces, including John and Kaidan as well as some of Kaidan’s students, set out to collect what intel they could; while others, including her, remained at HQ Vancouver. It stung a little not to be included, at least at first, but she was too practical to let that fester. Barely had the first spec ops teams left when Anderson pulled her aside and she discovered she had her own specific role to play …

~ n ~

_Late 2185_

“Commander Williams. I thought I might find you here.”

It wasn’t the voice so much as the deep rumbling chuckle that broke through Ashley’s focus and pulled her eyes from the target at the far end of the firing range. Though the shot did not technically miss, it did land outside of the intended target area. Lowering her weapon – standard issue Avenger in this case – she turned, a quick salute at the ready. “Yes, sir. Can’t afford to lose a step these days.”

Anderson nodded; his knowing smile matched by a sparkle of something far more intense in the depths of his dark eyes. If she believed in such things as premonitions, Ashley might have guessed what came next. She didn’t, but her gut instinct screamed she was about to be put to the biggest most difficult test of her career. 

Anderson gestured for her to finish, and while she gathered her gear, he said, “So, I imagine you’re curious about your role in the coming months?”

She walked over to return weapon to Gunny Wilton for proper cleaning and storage as the admiral spoke. He followed, and they fell into step together as they exited the range. “You know I’m willing to help in any way possible, sir.” 

Out in the hallways, silence fell between them. It wasn’t until they entered his office ten minutes later that it broke. The room was large and airy, the furniture set up in a practical arrangement like his office back on the Citadel. “Come on over here,” he invited, gesturing to a large table surrounded by comfortable-looking chairs. “I want to show you something.”

As Ashley stepped over, she craned her neck to get a good look at the stacks of datapads and papers spread out over the surface. They appeared to be after-mission reports from what she could tell. Her eyes drifted toward one in easy reach and stopped on the date. A recent date. 

“Have a seat, commander.” She did so without question as he explained, “This, as you can see, is all the information we currently have on the Reapers and, by association, the Collectors. It’s not much, but it’s more than we might have had.”

Ashley took that as permission to investigate, and she reached for several of the pads within arm’s reach. Many of them, she noticed, contained familiar locations. “Yes, sir.”

Anderson sat across from her, giving her his undivided and completely focused attention. “Commander, you now have full access to all of this information,” he announced, adding more quietly beneath his breath, “rank be damned.”

Ashley blinked, startled and drew back into her seat. _Rank be damned_. She stared at the pads again then back up at him. “Wait, what?”

Eyes blazing with something she couldn’t quite put into words, he said formally, “Lieutenant Commander Williams, I am officially entrusting you with this information for the express purpose of developing a combat training strategy that we can use against the Reapers when they arrive.”

Breathing hurt, and the room spun around her momentarily. Had she misheard him? She blinked to clear her eyes, but as focus returned, he still sat before her, same intense focus upon her. A shiver snaked across her body as the full implication of his words settled. “I - Sir? Are you … are you sure you want me leading this?” Old habits were difficult to break, particularly after years of harsh reinforcement. “A lot of people remember me from that fiasco on Eden Prime ….”

“A lot of people,” he emphasized firmly as he cut her off, “saw you were the only one to come out of it alive. You fought back, Williams. You survived. Anyone who knows you understands that.” He folded his hands on the table before him, his expression far graver than she ever had seen before. “But that’s beside the point; we both know that. What matter is that you have first-hand knowledge of what it takes to face these Reaper creatures. You know what strategies will work and those that won’t.”

Startled, Ashley bit her lip before leaning in toward him, her voice barely above a whisper as she managed, “Sir, that was Commander Shepard. I – I just followed her lead.”

His arm shot out and he reached across the table, fishing out one datapad among the many. With an expert flick of his wrist, he slid it across to land in front of her, face up. Ashley’s gaze was drawn to the device, to the location in all caps, and she swallowed tightly as it came into view. _Virmire._ Memories of that misadventure flooded back with a violence that left her head spinning again. 

“Commander Shepard may have assigned you to assist the STG forces,” he insisted, “but you were the one who helped coordinate those teams, the one who adapted Alliance strategies with theirs until you were extracted. _You_ kept them alive.” He slid a second datapad over, this one containing an after-mission report signed by Kirrahe himself. “Don’t sell yourself short, commander. I don’t.” He nodded at Kirrahe’s report. “I know they don’t, either.”

All too clearly, she suddenly recalled the stunned expression on Jane’s face back on the SR1 when discussing her list of ‘crap postings.’ _You’re a good soldier, Williams. One of the best I’ve come across outside spec ops._ At the time, she’d dismissed the words; her normal response on the rare occasion someone said something complimentary about her skill. However, with the commander, it was different. Even before word of her family history came out, The longer they served together, the more Ashley realized it. And she was good as her word, too. OCS and promotion to Lieutenant Commander certainly proved that. 

Ashley searched the admiral’s face for a long, thoughtful minute. It was impossible to miss the sincerity behind his words. “I won’t, sir,” she promised.

“Good,” he replied with a firm nod and a hint of a smile, before moving on. “You have a week to sort through all of this and come up with a basic strategy. Right now, focus on how we can do the most damage with a minimum cost of personnel and equipment.” He paused a moment, his expression solemn. “If Sovereign was any example, we’re going to need unconventional thinking if we’re going to have any chance of surviving.”

His words struck a chord inside her. _Unconventional thinking?_ That was something she could do. “May I discuss this with Majors Shepard and Alenko, sir?” 

He nodded. “Of course, though I don’t expect they’ll be around much. We each have our part to play in this.”

“I understand, sir.” He was undoubtedly correct in that assessment, but having the option to do so if opportunity presented itself was good. 

In the week that followed, Ashley found that developing a basic strategy was a simple enough task. Adjusting it to accommodate more unconventional methods was trickier, but not impossible. She ran her ideas by John and Kaidan when she could, greedily absorbing their insights and suggestions, and by the time she met with Anderson again, she was ready.

At least, she thought she was. His explanation of her role in the next step of this grander task at hand was a bit more of a bombshell than she expected. The saddest part about it all was, she should have seen it coming.

“You want me to do what?”

Anderson’s laughter was always warm, like melted, gooey chocolate. He sat at his desk, softly chuckling with a small, smug smirk. The amusement, she supposed, was to put her at east; the intensity in his eyes, however, did the opposite. Aside from that, she was confused. She couldn’t decide if he was simply fired up by her ideas, looking forward the coming fight, or if it was simply a natural response to her disbelief. In the end, she decided it had to be a little of all three. 

Gesturing to a nearby chair, he suggested, “Sit down, commander, before you fall over.” He waited for her to do so. “You heard me correctly. Admiral Hackett and I want you to start implementing your plan as soon as possible. As many people as you can.” 

Ashley’s mouth was too dry to speak for a moment. “But – sir!”

“Commander, you know as well as I do, we are living on borrowed time. The only reason we have any at all is thanks to Commander Shepard. However, she has her own battle ahead of her right now, it is up to us to do everything we can to fill her boots and prepare.” Rising from his desk, he walked over to stare out a nearby window. “I won’t lie to you, commander – anyone we can get trained up for what is likely to come will give us better odds than we have right now.” He glanced back over his shoulder at her. “The more we have, the better.”

It wasn’t panic or anxiety that swallowed her in the moment; she could train people well enough. That much she was certain of. No, it was the implication involved. If she fully understood what he suggested, she and she alone was responsible for humanity’s Reaper defense plan, and _that_ left a sinking feeling in her gut. _I’ve only been an officer for a couple of months and now you want me to do something like this? On this scale?_

_But it isn’t in me to walk away from it,_ she reminded herself, _and that isn’t simply because of my family. They asked me for a reason. There is no room for doubt here._ Taking a deep breath, she ventured, “Who?” 

The smile shone bright in his eyes when he turned back to face her, and for a moment Ashley wondered if he’d harbored any doubts about her commitment to this. “I have a few ideas on that, but it requires getting the appropriate people in place. In the meantime, I’ve arranged for you to work with Major Alenko’s students, get a feel for the best way to present your ideas. They’ll provide critical feedback so you can refine your plan. By the time we have the rest together, we’ll already have one group trained.”

_This is really happening!_ Ashley took a deep breath to calm herself. “Yes, sir.” 

“From there,” he continued, “we will send them out to train others, and so on. We need every advantage we can get, commander. Admiral Hackett and I are hopeful your training will provide our people with an edge for them to survive long enough to form a resistance. And who knows? Maybe it’ll give us an idea on how to defeat them overall.”

Somehow, she didn’t think that would be the case, but she nodded anyway. “Yes, sir.” Rising, she saluted smartly. “If there’s nothing else, I think I’ll go have a word with Major Alenko right now.”

“You do that. Good luck, commander.”

~ n ~

_Present day, 2186_

The door to Kaidan’s office opened behind her, drawing Ashley’s attention away from the window. She’d arrived while he was in a meeting, but Lieutenant Wilkerson was now used to her presence and let her into the main office. Dressed in fatigues like she was, Kaidan exuded a calm presence, one she greedily absorbed like someone dying of thirst in a desert who came upon water. 

“You’re quiet this morning,” he said by way of greeting. “Still worried about the Defense Committee?”

She snorted softly and shook her head. She was, but she wasn’t in the mood to listen to reassurances right now; that would just make the situation worse. “Just thinking.” Absently, she smoothed her hands over her clothing. “Ready?”

“Yeah, let’s go.” As they walked through the halls together, Kaidan asked, “I forgot to ask the other day, how’s your Mom getting settled in?”

Ashley smiled. “She’s getting there. Lynn is with her, so it shouldn’t take long for things to get put into order,” she replied. Glancing over, she gave him a relieved look. “Thanks for the help, by the way. I wasn’t sure we were ever going to convince her to move to Colorado.”

Kaidan chuckled and shrugged. “Hey, it makes sense, right? It’s about as safe place as you can get, and being in the mountains should provide an added line of defense when the Reapers get here.” Glancing over at her, he added, “Plus she can keep planning your wedding?” 

Ashley’s cheeks heated a little, but she nodded. “Yeah. Like I said, Lynn’s with her right now, and if anyone can stay super focused and handle all of that, it’s her. Sarah’s on her honeymoon, but said she would head there afterward to help.”

Kaidan frowned. “Isn’t there another one? Sister, I mean?” 

Nodding, Ashley said, “Abby plans to visit as soon as she gets a few day’s leave. She’s stationed at Luna Base right now, but scuttlebutt hints at redeployment to the colonies. Still, orders haven’t been cut yet, so until they are, she’ll try for leave.” 

The committee chamber wasn’t far from Kaidan’s office, but they discovered upon arrival that the Committee was running behind schedule. The lobby wasn’t crowded, so Ashley dropped into one of the benches. Kaidan took a seat next to her. “You going to be okay?”

“I have to be, don’t I?” she reasoned, but the smile she gave him was less than full this time, and she knew it. It seemed that the proximity to the committee chamber directly affected her mood. “Look, if I can train hundreds of biotics, N7s and other spec ops people tactics to take on the Reapers, I can get through this. Right?” At this point, she wasn’t certain if she was trying to convince herself or him.

Before he could comment, Kaidan was summoned. As he stood, he offered her one last reassuring smile. “Right. You’ve got this, Ash.”

She kept her eyes on him as he walked away, muttering softly beneath her breath, “I sure hope so.”

It took less than an hour for him to testify. As soon as the doors opened, Ashely jumped to her feet, unable to decide if that was a good thing or not. “How’d it go?”

He shrugged. “Pretty standard stuff.” Her expression no doubt gave her away because he reached out and gently squeezed her shoulder. “Relax.” 

“I am, I am.” Taking one more cleansing breath, she started to turn to head over, but Kaidan stopped her when he asked, “What’s going on?”

“Hmm?” She glanced back at him and saw him eyeing the increased activity just outside the room through the widows. “Oh. Not really sure, to be honest,” she replied with a shrug. “Started about … five minutes ago, maybe? One moment, things were fine, the next, that.” Her eyes narrowed as it suddenly dawned on her it wasn’t just a heightened sense of urgency in the air, but an increase in the number of people moving through the halls than there would be on a normal day. “Maybe the batarians are making new demands?”

“Commander Williams, the Committee is ready for you.”

Ashley grimaced. Offering Kaidan a nervous smile, she said, “I’ll be back in a bit. You’ll still be here?”

His gaze had dropped to his omni-tool, but he nodded. “Yeah, I’ll be here.”

Turning toward the chamber, Ashley caught up with the lieutenant. As she walked through the door, she pulled in one last deep breath. _Well, here goes nothing …_


	10. Gut Instinct

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Enjoy! And as always, thank you for reading!!!

Jane tossed the datapad to the foot of the bed and stood up. She took a moment to stretch, first twisting at the waist both right and left, followed by raising her arms over her head and reaching for the ceiling. With each muscle pull and joint pop, she sighed with relief. As it had earlier that morning, she moved over to stare outside. The early-afternoon sky shone bright with sunlight; nothing even remotely hinting at unease as suggested by her dreams. She paused and spared a quick glance at the doors. Vega sent a message to Anderson per her request and confirmed it with her when he brought breakfast. At lunch, he was still waiting on a response. The admiral was a busy man, she knew that, but every other time she requested a meeting, he’d replied sooner rather than later. It was a challenge not to think the worst, and being confined to this space certainly didn’t help. _I’m overthinking things …._

Outside the window, she noticed yet another Alliance shuttle heading in on approach to the spaceport. She followed its path until it dropped behind the building, and a frown marred her features. _That’s … what? Three, four, in the past hour alone?_ The vehicles weren’t an unusual sight, of course; this was Alliance HQ, after all, still she couldn’t recall a day since arriving where they’d been so frequent. _Now you’re being paranoid,_ she chided herself. _There’s any number of reasons they could be here. Meetings. New trainees. Hell, Kaidan could have a new group of students coming in. Anything …_

Deep in her gut, something churned and then died down.

She pushed away from the window and reached for the datapad again. This one, Sun Tzu’s _The Art of War,_ had been an unexpected find on the shelf tucked back behind one of the stacks left behind. It wasn’t what she wanted to read at the moment, but it was the closest she could get to any kind of training, and she was under no illusions regarding her hearing. Stepping into the courtroom tomorrow would be as tough as any battle she ever faced. For now, she would take what insight she could get. 

She was barely settled onto her bed again when the door to the room slid open. James entered a half step after, his face a no-nonsense mask of concern and his demeanor just as cold. Coming to a halt, he saluted her. “Commander.” 

His presence was so startling and his demeanor so unexpected, Jane forgot to chastise him about using her rank let alone saluting her. Searching his face, only one thought came to mind. _Another security threat. Shit!_ Dropping the datapad again, she rose and asked as calmly as possible, “What’s going on?”

But his response was not what she expected. “We gotta go,” he explained with a gesture toward the door. “The Defense Committee wants to see you. Now.”

_Now?_ She exited without question, following him into the main hall. As they walked toward the elevators, it was impossible to miss the increased tension in the air; numerous Alliance personnel moved around them in a calm, collected yet still flurry of activity. Her gut churned again and recognition set in. Memories of the CIC on the _Normandy_ when they’d gone through the Omega-4 Relay returned with a rush and left her momentarily light headed. _Battle stations._ _Something isn’t right._

Vega lunged ahead, holding an empty lift until she could hop on with him. “James, what’s going on?” she asked as the doors slid shut.

He shrugged in his usual relaxed manner. “Couldn’t say. All I know is I’m supposed to get you down to the Defense Committee. Pronto.”

Jane digested that information while chewing on her bottom lip. She was still deep in thought, considering the possibilities, when the doors opened at their destination. Here, there were even more people moving about. _It can’t be a security threat, not if he’s bringing me down here,_ she decided, increasing her pace to keep up with him. _Not unless there’s an infiltration unit descending from the roof? Or a bomb threat?_ She dodged out of the way of two armed marines hurried past in the opposite direction. 

At the end of the hall, they turned sharply left. Vega’s pace was almost manic, and it was all Jane could do to keep up with him. It also did nothing to ease her concerns, and in that moment, the full impact of her nightmare returned. She inhaled long and deep, steeling herself for what she was about to face. _It’s something far, far worse than an infiltration team …_

About halfway down the hall, Vega slowed up. Jane caught herself from barreling into him just in time. She stepped to his side, about to ask what the problem was when she spotted a familiar face joining them. Despite her request for his presence, she wasn’t certain if she should be relieved or worried. “Anderson.”

A smile worked its way across the admiral’s face as he reached a hand out. Jane accepted it … and was startled by the small, cool, solid object pressed into her palm. Her eyes darted up to his, but the expression she found was neutral and she only nodded in return. _Keep it quiet. Got it._ Subtly slipping the item into the pocket at her hip, she asked, “Sir, can you tell me what’s going on? Why is everyone in such a hurry?”

As they spoke, they continued walking. “Admiral Hackett’s ordered the mobilization of the fleets,” he replied without preamble and a quick glance over at her. “I’m guessing word’s made it to Alliance Command. Something big is headed this way.”

_Big._ Jane’s heart thrummed uncomfortably. The face of the child in her dreams returned as well. _They’re here._ Her breath catching, she stopped halfway down the stairs and waited for Anderson to turn toward her. With as much scrutiny as she could, she searched his face. “The Reapers?”

The shrug he gave her was non-committal, but the hardness in his eyes didn’t change at all. “We don’t know, Shepard. Not for certain.”

She shook her head and drew in a long, deep breath. Too many clues pointed in one direction for it to be anything else. _They’re here …._ Pushing back a wave of adrenaline struggling to break free, she insisted, “It’s the Reapers.” She strode forward, her steps assuming absolute confidence in her assessment, as she caught up to the admiral. “And we’re not ready. Not by a long shot.”

“Tell that to the Committee.”

Jane bit back a retort regarding her thoughts on the Committee. It wouldn’t serve any purpose right now other than to rile her up further, and distract from the greater issue at hand. 

The Defense Committee chambers came into view and she walked into the lobby side-by-side with Anderson. Vega, she noted absently, remained a few steps behind them. They were met by a lieutenant who announced that the Committee was expecting them and led the way inside. While Anderson spoke with the lieutenant, Jane turned toward Vega. 

“Good luck in there, Shepard.”

She couldn’t stop a small smile. _Now you stop calling me commander?_ She opened her mouth to tease him in that regard, but before she could speak, a familiar voice call her name. Startled, she turned to find Kaidan nearby. He appeared to be as surprised to see her as she was him, but he covered it quickly with a smile. She reached out a hand to meet his, shaking it firmly. “Hey, Kaidan.”

“Shepard?”

Eyes on Kaidan, Jane didn’t doubt he noticed the momentary flash of panic that raced through her when Williams spoke. Biting her lip in an attempt to keep the underlying anxiety under control for the moment, she saw his lips curve slightly in encouragement just before she turned to face her former squad mate, friend, and her ex-husband’s current fiancée. “Williams.” Her eyes were immediately drawn to the rank on the other woman’s shoulder. Though she expected the promotion to officer level, finding her at the same rank she once held was jarring. “Lieutenant Commander?” 

Just finishing his conversation with the lieutenant, Anderson turned to join them. “You hadn’t heard?” He nodded at Kaidan and turned his immediate attention back to Williams. “How did it go in there?”

Williams’ gaze met Jane’s briefly, and it was instantly clear she was as uncomfortable with their situation as Jane herself. “Alright, I think,” Williams replied. In the next moment, her expression relaxed, relief obviously catching up to her. “I never can tell with them.”

The lieutenant to whom Anderson had spoken interrupted their discussion, announcing, “The Committee will see you now, Admiral.”

Jane started to follow after him when Williams murmured, “It … it’s good to see you, Shepard.”

Jane winced; it was ironic that after everything they had been through in the past year, Williams still referred to her by John’s last name. Swallowing past her discomfort, she glanced over her shoulder at the younger woman and was surprised by the open honesty she was met with in return. An olive branch, perhaps? Now was not the time to find out, but Jane wouldn’t ignore it, either. Taking a deep breath, she replied, “You too, Williams.” There was no time for further discussion and she followed Anderson into the chamber. 

~ n ~

While the dais remained in place from Jane’s initial hearing, the table where she and Anderson sat and the one next to it were now gone, leaving a wide-open expanse to cross. Alliance personnel moved about the room with as much hustle as everyone else in the building, and ahead of them she spotted three unfamiliar faces dressed in vice admiral as they stepped up to the bench. 

Anderson strode forward into the heart of the room and she followed, glancing back briefly to see two armed soldiers take up position in front of the doors. She had to force back a moment’s irritation as she turned her attention to the Committee. _Are you really that afraid I’ll try to escape? Or does this have something to do with the Reapers?_

Jane let Anderson deal with the pleasantries and greetings – she was in no mood for it – which gave her an extra moment to collect herself. An unexpected, fleeting memory surfaced; a hand at her shoulder, a gentle touch on her arm, relaxing and releasing stress. _Thane. Samara._ Momentary concern for her friends fought to gain purchase, but she pushed it aside and instead focused on calming. Eventually, she managed a relaxed stance like Anderson’s, though as her hand bounced against her leg, she felt the unknown item stashed away in her pocket. Her curiosity perked up, though this was hardly the time or place to examine whatever it was he gave her.

Anderson glanced over at her in the next moment, lifting his chin toward the dais. Jane inhaled deeply. _It’s time._ “What’s the situation?” she asked. It didn’t occur to her they might not answer; not when she had been summoned a day early and most assuredly not when it was increasingly clear ‘something big’ was happening. 

“We were hoping you could tell us,” the most senior of the admirals replied. 

“Reports are coming in,” the woman next to him added, “and they’re unlike anything we’ve ever seen. Whole colonies have gone dark. We’ve lost contact with everything beyond the Sol relay.”

An ensign walked over and handed Jane a datapad. She scanned it quickly – a list of colonies and bases no longer responding. A pattern quickly emerged, one that fed the growing ball of dread in the pit of her stomach. In the back of her mind, she also recognized in a brief moment of irony that this was the first Alliance intel she’d been privy to firsthand in years. She handed the datapad over to Anderson and took a quick moment to run through all possible results while he read through it. But, of all the possibilities out there, only one fit the set of data presented. 

Closing her eyes, Jane counted to twenty before she spoke. What happened in these next few minutes would likely determine the fate of her career – and that was if she was lucky. If not, they would all be dead, the galaxy destroyed, and it wouldn’t matter anyway.

The senior admiral spoke up once more. “Whatever this is, it’s incomprehensibly powerful.”

Slowly, determinedly, Jane stepped forward. Deep inside herself, she reached for that air of self-confidence that guided any and all decisions she made throughout her career. She was a _doer_. She was trained to evaluate intel, provide options, make difficult decisions. That was, in part, why the Council agreed that she should be the first human Spectre. It was time to remind Alliance Command of that now. 

Voice carrying to every corner of the room, Jane announced, “You brought me here to confirm what you already know.” The room went silent; only her words echoed throughout. “The Reapers are here.”

A collective gasp filled the air as everyone started looking around at one another in astonishment. Jane glanced over at Anderson whose only response was to nod once at her. Apparently, he agreed and left the next steps up to her.

“Then … how do we stop them?” the female admiral asked. 

The bubble of hope in the room was tangible, as if the entire group held their breath, waiting for her to tell them things would end well. Jane, however, was momentarily flabbergasted. After the farce that was her incarceration and the legal proceedings that were to accompany it, she hadn’t thought they could shock her anymore. She’d thought wrong. A quick look of warning from Anderson did it’s best to keep her silent. 

“Stop them?” she echoed, astonishment replacing the condescension she would rather have shown. “Toss strategy and tactics out the window right now, admirals,” she informed them in her most authoritative tone. “This is about _survival_. The Reapers are more advanced than us. More powerful. More intelligent. They don’t fear us and they’ll never take pity on us.”

“But … there must be some way,” one stunned admiral argued once he found his voice.

Though her back was to Anderson, Jane swore she could feel his eyes upon her. She had no doubt he would caution her in her words if he had opportunity, but as far as she was concerned, the time for words was now long past. “Each of us must be willing to die to save humanity,” she emphasized. “Anything less than that and they’ve already won.”

The senior admiral stared at her in disbelief. “That’s it? That’s our plan?” 

Jane’s eyes closed and she counted to twenty again. Slooooooowly. It was on the tip of her tongue to chastise him, all of them for that matter, for not listening to her warnings, but it served no purpose. Instead, she demanded, “I know you sent the science team into the Bahak system to investigate the Reaper artifact, but didn’t you ever follow up as to _why_ it was there in the first place?” Her eyes opened and drifted back to the senior admiral. 

A brief look of shock crossed his face before he scowled. “How could we when you destroyed the system and the only way into it?”

Jane’s hackles rose and her eyes narrowed. Clearly, he didn’t understand what she was asking, yet she was not about to be dismissed out of hand like an insubordinate private third class. “You’ve had _years_ to investigate, admiral, and yet you haven’t,” she insisted. Beside her, Anderson clear his throat in warning, but Jane ignored him. “I wasn’t the only Alliance soldier to go into batarian space because of this; hell, I wasn’t the only N-rank you sent!” Jane quickly tossed Anderson an apologetic look. _Dad, I hope I’m not going to regret this!_ “Twenty-five years ago, you sent a two-man N-team in to the Harsa system to investigate a ‘mysterious find’ transported there by the batarians; something they refer to as the _Leviathan of Dis_. Both men on that N-team were killed; one by the other, and him by god knows who. Between that incident and information from the salarian scientists who were involved with the initial finding which was your basis for sending the N-team to in the first place, you had plenty of reason and opportunity to look into it further in the years that followed. Three years ago, my team and I gave you _specific information_ that clearly identified it as a Reaper object of some sort … and yet you still did nothing. Why not, admirals? More importantly, why didn’t you check into it _before_ you sent yet another science team, this time into Bahak, to hunt for _another_ such object?”

Stunned silence filled the room. Jane, standing mere feet from the dais, eyed each of the admirals closely, their eyes wide, lips tight, as each swallowed convulsively. She had the answer to her question in that moment. _They knew about it!_

She started to take another step forward, prepared to argue her case further, but Anderson’s hand shot out to grab her arm. “Shepard,” he hissed in warning, his hold tightening, “this is hardly the –.”

He was interrupted when one of the Alliance personnel spoke up, directing her comments to the Defense Committee. “Admiral, we’ve lost contact with Luna Base.”

“The moon?” Anderson murmured in disbelief. “They couldn’t be that close already.”

Jane sighed softly. How was she supposed to get through to Committee if someone like Anderson, one of the few who had believed her from the outset over three years before, had difficulty accepting what was so obvious? Sadly, she suspected it would be par for the course moving forward. 

“How’d they get past our defenses?” one of the admirals breathed.

A different lieutenant interjected before any response was given. “Sir, UK headquarters has a visual.” Images began popping up on a large vidscreen accompanied by sound. They weren’t even in focus when a familiar klaxon from Jane’s nightmares vibrated through the room. She stared up at the screen, not needing the smoke and ash in the skies to recognize that her years of warnings had finally come to fruition. _Luna Base. London._

_The Reapers are here!_

The screen suddenly went dark and the barely formed images disappeared. In their place, multiple feeds from various locations around the Earth popped up. New York. Paris. Sydney. Moscow. Tokyo. One after another, and still more kept appearing, but almost just as quickly, they flickered out again. _Signal loss._ Jane cringed. _They’re targeting out our largest cities, our greatest populations. How long will it take them to complete their task?_

“Why haven’t we heard from Admiral Hackett?” Anderson muttered.

From behind her, Jane heard one of the admirals ask, “What do we do?” She could have sworn she heard fear in his voice and that pushed her into action. Spinning around, she stalked back to the dais with intent and purpose before Anderson could think to stop her. The hemming and hawing had to stop now or they were all dead. Doomed. “The only thing we can do,” she insisted fiercely. “We fight; or we die.”

Anderson, a pace or two behind her, murmured for her ears only, “We should get to the _Normandy_.”

A loud sonic boom echoed somewhere outside of the chamber and rumbled through the building like the threatening call of a dangerous storm. Every single head inside the room in that moment shot upward, herself included. Jane started backing toward the doorway with Anderson beside her. She only hoped Vega, Kaidan and Williams had figured something out of what was happening and were already on their way out. 

“Agreed,” she replied. Her steps quickened, but her eyes remained focused out the windows behind the Defense Committee, all three of whom now rose from their seats and stared out through the glass. Time seemed to slow around her, but it didn’t stop the image of the Reaper rapidly descending into the heart of the city. 

“Move!” she shouted to everyone in the room as she launched into a full sprint. “Go! Go! Go!” 

It wasn’t enough. Behind her, the glass shattered with the force of an explosion. Chairs took to the air ahead of her, and she ducked and skidded to a stop low to the ground guided by some instinct of self-preservation just as the dais itself went soaring over her head. She bolted back to her feet and managed one step toward the door before a burst of hot air swimming with shards of glass and other debris made solid contact with her midsection and she, too, went flying …


	11. Knock Knock

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ... I think we all know who's there! LOL Sorry about the title, it's the best I could do.

As soon as the door to the Defense Committee chamber closed behind Anderson and Shepard, Kaidan shared a quick glance with Ashley. “You okay?” he asked so only she could hear.

She jumped, startled, but the waves of tension that rolled off her earlier didn’t appear to be as strong now. “Yeah, I’m … I’m good. I just …”

His smile was quick and reassuring as he patted her shoulder. “I understand.”

The shuffle of footsteps nearby were a reminder they weren’t alone. “You guys know the commander?” _Vega._ Kaidan turned to find the lieutenant looking over at them with genuine curiosity in his eyes. 

Ashley, her eyes still focused on the closed chamber doors, was the first to reply. “Used to.” Slowly, she drew in a long, deep breath and rolled her shoulders as she visibly pulled herself into the conversation. “So, what do we do now? Wait?”

_Good question._ Kaidan glanced around the lobby, noting about half the Alliance personnel who had been there just moments before were now gone, having followed Shepard and Anderson. His brows narrowed as he considered the implications. Beyond Vega’s shoulder, the halls appeared just as busy as before, if not more. _But why? Heightened state of alert … something is going on. Question is, what?_ He checked his omni-tool, but there were no messages of importance waiting. _That’s a good sign, isn’t it?_ As he turned to respond to Ashley’s question, he noticed an Alliance officer rushing in through a side door at the other end of the lobby, moments later ducking past the guards into the committee chamber without so much as a challenge. He frowned. _Definitely something._

But be that as it may, Vega, as Jane’s babysitter, would have to wait, and staying might provide an opportunity to pick up additional details as to what was going on. “We wait,” he confirmed. 

Ashley returned to sit on one of the nearby benches. Vega followed, but stood off to the side, prowling around the space; a bundle of energy barely contained. Kaidan joined them. Prior to the request to testify by the Defense Committee, his intention had been to head over to the spaceport this morning. Hitomi and several students were departing on what was technically classified as a training mission in the colonies, but in actuality was a trip on behalf of Admiral Hackett. At this point in the morning, there was no point heading over. If the shuttle departed on time, and they always did when Hackett’s name was attached to the requests, the shuttle left nearly two hours earlier. 

Vega and Ashley started chatting, introducing themselves, and Kaidan thought to kill time by joining in, but before he could, a sudden and inexplicable sense of urgency flooded through him. It started as a hazy nudging sensation in the back of his mind, somewhat similar to the initial stages of one of his migraines, but the similarities stopped there as it suffused the rest of his body. Unlike the headaches, this was something more, an almost tangible buzzing, humming sort of sound, a vibration that he didn’t _hear_ or _feel_ , exactly, but it left his teeth tingling. 

_Like the mass relay monument on the Citadel._ Kaidan froze in place, his breath catching tightly in his chest as the full implications of that thought hit him. _The mass relay monument that was an actual mass relay … tied to the Reapers …_

Reaching out a hand, he saw Ashley turn her head in his direction. “Hey,” he managed, half wincing because speaking seemed to strengthen the sensation, or at least amplify it somehow, “do you guys –?”

Time slowed to a crawl as he spoke just as a sonorous, rumbling boom filled the air around him and shook the building. Tremors rolled through the floor beneath their feet, the windows rattled violently within their framing, and every person inside the room snapped their heads upward searching for the source. Ashley jumped to her feet, at the ready though she had no weapon in hand. Vega lurched forward, running toward the Defense Committee chamber; the two guards on duty were too shocked to try and stop him. Habit and experience had Kaidan gathering dark energy to his hands before consciously thinking to do so. He rose quickly to his feet and followed after Vega. 

A second loud vibration filled the air, this one considerably closer than before. The hackles on the back of Kaidan’s neck rose even as he slammed his palms over his ears. Everyone else around him did the same. He winced through the pain, noticing Vega, now at the door to the chamber, slapping one hand repeatedly against the control panel to open it …

… less than a second later he was launched into the air like a rag doll as the door and half the wall and ceiling it was attached to followed him. He landed hard on the floor, stunned, and before he could move the debris collapsed on top of him, a cloud of dust swirling out and forming a small cloud above the pile. 

“Ash!” Kaidan shouted, darting a quick look back in her direction.

She appeared shaken as she lowered her hands, but she quickly replied, “I’m good.”

The assurance gave Kaidan clearance to run over and assist Vega where he lay half buried under rubble. Never before had Kaidan been so glad of his skill with biotics as he now relied on them to clear the debris off the lieutenant. An acrid stench of burned, heated metal and other building materials plus god only knew what else filled the air, burning in his nostrils as he worked. He was able to remove three of the largest pieces without issue, at which point Ashley tugged the younger man free from the rest. A few scrapes and contusions were visible around his head and neck, but Vega stirred almost instantly, though he looked dazed and muzzy-headed. Kaidan performed a quick medical scan, relieved to see the damage was as minor as it looked. At the same time, Ashley moved around the room and checked on the other Alliance personnel in their vicinity. Kaidan assisted James to his feet and turned to survey the room. Of the dozen or so people who had been there moments before, only three aside from them still lived. 

“Evacuate now!” Ashley ordered, helping one sergeant hobble toward the exit leading further into the building. Two others leaned on one another and followed after. “Move it!”

Vega shook his head a few times and pounded over his left ear with his hand. “What the hell was that?”

Through the windows of the lobby, the earlier activity seemed more like a mad scramble as Alliance personnel from throughout the building, some injured, but all rushing in the direction of the main entrance. 

“ _This is Admiral Anderson. Report in, anyone._ ”

Kaidan, halfway to the doors leading out into the madness, lifted a hand to trigger his comm, but Ashley was faster. “Admiral? Are you alright, sir?”

“ _Commander Williams, is that you? What’s your status?_ ”

“I’m with Major Alenko and Lieutenant Vega, sir,” she replied. Kaidan moved past her, gathering more dark energy to his hands once in the hall. Vega followed, taking a qick glance to his right and left as he exited and cracked his knuckles together. Ashley, still speaking to Anderson, followed them. “We can’t get through to you from this side, sir – half the ceiling’s collapsed. We’re heading toward the main exit now.”

“ _I can’t raise the_ Normandy _,_ ” the admiral announced. “ _You’ll have to contact them. We’ll meet you there. Anderson, out._ ”

Kaidan led the way forward. It took some time to make their way through the halls, at one time having to backtrack and find a different route when it became impassable due to damage and debris. Entering the main lobby, they found it cluttered with collapsed walls, broken pieces from the ceiling and shards of glass. Bodies of several unfortunate souls could be seen lying in several places, while the rest made a mad dash toward the exit. Ahead of them, the main doors were blocked and unusable, but off to the left, most were heading out through shattered window panels.

“Hang on a second,” Vega shouted. Kaidan turned to find the lieutenant nodding down a hallway to their right. He ran off without another word, but returned a few minutes later carrying two assault rifles, three pistols, and a small crate of ammunition. “Whatever the hell’s going on, I think we’re gonna need this.”

None of the other evacuees in the building paid them notice as Vega set things on a nearby reception desk. Kaidan pocketed some ammunition and took two of the pistols. Loading the weapon was automatic and didn’t require thought. Unfortunately, he couldn’t shut off his brain. As he finished with the first weapon and reached for the other, his thoughts turned toward the Defense Committee chamber. _We know Anderson’s alive, but is Shepard alright?_ A stony look crossed his features as he glanced between Vega and Ashley. “I hope you’re ready to meet the Reapers face to face, Vega.”

“The Reapers?”

Ashley grabbed one of the assault rifles and followed the same procedures as Kaidan. She, too, seemed to be working on auto-pilot. She shoved the extra pistol into a pantleg pocket while filling the one on the other side with ammo. “Anderson wants us to get to rendezvous at the _Normandy_ ,” she relayed. “Sounds like he’s heading out a different way.”

Though he’d heard the conversation she had with the admiral, Kaidan asked, “What about Shepard?” _If we’ve lost her, we’re as good as dead._ Maybe Ashley had heard something he didn’t? But even as he asked, he knew the answer. 

“No idea,” she replied. “He said ‘we,’ so he’s not alone, but that’s all I’ve got.” Ashley moved around him and took two steps toward the exit. “We’re heading to the spaceport. I’ve got point.”

Kaidan nodded, gesturing Vega to fall in line between him and Ashley, and the two men followed her out of the building. Once outside, his breath caught at the sight before them; a wide swath of devastation as far as the eye could see, along with an all-too-familiar sight which he had hoped never to see again. “Shit!” He attempted to count the number of Reapers on the ground as well as the ones still landing, but there were just too many. A chill, unlike any he ever experienced in his life, filled his veins. _They’re really here!_

A shout from Ashley pulled him back to the present and he turned to find her pointing. “Husks!”

One husk shambled closer, nearly reaching Vega before he realized it wasn’t friendly and he needed to shoot it. “What the hell _is_ that thing?” Vega shouted afterward.

Signs of battle jumped out at them everywhere they turned, sometimes literally. Bodies – some thrown from buildings, others caught out in the open in mid-run – lay scattered around. Above them, a few ships had made it airborne and were attempting to fight back. No sooner did they reach the corner of the building than two Alliance fighters screamed by pursued by smaller, cylindrical things that could only be ships of some kind Kaidan decided. A loud sonorous klaxon reverberated through the air, this one centered on the other side of English Bay; though somewhat distant, the HQ building rattled once more. A red beam of light emerged from the Reaper that sliced through anything in its path. A large building toppled; half falling into the water and sinking beneath. 

Kaidan moved up to take point as they rounded the corner. He halted immediately and unexpectedly, however, and Ashley nearly toppled him forward as Vega ran into her. “More husk-like creatures,” he said while feeding another ammunition block into his pistol, “and in greater numbers. Not sure what they are, but they’re _not_ friendly.” He spared one last peek around the edge before adding, “Let’s make this quick – maybe they won’t notice us.” Without waiting, he darted out to their left, gathering as much dark energy to him as he could at the same time.

They were halfway across when Anderson’s voice returned. “ _Commander Williams, do you read me?_ ”

Kaidan jumped to his right as one of the Reaper-creatures shot at him, dropping into a roll and coming to a halt behind a pile of debris. Tapping his comm, he gasped, “We read you, sir. Williams, Vega and I are almost to the spaceport.”

“ _I’m patching Shepard in.”_

It was the first good news of the day, and a wave of relief left him weak kneed for a moment. He spared a quick look with the others who appeared a little more at ease, too. That, at least, answered that question. 

Shepard’s voice came across the comm as Vega rose above cover just long enough to fire a long burst at the large, bulbous creature shooting at them. It screamed horribly, alerting several of its companions who turned to assist. Kaidan took a quick look to assess the situation before throwing a Heavy Warp in their direction. At the same time, Ashley added a heavy burst from her assault rifle. “We’re taking heavy fire, sir,” she shouted over her comm once she was back under cover.

“ _We’re about five minutes out,_ ” Anderson said. Then almost as an afterthought and likely a warning aimed specifically at Shepard, “ _Husks!_ ” Anything else he had to say was drowned out by a loud burst of static from his end, then nothing.

Another Reaper klaxon shook the very air around them, this time sending humans, creatures and debris tumbling every which way. Vega scrambled to his feet with a shout of pain mixed with a healthy dose of anger and irritation and he let loose with his weapon. “Go!” he shouted. “I’ll keep ‘em busy!”

Ashley found her footing first and ran. They were about three hundred feet from the spaceport entrance. As Kaidan followed, he overheard her shouting over her comms again. “ _SSV Normandy,_ do you copy? This is Lieutenant Commander Ashley Williams _–_!

_“Ash, that you?”_

Kaidan sighed at the familiar voice that echoed across both their comms.

“Joker?”

Reaching up, he triggered his comm. “Williams, Vega and I are almost there,” he informed the pilot. “Anderson is with Shepard.”

_“Well, hurry it up!_ ” Joker returned. In the background, there was the soft echo of gunfire before it cut off.

They pushed their way through doors blown inward and moved into the main lobby. Kaidan turned to alert Vega but discovered the lieutenant right on his heels. Cautiously, they moved further inside. Obvious signs of battle filled the room and left little to the imagination as to the results. Half the room was pockmarked with scorching that destroyed most of the far side of the lobby. No signs of bodies, but there was evidence of focused resistance and a shifting battlefield. Distant sounds of weapons fire, shouts and the strange, strangled language the Reaper creatures used indicated direction, and they were not disappointed when, turning the corner, they came upon a group of six husks plus for other _things,_ all attacking the half dozen or so Alliance personnel blocking the doorways leading to the docks. Kaidan reacted instantly with a Heavy Warp aimed at the larger creatures. That effectively blocked them so Vega and Ashley could run past ahead of him while the marines targeted the husks. 

“Heavies incoming!” a voice called from beyond the doors as they were opened. Two more marines carrying missile launchers rushed in and took aim.

Ashley tugged on Vega’s shirt. “Come on! They’ve got this!” He hesitated, seemingly reluctant to leave the fight, and she yanked harder, positioning herself in such a way that she could shove him forward and through the doors. Kaidan followed. 

The docking bay, they discovered, wasn’t faring much better. Several bays were empty; a sign that hopefully, whatever ships had been there got away. “Far end!” Kaidan shouted at Ashley. She spotted the _Normandy_ soon after, docked in the last space, her engines gaining power while two squads of marines blocked creatures entering through the opposite side. As he ran, Kaidan activated his comm, ordering, “Joker, wait for us! We’re almost there!”

“ _Make it fast – I’m not in the mood for the paperwork attached to a bunch of stowaways!_ ”

Ashley and Vega headed straight for the _Normandy_ ’s hatch. As he neared, Kaidan slowed his pace. All along the docks, he’d gathered as much dark energy as he could; far more than any of his normal attacks. He was risking one hell of a migraine with what he planned, as well as the likelihood of overclocking his amp, but if there was ever a time to pull out all the stops, he figured it was now. Coming to a halt near the marines, he shouted, “Get out of here while you can!” His fingers forming the mnemonic as his arm moved, he released a wave of energy easily twice the size of any he’d ever accomplished before. It rolled down the docking platform like a giant dark energy tidal wave and sent the last of the husks flying off the edge, giving the _Normandy_ the clearance she needed to depart. Turning sharply, he followed Ashley and Vega, jumping through the side hatch just as the door slammed shut behind him.

His steps nearly faltered as he entered the bridge, the _Normandy_ leaping forward in a move that reminded him of one of the giant cats he’d seen at a wildlife rescue preservation as a child. Lithe, graceful and full of power, Joker guided the ship out of the docking stall and above the skies of Vancouver. He practically fell into the co-pilot’s seat as Joker called out, his hands flying over the haptic panels before him, “Come on, EDI, let’s get the hell out of here!” 

Kaidan’s fingers moved out of muscle memory and years gone past. “We’ve got to find Anderson and Shepard,” he said as he pulled up a map. Dots representing all friendlies and enemies in the area appeared on the screen. It was not a good sight; the friendlies were far outnumbered.

From the CIC, Ashley shouted, “They’re at a downed gunship in the harbor – it’s transmitting a standard Alliance distress signal! Plugging the coordinates in now!” Within seconds, a small blip flashed to the southeast. Kaidan pressed another button so the map showed within the pilot’s visual range.

“Got it!” Joker replied. “EDI, let’s leave these guys in our dust!” And with a cackle like out of an old Hollywood western, the _Normandy_ lurched forward out of the spaceport and into the battle-weary skies over Vancouver …


	12. Run To The Hills

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Have you ever just had 'one of those days'? Jane certainly is. I've had a week of them this week, but hoping next week'll be better. Enjoy the chapter!

“I’m out of ammo!”

Jane bit back a curse as she expended her last shot at some strange, bulbous creature aiming a weapon in her direction. She nailed its head – or at least _one_ of its heads? – right between the eyes, shooting it right off its shoulder. Unfortunately, it did little to stop or slow it down. Ducking back below cover, she shouted back at Anderson, “Same!”

Out of ammo, she had only one recourse left to protect them, and _that_ couldn’t be accomplished separated across the battlefield. Scrambling over beside him, she positioned herself in a way that she could protect them both at the same time. At the same time, she started gathering dark energy to her. The sensation was old and familiar, yet new and fresh as for the first time in six months she was able to manipulate it in a controlled manner. Without hesitation she formed a mnemonic then thrust her arm forward. The energy released formed a powerful wave that targeted the creature she’d injured and took out the two beside it as well. When the last of the energy relinquished hold on her, she dropped back to the ground, momentarily giddy and exhausted. 

Anderson flashed her an appreciative grin. “Nice. How long can you keep that up?”

A rough laugh escaped her lips as Jane shrugged. _Does the answer really matter?_ “As long as is necessary.” Really, how else could she reply? They were in a fight for their lives now, and like any other soldier, morale boosts came in all shapes and sizes; the truth certainly wasn’t going to help in that regard. A new wave of weapons fire targeted their area, and Jane ducked lower out of instinct, flinching as a piece of shrapnel from the debris behind which she hid broke off and tore through her shielding. Sparing Anderson a quick glance, she hoped it would be long enough.

The minutes continued to pass at what seemed to be a decelerated rate. Surveying the battlefield, Jane waited as patiently as she could for the creatures to group together before releasing her biotic attacks, hoping the tactical planning would help economize the use of them. Still, it was difficult with the scream of adrenaline running through her for the first time in months. 

She had just released another wave of dark energy against four creatures when, in the distance and mixed among all other sounds of battle and destruction, the whine of a familiar frigate engine rose above the rest. Peering over the edge of cover to the skies above Vancouver, I took a moment to locate, but a smile curved at her lips when she did. Never before had a ship – _any_ ship – looked so beautiful to her eyes as the _Normandy_ did now. The color scheme had changed – no surprise there – but she swooped in, guns blazing as she provided covering fire. Lurching to her feet, Jane nudged Anderson’s shoulder. “Come on!”

Over comms, Joker whooped and quipped about saving the day. Relieved to find that he was at the helm and not some other Alliance pilot, Jane made a silent vow never to argue the point with him; if there was one thing she was certain of in life, it was that at some point in the not too distant future, he would toot his own horn about this moment. Assuming she and Anderson made it to the ship, she was willing to give him that much. He really _was_ the best damned pilot in the Alliance, and she could live with that.

Leading the way, Jane clambered over and across piles of debris, finally reaching a series of downed support beams that provided an incline to access the _Normandy_ ’s open cargo hold. With a final burst of speed that left her muscles screaming from the sudden extreme push of activity after six months without, she leaped off the edge of a long beam, quite literally relying on a leap of faith to get her there safely. Momentum kept her airborne long enough to cross the open gap where she stumbled to a halt inside. Spinning on her heel, she extended a hand to help Anderson on board …

Only to find the space empty.

She scanned the area quickly, not really crediting that he might have become a victim of the Reapers. Eventually, she spotted him just below, his dress blues providing adequate camouflage as he stood atop the same pile of debris she used, weapon dangling in his hand … but his posture screamed to all the world he wasn’t about to leave that spot. Her eyes met his and it was impossible to miss the grim determination in them. She shook her head, refusing to believe he would do such a thing at this stage of the game, but even as she shouted called out to him, she could see his refusal. For the first time, fear prickled just beneath her skin. 

“I’m not going, Shepard.”

“Of all the stupid …,” she muttered beneath her breath. _Now isn’t the time to play hero, old man!_ She took a step forward, moving closer to the edge of the gangway, as she replied, “What the hell do you mean you aren’t going? Don’t think I’m going to let you abandon me after all we’ve been through together!”

He started spouting some nonsense about staying behind, and the prickle turned to a lump of lead in her belly. He really intended to stay on Earth. She heard the words, but refused to accept them, and continued to shake her head back and forth in denial while preparing a creative string of curses mixed with a very firm opinion on the matter. 

The words never left her lips. Beside her, a hint of movement was just enough distraction to require a side glance and break her train of thought. 

_Kaidan_. 

Their eyes met, and in the whiskey-brown pair she noticed concern that matched her own. He held an Avenger assault rifle as he settled into a defensive stance and moved to her right to keep watch while the _Normandy_ hovered in place. A similar movement to her left brought Jane’s attention around where she found Ashley doing much the same. Her lips formed a tight, thin line that Jane could relate to easily enough. However, she, too, turned her attention to the Reapers outside of the ship. Between her and Kaidan, Jane had a few moments to focus on her discussion with Anderson. “Sir --.”

“Go!” Anderson ordered brusquely. He fished something out of his pocket with his free hand and in one smooth motion hurtled it directly at Jane. She caught it in her hand, her eyes dropping at the flash of silver and the jangle of metal. “Consider yourself reinstated, commander!”

She fought to swallow past a tight lump in her throat as she stared long and hard at the tags in her hand. It was what she’d been working for these past six months, but she hadn’t been alone … which is what he was now asking her to do now. Finding his gaze again, she held it for a long minute. Deep inside, the panic desperately tried to take hold. _Please, no!_ _Mom and Dad did this, too, and look where that got them! And then John …_ _I can’t do this alone!_ “Anderson, I --.”

“You know what you’ve got to do. Now, get out of here! That’s an order!” His hand rose to press near his ear. “Joker, get the hell out of here!”

There was a hint of audible hesitation across the open comm channel, but Jane wasn’t surprised when the pilot replied, “ _Aye, sir! EDI, let’s go_!”

Jane pulled her lip between her teeth as she threw out her arms in an effort to maintain her balance as the ship moved away. It jostled right and left once then a second time until Joker had it in position and hit the forward thrusters. Her eyes remained on Anderson’s even as his form diminished in size right before her, and she had to fight an inner battle urging her to retreat, to jump back out and stay behind with him. 

As if she understood, Ashley’s clasped firmly onto Jane’s shoulder. “Don’t do it,” she said quietly. “We need _some_ one up here who knows how to face these guys and talk to the Council races.”

Williams was right, as much as Jane didn’t want to acknowledge it, but before she could respond, the other woman’s head moved a tick, her chin pointing behind Jane. “I’ll go check on Joker, make sure he doesn’t hit any Reapers on the way through atmo,” she murmured as she walked toward the lift.

Thanks to Ashley’s guidance, Jane’s gaze fell onto to Kaidan. Outwardly calm and professional, he was assisting another marine in securing the _Normandy,_ but when their eyes met, she noticed unexpected levels of distress in them. A hint of a memory surfaced. _My family is from Vancouver_. Jane bit back a groan as she walked over to him. Despite what she was facing right now, his own experience had to be far worse. “Kaidan …”

He didn’t move, his eyes glued on the now closed hatch door. A barely audible hitch in his breath was the only sign of his current state, but as he turned back to face her, it was impossible to miss reluctance in the movement. “I’m …”

Jane quickly lifted her hand, settling it gently on his left shoulder. “Don’t you dare tell me you’re okay,” she hissed just loud enough for him to hear, though her own voice cracked treacherously. “I won’t believe you.”

He drew back an inch or two, eyes widening in surprise briefly, but they soon softened. “I get the feeling you’ve tried that before?” He managed a smile, but it was less than full.

A wry smile tugged at Jane’s lips. “Mom,” she replied. “John called bullshit on me right away.” She sighed softly. “Damned if he wasn’t right, too.” Nodding to her right, she led him up into the main body of the shuttle bay. “My point is, I suppose, that you don’t need to hide it from me. I get it.”

Kaidan returned his assault rifle to the armory as they walked past. “My parents were headed out to the BC interior this morning,” he said in a sober tone. “I hope --.”

She remained beside him, sparing him her full attention. She could do no less considering just how many times he’d helped her out in the past year. “When did they leave?” 

“If on schedule, their shuttle should have left right before I arrived to speak to the Defense Committee.” He ran a hand over his eyes before reluctantly acknowledging, “They probably made it out of the city safe enough.”

_Probably._ It wasn’t as good as _definitely,_ but it was hopeful. “I would think so,” Jane agreed. She walked over to the nearby consoles and pressed a few buttons. An image, a global map really, of Earth and the current locations of incoming Reapers flickered across the screen. “Show me?”

Kaidan joined her, his fingers dropping on a spot some distance outside of Vancouver. “Here.”

The map held just long enough for Jane to get an idea of position before it flickered again then disappeared, unable to maintain itself. Turning toward him, she nodded firmly. “They’ve got a chance,” she said, filling the words with as much encouragement as she possibly could. “There isn’t any Reaper presence out there yet.”

“Assuming they weren’t delayed and got away from the city without incident, yes.” 

Jane frowned. “That doesn’t sound like the usual optimistic Kaidan Alenko I know,” she said. “The matter of fact boy scout who --.”

A faint hint of pink flushed his cheeks visible even in the dim lighting of the shuttle bay. “Commander --.”

Her lips quirked a little and she lifted a hand, placing it flat on his chest. “Don’t go borrowing trouble, Kaidan,” she insisted. “‘What ifs’ and ‘I should have dones’ are useless right now and only serve to drive you crazy with worry.” Her gaze dropped from his and she looked away briefly. When the moment passed, she found him staring at her hand. “Ah.” This time, embarrassment chased her even as she withdrew. “Sorry. My point is, I need your head here, with us.” 

A startled expression crossed his face and he straightened, but he paused a moment before he said, “It’s okay. And I understand your point. I appreciate your concern, commander. It’s just …”

_Commander._ The embarrassment faded with his subtle reminder of their relative positions. It wasn’t just six months away affecting her this time, but three years. Still, she cared about her people; he knew that, and his easy acceptance reaffirmed it. A soft smile returned as she finished his statement for him, “It’s just really difficult when all you need right now is to know how they are, that they’re safe, and we don’t have any way to find out. Maybe when we get to the Citadel we can check with the embassy to see if there’s been any word? Your dad’s former Alliance, right? Would he or your mother send word there to reach you?”

He considered the question and nodded, his shoulders easing slightly with the suggestion. “Yeah, maybe.” A hint of a smile began to outwardly chase the worry away. “I hope so.”

The door to the lift whooshed open, and as Jane looked over, she found an unexpected face approaching. His eyes darted around the shuttle bay as if hunting or searching for something, and eventually fell on her. “Hey, commander? What the hell’s going on? Where’s Anderson?” Vega demanded as he joined her and Kaidan. “Where’re we going?”

Jane walked around him to access one of the consoles. “Good question,” she replied, focusing on the last one. “Let’s see if we can find some answers.” Her fingers flew over the haptic keyboard as she started searching for updated information on the Reaper attack. Numbers, or at the very least a vague sense of them, would be good right now as well as information on who was still alive beyond Sol. It took a few minutes of searching, most of which provided incomplete answers. Still, Anderson had said something about going to the Council, and Jane couldn’t argue with him there. “We’re leaving Sol,” she finally replied to Vega. 

“Leaving?”

At the hint of incredulity mixed with open belligerency in the lieutenant’s tone, Jane noticed Kaidan walk over to join them. She tapped the console to close it down once more while clarifying, “Anderson wants us to go to the Citadel. Get help for the fight.”

For the first time since meeting the lieutenant, Jane discovered he had a temper. “Bullshit! He wouldn’t order us to leave!”

In that moment, Jane was struck by a couple of things. First and foremost, she needed to establish her position of authority and command to Vega. For months, he’d kept calling her by her rank, though both knew well and good it wasn’t the case. But according to Anderson, she was reinstated and Vega’s superior officer. She didn’t think he would have an issue with it, not really. His current behavior was, likely, due to events. That she could understand, but it was also something he needed to pull back under control and quickly, or they would have problems. _And the last thing I need right now is more problems._

Turning, her eyes narrowed, the darker green filled with irritation at the challenge. “That’s exactly what he did, lieutenant,” she informed him while putting all the authority into her tone she could. “He can see the bigger picture –.”

He wasn’t listening to her, she discovered, or he had no intention of doing so, because he closed the space between them with one well-placed step. Leaning toward her, he said, “Forget it! Just drop me off somewhere, then, ‘cause I’m not leaving!”

Jane reacted on instinct, more than just a little bit of frustration at the situation, and a whole lot of anger as she reached out and grabbed his arm. His eyes widened in stunned surprise or astonishment – perhaps both – and he retreated a half a step automatically. “You know what, Vega?” she growled, releasing him now that she had his undivided attention, “I get it. You’ve been sitting around on your ass, babysitting me for months, and now you’d rather be out there where the war is, fighting. And that’ll come, trust me, but right now we’re going to the Citadel.” Her eyes narrowed to mere slits and did not waver away from his, even as the faintest biotic haze surrounded her entire body. “You can catch a ride back from there if that’s what you want; I won’t stand in your way.”

The shock at her reaction wore off almost immediately and his only response was a huff of disinterest as he turned and walked away. Kaidan, when Jane dared to look over at him, subtly shook his head, warning her away from following him. Taking a deep breath, she exhaled slowly. After a moment, the biotic haze faded and she forced herself to let the situation go. Neither of them was in a mood to be talking just now.

There was a crackle across comms before Joker’s voice broke through. “ _Commander? Emergency transmission from Admiral Hackett for you_.”

Relief triggered a small smile that curved at her lips. If Hackett was calling, he was alive, and if he was alive, they had a better chance. “Put him through,” Jane replied as she returned to the console. 

The QEC connection was severely degraded and provided only fragments of conversation. “ _... suffered severe losses,_ ” Hackett announced. _“... force was overwhelming. There’s no way we can defeat them conventionally …_ ”

Jane sighed. Hadn’t she been telling both the Council and the Alliance this from the beginning? “Anderson’s ordered me to the Citadel to speak with the Council,” she informed him. 

Hackett nodded. “ _I need you to do something first, before we lose control of the Sol System_ ,” he told her. “... _outpost on Mars_.”

Jane stiffened to attention and saluted. The reaction was instinct; she recognized an order when she heard one. “Understood, sir.”

“... _been researching the Prothean Archives with Dr. T’Soni_ ,” he explained. “... _something there that can help. A way to stop the Reapers … only way to stop them. … in contact soon. Hackett out_.”

The call broke off without an opportunity to get clarification.

“Prothean Archives?” Kaidan stepped closer. “What could we find there? They’ve been researching them for decades.”

Jane shook her head. “I don’t know, but it sounds like Liara’s involved. Hopefully she’ll be able to explain.” Jane pressed a button to reconnect with the pilot. “Joker, quick side trip before we leave the System.”

“ _Understood, Commander. Where to_?”

Jane’s gaze met Kaidan’s as she said, “The Prothean Archives on Mars. We’re going to meet an old friend.”

“ _Roger that_ ,” Joker replied. “ _On our way_.”

“This is loco!” James muttered from across the bay.

Jane turned away and headed over to the armory. As she opened one of the lockers, she triggered her comm link again. “Williams, time to suit up.” 

In the background, Jane caught the sounds of the _Normandy_ ’s lift. “ _What’s up, Commander_?” 

“Hackett’s directed us to the Prothean Archives on Mars before we leave the system,” Jane explained. “Armor-up; ground team will be you, me, Vega, and Alenko.”

“ _On my way_ ,” Ashley replied before going silent.

Jane half turned and looked over at Vega as she closed one locker and opened the next. “Gonna join us, lieutenant?” she asked before discovering her N7 armor in the third. Her gaze returned to Kaidan’s as the lieutenant started muttering beneath his breath in Spanish, most of which was far too quiet for Jane to catch. Kaidan shook his head as he joined her. Apparently, he didn’t hear it either.

It was amazing to her just how comfortable the armor was, even after six months. _Like a second skin,_ she mused to herself as she pulled it on, _and just as welcome._ She was testing her armor seals when the elevator doors opened. Ashley hustled over to join them. “What’s on Mars?” she asked as she located armor and boots in another locker.

Jane shrugged while searching through the available stock of weapons. “Hackett said something about Liara helping with research in the Prothean Archives,” she said, reaching for a pistol. “That’s all we know, though it sounds like they might have discovered something to help against the Reapers.”

Ashley snorted softly. “I hope the admiral’s right. We’ve got one hell of a fight ahead of us.”

Jane sighed heavily, adding a shotgun and submachine gun to her loadout. With a side-step, she moved out of the way so Williams, Kaidan and Vega could select their own weapons. In the process, her gaze connected with Williams’. “That we do.”


	13. Mars Maelstrom

The violent whirling winds of a Mars storm already churning with dust and debris now grasped greedily at the metal shards littering the facility’s rooftop provided by the collision the Cerberus and Alliance shuttles. With new ferocity, it took aim at Jane and her companions adding insult to already battered injury. 

Already halfway to her feet when Kaidan staggered over to offer his hand, Jane waved him off. The gesture was appreciated, but she nodded in the direction of Liara and Ashley instead. Better he should check on them while she conferred with Vega to make sure they still had a way off planet.

“You okay, commander?” he shouted over the roaring winds as she neared.

“Better than the other shuttle,” she returned. “What the hell was that?”

Brushing off dust, dirt and other debris from himself, Vega shrugged. “Thinking on the fly, I guess.” He took a step back to survey the damage to their shuttle. “Could be worse.”

_Worse_. The Reapers invading. Cerberus at an Alliance facility that might have the answers they needed to defeat the Reapers. It was far too much of a coincidence for her liking. _How the hell can it be worse than that?_

At the sound of approaching footsteps, she turned to find Kaidan joining them. “Ash and Liara?”

“Ashley’s fine. Liara’s a bit shaken, but not seriously injured. They’ll be here in just a –.”

The ear-splitting screech of torn metal echoed across the rooftop and sent a chill up Jane’s spine. Moving came out of instinct as she darted sharply to her right to get a better view around the back end of the shuttle. Once she turned, however, she could find no obvious source. Still, the inherent threat within the sound left no doubt in her mind that something wasn’t right. She reached for her pistol while calling over to Williams. “Ash? What’s going – ?”

Chaos erupted in less time than it took to blink as a blur of motion beyond Williams’ position bled into her shoving Liara in Jane’s direction while fumbling for her own weapon at the same time. A lone, bipedal figure stepped out of the burning wreckage that was once a Cerberus shuttle … a figure that appeared very much alive and fully capable of disregarding what had to be serious injuries sustained from the crash and flames. 

Horror nearly choked Jane as she was forced to watch the scene unfold before her. Ashley only managed two shots – the echoes of which were swallowed into the whipping maelstrom as it fully engulfed the Mars facility. The figure ignored the shots and walked straight over to Williams, seemingly oblivious to the winds as well. With one hand she grasped hold of Ashley by the face of her helmet and lifted her, turning in a smooth motion as she repeatedly pounded the woman’s head against the remnants of the outer hull. 

“Ashley! No!” 

Without conscious thought, Jane took aim and pulled the trigger; years of combat training winning out over horror. Out of the corner of her eye, a blur of blue dropped to a knee beside her and started firing as well. In the back of her mind, she was able to identify it as Kaidan.His presence helped settle her, and the floodgates opened. Anger, pure and hot, flowed through Jane’s veins. Despite the winds’ interference, she kept her hand level, her shots true. Time slowed around her as she fired; one shot after another after another. Even after months without access to a firing range, every shot connected with its target. Head. Shoulder. Chest. Chest. Head. And with each, she took closed the distance between her and the figure until its battered and charred body fell in an unmoving heap at her feet. At that point, she aimed straight for the temple and took two last shots, not willing to risk it rising yet again. Only then did Jane’s gaze drift to Ashley’s unconscious form lying close by.

Time sped up without warning and she raced forward, sparing only a quick glance at Coré on her way. “Vega, get that thing and bring it with us!”

“Yes, ma’am!”

A half second behind her, Kaidan arrived, his omni-tool already open and a medical scan prepared. At that same moment, Joker’s voice broke across the static-filled connection. “ _Commander, we’ve got Reaper signatures in orbit!_ ”

_Shit!_ Jane darted a look in his direction. “Kaidan …?”

He waved her off and lowered his omni-tool before lifting the unconscious woman into his arms. “I’ve got her,” he insisted. “Go help Liara. We’ve got to get out of here!”

On her way across the rooftop, Jane peered through the dust and debris, finally spotted what looked to be several giant Sovereign-class Reapers landing around the perimeter of the Archives. Their time was up. Slipping her arm around the asari’s shoulder, she shouted to be heard over the roar of the wind, “Let me help you,” and prayed she sounded calmer than she felt inside. Liara made no protest, instead wrapping her arm around Jane’s waist as she hobbled along beside her as best she could.

Vega had the shuttle fired up and ready to go by the time she and Liara boarded. Without waiting for word from Jane, he took to the skies. After helping Liara into a seat, Jane hurried up front to assist Vega. She counted another half dozen Reapers landing as she dropped into the co-pilot’s seat and pressed the comms button to connect with the _Normandy_. “Joker, we’re on our way.”

“ _Yeah? Well, make it fast. We’ll scoop you up and make a beeline for the Relay. No way I’m sticking around for Act II of this shit show!_ ”

Disconnecting comms, Jane removed her helmet and let it fall to the floor beside her. It quickly became clear James had the shuttle under control, and she took that moment to lean forward and cover her face. Too much had happened too quickly and she needed time to process it all. The only problem was they didn’t _have_ time. “How long?” she finally managed to mumble over to Vega.

He gaze shifted to one of the many panels in front of him. “Five minutes, tops.” 

They broke through atmo as Jane retrieved her helmet and pushed herself back to her feet. “As gentle a landing as possible when we get there, ‘k?”

Vega spared her a concerned look, but he nodded once. “Got it, commander.”

She staggered awkwardly into the main part of the shuttle and joined Kaidan who was busy securing Ashley into the seats where she lay motionless. “Vega says five minutes.”

Kaidan nodded. “I’ll get her to the medbay and do what I can to stabilize her as soon as we board,” he promised. Their eyes met and his concern deepened. Grasping her shoulder, he asked, “You going to be alright?”

The shuttle rolled slightly beneath her feet, and for just a moment Jane wondered. “Yeah,” she finally managed along with a lopsided smile. Their eyes met and she could see he didn’t believe her. “ _Some_ one’s got to bring these guys down, right?”

His examination of her continued for a moment, but he eventually nodded. “Right.”

He turned his attention back to Ashley, and she found it a relief. He meant well, she knew that, but right now there was too much on the surface that she didn’t necessarily want him, or anyone for that matter, to see. She needed a minute – just one – to herself, but she knew she wasn’t likely to get that anytime soon. Instead, she released a shaky breath. It would have to do for now. There was far too much at stake to worry about the rest. Plus, to do so would force her to come face to face with feelings she wasn’t prepared to look at in any detail just yet. 

“Shepard?”

Turning, she found Liara beckoning her over to the body of Dr. Coré. “What is she?” Jane asked, practically falling into the seat beside her friend in the process.

“A Cerberus infiltration unit, if I’m not mistaken.” 

_Cerberus infiltration unit?_ A spark of hope lit Jane’s green eyes at the implications of that assessment. “Does that mean she still has the data?”

The asari nodded. “I don’t believe she had time or opportunity to upload all of it before the crash.”

Jane stared at the now inert form as she considered that. “Can you get us access to that information?”

Liara shrugged. “Once we’re aboard the _Normandy_ , perhaps. I won’t know more until I make the attempt.”

“James can help you,” Jane replied. “And EDI. Maybe between the three of you, we can find out what she was after that made Cerberus think it was worth the lives of all those researchers … as well as why they wanted it in the first place.”

As promised, the _Normandy_ was waiting for them. Joker scooped up the shuttle as quickly as he could before setting course for the Charon Relay. The moment the door to the shuttle opened and the others exited on their separate missions, Jane headed directly to the CIC where she ran all the way to the bridge, arriving slightly out of breath to stand beside Joker. “Sitrep? Can we get out of Sol to the Citadel?” On the other side of the windows, there were clear signs that a steady flow of Reapers entering the system was not letting up. Jane bit her lip. _Dammit! We wasted so much time!_

“Twenty minutes to the relay,” Joker said with as much reassurance as he could muster. “Not sure after that. It’s gonna depend on whether there’s Reapers in the relay corridor, I suppose.”

“Actually, Jeff, transit to the Charon Relay will take twenty-seven minutes forty-nine seconds,” EDI corrected.

Joker sighed, eyes rolling as he gave Jane a sheepish smile. “I know, EDI. Rounding down was meant to reassure the commander that we’ll be there sooner rather than later.”

Jane found it strange that in that moment, as she watched the Reapers head in the direction of Earth, as Ashley lay severely injured and possibly dying in the medbay, as humanity’s entire existence was suddenly brought into the spotlight by a sentient race bent on its destruction, she could find a smile at Joker’s typical way of showing that he cared. For just a fraction of a second, the tightness in her chest eased. “Thanks, Joker,” she murmured. “I really do appreciate it.”

EDI, seeming to understand the concept, broke back into the conversation. “Shepard, I am detecting no Reaper presence on the relay corridor connecting Sol to the Serpent Nebula. Both the appear to be quiet.”

Relief, as brief as it was, was very welcome. “Good. Get us to the Citadel ASAP – Ash needs medical attention and they’ll be our best shot.”

“Understood, commander,” Joker replied.

Jane turned to leave, but EDI’s voice stopped her. “Commander, you have an incoming call on the QEC from Admiral Hackett.”

She groaned for a moment and glanced down at her armor, battle scarred and stained with more blood than she wished to put on display just yet. “Alright, where am I going?”

“War Room,” the AI replied. “Follow the ship back to where Dr. Solus’ lab used to be located. From there, you’ll find a doorway leading into the War Room itself.”

Jane started to trace the path. “Thanks, EDI.”

She ran through the CIC, noting as she passed that there were a number of Alliance personnel on duty. Not a full complement, but given the nature of their escape from Earth, it was better than nothing. From what she could tell, there seemed to be enough personnel to keep the ship running for now. If they were fortunate, they might be able to recruit additional people while at the Citadel.

The War Room was exactly where EDI said it would be. Once inside, a comms specialist pointed out where the QEC was located. As she entered the smaller room, Jane noticed Hackett’s fuzzy image was already settled into shape before her. “ _Shepard, are you reading me? Commander?_ ”

“EDI, clean this up as best you can,” Jane ordered.

“I will do my best.”

Stepping up to the console, Hackett’s eyes seemed to focus on her. “ _Commander. Were you able to get to the Archives?_ ”

For the first time in months, and despite the seriousness of their current predicament, Jane felt a rush of pure pleasure at being addressed by her rank by a superior officer. She couldn’t stop the small smile that curved at her lips, and she saw a quick twinkle in the admiral’s eyes in response, almost as if he understood. _You probably would, you cagey old bastard,_ she thought. _The way I hear it, you had your own adventurous path to the top._ “Yes, sir, we got there,” she replied. Her eyes immediately narrowed. “So did the Illusive Man.”

The admiral’s grimace was noticeable across the connection. “ _I was afraid Cerberus might try something_ ,” he admitted. “ _Did you get the data?_ ”

She nodded. “Most of it, anyway. Cerberus was able to download some of it before we could stop it.” Footsteps approached with purpose from behind her. “I have EDI and Liara looking through it now.” 

Liara entered the room, joining Jane at the console. Hackett turned toward her. “ _What have you been able to find out? Was it worth the effort?_ ”

“Preliminary evidence suggests the data is a blueprint for a prothean device,” she announced. 

“ _Device?_ ”

Jane’s gaze was pulled slightly to her left as Liara brought up a schematic design. “A weapon,” Liara continued, “massive in size and scope, and capable of unquantifiable levels of destruction.”

Hope bloomed inside Jane’s chest as she examined the design. Though she wasn’t specialized in this sort of thing, and the language was not familiar, the soldier in her could see that if it had even half the potential Liara suggested, it could possibly turn the tide of war in their favor.

Hackett nodded, clearly thinking along the same lines. “ _Send me the data and we’ll do our own analysis_ ,” he told her. To Jane, he added, “ _If Liara’s instincts are right, this might just be the key to stopping the Reapers._ ”

Bracing herself against the console, she replied, “I hope so,” as Liara stepped to the side. “Sir, Commander Williams was critically injured. Major Alenko is doing what he can for her, but we’re on our way to the Citadel to get her under professional medical care.”

Though he barely flinched at the announcement, Jane could see honest regret in his eyes even through the patchy connection. “ _I’m sorry to hear that, Shepard, but we both know this is just the beginning._ ”

Jane swallowed, eyes closing briefly. _Buckle up, buttercup,_ she chided herself. _It’s only going to get worse before it gets better._ A soft sigh escaped her lips as she forced her personal feelings aside. _That doesn’t mean I have to like it!_

“ _Talk to the Council, commander. Share with them what you’ve found. With any luck, they’ll give you what you need,_ ” he advised.

_Give me what I need? When have they ever done that?_ Her record with the Council was sketchy at best. She wasn’t about to hold her breath they would listen now when they hadn’t before. “And if they don’t?” she countered, unable to stop herself. 

“ _Do whatever it takes to get them on board._ ”

_I wanted a direct order, I just got one_. Taking a step back, she lifted her arm in salute. 

Hackett returned it. “ _I’ll be in touch soon. Hackett, out._ ” 


	14. Inbound

The moment the call ended Jane’s hands shot out to brace herself against the console. A strange faintness stalked up her spine and left her more than just a little bit dizzy, but it passed after a moment or two and with help of the cold metal against her skin. She knew it likely due to any number of things ranging from a sudden increase in activity when she wasn’t used to it, to the stress of having to flee Earth combined with running for her life, to having tapped herself out on her biotics fighting through the Mars Archives, and god only knew what else. A soft, concerned sound from nearby brought her fully back into the moment, though, and after a brief follow up with Liara regarding the prothean device, Jane headed down to the mess to grab something to eat. 

However, a thorough hunt through the storage cabinets proved only that there wasn’t much on hand aside from a meagre supply of energy bars. With no other options available, she grabbed a handful, unwrapped one immediately and shoved it in her mouth in two bites, figuring it would tide her over long enough to reach the Citadel. Pocketing the rest, she began retracing her steps … until her gaze came to focus on the Medbay windows where Vega sat next to a deathly still and unmoving Ashley. The sight was more than she could handle in that moment, and Jane hurried away, seeking refuge in other places and thoughts.

Of the few areas she’d seen so far since her return to the _Normandy_ , it was quite obvious the ship had undergone a massive overhaul while she was under house arrest. While the layout remained the same for the most part, except for Mordin’s old lab, the conference room and the armory, the Systems Alliance spared no effort to rework the internal structure and design to something more appropriate. No slap-and-dash paintjob to cover old Cerberus colors, but actual replacement of wall panels, furniture and other pieces and parts. Jane couldn’t help but wonder how much money had been spent on it, and if it might not have been of better use elsewhere, like preparing for the Reapers. As she neared the lift, Jane slowly approached one of the newer items, a wall of honor. She took the time to read through each name and recall each face. By the time she finished, she pushed away musings of how many others might be added to the list before this was all over …

Turning away, she spotted the doorway leading into the Starboard Observation lounge. Driven unconsciously by fond memories of her meditation sessions with Samara and Thane, she decided to take a peek inside. _That’s a habit I really should get back into on a more regular basis._

Even with the open doorway, the room was near dark as she entered, and it didn’t take more than a couple of steps and a hard whack to her shin to recognize that this room had changed like the rest of the ship. Still, one thing hadn’t, and that was the view. Sighing softly, she maneuvered around offending couch so she could move in closer. Memories of Samara and their talks returned; the asari, too, had enjoyed the view and until this moment, Jane hadn’t realized just how much comfort could be found in it.

“Hey, Shepard.”

The voice, though familiar enough, seemingly came out of nowhere and Jane gasped, jumped and fumbled a second energy bar she had reached for as Kaidan’s voice eased out of the shadowed recesses. She made a dramatic lunge after it, but was unable to stretch that far without falling … 

A soft, white-blue biotic haze wrapped around it, raising it to float gently in front of her. She snatched it quickly before turning on her heel in the direction of origin, seeking him out. It took a couple of minutes peering through the almost black interior before she spotted him next to the edge of the window to her left, the darkest corner of the room. 

“Christ, Kaidan!” she breathed, a soft laugh escaping along with the momentary panic at being caught unaware.

He took a step forward, a sheepish smile on his face. “Sorry.”

The adrenaline rush bled out of her just as quickly as it entered, and only then did she walk over to stand beside him. Pocketing the bar for now, she asked, “How’re you doing?” 

One brow arched at her. “I’m fine,” he replied. “I’m not the one lying in the Medbay –.”

Jane lifted a hand, cutting him off. “Stop, please. We’ve all just gone through a hell of a thing. I don’t know about your escape to the _Normandy_ back on Earth, but Anderson and I got battered around fighting our way to meet you. Then, of course, there was Mars ….” Her voice trailed off softly, but her stance was resolute. She wasn’t going to leave until he answered her question honestly.

It took a minute or two of stubborn silence and a near stare down, but he finally, reluctantly, conceded. “I’ll be fine,” he assured her. “Just a few scrapes and bruises. Not even medi-gel worthy.” 

She searched his face closely for one more long minute before taking him at his word. He was an intelligent man and one hell of a soldier, and he wasn’t the type to put himself, or their mission, at risk unnecessarily. With that issue out of the way, she turned to stare out the window. They were well beyond the Charon Relay now, flying through the mass relay corridor established between it and the Serpent Nebula. So far, EDI’s prediction of an uneventful passage proved to be true.

“How about you?”

Startled, she glanced over at him. “Me?”

He nodded and she noticed an unexpected intensity in his eyes as he returned the favor. “You’ve been holed up for six months only to have the world literally get shot right out from under you. Your warnings fell on deaf ears for years, and now you’ve been proven right.” Arms folded across his chest and added, “Knowing you as I do, I would imagine you’re experiencing some … mixed emotions right about now.”

His point was valid, and she paused to evaluate herself. She wasn’t the ‘I was right, you were wrong,’ type who liked to rub such things in peoples’ faces. That just wasn’t her nature, though she would be the first to admit there were times in past where she played the mental game at the very least. Of course, they were on the way to the Citadel now and she had a suspicion that facing the Council might prove interesting, to say the least. Still, she _had_ abided by their request the previous year, remaining mostly in the Terminus, and hoped that would weigh heavily in her favor for the magnitude of the request she would make. She wouldn’t go so far as to hold her breath over it, after all, it had been months since she last spoke with any of them, but that had to count for something, didn’t it? 

Her thoughts were drawn back to her escape to the _Normandy_ with Anderson. _What if they don’t listen?_ That was her biggest fear right now; that Earth would end up alone in this fight. The Council had proven to her repeatedly that, although she was a Spectre, they still did what they wanted, and it often went against what Jane needed. Anderson could order her to _make them listen_ all he wanted, but given their past history together, it was going to make for one hell of a challenge, and right now they had little time to spare for that.

“I’m not sure,” she finally replied honestly. “I think … I don’t know. Numb, maybe, now that the Reapers are actually here, but at the same time determined not to let them win, I guess?” She ran her hands over her face in an attempt to ground herself. “I refuse to believe they can’t be beaten. The data from the Mars Archives proves the protheans gave it a shot and came close – from what Liara says, _really_ close. My hope is we can get the Council on board for the construction of that device, maybe a bit more. Any support they can offer will help at this point. Ships, supplies, whatever. If we can get that, if they can see that we have a plan, maybe we can make it out the other side of this and succeed where the protheans didn’t.”

Those thoughts finding voice finally, her gaze was caught by the different star trails and planets in the distance as the _Normandy_ sped along. In that moment, the reality of it all hit her like a bucket of cold water. “God … can you imagine what people out there must be going through right now?”

The soft rustle of fabric was the only sign of movement until Kaidan stepped up beside her. “I’m a little surprised you didn’t have Joker head to Arcturus, to be honest. Brief the Prime Minister and him and Udina handle the political side of things. Plus, their medical personnel are nearly as good as –.”

Jane bit her lip and shook her head. “It’s gone, Kaidan.” A small shiver ran straight down her spine at the thought. “From what Hackett said or, rather, didn’t say during that brief conversation before Mars, I got the impression Arcturus was hit before the Reapers headed to Earth,” she murmured. “I’m hoping we can find out more details once we’re on the Citadel.”

“More details.” He sighed before grimly pointing out, “We’re going to need more than details to continue the fight, you know. We’ll need supplies. The _Normandy_ has been in drydock for six months. We have little to nothing on board for any lengthy deployment.”

Jane nodded. What could she say to that? Besides, it didn’t take a degree in psychology to understand why he chose to fall back on practical issues right now. If the world – or in this case, galaxy – fell apart around you, human nature tended to gravitate toward things that could be controlled. “I’m prepared for that,” she replied. “I’m also hoping Udina can assist.” She turned to face him. “We also need to see about filling out the rest of the _Normandy_ ’s crew. As much as I hate to suggest it, I’m afraid we are going to find plenty of Alliance personnel on the Citadel over the coming days and weeks who need new duty assignments.”

He winced, but nodded. “Yeah.” 

Jane took a step back from the window and turned as if to leave, but she hesitated about halfway. From the moment she’d realized he was in the room, a specific question had been burning to be asked, but the awkwardness of it held her back. Still, she needed her own peace of mind to function properly, given everything that happened. Plus, there was a practical reason as well; if by some chance the worst happened regarding Ashley, Jane needed to know how to reach next of kin. She also knew that if there was anything she knew about her ex-husband; it was that he wouldn’t miss this fight against the Reapers if he was alive and breathing. The complete lack of silence from his quarter stirred an ever growing lump of dread deep in her belly. “Kaidan … where’s John?” 

At first, Kaidan looked as if he might not reply, and for the briefest of moments, she wondered if he was having doubts about her return to the Alliance ranks like Ashley had. But his expression cleared from one moment to the next and he shook his head as if coming to a decision. “Hackett sent him out on a mission last week,” he explained. “I’ve no idea where he is or when he was expected back, but …”

Understanding dawned and relief enveloped the dread, reducing it to nothing. “Okay, so we can assume he’s well aware of what’s happening by this point. Right. Thank you.”

She started to leave again, but his voice drew her back. “If you want to know more, maybe we can find out? The _Normandy_ ’s War Room has access to all Alliance information and intel available. I know they were still trying to link us into Hackett’s sources directly, but …?”

The idea was a good one, and they exited the lounge together, catching the lift up to the CIC. As they walked toward the War Room side-by-side, Jane observed, “You seem to have figured out this new layout pretty quickly.”

Kaidan chuckled softly. “I’ve returned a time or two since the _Normandy_ was impounded, remember?”

Once they were through security and on their way again, Jane murmured, “By the way, thanks.”

He glanced over at her as they passed the conference room on their left, a confused expression in his eyes. “For what?”

Jane smiled directly at him as the door to the War Room slid open. “For meeting me on Omega and escorting the _Normandy_ back to Earth.” Just a few feet inside, she paused to scan the room, as she now had time to note all the subtle changes since the last time she’d been on board the ship. Releasing a pent-up sigh, she ran her hand along the side of the door frame and said, “I – I’m not sure I could have turned her over otherwise.”

Kaidan shrugged. “I didn’t do all that much, Shepard,” he insisted. “And don’t sell yourself short. You made a promise; Hackett and Anderson both knew it was a difficult one, but they also know you are a woman of your word.” Their gazes met and she saw it was something he fully believed. “They put their faith in you; as have I.”

In that moment, as he descended to the lower level, Jane was left speechless and … relieved. Unlike Ashley, it seemed, he wasn’t going to judge her based on Cerberus’ involvement on Mars. 

Kaidan took the next hour to give her a tour of the resources available and explain how the War Room was arranged. They had access to a wide variety of sources of information in here, as well as maps and tactical display for all of the planets in the galaxy. Ideally, the room would be manned by a minimum crew of four, but at the moment there were three Alliance personnel on duty; something that would change once they were able to take on additional crew at the Citadel. 

They finished at the large tactical display in the center of the room. Within minutes, Jane had more information on what happened over the past day than she could have hoped for. “Arcturus,” she breathed quietly, introspectively, as she watched a replay of what happened there. “It’s difficult to believe it’s gone …”

Kaidan nodded; he, too, at a loss for words. He approached a nearby console and pressed a few buttons. Information pulled up automatically, the screen flashing twice before settling into focus in front of him. “Looks like John made it out safely, at least.”

Jane frowned and joined him, glancing over his shoulder at the screen. A quick scan of the message from John and Nelson to Hackett. She sighed softly in relief though she was concerned at how his mission apparently played out. Nelson, she knew by reputation only. It was going to be interesting to hear both his and John’s take on what happened in the Iera System. Outwardly, it sounded like a clear case of indoctrination, but after Mars, she wasn’t going to pass out of hand the idea that Cerberus was somehow involved in it, too. 

Folding his arms across his chest, Kaidan moved aside to give her access to the console. “I hate to say it, but we’re inevitably going to lose people before this war is over,” he murmured. “Far too many for our liking.”

A grimace twisted her face as she leaned against the railing and took on a similar stance. His observation was something she didn’t really want to think about this early in the game; it was also a fresh reminder of Ashley lying down in the Medbay. “I wonder how far they’ve made it in their evac?” she mused after a moment. “The Reapers don’t seem to be heading to the Iera System yet, but there isn’t a whole lot of friendly territory between here and there.”

Kaidan led her back to the tactical display and pulled up an image of the galaxy map and their connections to the Mass Relay system. “Depends if they were able to calculate their trajectory before they jumped or if they just had to make a blind guess,” he replied. “If they were able to plot it out, they could safely head toward Omega or Argos Rho before course correcting to the Citadel. If not, it’ll take them longer, but they should still be able to make it to Citadel space safely enough. So far, our reports have Reaper access limited to here, here, and in Sol.” All of the areas he indicated were in the immediate vicinity of Earth Alliance space.

Jane’s lips pressed into a tight, thin line. _The batarians. Figures they would be involved early on. Somehow._

“Commander,” EDI announced, her voice breaking the otherwise quiet of the War Room, “the _Normandy_ will be entering the Serpent Nebula in ten minutes.”

Jane glanced over at Kaidan who nodded, saying, “I’ll go make sure Ash is ready for transport.”

With a nod, she watched him exit the room before replying, “Thanks, EDI. Please advise Huerta Memorial Hospital that we have a patient in need of immediate medical attention the moment we arrive.”

“Understood.” After a few seconds of silence, EDI returned, adding, “A medical team will be waiting us when we dock.”

Jane followed Kaidan’s path out of the War Room and headed up to the bridge to speak with Joker. She also wanted to be on hand should anyone at the Citadel need to speak with her as they docked. No, she wasn’t the type who went around saying, _I told you so_ , but she had no doubt that was about to get put to the test when she faced the Council. _Make them listen._ Anderson and later, Hackett, both seemed to think they would. Jane hoped they were right. Her track record with the Council wasn’t the best, and with the Reaper presence now assured and growing, the stakes were about as high as they could get. 


	15. Threat Condition Sabre One

The recommissioned _SSV Hong Kong_ wasn’t specc’d nearly as well as the _SSV Normandy_ , but it was a state-of-the-art frigate nonetheless. Fast and furious, she zipped through space, transitioning smoothly from one set of mass relay coordinates to the next and thereby reducing time lost in transit. If the artifacts now stored in the cargo hold were any sign, the faster they arrived at their destination, the better.

“Major Shepard, incoming priority communication for you from Fleet.”

From his position on the bridge, John glanced over at Captain Stephanie Sagan who nodded slightly before he stepped over to Communications. Nelson followed him. Since receiving the emergency evacuation order off Horizon, both men had speculated quietly between themselves, though they came to no conclusions regarding the reasons behind it in the hours since. The timing of the evacuation had coincided with the end of their mission, but if it hadn’t? The artifacts, as he understood things, were vital for preparation efforts against the Reapers. What if the timing was off? What if they hadn’t been able to collect them? What if? What if? _What if?_

_John, let it go …_

The memory of Jane’s voice echoing through his head just now wasn’t exactly unexpected – she often had a way of reminding him when he was ‘obsessing’ over something that didn’t require that much attention or focus – but it wasn’t welcome, either. Not when on top of everything else, any follow up orders from either Hackett or Anderson, or Alliance Command for that matter, had come through yet. He wasn’t paranoid by nature, but he couldn’t deny that dread filled him, compounding with each passing hour. Hopefully, this communication would relieve that and all of his worry ended up for naught. 

Nelson’s proximity was closer, and he gave the man a silent signal to go ahead. Not surprisingly, the commander waited for John to join him. “Hey, man,” he murmured through a smirk, “it’s in your name.”

John snorted softly. “I could make it a direct order, you know.”

Nelson’s teeth shone white against his dark skin as the smirk widened into a full-fledged grin. “Difficult to pull rank when I’m only one step below you!” 

“Yeah, yeah.” 

John collected the datapad and started to read, taking note first off that the message wasn’t aimed specifically at him, but was transmitted across all N7 channels designated highest priority. Hackles lifting, the next few lines left him chilled to the bone.

_THIS IS A GALAXY-WIDE ALERT FOR ALL HUMAN TERRITORIES. FLEET ADMIRAL STEVEN HACKETT HAS DECLARED THREAT CONDITION SABER ONE. ENEMY PRESENCE CONFIRMED IN SOL SYSTEM. EARTH UNDER REAPER ATTACK._

_Earth!_ While they all suspected Earth would be a target of the Reapers, the thought had never crossed John’s mind that he might not be present when it came. His breath caught tightly in his lungs, and it took a full minute before he could force himself to move at which point, he retraced his steps, reading the rest of the message along the way. “Captain Sagan –.”

“Excuse me, Captain,” an ensign broke in, scurrying onto the bridge and handing over a datapad, “Communication from Fleet, ma’am!”

Captain Sagan accepted the pad without hesitation and started to read, eyes widening fractionally.

“Captain,” John started again, “I must request an emergency relocation to the Citadel for myself and Commander Nelson.” Still beside him, John handed the pad over so he could get up to speed.

Lifting her head, the captain raised a hand to silence him while ordering the ensign, “Switch all communications over to Crimson Tacit. I want to see any and all messages transmitted as soon as they come in. Understood?”

The ensign who, John decided, couldn’t have been much older than their early twenties, nodded, saluted, then darted back to the communications area.

“Major, my orders from Fleet are to reposition to pre-assigned staging areas,” she continued a moment later. 

John took a deep breath, wracking his brain to find a way to convince her. _I am_ not _the diplomatic Shepard!_ “I understand that, captain,” he replied, “but our mission –.”

She shook her head. “Your mission is no longer _our_ mission, major. Right now, you are simply along for the ride.” She gave him an apologetic glance. “I’m sorry.” 

Nelson stepped closer and murmured quietly enough so only the captain and John could hear. “Ma’am, the circumstances of _our_ mission just changed as well. We need to get the items we have in our possession to the Fleet. If we are to have any chance in this –.”

She shook her head once, decisively. “I’m sorry, commander, major.” She looked off to her right. “Navigator Castillo, set course for the Arcturus Stream.”

“Aye, ma’am.”

John bit back a growl and turned away. He might have seniority in rank, but she was the captain of the ship, and their orders had declared open warfare. 

Nelson guided John a short distance off the bridge. “Just relax,” he said quietly. “We’ll get this sorted out.”

Angrily, John shoved the message back into Nelson’s hands. “There isn’t going to _be_ anything left to sort!” he hissed. “Didn’t you read this?”

Nelson nodded. “ _First available opportunity_ ,” he stressed before sighing heavily. “She’s following orders; you know that.”

Scoffing, John took a long minute to look around the CIC. There was a definite increase in activity in the last few minutes and the tension in the air was noticeably thicker. “And so are we. We’ve got to get these artifacts to Hackett – if nothing else, it could help us in the fight!” Running a hand through his hair, he added, “We still don’t know who or what prompted Stewart to start shooting at us and kill three members of her own science team, remember?” A sudden thought occurred to him, a half-memory of something Jane mentioned back on Noveria three years before, and it left him unsettled. Given the nature of the artifacts they had on board, he wondered if there might not be some kind of connection. The colonists on Feros had exhibited similar signs, and then, of course, there was Saren. Was it possible the scientists were indoctrinated? That would definitely explain Stewart’s reaction. But, if so, how long did it take? Was everyone on this ship in danger now? And if the Reapers had arrived, would that speed up the process somehow? 

“Look, we notified Hackett about what happened. He has that information, and if he needs us to do something more, he’ll tell us. He knows where we are, man. He’ll find us. Or we’ll find our way to him.” 

Not placated in the least, John muttered, “We can only hope he’s seen our report at this point, but even if he has, there’s no assurance he can do anything about it if all hell’s broken loose.” John started walking through the CIC with Nelson following behind him. Pausing at Navigation, he asked, “How long until we hit the Arcturus Stream?”

The ensign on duty glanced at one of their monitors. “Ten hours, give or take, sir.”

John continued on out of the CIC, turning his conversation back to Nelson as they descended to their cabin. “Maybe, if we’re lucky, we can catch a break and they’ll dump us off at Arcturus before heading into the fight. If so, we can catch a shuttle to the Citadel from there.”

Nelson shook his head. “I’m not so sure. They’re evacuating Sol and warning against any approach to Earth.” His eyes met John’s and it was hard to miss the grave look of concern there. “Think about it - how would the Reapers get in system in the first place? They’d have to go through Arcturus.”

The door to their cabin slid open just as John froze. “Three years ago, when they tried to come through,” he said, stepping to the side to let his partner enter, “they went for a ‘back door’ on the Citadel.” Nelson nodded. “From what I understand about how things played out in Bahak last year, they were trying a similar tactic.”

Nelson dropped into a chair and stared up at John. “You really believe the story about what happened there?” he asked. “ _Her_ story?”

John sighed heavily, but nodded. It always came back around to this. “Jane isn’t the type to do something like that without good cause,” he admitted, finally acknowledging and accepting the truth of it. “If she says it was the only way to stop them, it was the only way to stop them. Given how difficult our fight against Saren and Sovereign was three years ago, I believe it.” A small shudder rolled across his shoulders. Sovereign had been only one Reaper. If Fleet had ordered Sol evacuated, that must mean plenty more were arriving this time. How the hell were they going to fight off that many when the battle against Sovereign nearly destroyed them? He ran his hands over his face. And then there were the people – civilians and military – back on Earth who weren’t able to evacuate. His eyes rose to meet Nelson’s, and he was unable to hide a growing sense of concern. _This is going to be one hell of a war …_

~ n ~

The blare of alarms and the order to _battle stations_ was enough to send a chill down anyone’s spine, but to be yanked from a sound sleep in such a manner only made it worse. John leapt from his bunk, narrowly missing Nelson as the commander dropped down from the top bed. Both men automatically reached for weapons and armor. Within seconds, John was out the door and running toward the CIC and bridge. Nelson was only a step behind.

“Captain?”

Captain Sagan had her attention focused on the virtual windows providing a view out ahead of the _Hong Kong_. “These are your Reapers, major?” she asked without so much as a glance in his direction.

A huge field of debris floated out ahead of them and spread wide over a large area, but John was unable to tell exactly what it had been prior to destruction. In the distance, he spotted an all too familiar shape from his memories moving in their direction. “Shit!” he breathed. “Nelson?”

“They had to come through Arcturus to get to Sol,” Nelson reminded him. He walked over to one of the monitors nearby and pressed a few buttons. “I count at least two in our immediate vicinity.”

Captain Sagan finally turned to face the both of them and John saw the obvious signs of utter devastation in her eyes. “That,” she said quietly, pointing at the scattered debris field, “is what remains of Arcturus Station.” A small shudder worked its way across her shoulders. Then, more quietly, “They had no chance.”

John winced. The tactics made sense, of a sort. The Reapers knew far too much about them, probably from Sovereign’s little venture. _Hit our government and infrastructure, leave us as weak as possible. It’ll make taking us down so much easier._ To his left, he scanned the map of the system, noting that there were far more than just two Reapers present, though they were spread out across the entire system and not too near their position just yet. Glancing over, he said, “I don’t care what your orders were, captain, but we need to evacuate this system now.” The _Hong Kong_ was one of the best in the fleet, he knew that, but it wasn’t the _Normandy_ , and he recalled just how easily the SR1 had gone down at the hands of the Collectors, and that was nothing compared to the Reapers. “Retreat to the Exodus Cluster and jump us to the Citadel. It’s the only chance we have.”

“Captain, they’re still closing in,” someone called over.

She blinked twice and her face became a neutral mask once more. “Reverse course,” she ordered, not even taking a moment to acknowledge John was right in his assessment. “Jump us back to Exodus ASAP, then replot to the Serpent Nebula.”

“Aye, ma’am!”

Nelson wandered over to stand beside John who had moved to hover just inside the bridge at the doorway. “I counted at least six in system,” he murmured. 

“Probably more,” John replied, though he kept his eyes focused ahead of them. Even though they were now moving toward the Mass Relay, they were on the outer edges of the debris field which meant they had to go slowly, and the one Reaper he could see clearly was quickly gaining on them. _This is going to be close._

The tension in the room continued to grow, but John remained silent. He’d done his part; the rest was up to the captain and her crew. 

“How long until the Relay?” the captain demanded.

“Five minutes.”

Turning, she shouted, “Time to intercept?”

There was a pause before a reply came back, “Twelve minutes and falling rapidly.”

_Too damned close …_

~ n ~

Standing in the lobby of _Huerta Memorial,_ Jane stared up at the vidscreen. News reports of the Reaper attacks were filtering in, though details of exactly when, where and how they entered the galaxy were still sketchy. It didn’t matter, not in the grand scheme of things, she supposed, it was more a point of curiosity. The best she could determine, between the information Hackett provided her and the news reports, was the batarians took the first hit. That concerned her for a number of reasons, not the least of which tied in with what she told the Defense Committee. _What they confirmed._ Jane pulled her lower lip between her teeth and worried it back and forth. _The batarians must have had another back door for them, aside from the one in Bahak._

She was pulled from her thoughts by the soft sound of cautious, booted steps and a slight movement to her left. Pulling herself away from the vidscreen, she turned as Kaidan joined her. Again, she noted his ability to remain calm in a crisis, a calmness that acted like a balm for her now. It also served as a mask, hiding any of his true emotional reaction to recent events from her. _Right then._ “How is she?”

The mask didn’t budge. “She’s in a room,” he replied. “They’ve managed to stabilize her, but it’s still too early to tell.” He hesitated a fraction of a second, just long enough to take a deeper breath. “Not gonna lie, Shepard; her injuries are serious. Life or death serious. They’ve put her in a medically induced coma for now so her body has time to recover. Dr. Michel asked me to let you know you can go in to see her, but Ashley won’t be able to interact.”

For just a moment, paralysis claimed Jane. _Do I, or don’t I? There’s so much hurt still there._ Closing her eyes, she swallowed tightly. She could come up with dozens of reasons outside of their current situation … and they all seemed paltry. _Ashley was injured on my watch. She was acting under my orders. She’s my responsibility._ In the end, that was what decided her. “Yeah, okay.” She ran a hand over her face. _How long has it been since we left Mars? God, it feels like weeks since the attack started … and it’s only been … what? Hours?_ A small shudder worked through her. _I don’t have time to be tired. There’s far too much at stake. Too much dependent upon me._ Chewing on her lip again, she glanced over at him and asked, “Wait for me? We can head over to Udina’s office together as soon as I’m done.”

He smiled and nodded. “I’ll be here.”

Jane’s thoughts were a muddled jumble as she walked in the direction of the critical care section. _I know we’re going to lose people in this,_ she told herself. _There’s no way we survive without that happening. But do we have to lose some of our best so early out of the gate?_ Despite her personal feelings toward the woman, Jane had no trouble acknowledging Ashley’s skill as a soldier. If they were going to have any chance at winning this thing, they needed her, and others like her, alive and in the fight.

A nurse directed her to the appropriate room, and Jane entered quietly. She cringed when she found Ashley lying unconscious in the bed, her face bruised and battered. She had no doubt there were worse injuries that couldn’t be seen by the naked eye. Taking a step closer, Jane inhaled slowly to calm herself. “Hey,” she breathed. Her voice was mostly steady, though perhaps not its usual confident timbre. “Looks like you got pretty banged up there, Williams.” She kept her eyes on the unconscious form, searching for any sign that Ashley was able to hear her. “Had me – _us_ – worried there for a minute.”

Taking another deep breath, Jane cautiously reached out her hand to touch Ashley’s that lay on the mattress between them. Her skin was cool, practically cold, and she showed no sign that she noticed the contact. Clearing her throat, Jane continued, “Docs say they’ve got it under control, though.” She swallowed. _Small, white lies don’t hurt, right?_ “You just … do what they tell you, get better, and hang in there.” She paused, swallowing again as her voice warbled slightly. “And that’s an order,” she finally rasped. “We need you back on your feet ASAP. Reapers’ll need some ass-kicking, and I can’t think of anyone more qualified to hand it to them.” 

The door behind Jane opened and she spotted one of the doctors entering the room. Taking that as her cue to leave, she leaned toward Ashley, adding in a soft whisper, “Take care of yourself, Williams. I … I expect to see you on your feet next time I come by.” 

Blinking back quick tears, Jane turned to leave, pausing only to murmur to the doctor, “You need anything at all, doc, let me know.”

He nodded and his fingers typed onto Williams’ chart. “It’s been noted, commander.”

Taking one last look back at Ashley, Jane finally pulled her gaze free and departed. She met Kaidan back in the lobby and found him talking to a familiar face. Shock overtook her, and her voice was filled with surprise as she said, “Karin?”

“Shepard!” Dr. Chakwas turned to include Jane into the conversation, a wide smile crossing her face. “I heard the _Normandy_ had arrived and that someone had been severely injured,” she explained quickly and concisely. “I came as quickly as I could. I’ve spoken to Dr. Michel and Kaidan.” She reached a hand out to squeeze Jane’s arm. “Ashley will be fine, Jane,” she assured her quietly. “She needs time to heal, but she’ll be just fine.”

Relief washed through Jane nearly leaving her weak. “Oh, thank god,” she breathed. It wasn’t that she hadn’t believed Kaidan, or what the other doctors were saying, but hearing reassurances from Karin told Jane quite a bit more. “Are you here on the Citadel, then?”

She nodded. “I’m working in an R&D lab down in Shalta Ward,” the doctor explained.

Jane’s face fell. _Of course, you are._ “I … don’t suppose …?”

Karin chuckled softly and exchanged a quick look with Kaidan. “I told you she’d ask.”

Kaidan’s smile widened. “I seem to recall I didn’t argue with you, doctor,” he replied.

Hope flared for a moment inside Jane. “Can you join us, then? We left Earth without a doctor on board, and –.”

Karin nodded and smiled widely. “Of course, I will, commander. Just say the word.”

Relief washed through Jane like a tidal wave, and for the first time since the Reaper attack on Earth, hope bloomed. “Consider it said. We’re at docking bay D-24,” Jane informed her. “Kaidan and I have to go meet Liara and talk to the Council, but Joker’s there. Just get your things and board whenever you’re ready.”

“I will be there.” She nodded at them both before turning to depart. 

“Oh, thank God!” Jane breathed, sagging just a little.

“What?” Kaidan said, affecting an injured look that was given away by the smirk twitching at the corner of his mouth as they left the hospital. “You don’t trust my medical training?”

Snorting softly, she grinned over at him. “I do, but I think we can both agree what we’re about to face will need as many health professionals as we can find along the way.” They entered the elevator and she selected the Embassy level as their destination. As the lift moved, she covered her face with both hands this time and scrubbed hard. “Damn! We’re really in this now, aren’t we?”

He nodded. “Don’t tell me after everything we all have been through over the past three years that you doubted the Reapers would actually show up?”

She shook her head immediately. “Doubted, no. Hoped, on the other hand ….” She sighed wearily. “Did you watch the news reports?”

He nodded, a grave look passing over his face. “You should know,” he said softly, “after you went in to see Ash, they announced that the Reapers have arrived at Palaven.”

Jane froze, her eyes darting over to meet his. “Palaven?” she whispered, horrified. He nodded. “Shit! The war has barely started and we’re down the batarians, the Sol System, and now they’ve hit the turians? How the hell many of them _are_ there?”

“Far too many for us to face alone,” he replied solemnly.

The elevator came to a stop on the Embassy level and she and Kaidan exited in the direction of Udina’s office. As they reached the doorway, she muttered, “Here’s hoping the Council is willing to listen and assist with that.”


	16. Closed Session

Arriving on the Citadel, one of the first things Kaidan noticed, after making sure the medical staff had everything and Ashley was sent off for immediate care, was that while it _seemed_ slightly busier than he remembered it, there was no real sense of urgency behind it. Jane’s conversation with Bailey notwithstanding, looking around him, had he been transplanted her alone and without his experiences back on Earth, he doubted he would even know a war was on. It was disconcerting, to say the least. Still, it seemed the Council was expecting them, or at least Jane, and that had to count for something.

They arrived at Udina’s office without incident, at which point the Councilor’s assistant explained that Liara was already present and only Jane could enter Council chambers while it was in session. That wasn’t really a surprise to him and he waved off a concerned look from the commander. His intention all along had been to observe from the gallery. Udina’s assistant assured him that was acceptable, even with a closed session, because he held rank in the Systems Alliance. With that settled, he gave Jane one last nod of encouragement and, he hoped, reassurance, and headed in that direction. 

The Councilors were in the middle of a heated discussion when Kaidan arrived, and the look on Liara’s face suggested things weren’t going well. Politics was never his forte, but even he understood that political infighting was detrimental at the best of times, let alone when a war was raging. He winced as the salarian councilor dressed down Udina and couldn’t help but feel a bit sorry for the man, but a moment later, Jane strode into the chamber, confidence ringing with every step she took. Kaidan hoped it was enough to change the sway of things and, perhaps, bolster humanity’s councilor. From the sounds of it, they were _all_ going to need it. 

The gallery wasn’t empty by any means, though the crowd was less than there might have been thanks to the closed session. However, of the others present around him, Kaidan spotted one very familiar figure. As Jane and Liara started to present their findings below, Kaidan walked over. “Hey, Shepard.”

John turned, a startled expression marring his exhausted features. Pushing back from the edge of the balcony, he reached out a hand. Kaidan took it in his without hesitation. “Alenko! I was worried for a minute when I didn’t see you down there …?”

Kaidan nodded, sighing heavily. “It was a near thing,” he admitted. His eyes drifted back over the rail when he heard voices, mostly Udina’s, raised yet again. “Leaving Earth like that was … difficult.”

John’s blue gaze locked onto him, but Kaidan didn’t hide anything from him. The man was his friend and fellow officer, and between the two of them, they’d known for years now what waited just around the corner. That the reality of it was far worse than either of them could have dreamed was to be expected, he supposed.

John’s lips tightened into a thin line and his voice dropped an octave as he replied quietly, “I can imagine. Some of the reports I’m hearing –.”

Kaidan lifted a hand to cut him off. “Suffice it to say it’s far worse than we could ever have expected or prepared for,” he replied. “You received the alert from Admiral Hackett?”

Shepard nodded. “Yeah. We’d already received evac orders anyway,” he explained. He ran his hands over his face. “In fact, we were en route to Arcturus on the _Hong Kong_ when we got the news.”

Kaidan eyed him closely. There was something dark and foreboding behind John’s eyes and he couldn’t help but wonder at its source. “Hundreds of them,” Kaidan said. Even now, even after seeing them in person, after fleeing Sol System, he could still hear the bewilderment in his own voice. And he’d been _prepared_ for them. He could only imagine how those who had little to no knowledge were managing right now. “Thousands. Jane said something about all the major cities being hit in a coordinated attack.” A strong shudder rolled across his shoulders as he recalled the explosion at Alliance HQ and then coming face to face with the Reapers as they made their way to the _Normandy_. “Without the _Normandy_ , I doubt we’d have made it out alive.”

“Joker still at the helm?” John asked.

“Yeah, and we just barely made it out. We’re severely undermanned.” He shrugged. “Nature of the beast, I suppose.”

John nodded absently. “Where’s Anderson? I thought I’d see him down there, not Jane.”

Kaidan hesitated briefly. “He stayed behind.”

The announcement was enough to startle John badly enough he was speechless. “Wait – what? What do you mean?”

“Just what I said,” Kaidan insisted with a shrug. “He stayed behind. Jane tried to convince him to come with us, but he said something about how those left behind needed someone to lead them.” 

John groaned. “God help us all.”

The Council session came to an end, and with a quick glance over the rail, Kaidan spotted the councilors exiting the chamber. Another look over at the bleak expressions on Jane’s and Liara’s faces told him enough; no help was forthcoming. Sighing, he turned back to John and ran a hand through his hair. “Look, I don’t know if anyone’s told you, but Ash was with us when we left, too.”

John’s eyes darted around the balcony. “Where is she?”

Steeling himself, Kaidan replied, “ _Huerta Memorial._ We ran into some trouble on Mars.”

“Mars?” From one moment to the next, John’s face paled drastically enough that Kaidan wondered if he should make him sit for a moment. “What kind of ‘trouble?’”

“On our way out of Sol, Hackett ordered us to Mars,” Kaidan explained. “Liara was there doing some research into the prothean data they have – had, I should say – and he wanted us to get her and the data out. However, when we got there, we found them under attack.”

John groaned and ran a hand over his face. “By the Reapers.”

Kaidan shook his head. “No, actually, Cerberus.”

The color flooded back to John’s face, anger flaring in his eyes. “Cerberus? What the hell were they doing there?”

“They were after the data too, it seems,” Kaidan replied. “Some woman, a Dr. Eva Coré, downloaded most of the data. She also destroyed anything left behind in the process.”

The balcony was now empty but for them, and John started pacing up and down the length of it. For several minutes, silence filled the space between them. “So … you mean to tell me that you went to Mars to collect the prothean data, and Cerberus conveniently shows up?” He paused about ten feet from Kaidan, spinning back around to face him. “And you let Jane leave there?”

It was Kaidan’s turn to look startled. “What do you mean, ‘let’ her leave?” he asked. He noticed anger flaring in the other man’s blue eyes, and it didn’t take long to start connecting a few dots. “What are you …? Oh, I see, you think _she_ called them in?” 

John’s eyes narrowed. “How else can that information be interpreted?”

It took every effort of willpower within Kaidan to not raise his voice at the absurdity of John’s assumption. “Jane had nothing to do with it! Cerberus was there when we arrived – they infiltrated the place long before we got there!” A buzz at his left wrist alerted him to an incoming message, but he ignored it. 

John closed the distance between them, his steps menacing by any standards. “How bad is Ashley hurt?”

Kaidan stood his ground, searching John’s face in the process. Too late, he realized it was the wrong thing to do. “Bad enough they took her to the critical care unit.” He listed off the injuries as he knew them, saw the anger flaring even brighter in John’s eyes, read the tension in his shoulders, observed how his hands clenched into tight fists. Returning his gaze to Shepard’s, he protested, “Shepard, what the hell …?”

“You don’t see it, do you?” John growled. He leaned in toward Kaidan, closing the remaining distance between them. “She’s still tied to them!”

“What?” Kaidan retreated two steps to reclaim the distance even as disbelief flooded through him. “What the hell are you talking about?” A sneer formed at Shepard’s lips, and it was all Kaidan could do to keep from instinctually drawing dark energy to his hand. “You really think Jane alerted Cerberus, is that it? How? Why? She’s been free of any contact with them for _over six months_!”

“That’s what she says.”

Kaidan stiffened, anger starting to get the better of him, his professional pride stung just a bit. “I helped with security while she was incarcerated,” he reiterated coldly. “It’s what I _know_.”

“Then how do you explain Cerberus’ involvement on my mission as well? You’ve just told me they were at Mars. Both projects appear were centered on prothean artifacts; mine was tied to your Dr. Coré. How could they know any of this if Jane didn’t tell them?”

Taking a deep breath, Kaidan ran a hand through his hair. Extending his hand, palm facing out to ward off his friend, he countered, “Okay, Shepard, I understand. You’re worried about Ashley – I get that. The stress of the Reaper attack is bound to affect us all in odd ways right now. That’s only logical. However –.”

“No,” John spat, shaking his head violently back and forth. “ _You_ need to understand. There’s no reason for Cerberus to be involved – on Mars or on my mission! None whatsoever! Not unless they were led directly to those locations! How else would they –?”

John took another step toward him, and this time Kaidan reacted without thinking, without hesitation. His biotic barrier was a familiar sight, but one he only used in in combat. He noticed almost immediately that John’s eyes were drawn to it, saw his hesitation as he drew back one step in reaction. “Jane had no idea where you were! None of us did!” It was clear the anger drove John now, and Kaidan wondered if he would find a way to break past that. “Are you suggesting Jane is somehow responsible for what happened to Ashley?” he demanded, his voice low but even. “Is that what this is about?”

John’s eyes returned to his. “Isn’t she?”

Sighing in frustration, Kaidan shook his head. “No, she’s not! There is no way in hell she would just _let_ something like this happen! You _know_ that!”

John’s eyes narrowed. “She did nothing to prevent it, did she?”

Flabbergasted, Kaidan disbelief at the direction of their conversation leaving him unable to speak. John’s eyes darkened; it was clear he was taking that as a sign of confirmation. After a moment, he managed, “That’s – God! What’s happened to you? You’re insane if you really believe that! Why would she do such a thing? First of all, Ashley is a well-trained soldier, as good as if not better than the rest of us! Jane knows that and wouldn’t waste such an asset, especially now! Second, why do you think Jane would purposely _let_ her get injured? Jane’s warnings over the past three years have come to fruition! The Reapers are here – now! We’re going to need all the fighting hands we can get, and she knows this better than anyone!”

“And she just let it happen!” John protested.

It didn’t escape Kaidan’s attention that this sudden shift had to have some more deeply rooted cause behind it than simply Ashley getting hurt or Cerberus happening to be at Mars. “You mentioned something about Cerberus finding you on your mission?”

John snarled, eyes narrowing as he turned away. “Yeah, you could say that.”

“Where were you?” When John didn’t reply, Kaidan added, “Look, we’re _all_ in this now, just as we knew it would eventually happen and don’t forget, we both work for the same guy.”

John walked over to the railing and braced his arms against it. He stared down below, the chamber now empty, before responding. “Nelson and I were sent to Horizon.”

Kaidan blinked. “Horizon? Why there?”

“The colonists found some prothean ruins when they were rebuilding after the Collector attack,” he explained. “Somehow, word got back to the Alliance. A team of scientists was sent in about four months ago, I guess, and Nelson and I went to collect what they’d dug up.” He turned back around to face Kaidan again. “When we arrived, the science team didn’t want to release the artifacts to us.”

Kaidan walked over to join him, but kept about five feet between them in the process. “I assume they were supposed to?”

John snorted and nodded. “Hackett made arrangements for the artifacts to be returned to Mars for study. But the lead scientist fought against it, saying that _they_ were supposed to study them. It took a while to figure out the contract they signed wasn’t the one Hackett had. I’m guessing Cerberus was behind that, too. Anyway, as it turns out, one of their own turned against us. I’m guessing she must have been a plant or maybe some kind of Reaper tech was involved. Next thing we know, they started shooting and ….” He sighed, shaking his head. “By the end, several of the scientists were dead, but so was the Cerberus agent.”

Kaidan froze. “Oh, shit!”

“Based off what you just told me, that agent was connected to the group on Mars,” John continued. “Tied to your Dr. Coré.” 

Kaidan inhaled deeply, steadying himself. _No wonder he’s so touchy about Cerberus right now._ “Still, that has nothing to do with –.”

Spinning around, John glowered as he hissed, “Can’t you see it? They’re infiltrating _every_ thing! Somehow, someway, they know about the places and projects Hackett and Anderson have had us working on!”

Biting his lip, Kaidan shook his head. He still wasn’t making whatever connection John appeared to have made between Jane and Cerberus.

Growling in frustration, John shouted, “How the hell else could they know about it if not for Jane?”

“You’re forgetting, she had no access to that information!” Kaidan straightened, forcing himself to remain calm and rational. “Look, I understand you’re upset – we all are. And you’re doubly upset because of what happened to Ash. But you are grasping for connections that just don’t exist, Shepard! Jane was under house arrest for _over six months_. During that time, she had no access to any outside people or intel – _none_ – and her babysitter –.”

John’s face pinched up into a startled frown. “Babysitter?”

He would have laughed if the tension wasn’t so thick around them just now. “The lieutenant Anderson brought in to watch over her while she was under house arrest,” Kaidan explained. “He made certain she had no outside contact _at all_ during that time. He was the one responsible for her personal safety when security threats arose, too. There is no way in hell Jane talked to anyone outside of the personnel watching her, Cerberus or not.” He sighed heavily. “Do you get it now?”

John turned away, shaking his head. “I don’t know what to believe,” he muttered, “but I’m telling you, this is more than just coincidence.” Without another word, he walked toward the exit.

Kaidan stood in silence staring after his retreating form for a long minute. He was tempted to call John back, explain to him what they’d found out about the Cerberus troops on Mars, but suspected John was beyond reasoning at this point. _Just as well to let him go. Maybe later he’ll come to his senses._

Another vibration at his left wrist caught his attention, and he glanced down to find a message from Jane. _Udina wants to talk. Meet me at the embassy._ Sighing, he took one long, last look at the empty Council chamber before leaving, all the while wondering if anything good had come out of this day in the grand scheme of things. Somehow, and especially in that moment, he doubted it.


	17. Tag Team

To say that the Council’s lack of support was discouraging was an understatement, but it wasn’t far off from what Jane expected. As she and Liara exited the Council chamber, she pushed the disappointment aside in favor of other, more important things, asking, “Are you heading back to the _Normandy_?”

The asari shook her head. “I thought I might try looking through the archives here, see if there is any information I can add to what we already have.” The expression on her face seemed bleak, but Jane knew her well enough by now to understand she was considering all options available right now. “It’s a long shot, I know, but at this point we can’t afford to overlook any possibilities.”

Jane’s lips curved into a smile of encouragement and she nodded once. “Good idea. I’ll go check in with Udina, see if he has any leads that might pan out for us.” They neared the bank of elevators and as they waited, Jane added more quietly, “Thanks for the help in there, even if it didn’t amount to much.”

Liara smiled in return. “Shepard, they’ve listened to your warnings for years now. Deep down, they know they have to face it; it’s just difficult to accept. They need time.” She sighed heavily and the smile thinned as she turned to leave. “I just hope they don’t take so much time that when they do decide to join us, it isn’t too late.” 

Exiting the elevator at the embassies a short while later, Jane found herself stepping into a vast sea of somewhat organized chaos. It made sense, of a sort. After all, if there was any place on the Citadel where some sign of the Reaper’s arrival was having an effect on the populace, it made sense for it to be here. Still, weaving her way through the crowds was more a challenge, and she did her best to stick to the outer edges as much as possible. She didn’t mind sacrificing her anonymity for now if it meant she could just get to the stairs leading up to the administrative offices. 

By her watch, only twenty minutes had passed since the end of the Council session, but arriving at Udina’s, his assistant informed her he’d been pulled into yet another meeting and it would likely be another couple of hours before he would be available. 

She left the suite wondering what she should do with herself to kill time and was about to head back down the stairs when a pair of familiar faces came into view. A smile curving at her lips, she descended until they were on the same level. “Bailey.”

“Shepard,” he greeted her, nodding. With pleasantries out of the way, however, his face took on a harder edge. “I heard about the Council.”

A wry smile twisted her lips. “Yeah. Not wholly unexpected given my past with them, I suppose.” 

She glanced over at his companion and nodded a silent greeting at Kaidan … and paused when she noticed something about his expression – irritation or anger, she couldn’t quite decide which. She opened her mouth to ask what the problem was, but he responded before she could put voice to words, giving her a subtle shake of his head then adding, “Hey, Shepard. Bailey was just telling me about some Alliance personnel who managed to escape Arcturus.”

“Just a few stragglers,” Bailey explained, “but that’s something, I guess.” He sighed and shook his head. “I suppose it’s too much to hope that more of ‘em survived.”

Jane glanced between the two men. “How many are able?”

Bailey’s lips thinned out. “Most were sent to _Huerta Memorial_ ,” he admitted. “Those that don’t need medical attention are being sent to a temporary Alliance Command post to report for reassignment.”

Jane bit back a grimace. “As you said, it’s something. Thanks for the information, Bailey. We’ll do our best not to add to the numbers.”

A wry chuckle escaped his lips as he turned in the direction of his office. “See that you do. I’ve got enough problems around here as it is.”

When the door closed behind him, Jane looked over at Kaidan. “Udina wants to see us, but he’s been pulled into another meeting for now and won’t be available for a couple of hours. I don’t know about you, but breakfast gave out on me ages ago. Hungry?”

He frowned. “I guess?” Barely had he spoken the words when his stomach rumbled just loud enough to hear. 

Grinning, Jane led the way back to the main lobby where they could grab an elevator. “Come on, I know just the place.” They walked side by side, a companionable silence filling the air between them for a time. As they waited on the lift to arrive, Jane murmured, “Oh, by the way - tag, you’re it.”

He shifted on his feet, turning to face her with a look of confusion. “Beg your pardon?”

For half a second, she considered teasing him for the apology, but decided against it in the end. While lightheartedness had its place, especially in times like this, the question she had waiting for him required a serious answer. 

Then again, just a bit of humor might help soften the edge to it, wouldn’t it? “Tag. You know, the kid’s game? Chase after each other, try to catch them? The one who gets caught –.”

Kaidan pinched the bridge of his nose. For just a moment, Jane wondered if she’d pushed too far. Or, maybe it was one of his migraines? “Has to do the chasing. Yeah, I get it. What’s that got to do with anything right now?”

The lift arrived, doors opening and depositing the new arrivals while Jane and Kaidan ducked inside. “We left Earth in kind of a hurry,” she explained as the doors closed.

“Yeah.” He sighed, his eyes drifting over to her. “You need me to go grab you a toothbrush or something?”

Jane struggled to bite back a smile and a laugh to no avail. “You know, come to think of it …” It was then, as she watched him closely, she noticed the pinching at the corners of his eyes, the tightness at the corners of his mouth. _Pain._ Their discussion back on the _Normandy_ as they were fleeing Earth returned. Vancouver wasn’t just Alliance HQ to him or the location of his biotic spec ops program; it was home, and his parents were caught up in what was happening back there. “Hear something from your parents?”

He sighed heavily. “To be honest,” he replied, “I haven’t had a chance to look into it yet. It’s probably too early at this point, but I suppose I should leave some contact information, just in case.”

Jane’s head bobbed once. “That sounds like a good plan.”

His gaze now focused more closely on her as he asked, “So, are you going to explain your tag reference?”

She hadn’t expected him to jump back to the topic at hand so quickly, and her initial instinct was to laugh. “Right. So, like I said, we kind of left in a hurry.” He nodded. “Which means the _Normandy_ isn’t fully crewed.”

The corner of one of his eyes twitched. “Yeah, okay.”

The doors opened to the Presidium level and as she led the way out, he quickly fell into step beside her. “Well,” she continued, “I’ve no doubt many of those who got free from Earth, as well as any from our outlying bases have ended up here, on the Citadel. I was thinking we should see about recruiting some of them for the _Normandy_.”

A light of understanding filled his eyes. “And you’d like for me to arrange that?”

She smiled. “Well, yes, that and …”

They turned descended into the Presidium Commons and started walking along the main thoroughfare and came face to face with the truth of the situation on the Citadel. Here, there were a variety of shops and restaurants along the way, and all were busy enough to suggest they had little care for what was going on in the galaxy around them. Giant electronic billboards invited consumers to partake in a range of recreational activities, not the least of which included the latest Blasto movie, while others offered suggestions for the latest weaponry, munitions and armor. To say that it was a bit of a shock was an understatement and her voice trailed off momentarily.

“And?”

“Hmm?” Pulled back to the conversation, she looked up at him. “And what?”

His lips curved slightly, the humor in his eyes real, though Jane was uncertain of the cause. “You said you wanted me to arrange for additional crew for the _Normandy_ ,” he reminded her, “then you made it sound like you had something else you needed me to do?”

“Ah!” The flutter of nerves that had plagued her on and off since coming up with the idea toyed with her insides momentarily. She wasn’t nervous, not really, but she was about to ask him to take a huge career jump on her behalf. He was as by the book as it came, and she had no doubt he wanted to be out there fighting on the front lines. He was a soldier, and a good one. His skills were best utilized out in the field of battle, which technically, she wouldn’t stop him from doing. But she was also asking him to take on quite a bit of additional responsibility. _I can’t do this alone._ _I need you with me. Will you do it?_

Clearing her throat, she said, “I have a bit of a dilemma, you see? Not only are we short on crew, but seeing how we left Earth and Anderson stayed behind, I’m short on command crew as well.” She sighed and ran a hand through her hair, waiting until the long lengths tumbled out and dropped down her back before adding, “We have a few people on board, _good_ people, who were around for the retrofit, and I’m hoping I can convince them to stay on, but we’re still short one key position.”

“And that is?” They paused briefly by one of the food shops where she purchased them each a sandwich and drink. With these in hand, Jane led him down to one of the balconies nearby where they could look down over the Presidium as a whole. Beside her, he leaned his hip against the nearby railing as he took a bite of his sandwich.

“I need an Executive Officer,” she said quietly after a moment, “and I’d like for that to be you.”

His eyes widened only fractionally, but the surprise in them was hard to miss. Again, she chewed on the inside of her cheek and for the moment ignored her food. “Look, Kaidan,” she began, “You are an exceptional soldier, and I know you’d much rather be out there –.”

He raised a hand between them, his palm facing her and she stopped speaking. “Commander,” he replied solemnly, “I’m honored that you would ask me.”

Her breath caught in surprise. “Then … you’ll do it?”

“Yes.”

Something deep inside her wanted to weep with thanks at his agreement. After everything that happened in the past year to her, she was well aware that her mission to find a way to destroy the Reapers would likely be completed without any of her close friends or confidantes from three years before on her crew. Liara had agreed to come along, of course, but she was so busy these days that Jane seriously doubted the asari would be able to join her on many ground missions and likely would end up closed in her quarters more often than not. And Vega, though he appeared to be an exceptional soldier, did not have that same level of skill and experience working with her. She would have to start fresh with him. But Kaidan on the other hand … 

Taking a deep breath, she murmured, “Thank you.”

“Did you honestly think I would refuse?”

She sighed and ran her hand through her hair yet again. “Kaidan, I’ve been incarcerated for over six months. I have no idea just what anyone thinks about what happened last year, and –.”

He snorted softly. “I think it’s probably safe to say that they’ll be more likely to believe you now that the Reapers have showed up.”

“I –.” She stopped, stared at him briefly, then chuckled. When the laughter died away, she finally gave into the temptation of the food in her hand. “It’s ironic, but I think you might be right,” she said around a bite of her sandwich. 

“They aren’t a myth anymore. People will have to wake up to that fact and when they do, they’ll be looking for our help.” He finished his sandwich in only a few bites then downed his drink in three gulps. “I’ll go see about filling out the _Normandy_ crew and meet you back on board once I’m done. Unless you need me at Udina’s office?”

Jane sighed but shook her head. “No, I’ll handle it.” She managed a dry smile. “Especially if it means I’ll have a full crew when I get back.”

He flashed her a quick grin as he turned to leave. “That much, I can promise you.”

She finished her sandwich over the next few minutes, savoring the peace and calm the Presidium provided. It wouldn’t last; it couldn’t, but for now it was a balm and she needed it as much as any other human at the moment.

When she started back in the direction of the embassies, she considered the situation. She’d made it safely off Earth and out of Sol, most of her team intact as well. They were shorthanded, but that problem would soon be resolved. Having Kaidan as her XO would be a blessing; their shared history of working and serving together would prove equally valuable. Oh, she expected they would have moments where they butted heads over tactics and the like, but in all honesty, that was what she hoped for. Someone to help her see the bigger picture, someone willing to poke at her if she became too narrow in her thinking. It was something she got far too used to having back on the SR1 and she’d missed out on it during the hunt for the Collectors.

_The Collectors._ Briefly, Jane’s thoughts drifted to her crew from years past. Garrus and Tali. Samara and Thane. Grunt and Wrex. Jack, Miranda and Kasumi. She hoped they were all still safe from the Reapers, or at the very least were able to get away from them to fight another day. If the opportunity rose to check in on them, she would, but for now she had other matters to concern herself with.


	18. On Board

The meeting with Udina, while not exactly encouraging did leave Jane with more hope than she had going in. 

It was three and a half hours by the time Udina finally returned to his office, bitter and agitated as usual. Jane opted to let him rant for a few minutes; after everything that had happened to her this day, she really couldn’t blame him for his mood, and from what he said in passing, he lost a lot of good friends when Arcturus was lost. She relayed what little she could from her experiences in Vancouver and the few partial messages from Admiral Hackett. As she wound down, and the spark of fire in Udina’s eyes started to flare once more, they were interrupted by an unexpected visitor; Councilor Sparatus.

Jane would be the first to admit her knowledge of turians and their facial expressions, vocal nuances, and other personality traits was limited at best. Sure, she was well acquainted with Garrus, but he was one turian. She wasn’t foolish to believe he was representative of the race as a whole; all she had to do was point to Saren to justify that. As the turian councilor now descended the steps into Udina’s office, Jane’s gaze was drawn to him like a moth to flame. Wariness prickled up her spine as she wondered if his arrival meant the Council was about to revoke her Spectre authority entirely. 

His response astonished her. Not once, but twice. He quickly reaffirmed her Spectre authority, granting her access to what resources they had at their disposal. It was a relief, so much so Jane’s legs felt like jello for a moment. She was aware that the resources available wouldn’t likely amount to much – no one had taken the threat of the Reapers very seriously over the past three years. Still, she hoped what was offered could help in some way. But it was the nature of the second that shocked her more. 

Clearing her throat, she and Udina exchanged a quick look before she managed, “I beg your pardon?”

“You heard me, commander,” he replied. “The _Normandy_ is the only ship in any fleet that can get in and out of the system without the Reapers tracking her. Quick, quiet, silent. Retrieve Primarch Fedorian for the war summit; it is the best help I can offer.”

Jane folded her arms over her chest, eyes narrowing into a long, hard, calculating look. Udina shuffled behind her, just enough that she heard him, but otherwise remained silent, apparently content to let her lead these talks. “I’m sorry, Councilor, but how exactly does that help Earth?” she felt compelled to ask. Her day had been long, and looked like it might now continue even longer, and exhaustion tickled at the back of her mind. 

Sparatus led her over to a vidscreen display on Udina’s office wall. “The Council cannot help you,” he replied, restating their earlier decision, “but the leaders of the war summit will be the ones making the key decisions for our people as this war progresses. Retrieve Primarch Fedorian and you will have unprecedented access to the one person in control of the turian fleet.” He pointed at the display, a visual of numbers – Reapers attacking Palaven, people lost, the forecast for how long they could hold out. Jane winced. The numbers didn’t look good. “He might be able to give you what you need.”

The conversation didn’t last much longer after that, though Jane did promise to retrieve the Primarch for him. As tired as she was, it didn’t take a genius to see that his assessment was accurate enough. As the discussion wound down, the full implication of Udina allowing her to take the lead in these talks finally hit her. That circumstance was … different, potentially worrying, but there was no time to focus on that now. Sparatus’ departure gave Jane opportunity to speak with Udina one last time. He had little to say – definitely a surprise there – though he did promise to look into all available ways to raise money and gather resources that the prothean device. That, at least, was something they could both agree on. 

Exiting the embassies turned out to be more of a challenge than getting in. Over time, the crowds had grown; military and civilian, staff as well as those seeking audience. It took Jane a number of minutes simply to make her way to the lifts, and once there she found herself at the end of a long line. The temptation to wave her Spectre status and move to the front was very real, but she ultimately decided against it. Not only did she not want to flaunt her status to everyone in the immediate area and possibly end up looking like the galaxy’s biggest jerk as a result, but in all honesty, she was simply too damned tired. With that in mind, she took her place, smiled wearily at the asari couple ahead of her, and turned her attention to the view of the Presidium just outside the window. Tuning out the hum and buzz of the voices around her, she focused her attention on the peace found in the beauty beyond.

At least until a familiar voice broke through her thoughts. “Hey, commander!”

Coming back to herself took a moment, but as she settled, she spotted James standing a few feet away. Her lips twisted into a wry smile. _My babysitter. Has it really been less than a day since we left Earth?_ Shaking off her mood, she walked over and nodded a greeting as she drew up beside him. “Hey, Vega. What are you doing up here, of all places?”

He, at least, seemed in a pleasant mood and greeted her with a chuckle. “Just checking things out, Lola.” He shrugged. “I saw Liara, heard how the Council reacted.”

The line to the elevators started to move, and Jane tilted her head at him. He responded by following. In the end, they just missed the cut off and had to wait for the next one. “The war isn’t real to them yet,” she murmured. “That’ll come with time.”

He snorted in disgust. “Yeah, but by then will it be too late?” He turned in a half circle, gesturing around the lobby of the embassies. “I mean, this all looks pretty and everything, but they gotta know that’s gonna change. Right?”

Another elevator arrived before she could reply, and Jane took the opportunity to hop inside. Vega followed, but to her surprise, he turned around and waved off any who might follow. “Spectre business,” he told them as the doors closed. Only then did he return his attention to her. 

Their eyes met, held, and after marking the docks as their destination, she started to laugh and shake her head back and forth. He replied with a sheepish, but impertinent grin, and that made her laugh even more. As the elevator came to a slow stop, she said “While I appreciate it in this particular instance, please don’t make a habit of doing that unless I ask first.”

The grin still in place, he nodded. “Sure thing, Lola.”

They walked through the security checkpoint in silence, arriving at the lobby area just outside their docking bay a few minutes later. Here, too, people milled all over the place; there were many more military uniforms here than up in the embassies, with a spattering of civilian mixed in. Jane spotted Kaidan on the far side of the lobby leading a small group of people to the docking tube leading to the _Normandy_. A glance was all that was needed to prompt Vega to whistle sharply to get the major’s attention as he spotted them immediately. Jane’s gaze drifted to the group beside him, and managed a smile, albeit a weary one. There were at least a dozen people waiting beside him. _At least one thing’s gone well while we were here. Good_. Glancing up at Vega again, she asked, “Hey, Vega? Can you help these people find bunks on board the _Normandy_?”

“Sure thing, commander.”

Vega hustled ahead to take over the lead of the group while Kaidan stepped to the side and waited for Jane to catch up. “Nicely done,” she said by way of greeting as she stepped out of the flow of traffic next to him. “Run into any problems?”

“No problems,” he assured her. “In fact, as soon as they realized I was there on behalf of the _Normandy_ , I was swarmed.” A small grin curved at his lips. “I guess she’s known by her reputation if nothing else.”

Jane laughed. “That’s a relief, I guess.” Sighing, she looked around the room again. Not too far away from them, she spotted an unfamiliar face, but its proximity to the airborne vidcam did far more to identify the woman alongside it than anything else. “Ah, shit,” Jane muttered as the woman turned their way and started waving.,

“What is it?” Kaidan looked around. “Ah.”

Beneath her breath, Jane pleaded, “Stick around, will you? Just in case I need an emergency extraction from this battlefield?”

He couldn’t stop a soft snort of amusement from escaping past his lips, but his nod was reassurance enough. She had no doubt he was recalling their run in with a reporter back when they were chasing Saren and Sovereign.

“Commander Shepard?” the woman called out, waving at her as she approached. “Commander Shepard!”

Jane did her best to slip into a neutral expression, but as tired as she was at the moment, she suspected she simply looked bored. Her previous encounters with the press were well documented. Time to find out if this reporter was aware of that or not. “What can I do for you?”

“Diana Allers,” the reporter replied. “War correspondent and face of ANN’s ‘Battlespace.’”

Jane’s eyes flicked briefly over to Kaidan. A subtle nod of agreement was the only response she got. “Okay?”

“With the Reapers here and more and more colonies overtaken every day,” she continued, “I’m looking for a ship that will put me front row center. And I want that ship to be the _Normandy._ ”

Jane’s lips curled into a small smile, but it didn’t reach her eyes. The woman wasn’t lacking in confidence; aggressiveness was a trait Jane knew reporters had to have in their business. But that didn’t mean she had to like it. _Too bad I’m immune unless it’s on a battlefield._ “Is that so.”

“Look, commander,” Allers continued, “your reputation among the press is well known –.”

Jane’s smile deepened; her decision already made. “And it’s one you should take to heart, Allers,” she replied, cutting her off. “The _Normandy_ is a warship. We are in and out of war zones and battlefields all the time. The last thing I need on my ship is a civilian.”

“But I can change that reputation for you, commander,” she argued. “All I ask is that you allow me the chance. Everything I submit will only be with your final approval.” Her smile widened. “It’s a win-win situation for the both of us.”

_That’s what you think_. Jane silently counted to ten, determined to make her exit from this situation as professional as possible. “I’m sorry, Ms. Allers, but the _Normandy_ is a warship, and as such I am not comfortable having civilians on board.” She nodded over at Kaidan who took a step forward. “My XO can give you the names of Alliance vessels currently docked on the Citadel. Perhaps you’ll have more success convincing one of their captains.” 

Without another word, Jane turned away, walking through the docking tube. Behind her, she heard Kaidan quietly providing the information. To her credit, Allers made no loud protests or dramatic pleas, although the disappointment was clear in her voice. 

Jane was near the elevator in the CIC when Kaidan caught up with her. “Did that satisfy her?”

He shrugged. “I won’t go so far as to say ‘satisfied,’ but she thanked me for the information and wished us luck,” he replied. “For what it’s worth, I agree with your call. While she might have a valid point, having a reporter underfoot all the time could be problematical.”

Her smile was less than full, but it expressed her thanks to him. “My track record with the media is abysmal at best,” Jane pointed out. “And despite what she might think, I don’t buy her, ‘oh, I’ll make you look so good!’ outlook on things. We’re at war. A war that is going to be challenging enough as it is. I don’t need a reporter with eyes on every move and decision I make and leaving me to second guess myself for a televised audience.” She sighed and ran her hand over her face. “Anyway, now that’s done with, let’s get back to business. I’d like to have a meeting in the conference room with my new command crew. Vega’s helping everyone find a bunk, but he should be done in,” she glanced at her omni-tool, “let’s call it an hour. I’d like you, Liara, Vega …”

“Got it under control, commander,” he replied easily. Then he grinned. “Hey, you made me XO to deal with these things, right? Let me deal with it.” Having said that, he walked off to the other side of the CIC. Effectively freeing up her time for the next short while, Jane hopped onto the elevator and headed up to her cabin. She spoke briefly to Joker to make certain their departure was moving ahead smoothly, and by the time she arrived at her door, she was left with most of an hour on her hands. It couldn’t have come at a better time, either. As she walked inside the room, she couldn’t stop the jaw-cracking yawn that overtook her. Her eyes fell immediately to the bed across the room, and for once in her life, she simply gave into temptation and stumbled until she fell face down atop it. She was asleep before her head hit the pillows.

~ n ~

Per Jane’s request, Kaidan notified the command crew that they would meet in an hour. During that time, he kept one eye on the chronometer and the other supervising departure procedures. Right around the time they were finalizing the coordinates for the Apien Crest jump, he made his way through to the conference room. The hour had come and gone too quickly for his liking; they had far too much to do in too little time, but at least they were heading in the direction of Palaven. He’d seen some of the command crew pass through the CIC over the past few minutes, with one notable exception. 

He cleared security and entered the elevator, triggering his comms at the same time. “EDI, where is Commander Shepard?”

“Commander Shepard is in her quarters on Deck 1,” the AI replied.

Kaidan frowned. Three times in the past five minutes, he’d attempted to contact her, but all he’d received in return was silence. “Any idea why she isn’t responding?” 

“The commander is asleep, Major Alenko.”

Kaidan punched the destination and the lift started to move. _Asleep … of course you’re asleep._ He sighed softly, head tilting to rest against the wall, and barely managed to stifle a yawn stalking him. They still had quite a bit that needed doing before either of them could get proper rest before their arrival at Palaven, but of all the jobs he wasn’t looking forward to as her XO, waking her from a sound sleep was one of them.

He exited the lift a moment later to find the door to her cabin locked. “EDI?” The red flickered for a moment before landing on green, at which point he opened the door and stepped inside …


	19. Team Building

_She takes off running the minute the burnt husk of a forest comes into focus, but surprisingly, she can’t find the cause. No matter where she looks, where she turns, she is surrounded by dead trees and just the faintest hint of ash drifting lazily through the air. The location is easy enough to identify; it’s the same forest that has haunted her dreams since the Alliance incarcerated her. But this time, in this moment, everything is dead silent and still …_

_… until a soft giggle echoes through the air, as fresh and clean as tingling chimes hanging in the wind._

_Jane skids to a stop, nearly tumbling head over heels with forward momentum. She regains her balance with a slight flailing of her arms while in the same motion turning to her left, eyes searching for the source of the sound. A flutter of movement just beyond the trees no more than a hundred feet away catches her attention, a blur of lighter color against the dark surrounding her, and her course is set. Jane follows without hesitation, but unlike her prior dreams, it seems to take forever to cover the short distance._

_The childlike laugh filters through the air around her, light and airy. She rounds a small bend and checks to her right, then left, then straight ahead. Eventually, she finds the child on her knees playing next to an empty park bench. Jane steps closer, the child glances up; same red pigtails, same green eyes, same dimple in her chin. Jane’s heart thumps wildly in her chest as she extends her hand._

_But the child is in no mood to be caught, and jumps to her feet. With a squeal of laughter, she races off to the right, running as fast as her young legs can carry her._

_Disappointment flows through Jane, but she once again moves to pursue. Again, her pace limited, ridiculously so. Frustration eats at her – is this due to being relieved of duty for six months, or is it something else entirely? – and she bites back a growl. Seconds melt into minutes as she attempts to track and isolate the child once more. She finds her again, after god knows how long. This time, the child is on her feet. Big, solemn eyes stare upward at Jane, small, pouty lips closed and silent. It takes a moment for Jane to understand. There is no more laughter, no smile, no identifiable expression or emotion that frames the girl’s features this time._

_Jane slows, extending her hand as she comes to a stop. “Come with me,” she coaxes gently. “Let me get you to safety.”_

_The ground beneath Jane’s feet starts to tremble; a giant klaxon in the distance reverberates across the land. The child’s expression doesn’t change; eyes locked onto Jane._

_Fear like nothing she has ever felt in her life slices through Jane and leaves her breathless. “Please!” she manages, stretching, reaching. The child responds with one step back, remaining out of reach. Before Jane can reach for her again, red-orange flames erupt between them forming an impenetrable wall. Eyes widening in horror, Jane shouts, “No!” just as the world around her goes black …_

~ n ~

With a gasp half in shock and half in pain, Jane bolted upright, her lungs burning as if on fire. 

“Steady, Shepard! Are you alright?”

She couldn’t respond for a few minutes as coughing wracked her frame. When finally she managed to wheeze out a breath and then another, painful yet not as bad as before, she glanced up to find Kaidan standing beside her bed, his hand resting firmly on her shoulder. She took another slow, experimental breath, and satisfied she was past the worst of it, she nodded. “Wh-why are you here?” she rasped, dropping her legs over the edge of the mattress.

The mask of concern on his face deepened. “You asked for a meeting with your new command staff in the conference room,” he replied. “When you didn’t show up, EDI informed me you were still up here asleep.” He released his hold and took a step back. “Everything okay?”

Jane groaned softly as she rose to her feet. She rubbed her face vigorously with her hands, desperately trying to shake the last vestiges of the dream. “Yeah, alright,” she muttered. “I’m … I’m good.” She took a couple of wobbly steps in the direction of the stairs and nearly fell flat on her face. 

Kaidan reacted immediately, arm shooting out to catch her beneath her shoulder. “I hate to say it, but that’s hardly reassuring.”

Jane took another deep breath, leaning heavily against him for a long moment during the process. “Give me just a second … bad dream.” His arm tightened around her waist in support at that, but thankfully, he remained silent. A few more deep breaths and a shake of her head later, her voice was much stronger when next she spoke. “Thanks. I’ll be fine now.”

He released his hold as she climbed the stairs, but remained within reach just in case she faltered again. When they reached the top, she turned toward him. “I’m just going to throw some water on my face really quick. I’ll meet you in the conference room.”

He hesitated. “Are you sure?” 

When it looked as if he might pull out his omni-tool to run a scan, Jane managed a short laugh. “I’m positive, Kaidan. I just needed a minute is all. Thanks for the assist.”

Seemingly content with her response, he walked out of the cabin, but he paused just outside the door before it closed. “You know you aren’t in this all alone, right?”

Jane looked back over her shoulder at him, their gazes meeting. “I know,” she promised. “I promise, it was just a bad dream.” She took a deep breath and straightened, rolling her shoulders back and offering him a smile. “I’m good.”

She noted reluctance in his stance, but he surprised her by not following up on it. “All right, I’ll see you down there.”

The door closed and Jane dropped into her desk chair for a long minute. There was no doubt in her mind she was still far too shaken by the nightmare, but she couldn’t share that with him. Not yet, anyway. The only people who knew about her earlier dreams were Anderson and, by extension, Hackett. Kaidan was a friend, and a good friend at that, but there was one hell of a risk in sharing with him that the Reapers talked _to_ her in her dreams. Hell, she didn’t want to start to think about how that would look on her psych evals, let alone what it might leave him, or any of the rest of the crew, thinking of her for that matter. Her gaze rose to stare at the empty fish tank; the absence of the creatures was surprisingly deep, considering what a challenge it had been to keep them fed. Sighing, she ran her hands through her hair. As she turned toward the head, she twisted the long strands into something presentable and located a clip to hold it in place. “Harbinger,” she muttered darkly, “you have a hell of a lot to answer for. And I’m just the one to make you do that.” A moment later, she splashed water on her face and exited her cabin. The Reapers were here and she was out of house arrest. It was time to get to work.

Upon arrival at the conference room, Jane took up a position on the far side of the table, her full attention upon those who entered. Kaidan stood just outside the doors, ushering everyone else inside before he followed. His eyes met hers and he nodded, a small smile on his lips. Jane knew in that moment, her choice of him as XO had been inspired. As always, he presented a calming demeanor, the type that chased away any nerves or panic that the Reapers’ arrival unknowingly brought with it and put everyone in the room at ease, including herself. Offering him a smile in return, she thought, _We can do this_. _We HAVE to do this. If the galaxy is to survive, it’s going to be up to us to make it happen._ She looked around the room, her eyes briefly meeting each individual and the smile strengthened. _We CAN do this._

Liara was the first to step forward, moving up next to Jane. She nodded solemnly as she settled; she would have a large part to play in the next few minutes as she helped brief the rest on the prothean device. It did not escape Jane’s notice just how much more confident her friend was these days. Vaguely, she wondered how much of that was due to their time spent together chasing Saren and Sovereign and how much was thanks to Liara’s new role as the Shadow Broker. Whatever the cause, Jane considered it a step in the right direction for the young asari.

Dr. Chakwas took the position to Jane’s right. Her presence at these meetings was mostly to keep her aware of their current situation and the potential necessity for her services in the immediate future. That she occasionally could provide insight regarding others would also be helpful, particularly where the enemy was concerned. 

On the doctor’s other side and to Jane’s delight was a familiar face she had not seen since in several years. Taking his place with a quiet nod of greeting and recognition, Chief Engineer Adams was, aside perhaps from Tali’Zorah and maybe John, the one person whom Jane trusted most to be in charge of the _Normandy_ ’s Engineering section. She was curious how his return had come about, but she certainly wasn’t going to argue it. To survive this war, she needed the best crew available, and he definitely fell into that category.

On the far side of the table, Vega sauntered up to stand directly across from Jane. He wasn’t alone, either, Jane noticed. To his left a younger woman with dark hair, sharp eyes and a somewhat bubbly attitude took up position. Her uniform designation marked her as a Specialist. To Vega’s other side stood a man in lieutenant bars. He met Jane’s gaze with a simple nod, but it was difficult to miss his self-assured presence; it reminded her of many N7s she knew. 

Kaidan secured the door before taking up position at the end of the table, giving her a nod to indicate they were all present and accounted for. Jane took a deep breath. It was time to begin. 

“Right then,” she said by way of greeting. “For those of you new to the _Normandy_ , welcome aboard. I’m Commander Jane Shepard.” She glanced directly at the two faces she did not know. “I have no doubt my reputation precedes me.” 

Both smiled in return, something else that eased her mind. The young woman was the first to respond. “Specialist Samantha Traynor, commander,” she said, saluting smartly. “I was tasked with helping out with the comm systems during the retrofit of the _Normandy_.”

Jane’s brow arched as she recalled the choppy connection with Admiral Hackett as they left Earth. If Traynor had been around for the retrofit, she might be the most important person to keep them up and running. “Where were you when we left Sol?”

Traynor flushed slightly, her cheeks darkening just a bit. “Knee deep in the hard wiring of our communications systems,” she explained. “We just started installing the QEC a few days ago. While the majority of it was complete, when the Reapers attacked, I was still installing some of the hardware systems and programs.”

That certainly explained a few things. “And our current status?” 

Traynor sighed softly as she wrung her hands together in a nervous gesture. “Well, it’s mostly working,” she promised, “but there are still a few areas we need to smooth the kinks out of.”

“ _Commander,”_ EDI interjected into the room, “ _Specialist Traynor and I are now approximately 93.726% complete with the installation of the QEC. It should not take more than another day, by my calculations._ ”

“Understood, EDI.” Turning her attention back to Traynor, she added, “This is your top priority, understand?” Traynor nodded. “Coordinate with Major Alenko and pull any and all crew who have any tech or communications experience if you need help, but we need communications at their best ASAP.”

“Yes, ma’am,” Traynor replied as she jumped to attention and saluted. 

Jane next turned her attention to the lieutenant. He, like Traynor, saluted smartly. “Lieutenant Steve Cortez, ma’am. I’ve been assigned to be your shuttle pilot.”

Standing casually next to him, Vega chuckled. Jane’s glance shifted to him which, she noted, resulted with him clearing his throat. “Sorry, commander,” he apologized. “Esteban and I go way back.”

Jane’s brow arched. That was unexpected, but not necessarily a bad thing. “You can vouch for him?”

Vega nodded even before she finished asking the question. “Yes, ma’am. He’s one of the best fighter pilots around.”

“And I won’t be using the shuttle as a weapon,” Cortez added, side-glancing Vega in the process.

Vega looked wounded. “Hey, man, it worked, didn’t it?”

“Yes, well, your idea of ‘worked’ has left us with only one operational shuttle and little hope of obtaining spare parts,” Cortez replied. He turned his attention to Shepard. “But I’ll do my best to find them, commander,” he assured her. “I have some connections who might be able to help.”

Jane blinked. “Connections?” 

Cortez chuckled. “I was brought on board to help with procurement as well as be your shuttle pilot,” he explained. “If the parts are out there, I’ll find them.”

Again, it was difficult to miss that self-assurance, but she supposed his experience as a fighter pilot supplied that. His apparent dedication to duty was nothing to overlook either. She wondered briefly if it was his normal take on things or if it was due to the war. _Perhaps a quick discussion with Vega will enlighten things._

Shifting her gaze to the doctor, Jane asked, “Status of the Medbay?”

Dr. Chakwas straightened. “Fully restocked, commander. We have enough supplies to last us a good long while,” her lips twitched into a slight smirk, “even at the rate you go through them.” 

There were a few snickers and chuckles around the table, even from Jane herself. “Good to know,” she replied. She now turned her attention to Lieutenant Adams. “And Engineering? Are you up to speed on the changes in our new _Normandy_ , Chief Adams?”

“I was part of the retrofit team as well, commander. I am fully aware of the improvements made,” he assured her. “Before heading up here, I met with Donnelly and Daniels. As long as they know their stuff –.”

Jane’s gaze darted back to Kaidan – he’d found Ken Donnelly and Gabby Daniels? The only sign of Kaidan’s amusement was the twitch of the corner of his lips, but it was enough. Returning her attention to Adams, she lifted a hand. There was a certain level of wariness in his eyes, and she wanted to nip any concern in the bud up front. “Ken and Gabby are very good at what they do, Adams; almost as good as you and Tali. I can vouch for that myself. Without them, the _Normandy_ would never have survived our mission against the Collectors.” She glanced back at Kaidan. “They were reinstated by the Alliance, I take it?” Kaidan nodded again.

“Yes, ma’am,” Adams acknowledged.

Jane smiled. “I know you have reservations because of their former associations, and that’s fine. But, trust me when I tell you, they were the heart and blood of this ship last year. They know their stuff, and more importantly, they believe in this ship. That’s good enough for me.”

He nodded. “I understand, commander, and I trust your judgement.”

Inhaling deeply, Jane turned back to the group as a whole. She signaled Liara before stepping out of the way and walking over to stand beside Kaidan. “All right, Liara, why don’t you explain to everyone about the prothean device.”

The asari moved over and pressed a button which projected the data and images retrieved from Dr. Coré’s body above the conference table. As she briefed the rest of the group on what it was and just how much they knew so far, Jane took that moment to focus on the unique device’s design and absorb it as much as she could. It was remarkable in its simplicity, if looks meant anything. It was also massive in size. Admiral Hackett had already sent several requests for specific resources if they found any along the way, and the intimidation factor associated with that was very real. And though not her area of technical expertise, the tech geek in her was fascinated at how the thing was put together. She hoped they would have an opportunity to stop by and see it over the coming weeks and months as the construction process took place.

As Liara wound up her part of the briefing, Jane returned to her previous position. “So, as you can see, we have our work cut out for us,” she announced. “And while we are collecting the resources necessary to build the device, we also have a war to fight.” She reached over to press a button. A display of the galaxy map came into view over the center of the table. All systems in the galaxy were present. Those controlled by the Reapers, which at the moment was limited to Earth and batarian space, were faded and barely visible. Those currently being contested were highlighted in blue. Those with suggestions of a Reaper presence were highlighted in yellow. And those with no signs of any Reaper presence at all were highlighted in green.

Jane brought the focus in on the Trebia System in the Apien Crest. “This is Palaven,” she explained. “Having taken control of batarian space and the Sol System, the Reapers are now focusing on the turian home world. Our mission is to get in there and evacuate Primarch Fedorian so he can attend a war summit being held with the salarians and asari.” She made eye contact with each person in the room. “Our only chance in this war, _Earth’s_ only chance, requires our success. The Council cannot help us during this conflict, but it was suggested that the leaders of this war summit will likely be the group making the decisions as to which of their troops fight which battles, who they go into battle with, and where.”

Adams braced his arms against the table as he examined the map. Red dots represented the number of Reapers that were known to be present. There were a _lot_ of red dots around Palaven. “Well, they chose the right ship for it,” he promised. “The _Normandy_ ’s stealth systems aided by that Reaper IFF you installed last year should get us in and out of there without them noticing.”

“My information suggests that Primarch Fedorian is on Menae,” Liara announced. She reached over to zoom in on the moon orbiting around Palaven. “As I understand it, the bulk of their ground forces are stationed there.”

Jane glanced over at Steve. “The _Normandy_ is one thing, but what about the shuttle? Will we be able to get in and out of there without too much trouble?”

He nodded. “The UT-47A Kodiak has the same stealth capabilities as the _Normandy_ , on a smaller level, of course. I can get you in and out of there easily enough.”

A soft beep broke through the quiet of the conference room, and Traynor moved quickly over to a separate panel at the other end of the table. “Pardon the interruption, commander,” she said, lifting her eyes to meet Jane’s, “but Admiral Hackett is on the QEC.”

“EDI, how long until we arrive at Palaven?” Jane asked.

“ _Twenty-one hours and fourteen minutes._ ” 

“Alright,” Jane acknowledged before glancing over at Kaidan. “Major Alenko, if you will set our destination for the Trebia System, I will go see what the Admiral has for us.” To the room as a whole, she added, “Thank you for your time, everyone. Dismissed.” 


	20. Distraction

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you all for reading!!!

Not unexpectedly, war was chaos and as such, timelines and order of battle were fluid despite the best laid plans. Common sense dictated this, but somehow in all the confusion of escaping Sol, seeking assistance from the Council and filling out the crew of the _Normandy_ , it slipped Jane’s mind in the moment. 

The call from Hackett, one based off high level intel, became priority and resulted in a detour on the way to Palaven. A long, opposite-side-of-the-galaxy detour, but Cerberus was involved. Add in Reaper tech, and even Jane couldn’t argue the necessity. The Illusive Man was up to something, that much was certain, and it couldn’t be good. If they could nip him in the bud, so to speak, then she could focus solely on the Reapers. The intel was good, she couldn’t argue that, and if the mission was successful, it could well be their second big break in this war.

Call completed and a quick stop by the galaxy map to change course along with a brief conversation with Traynor, Jane then headed up to her cabin. For the first time in two days – was it only two days? – she had a moment in which to catch her breath. 

Entering the cabin this time, she paused to look around. There were some minor changes in the décor from her last stint as captain, but that was about it. Anything of major importance was pretty much the same. Fish tank, display shelves, even the miniature galaxy map on her desk remained in place. The only major source of disappointment came from the fact that anything personal was missing; her fish and Boo, in particular, were not present, and the books she’d been given by Kasumi. Even the model kits she’d spent so many hours building under the guise of ‘physical therapy’ per Dr. Chakwas’ orders had been removed. At some point, she hoped, they could be replaced. After all, it wasn’t like having pets or hobbies on the _Normandy_ really helped with the war effort or anything in the grander scheme of things, and this time around, the need for continued physical therapy focused on fine motor skills was far less.

Still, one thing became quite obvious as she searched the quarters; examining each storage area only reiterated to her that the original plan for this war was for Anderson to return to command. Fresh dress blues, a few pairs of fatigues, and an assortment of other clothing were tucked away neatly waiting for his arrival. Jane bit back a grimace, her thoughts returning to that moment over Vancouver; _Make them listen!_ Never before in her career had such a heavy burden been placed upon her shoulders by a direct order. Hand clenching around the soft cotton of the N7 hoodie in her hands, eyes closed tightly, she prayed she had the strength and skill necessary to make it happen. Letting humanity down, letting _him_ down, was not an option in her book.

With the assistance of EDI, a small crate containing Alliance uniforms in her size as well as a couple of casual outfits for when they were on shore leave was located on the ship. Vega’s assistance was enlisted to retrieve it, but when he arrived on the doorstep to the cabin, she was shocked to find his arms filled with _two._ “What’s this? EDI said only one crate – ?”

Chuckling, he maneuvered his way into the cabin around her and set them on the floor next to her desk. “Found the larger one while tracking the other down and thought it might … interest you.”

“Oh?” Her gaze narrowed on him, suspicion flooding her system. “Lieutenant, what are you up to?”

He grinned. “EDI said you wouldn’t mind, Lola,” he promised. Dusting his hands off, he glanced around the room. “Need any more help?” 

Suspicion bled into curiosity, and Jane started with the larger of the crates. The moment it was open, however, understanding dawned and she couldn’t hold back a gasp of surprise mixed with a soft squeal of delight as she clasped her hands together. Contained inside the crate were the models she’d so diligently worked on the previous year. Beaming over at the lieutenant and feeling lighter than she had since … well, since being brought back to life, really, she nodded and cleared a space on her desk. Climbing up, she said, “Hand those to me one at a time, please,” she requested as she slid the doors open.

Filling the case took little time, and despite the teasing and occasional skeptical look from Vega, Jane was able to relax fully for the just a few minutes. He left, shaking his head and muttering in Spanish beneath his breath as he grabbed the crate to dispose of, but even she could see the hint of amusement at his lips and in his eyes. She had no doubt stories would make the rounds of the ship before they arrived at their destination.

Her next task, now that the room was starting to take on a more personal feel, was to unpack her clothing and repack up Anderson’s. That took little time in the grand scheme of things, and she finished with a sense of satisfaction that surprised her … and, glancing down at her hands and taking a quick look in the mirror, the realization that while the _Normandy_ might have been in dry dock for retrofit for six months, it still gathered a lot of dust that now layered on top of the remnants of the battle on Mars that still remained. Three separate streaks marked her forehead, cheek and neck, and that was only the obvious. It was a wonder the Council had allowed her in to speak to them at all in her current state. Grabbing a towel, Jane decided a hot shower was long overdue.

Fifteen minutes later and feeling much more like her normal self, Jane wrapped one towel around her body and was just fixing the second around her hair when EDI announced, “Commander, Major Alenko is here to see you.”

The door opened as she exited. “EDI, tell him I’ll be just a …” She drew up short, not three steps into her office to keep from walking straight into him. “Kaidan!”

Their eyes met, confusion mixing with embarrassment, and he immediately spun around on his heel and stepped to the left out of her way. “Sorry! EDI opened the door, so I just assumed …”

Holding the towel securely in place, she mentally chalked the moment up to an ‘accident waiting to happen,’ sort of thing, especially with her normal open door policy with the crew. She patted his shoulder in reassurance as she eased around him. “Not your fault. Just give me a second to get dressed?”

He cleared his throat, clearly still uneasy, but replied, “Yeah. Sure.”

It was impossible to miss the flush staining his neck as she walked by and descended to the lower level. Shaking her head slowly, she made a mental note to have a discussion with a certain AI sooner rather than later. “What’s so important that you couldn’t have just called up here, anyway?” she asked, hoping that by skirting around the embarrassment of the situation it might help them both regain their footing. 

“Admiral Hackett sent some additional information on Sanctum,” he replied. 

She was halfway dressed – presentable enough, anyway – and in the process of lacing her boots when that fully registered. _Additional information …_ Glancing up in his direction, she tied off her boot and stood. “You make that sound like a bad thing.” 

“Well …”

With his back still toward her, she couldn’t tell if the hesitation in his voice was due to the awkwardness of their current situation or a result of Hackett’s information. “Kaidan, it’s okay. You can turn around now and talk _to_ me.” Bounding up the steps two at a time, she offered an easy smile as he followed her suggestion in the hopes it might help him relax.

She was met by a look on his face, as if he half feared she wasn’t telling him the truth, and sighed softly a moment later at which point he handed her a datapad. “Apparently, the base isn’t too far from that Blue Suns location you destroyed last year.”

_Blue Suns._ A tidal wave of memories flooded back with his words. Her, Thane and Garrus taking on the Suns and the two YMIR mechs they’d had on protection duty. _The far too close of a call we had, mostly because I was so exhausted, I didn’t choose a proper team for the mission._ A shudder worked across her shoulders and down her spine and she half-turned away from him. “Yeah,” she managed after a moment, dropping to sit in her chair.

Even without looking at him, she could sense the shift in his mood, noting when awkwardness and embarrassment was replaced by professional concern. It was an improvement over a moment ago, she supposed, but the boot was now on the other foot, so to speak; heat rose in her cheeks, lightly staining them. He was far too intelligent and observant for his own good at times.

“As I recall,” he said quietly, “you only told me the situation was ‘dealt’ with. Something else happen while you were there?”

Jane chewed on the corner of her lip as she considered whether or not to admit to her own weakness. She was a professional soldier and as the captain of the _Normandy,_ the unspoken leader of Earth’s one shot at surviving this war. She answered to no one, except, perhaps, Admiral Hackett. Still, Kaidan was a friend; more than that now since she’d officially designated him as her XO. Past and present, they relied on each other to survive, and he had a right to know details she might otherwise have kept silent. But just because he had that right didn’t make the decision easy. 

She battled herself internally for several moments on whether or not to brush his question aside, to completely disregard it and turn the topic at hand. Grim determination finally conquered pride, and in the end she didn’t. Looking up at him, she met his gaze and realized it was more than that; she _couldn’t_. He was her XO, her comrade in arms, her friend. And right now, perhaps aside from the doctor, Joker and Liara, the one person whose friendship she valued most on this ship. He’d been through the first round of this battle; he’d supported her during the chaos and confusion surrounding her return. He understood the threat the Reapers brought, the unpredictability. He needed to know fully what he was in for serving as her XO because, though loathe to admit it, even to herself, Jane was well aware that the stress of wartime left her particularly vulnerable to previous habits and behaviors. 

Gesturing him to follow, she descended back to the lower level and sat on one of the couches, dropping the datapad on the table and pulling the towel from her hair. As she combed her fingers through it, her gaze met his. “Believe it or not, I made a bad call,” she admitted to him openly, honestly. Leaning forward, she braced her arms across her legs and stared at her hands as she laced them together nervously. 

Kaidan took a seat on the nearby chair and mimicked her posture. “What do you mean?”

Taking a deep breath, she shook her head back and forth twice, not so much in denial of what she was about to tell him, but more in bewilderment that she let it happen in the first place. “Your request came late in our mission. We’d been chasing after the Collectors for so long and were so damned close to getting to their base.” She sat back and ran her hands over her face. “Basically, it comes down to this: I didn’t choose my team well and as a result, I nearly got us all killed.”

When he didn’t respond right away, she glanced over to find him watching her closely. There was something there, some sort of reaction in his gaze, but it was difficult to discern what exactly it was in the bright light of the cabin. She didn’t think it was judgement, per se, but maybe an attempt to understand _how_ it happened. “Define close call.”

She didn’t pull her gaze from his as she replied, “I had one person down, another on the way and I took a shot that destroyed my shields and decimated my barriers. I seriously thought we wouldn’t get out of there alive.” She shrugged dismissively; it was in the past, focusing on what happened wasn’t her current point. “Look, the reason I’m telling you this isn’t because I –.”

He grimaced and glanced away. “I should never have asked you to finish the job.”

Jane frowned. “What?” When he started to rise, her hand shot out, wrapped around his wrist and held tight. “Kaidan, that’s not what I … Wait, what exactly are you saying?”

He pulled free of her and ran a hand through his hair. “We – my students and I and John – weren’t equipped to deal with them at the time, so I passed that tip along to you since I knew you were ‘in the area.’” A thin, wry smile curved at his lips. “I should have realized you were in a similar position. I made an assumption – the wrong one, as it turns out. You are Commander Shepard, the savior of the Citadel, victorious over death. Who else would be better to take on the Blue Suns in their own backyard?” His lips pressed into a tight, thin line. 

The self-deprecation in his tone stunned her, and Jane bolted up to her feet to follow him as he walked toward the stairs. “Kaidan, wait!” He stopped halfway up. “I’m not telling you this because you gave me the mission,” she insisted. “In fact, if you hadn’t and I found out that you could have and didn’t simply because of that, I’d be seriously pissed right now.” There was no humor in that moment, simply truth. “I’m telling you this because I have this nasty habit of being a workaholic.” A dry, wry laugh ripped from her lips. “Just ask John! He’d be the first to agree with that assessment, I’m sure. And if you don’t want to ask him, think back to our hunt for Saren.” Sighing, she struggled to find a way to reach him. “Look, we all know this war is going to test us to our limits, right?”

His eyes were dark and she couldn’t miss the wall he built to shut off his true thoughts and feelings about the situation from her. “Right.”

“Well, news flash: In case you haven’t figured it out yet, I have this tendency to get so involved in things I think I can win it all by myself!” Lifting her hands, she opened them at approximately shoulder height, as if announcing a surprise. “I believe my own press; good, bad, or otherwise. What’re the odds?” She hated dropping into sarcasm like this, but she had to make it absolutely clear to him. Because of their years spent together, John understood her on a level most people didn’t. Kaidan, unfortunately and despite their years of knowing one another, was behind the curve in that respect. “But the other side to that coin is, in doing so, I have been known to keep on going until I wear myself down, and like any soldier in a similar situation, my judgement can suffer.” Another sigh escaped. “ _That_ is what happened with the Blue Suns base, and I nearly got myself, Garrus and Thane killed because of it.”

He remained silent for a long moment, his eyes searching hers. “And you are telling me this why?” he finally asked.

She climbed the two steps so she was eye level with him. “Because part of the reason I want you as XO is so you can watch out for the times I start veering that close to the edge. We’re going to have enough death and destruction in this war; hell, I almost lost someone we can ill afford to lose just as we’re getting started! I don’t want that to happen to people I rely on and care about because of stupid mistakes when I’m too tired and worn out and too god-damned stubborn to see it myself! I need someone who is willing to stand up to me, to tell me to back off, to pull rank if necessary.” She shrugged. “Is that too much to ask?”

His eyes closed and a subtle tremor vibrated across his shoulders as he took a deep breath. “No,” he said after a long moment, his eyes opening again to find hers. He appeared a little less tense than before, and she sighed internally in relief. “It’s no more than I’d expect of you if I did the same.” His lips tilted upward just slightly at the corners. “I’ve always told you I have your six. That isn’t going to change now.”

“Thank you.” The tension eased and a gentler smile curved at her lips, one that felt complete. “As for that,” she gestured toward the table where the datapad lay, “I’ll take it into consideration. We’re severely limited in who we can take out on a ground team right now, but I’m thinking you, me and Vega.” She chuckled softly. “Have you ever gone up against him one-on-one? He’s a fucking tank!”

Kaidan’s lips twitched in amusement and he nodded as an afterthought. “I’ll let him know. We should arrive in about thirty-six hours.”

~ n ~

_Each time she’s brought here, the forest looks worse. Dead trees, the smell of ash and burnt wood, no sign of any living creature; human or otherwise. A shudder rolls through her, desperation chases on its heels. Someone is alive somewhere, they have to be, don’t they?_

_To her left, a hint of movement. So subtle, in fact, it’s three steps before Jane realizes anything there’s been a change. Turning, a splash of color moves against the grey and black. Red hair. Pale skin. A light-colored dress. Jane skids to a halt; their eyes meet across the distance. Jane changes course._

_And she runs. Yet, no matter how hard or how far she makes it, the distance between them never seems to close. A soft, sing-song voice fills the air with an old but somewhat familiar children’s tune as if nothing is wrong. The image screams innocence … until light green eyes dart upward, meeting her own. Small lips frame a gasp of surprise and shock widens her eyes. Jane extends her hand, reaches toward her, hopes the child will look at her in time …_

_The small face turns, eyes meeting Jane’s … just as the flicker of flames rise between them, obscuring Jane’s view …._

~ n ~

“NO!”

Jane bolted upward with a loud, strangling gasp. The cabin was dark, save for the light from the fish tank, and it took a long minute to realize someone was beside her bed. Jerking her head up, she gasped again …

… then breathed a bit easier as Kaidan’s face came into focus. Again. He sat on the side of the bed, concerned gaze focused on her even as his hand kept a firm grip on her shoulder. “That must’ve been one hell of a dream,” he observed quietly.

She nodded, closed her eyes and took a moment to focus on breathing. When she was relatively assured she could speak without her voice shaking, she replied, “You have no idea.” Drawing her legs up, she wrapped her arms around them. “What’s …” Her eyes, now accustomed to the dim light, looked around the room. “What’s up?”

“We’re nearly at Sanctum,” he informed her. “EDI said you weren’t waking, so I came up. Vega and Cortez will meet us at the shuttle in fifteen.”

“Yeah, okay.” As she moved to the edge of the mattress, he rose and backed up to give her space. “Thanks.” Rubbing at her eyes, she noted he didn’t turn to leave. “Something else on your mind?”

Even in the shadows she could see him struggling with something. Briefly, she wondered if he was thinking about the Blue Suns mission again, but he eventually nodded in response to her question, admitting, “I meant to tell you earlier, but we sort of got off track.”

She rubbed at her eyes and nodded. “Okay. Hit me with it.”

“I saw John when we were on the Citadel.”

Jane froze. Her eyes darted to his, searching his face as a soft gasp slipped past her lips and her heart lurched in her chest. _John!_ “He - he’s alive? Is he okay?”

Kaidan nodded. “Physically, he’s fine,” he replied cautiously, “but you need to be aware … As of right now, he thinks you are responsible for Ashley’s injuries.”

She frowned over at him. “I am,” she replied, self-disgust at that incident still dogging her. “If I had acted faster –.”

He shook his head. “No; what I mean is, he is of the belief you are back to working for Cerberus, and because of that you allowed Ash to take the brunt of the damage on Mars.”

Cold seeped into her body, bone-deep and numbing. “W-what?” Her lips parted and she struggled to breathe for a moment. “Why?”

Kaidan shrugged. “I don’t know, but I wanted you to be aware in case you run into him the next time we’re on the Citadel. Maybe he’ll have calmed down and see reason by then, but just in case …” 

“Yeah, okay … thanks,” she said, completely flabbergasted. _How can John think I would do such a thing? On purpose?_ She ran her hands over her face once more. When she lowered them and Kaidan was still standing there, watching her carefully, she waved him off. “I … I’ll meet you at the shuttle in fifteen.”

He accepted that as a dismissal and left the cabin. Jane stared for a long, drawn out moment at the empty fish tank. _John, you’re worried about her, I get that, but why the hell would you think I would_ let _her get hurt?_ Sighing, she started to pull on her armor. Her ex-husband’s irrational response to events on Mars was a concern, of that there was no doubt. It made a certain sense, to a point, but there was a disconnect between them and he was now taking it well beyond. Logic said they would likely run into one another at some point during this war, and the last thing either of them needed when that happened was a distraction like this. Still, though a concern, it was one that would have to wait to be dealt with later. In the meantime, she had a Cerberus facility to infiltrate. 

_Too bad he’s not here to see it,_ she thought as she grabbed her helmet and headed toward the door. _Maybe it might convince him._


	21. Inner Sanctum

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> My apologies for the over two week absence in posting. I've spent the last three weeks at home, sick with COVID that I somehow picked up at work. When they say that it's a 'nasty bug,' folks, they really mean it! Most of that time I was stuck in bed, unable to focus on reading let alone writing, and oh how I wanted something to keep my mind occupied! I was fortunate, however, and appear to have had a 'mild' case (thankfully, my son who lives with me and helped take care of me did NOT get it), but both of my bosses from work who were also exposed ended up in hospital. We are all on the mend now, however, and short of a potential delay next week (because it is the one chapter out of the next 15 not complete), I should keep on track for the rest of this year. We shall see.
> 
> In the meantime, I hope you enjoy this next installment! I've missed you guys!!!!

Jane tapped her comm as she ducked low behind the console for cover just in time to miss a shot aimed at her head. Her biotic barrier flickered for a moment before rejecting the projectile and remaining in place. “Kaidan? Where are you? Any sign of the shuttle yet?”

“Upper landing. Kind of –.” The rest of his reply was drowned out by rapid gunfire.

Switching channels, she shouted, “Dammit, Cortez, we need extraction now!” All she got in response was a wave of static. “Shit!”

“Commander, watch your back!”

Jane ducked out of instinct at Vega’s warning. Another shot flew just over her head, but once it was past, she launched herself over the console and started sprinting in the direction of the landing zone. A combat engineer moved into her direct path and started setting up a turret. Before it could start firing on her, Jane threw a heavy wave of dark energy at both the turret and the engineer and sent both flying backwards into the wall at the far end of the hallway with a loud resounding thud. Not willing to take any chances, she landed a nearly point blank shot at them with her Claymore on her way out onto the landing pad. “Vega?”

“Over here, Lola!”

A flash of dark armor to her right caught in her peripheral, and she scrambled in that direction just as another handful of Cerberus troops arrived. With one last heave, she threw herself behind the shipping containers Vega was using for cover, landing in a crouched huddle beside him. “Thanks,” she breathed, chambering another shot in her weapon.

Vega’s chuckle of amusement was surprisingly reassuring. He moved around her momentarily and launched a grenade at the same targets. “Don’t mention it, Lola,” he replied as a resounding boom mixed with shouts of alarm and pain echoed back at them. 

Jane was about to rise to take a shot when he dropped beside her like a rock, muttering, “Uh oh.”

Whatever reassurance she’d found quickly faded. “Uh oh?”

“Damn sneaky bastards.” A string of Spanish curses followed, or what Jane decided had to be curses given the inflection. “Two more engineers,” he clarified, “right behind the others. They’ve got one turret set up right in the doorway and are working on another.”

She lifted her head to peek over the top edge of the crate she was behind, managing the briefest glimpse before said turret started firing. She dropped like a brick. “Shit! Dammit, where the hell is Cortez?”

Vega chambered another round in his weapon. “He’ll be here,” he assured her, “don’t you worry about that.”

Jane grunted a reply as she peeked around the edge again. “Hey, Vega, got any more of those grenades?”

Grabbing one from his belt, he handed it to her. “Got a plan, commander?”

Jane grinned over at him just before scrambling out of cover …

~

“Whoa!”

The shout, followed by another string of curses, told Jane more than enough just how close a call it was, and she changed direction instantly. When she reached him, she grasped him by the collar of his armor, dragging him back behind the shipping crates again as best she could. “You okay?”

He spared her a quick look, nodding. “I’m good, Lola,” he promised. “They’re quick little _pendejos_ , aren’t they?”

Jane moved around him to look around the corner and take another assessment. There was still one turret left in the doorway aimed directly at them. Jumping back, she leaned heavily against the crate and spared Vega a quick smirk. “Whoa, indeed!” Lifting her finger to her comms, she signaled the shuttle. “Cortez? We really could use an evac about now!”

“ _Engaging multiple targets,_ ” the pilot responded. “ _Going to try something risky. Wish me -_.”

Cortez’ voice broke off to a stream of loud, crackling static. Startled, Jane shouted, “Lieutenant!” When he didn’t reply, she growled and chambered another round in her shotgun with violent force. 

“He’ll be alright, commander,” Vega called over to her as he followed suit. “Esteban’s one of the best fighter pilots I’ve ever seen. Just wait and see.”

Jane sniffed in irritation. “Fat lot of good it’ll do us if we’re dead by the time he gets back!” She slowly peeked around the edge again; the turret started up almost immediately … and then she caught a flutter movement in the air toward them … “ _Fuck!_ Incoming!” she shouted in warning, turning to shove Vega further out of the way …

~

The blast and two shouts occurred practically simultaneously, as near as Kaidan could tell. One was a harsh roar of rage followed immediately by a loud and long burst of gunfire from an assault rifle. The other … 

Taking cover behind a wall, he tapped the comm at his ear. “Commander?” There was no response. “Shepard!”

Situated a level above the landing platform and covering the area for any other Cerberus troops that might head their way, he shifted his gaze briefly to the area below where he’d last seen her. Thick smoke obscured nearly the LZ, though he could hear the tell-tale signs of gunfire from the far side. An answering burst gave him a good idea of her current location, and he sighed softly in relief. 

Until Vega’s battle-hardened voice shouted across the comms, “Major, the commander’s down!”

 _Shit!_ “On my way.” His reply was instant and without hesitation as he shifted to field medic mode. _Old habits die hard,_ he mused, boosting his barrier field. _The enemies haven’t changed much, either._

It took some time to clear a path. He’d been focused on keeping the upper landing clear of Cerberus troops – a challenge that would put any soldier to the test – and as he retreated down toward the LZ, they swarmed out after him. And that was in addition to the troops positioned between him and Vega. Those he cleared out with a combination of biotics and gunfire, eventually carving a space free of enemies where he could descend the far-left staircase. Near the bottom, a movement in his peripheral vision from one of the enemy guardians was enough for him to throw a wave of dark energy in that direction; a move so practiced and second nature, it didn’t even require his full focus. The trooper, caught off guard, stumbled backwards ten feet before falling off the edge of the platform. Kaidan scrambled around the stack of crates and dropped next to Vega while he took shots at targets on the far side of the landing. Never before had Kaidan found the death gurgle of an enemy soldier so reassuring.

Still unloading covering fire across the open battlefield, Vega shouted, “There was a turret followed by an explosion - not sure which it was that took her down, but she shouted and she just … she dropped, major. Dead weight, out cold. Been that way ever since.”

Kaidan grunted acknowledgement, his hands moving quickly over her armor searching for wounds as he examined her. His skill in battlefield triage was good, exceptional even, but only if he could find the injury that required treatment. But, with each passing second and no sign of injury, he fought back an ever-strengthening urge to panic. _Not yet,_ he pleaded silently. _This war’s only just started and we need you leading the way!_

He eventually managed to roll her over partly onto her side, at which point he spotted the likely culprit. Over his shoulder, even as his fingers tore at the seals and buckles of her armor, he shouted, “Keep them away from us!” An answering burst of gunfire from Vega’s weapon was the only reply needed in the moment. 

Returning his attention to her injuries, Kaidan discovered a bright red bloom growing on the t-shirt she wore beneath her armor. That alone backed up his initial assessment, but the pace at which it was spreading worried him. Switching channels on his comm, he shouted, “Cortez, we need an immediate extraction!”

Static filled the channel for a moment, but Cortez’ familiar voice fought through. “ _On my way, major, but I’ve still got a tail!_ ”

Kaidan cursed. “Commander Shepard has been hit - she needs to get back to the _Normandy_ ASAP!”

Another burst of static. “ _Understood._ ”

~

The return to the _Normandy_ felt longer than it actually was, Kaidan knew that, but by the time they arrived, his nerves were about shot. The only good thing, he supposed, was that Jane regained consciousness just before the shuttle landed. Groggy, clearly in pain, the fact she was somewhat alert after the damage taken was more than a little reassuring. Cortez alerted the _Normandy_ of the situation and the shuttle’s engines were still powering down when the doctor and two other medics arrived. With Kaidan’s assistance, Jane was transported immediately to the medbay. Twenty minutes later, a more detailed medical evaluation started to take shape, and Kaidan was able to breathe a sigh of relief. Her injuries, somehow, weren’t nearly as bad as he initially feared. 

While the doctor tended her patient, it fell to Kaidan to take over command of the _Normandy_. After a quick debrief with Admiral Hackett, he plotted their route to the Apien Crest and started his initial draft of their after-mission report. It wasn’t easy to focus, but he managed to get most of the important information down before being summoned by the doctor. Less than an hour after their return, Dr. Chakwas released the cranky commander into Kaidan’s medical custody with strict orders to rest in her cabin. When it looked as if Jane would protest, Kaidan guided her out of the medbay and in the direction of the elevator. 

While she showered and changed, Kaidan had Traynor reroute incoming messages and updates to Jane’s private terminal so he could prioritize them for her. By the time he heard the shower turning off, Kaidan felt reasonably assured he could give her an accurate update on their current situation. 

The door slid open behind him and he could feel the steamy warmth escape the small room. “Feeling better?” he asked while stepping aside to give her space to move into the main cabin.

With her hair twisted up in a towel again and sporting a tank top and baggy sweats, Jane eased herself into a space where she could lean on her desk next to him. “A little,” she agreed, though he didn’t miss the wince as she gingerly rolled her shoulder in a stretch. “My ears probably won’t stop ringing for a while, though.”

Kaidan swallowed back a laugh and a smile. “It’ll pass,” he promised. He gestured toward the lower level. “Go have a seat and I’ll get you bandaged up.” He kept a close eye on her as she maneuvered her way down to the bed. Her balance looked good - more of a relief than he was ready to admit - and the doctor assured him her hearing, while temporarily suffering, was just fine. “Aches and pains bothering you?” He’d been surprised when the doctor didn’t suggest any painkillers, but he could always get some later on if necessary.

Reaching up to untuck the towel and rub her hair with it, Jane shrugged her good shoulder. “It means I’m alive, right?”

Kaidan was thankful her face was blocked by the towel just then. The words, spoken without inflection or emotion, chilled him to a degree unlike any he’d experienced since hearing what happened over Alchera three years before. “Uh, right,” he finally replied. “Here, turn around and let me bandage up the ….” 

She turned as he requested, but Kaidan’s voice trailed off, his eyes drawn like a moth to flame to the area where the shrapnel had been embedded. Not two hours ago, he watched Dr. Chakwas remove it and stitch up the gash. The doctor warned him what to expect, of course, and he thought he was prepared … he wasn’t. Before him, where there should be an angry, swollen and red jagged scar straining against flimsy butterfly stitches, he instead found a much thinner jagged line. The wound was slightly red and a little puffy still, but the worst of the swelling was gone and the tape now looked inappropriate for the lack of severity of the wound. “What the hell …?”

For the first time since leaving the planet’s surface, Jane chuckled softly and a small smile curved at her lips. “Didn’t believe Karin, did you?” There was no accusation in her tone. If anything, just a hint of mild amusement.

His brows furrowed. “What do you mean?”

She tossed the towel from her hair onto the nearby chair and turned to fully face him, patting the side of the bed. “Sit, Kaidan, before you fall over.” His eyes narrowed as he realized she was teasing him; the small smirk at her lips slowly creeping further upward. But what else was he to do? Whatever was going on wasn’t normal by any stretch of the medical imagination; she, however, appeared to understand it. “Okay, so the TL:DR version is this; one of the benefits to how Miranda put me back together is I heal faster than before thanks to the cybernetic implants. It’s a double-edged sword, though, because things like the effects of drugs wear off faster, too. Sort of a ‘law of diminishing returns’ type of thing, I guess you could say.”

He hesitated a moment before replying, attempting to digest everything she just said. Pulling his gaze from the wound, he met her relaxed green gaze. “So, the more you use it –?”

She nodded. “The faster my body goes through it.”

That made sense, sort of. “So that --” he pointed at the wound, “-- should be fully healed … when? Tomorrow? Day after?”

Jane shrugged again. “Something like that. By the end of the week all that’ll be left is a pretty little scar.” She grinned, but it faded just as quickly, a heavy sigh escaping past tightly pressed lips. “There are some great benefits to it, I’ll admit. Unless, of course, you’re trying to drink away your problems.”

His lips pressed tightly together in understanding. “You’ve tried that a few times, huh?” he asked. “Outside our little pub crawl?”

She opened her mouth to respond, but shut it again a moment later. “Once or twice,” she finally rasped out, dropping her gaze quickly. For a moment, he thought she might be embarrassed by this; why, he couldn’t fathom. He’d found her drunk on the _Normandy_ after the incident over Terra Nova. He’d understood all too well her reasons for that. Hadn’t he done the same upon occasion? And, though her cheeks didn’t appear to be darkening any, she laced her fingers together multiple times in her lap in a nervous reaction. “I … it only happened a couple of times,” she insisted in a soft voice that reminded him of a child who had been scolded, “all of which occurred after Horizon.”

_Horizon._

Silence filled the room around them, only the soft burble of the fish tank breaking it every couple of minutes or so, but it did not chase away the weight of a world of problems. “I know that was rough on you,” Kaidan said quietly, recalling their conversation back in Vancouver and her reluctance to discuss in detail what happened there.

Jane sniffled softly, and she used the back of her hand to swipe at her eyes while she nodded. “Yeah.” Her voice was hoarse and it was on the tip of his tongue to assure her she didn’t need to explain herself to him, of all people, but she continued before he could say anything. “You know, I tried to find him, before that confrontation, but I kept getting steamrolled.” Sighing heavily, she pushed herself to her feet and looked over at him. “I’m a little surprised you and I ran into one another, in all honesty.”

He considered that for a long moment. “Well, that happened _after_ Horizon,” he pointed out.

Turning away, she grimaced, but she didn’t hide it from him. “Yeah.” Wandering over to storage, she started searching for clothing, but she stopped with the drawer half open and resting against her leg. Again and in a quiet voice, she said, “For so long, I tried to find John, to let him know I was back, I was alive … only to -.” She looked back over her shoulder at him. “Well, you know what happened.” She attempted a small, if slightly weak smile. “Life goes on, right?”

Kaidan watched her carefully, his concern growing, not because of her actions but because of her response. The woman standing across the room from him wasn’t the Commander Jane Shepard he knew. Her reactions, such as they were, reminded him of their first visit together back in Vancouver. Her reputation as a soldier often painted her as someone who viewed situations with little to no emotion, but he knew that wasn’t the truth. “That doesn’t mean we aren’t affected by it,” he said. Crossing to stand beside her, he took one of her hands in his and squeezed it gently. “Keep in mind, it was hard on all of us when you died.”

The laugh that slipped past her lips was dry and humorless. “I didn’t exactly plan it, you know.”

He sighed softly. “I know.” He pulled his hand free of hers, startled by a soft jolt that seemed to jump between them. Wincing, he murmured, “Sorry, I must have –.” Their eyes met briefly and awkwardness surrounded him for the first time in a very long time. “Must be my biotics.” 

“No,” she insisted, reaching up to her implant. As her fingers probed, she explained, “It’s my fault. My amp’s been kind of … wonky of late.”

He blinked. “Wonky?” he echoed, one corner of his lips curving up in a half smile. That had to be one of the more interesting ways of describing it he’d ever heard. Brow lifting, humor taking over, he asked, “Is that your, erm, professional assessment?”

Jane chuckled and flashed an easy grin back at him. “I thought it was due to that static field we experienced on Mars.” She handed the amp over, curling his fingers around it. “In all honesty, however, it hasn’t been right since Anderson gave it back to me in Vancouver.”

Kaidan hesitated, his eyes drawn back to her face with that observation. “It could be your implant,” he suggested. “Let me take a look.” She accommodated his request and turned, tilting her head forward just enough for him to part her hair so he could see more easily. What he found there surprised him. “L5? I thought you were fitted with the L3?” She shuddered softly beneath his touch, a natural side effect that any biotic experienced when touched in such a fashion, and he quickly lowered his hands to her shoulders. 

“Yet another upgrade thanks to Cerberus.”

“Ah.” Cautiously, he parted her hair again and examined the implant more closely. “I don’t see anything out of the ordinary,” he assured her when he finished. “I’ll take a look at this,” he hefted the amp in his hand as she turned around to face him again, “later. In the meantime, …”

Jane snorted softly and shook her head, her coppery hair falling back into place around her shoulders like a shiny curtain. “You son of a bitch,” she muttered, humor mixing with disbelief. “I can’t believe I just fell for that.” Sighing, she straightened and finished his sentence for him. “In the meantime, you’ll accommodate Dr. Chakwas’ request to keep me on restricted duty. Kudos to Karin for getting that one past my defenses.”

Kaidan pocketed the device immediately and grinned at her while ignoring the challenge in her eyes. She was quick; it was another reassurance that she was healing after her injuries. “Something like that, yeah. I’ll be sure to let her know you approve of her methods. What I was going to suggest, however, was that you get some rest.”

Her nostrils flared slightly and her eyes sparked at this suggestion. “Can’t,” she insisted, turning her attention back to her clothing as she retrieved an N7 hoodie which she started tugging on carefully over her bad shoulder. “I have a debrief to arrange, a report to write, and –.”

This time, Kaidan refused to take no for an answer. Settling his hand on her good shoulder, he gently turned her to face him. “And an XO who can assist, remember?”

Their eyes met and held for a long moment in which he could witness the inner struggle as she battled herself. It appeared to be a losing effort, a slow, soft growl in her tone as she countered, “You weren’t there –.” 

His brow arched. “Where? On Sanctum?”

The question effectively silenced her. Her eyes widened as realization hit her face on. “Shit! Never mind, you _were_ there.”

With a nod, he took a step back. “I was,” he replied, keeping his voice neutral. Then with slightly more emotion in his tone, “And I hope to god I never have to witness that sort of thing again.” 

Her face shifted from surprise to something softer as she protested, “Kaidan –.”

She stood there before him, relatively healthy and whole, or would be within hours, and it was all he could do to hold himself together. He didn’t expect her to understand what he and the rest of her crew from the _Normandy_ had gone through after the events over Alchera, but the almost dismissive tone as she spoke now, they way it seemed she diminished what they went through, _that_ was something he wouldn’t tolerate. It irritated him, _angered_ him, even though logically he knew it wasn’t her fault. 

“Don’t say anything,” he said, effectively cutting off her protests. Turning, he started to cross the room. “You warned me about how you operate, remember?”

“What the hell is that supposed to mean?”

He didn’t turn back, not even upon hearing the indignation in her tone, until he reached the stairs. _She did warn me. Guess I didn’t expect to see it happen this soon, though. We’ve only just started this fight – is she going to be this reckless the entire time?_ Sighing, he ran a hand over his face. _Why am I taking this out on her?_ He hoped the shadows kept her from seeing his face just then. “I don’t mean anything other than, you were right and you’re the type of leader who does so by example.”

Her towel started to work free and she hastily grabbed it before it fell. “Well, yes. Is there something wrong with that?”

“Only when it results in your death.” The minute the words were out of his mouth, he wished them back. He hated she was able to draw this sort of reaction from him so easily. Then again, seeing her unconscious, lying in her own blood, was a reminder of just how easily they could lose anyone, let alone her, in this war. And she was the one they could least afford to lose.

“Ah. I see we’re back around to this again.” Unable or unwilling to look at him, she averted her gaze in the direction of the empty fish tank to his left. “Look, Kaidan, with the Reapers attacking and Cerberus causing all kinds of problems, I can’t promise I won’t be put into a position where I have to –.”

He ran a hand over his face before slicing it downward in a motion meant to silence. “I’m not asking you to promise anything,” he insisted a bit more harshly than intended. “I’m just reminding you that we – and by that, I mean the _Normandy_ crew, as well as everyone else in this entire galaxy – need you out there leading the way. Hackett wasn’t wrong in that estimation.”

This time she met his gaze. “I understand. I will try to keep that in mind as we move forward. But this is war, and you and I both know that means we have to do what we can no matter the cost.” 

It was on the tip of his tongue to argue, _Not at the cost of your life!,_ but he remained silent, swallowing past a growing lump in his throat instead. Truth of the matter was, he _did_ know that. As a soldier, it was something he was prepared for, too.

A small smile curved at her lips, twisting into a smug grin. “You’d best get on that report if you intend to write it,” she said, “because all bets are off if I get to the CIC first.”

Kaidan snorted softly, though he didn’t doubt she meant it. Climbing the stairs, he called back over his shoulder on the way to the door, “You won’t.” He paused in the doorway, glancing back at her, all confidence and assurance. “The initial draft is already complete.”

The door closed behind him and as he waited for the lift to arrive, he considered it a win that he didn’t hear anything impacting the barrier from inside the cabin. He didn’t hear her cursing at him, either, and counted that as bonus. Shoving his hands into his pockets while stepping inside the lift, he felt the amp against his hand and his thoughts rolled back to that part of their discussion. He didn’t believe for one minute her amp was acting ‘wonky,’ as she called it. But aside from that, now that he was alone in the privacy of the lift and after everything that happened over the past few hours, he finally forced himself to face a truth he’d been ignoring for far too long. _She can argue it all she wants, but I know it wasn’t her amp,_ he accepted, recomposing himself as the lift settled at the CIC. _That jolt had absolutely nothing to do with either of our biotics …_


	22. On Approach

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> And now the war REALLY begins! lol 
> 
> Thanks so much for reading! Feel free to leave comments or come find me over on tumblr. I'm [theoriginalladya](https://theoriginalladya.tumblr.com/) over there.

Kaidan entered the war room and started scanning the area automatically. The roster listed six on duty at the moment. A quick tally assured him all were present and accounted for. That set his mind at ease, somewhat, and he moved into the room.

It wasn’t that he was a stickler for everyone being at their post all the time during shift. He was well aware there were times duty pulled a person away or directed them to a different part of the ship. But ever since the Collector attack on the SR1, it had become a habit to know where everyone on duty was at a given time, especially when serving on a ship, just in case an emergency evac was needed. There was no particular threat at the moment, not to the _Normandy,_ at least, and anyone coming to the War Room specifically had to get through the security checkpoint first, but that didn’t mean he couldn’t be cautious. He didn’t blame himself, or anyone else in particular, for what happened to the SR1. Joker had done what he could, he understood that. But losing twenty-one people when it might have been avoided with a better escape plan …?

He tried to push those thoughts away. It was a challenge, but with his duties as XO he needed to be prepared. He was _supposed_ to worry about these types of things, have an eye out for any difficulty they might face. And with the war on and the threat of attack by the Reapers at any moment despite the IFF they had, he wasn’t about to stop any time soon. Especially now that the _Normandy_ was about to take on the role of personal political escort to the turian Primarch.

“Major Alenko, sir?”

Kaidan turned to find one of the ensigns approaching. He recognized her from the group he’d recruited off the Citadel. Stevens, if he remembered right. She handed him a datapad, saluted quickly, then turned back to her station on the far side of the room once he dismissed her. Looking through the information, he discovered it was an update on the war in the currently known theaters of operation. None of it was good. With a sigh – he had a feeling he’d be doing a lot of that during this war – he tucked the pad into a pocket of his fatigues then went about the rest of his business. If he was going to provide Jane with the most complete update possible, he needed more information, and that would require additional sources.

~

A knock on her door pulled Jane’s attention from her empty stare into the fish tank. Her thoughts were spiraling downward rapidly; never a good sign, especially if she noticed it. “Door’s open,” she called absently before rubbing her hands over her face. They were nearing Palaven, but she still felt just as tired as when they first left the Citadel. That didn’t bode well for this war, and she couldn’t stop a grimace at the thought. How long would it take? How many people would they lose? How many bad calls would she end up making that could result in more losses than they could afford? There was no doubt all of the weight was on her to lead the way … could she withstand the pressure?

“Shepard?”

Jane turned, a smile falling into place as Liara entered. Waving her friend into the room, she asked, “Hey. What’s up?”

“Joker says we’re about thirty minutes from the Apien Crest,” Liara replied. She opened her mouth to continue, hesitated a moment, then added more softly, “My sources indicate Garrus’ last known location was on Palaven.”

Dread filled Jane’s belly like a lump of lead. She sighed softly and struggled not to let her expression fall. Not the news she wanted to start this mission with. Still, there was nothing she could do about it. “I figured as much,” she replied. Leading Liara to the lower level of her cabin, she headed toward the sitting area and dropped onto the couch. “When we parted ways after the Collector Base, he said he would head back to see what he could do to convince them of the Reaper threat and prepare for it.”

Liara took the chair katty-corner from her, her lips pressed into a thin line. “I know. I’d hoped maybe he evacuated in the early stages so he could keep advising or was assisting with events on Taetrus or …?” Her voice trailed off and she sighed too before shaking her head. “I know it’s selfish of me, but I had hoped we might have him on our side during this war.”

Jane chuckled softly, an unusually optimistic sound for the moment. “Don’t count him out yet,” she advised. Leaning forward, she caught Liara’s gaze and held it in a similar manner to what the asari had done when she was worrying over Ashley in the medbay after Mars. “He’s a tough old bird, Liara, and I wouldn’t be surprised if our paths cross at some point. Right now, though, we need to focus on the Primarch.”

Liara nodded. “Hmm. Councilor Sparatus seems to think this summit is the best way to get a handle on this war.”

Jane’s brow lifted; the question evident. “You don’t think so?”

“Oh, I agree,” Liara insisted, “but I think it’s going to take more than boardroom discussions and negotiations to come up with a workable strategy.” Searching Jane’s face, she added, “Are you sure you are up for this? Representing humanity, I mean? We will have all four Council races in attendance, that’s good, but …”

Jane folded her arms across her chest and leaned back. “But?”

Liara’s lips twitched a fraction. “Shepard, have you ever tried negotiating with a salarian before?”

Jane shook her head. As far as she recalled, ‘negotiations’ had never come into play between her and Mordin last year. “How bad can it be?”

Rolling her eyes, Liara shook her head. “I will take that as a no,” she replied in a voice dripping heavily with sarcasm. “And you won’t be dealing with just any salarian. The dalatrass are the leaders of their people. And Dalatrass Linron? Well, she’s not … easy to get along with.”

Another knock at her door sounded, and Jane pushed to her feet, slipping carefully by Liara. “What about the asari?” she called back over her shoulder. She opened the door to find Kaidan standing there. “Hey. Come on in and join the party,” she said before returning to the lower level. “Liara was providing some … insider information, shall we call it, on what we’re likely to face with this war summit.”

~

Kaidan entered the cabin, but Jane moved away so quickly, he didn’t have time to hand her the mug in his hand so he set it on her desk before following her to the lower level. He nodded a quick greeting to Liara who had turned to face them both, and replied, “Sounds entertaining.” He pulled the datapad from the pocket of his fatigues and handed it over to Jane. “I’ve already put the crew on alert in case we need to go to general quarters,” he added, nodding at the pad so she knew to what he was referring.

Her grimace was expected. When finished, she tossed the pad onto the coffee table. “That many? How the hell many Reapers _are_ there if they can send so many against just us and the turians?”

Liara pushed to her feet, catching onto the track of the conversation. “From what we understand, they’ve been harvesting races for a very, very long time. Thousands of them?”

A bleak expression filled Jane’s eyes. “Millions? Sovereign told us back on Virmire they were _legion._ ”

The room became silent save for the burble of water in the fish tank and the hum of the air recycling system. “Let’s hope not,” Kaidan said after several moments. 

“I’m going to go get ready,” Liara announced, excusing herself. “I assume you’ll want James on this mission, too?”

Jane nodded. “All hands on deck for this one,” she replied. Her lips curved into a wry smirk. “All four of us, anyway. We’re going to need all the help we can get, I fear.”

As Liara exited the cabin, Kaidan gave Jane a concerned look. “We’ll find the people,” he reassured her.

She sighed and ran a hand through her hair. “I know, but there are times I just wish …” 

Her voice trailed off to silence again. Kaidan kept an eye on her, his concern growing. Stress could be a tricky thing, he knew, and she was already under more than most people normally dealt with. She turned and headed back to the upper level of the cabin. He followed, prepared to leave, but he noticed as she stopped at her desk that she turned to stare at the cabinet above it. _No, not staring AT it, THROUGH it._ Taking a deep breath, he realized he needed to do something to help her. “Jane?”

She jumped a little – had she forgotten he was there already? – and he reached out quickly to grab the mug of hot tea before it fell. When she turned, he handed it to her then retreated a few steps to lean back against the wall and folded his arms across his chest. When their eyes met, it was impossible to miss the hollow emptiness behind the green orbs. The concern returned tenfold. “Are you alright?”

Her nostrils flared as she inhaled slowly. She started to nod, but then her eyes slammed shut and she shook her head back and forth instead. “No,” she whispered hoarsely, “I’m really not.”

Kaidan moved before she could, reaching a hand out to grasp hers and squeezing it gently. At the same time, he opened his omni-tool and brought up his medical program, initiating a scan. “Tell me what’s wrong.”

A shudder shook her violently, to the point where her teeth chattered softly. “Another dream,” she muttered without thinking. She reached over and pulled his hand away from the omni-tool. “Nightmare, really, before Liara got here. Kaidan, stop, please. Your scans won’t pick up anything.”

Reluctantly, he gave in, but if she was telling him the truth, she was right; his scans would pick up nothing helpful except for basic information. For lack of anything else he could do to help, he lifted his hands to her shoulders and gently started massaging them. “Want to talk about it?”

“No …” Her eyes drifted up to his, and he saw regret there instantly. “I’m sorry, it’s not that I –.”

“No, it’s okay,” he insisted. “I’d be lying if I said I didn’t expect you to have nightmares once in a while, especially now,” he admitted. “Everything you’ve been through since Cerberus brought you back, the Reapers attacking? You’re under a lot of stress.”

She shuddered again and nodded as she rested her cheek against his chest. But once the trembling started, it was impossible to stop, and her hands tightened around him, holding on for dear life. Kaidan stood there, a rock to hold her steady for as long as she needed him. It was the least he could do for her after all she’d done for him in the past, and a sight more than she probably expected. Still, he was her XO, her _friend,_ and he was well aware that if they were going to get through this war, they would both need to rely on one another in good times and bad. 

~

Standing there in Kaidan’s arms, Jane lost track of time. When the storm finally passed, she lifted her tear streaked face to look up at him. Whiskey colored eyes filled with warmth and concern focused on her in return. She found it surprisingly … comforting. Sniffling, she managed a shaky laugh and a lopsided smile. “I … You always seem to catch me at my worst of late.”

He released his hold, and Jane felt the loss of his touch, the warmth that came with it, keenly. “We all have good days and bad,” he reasoned. “Better you release it up here with a friend than in front of the rest of the crew.” A smile curved his lips. “Might be bad for morale.”

She shuddered at that thought. Quick memories of losing control in front of Miranda the previous year returned. “Yeah.” Taking a step back, she rubbed her hands over her face. “Okay, you have a point. Thanks for the assist. Anything else I need to know?” Tilting her head back up at him she managed to grab hold of her sanity for a moment and yanked it toward her with ferocity. 

He nodded as she took a drink of her tea. “Had an update from Dr. Michel at _Huerta Memorial._ ”

Jane hissed softly as the hot liquid burned her lip, but her eyes widened at his announcement and shot back up to his. “Ashley?”

“Yeah. The doctor says she’s still unconscious, but everything seems to be progressing normally.” Kaidan smiled warmly. “She’s going to make it, but it’ll take her some time to heal.”

“Okay.” Relief left her sagging briefly. _At least John won’t be able to hold that against me now … maybe._ “That’s … good.” _I guess?_

“Indeed it is. We’re also coming up on the Apien Crest,” he added. “EDI estimates our arrival at Menae in thirty minutes.”

Jane nodded. “So Liara told me,” she replied. Her eyes drifted to look beyond his shoulder at the fish tank even though it was currently empty. “Right. I like your idea; let’s get everyone to general quarters just to be safe. I’d like to think we can slip past them without issue, but I’m not willing to take any unnecessary chances.”

Kaidan turned toward the doorway. “I’ll see that it’s done.”

After he left, Jane attended to a couple of last minute issues and washed her face before catching the lift down to the armory. “EDI,” she asked as the elevator descended through the ship, “have you been able to contact Primarch Fedorian yet?”

“ _Not yet, commander,_ ” the AI replied. “ _Communications with the turian forces on Menae are difficult to establish and maintain._ ”

“Keep trying.” She stepped out into the shuttle bay and headed to her locker. Vega, Laira and Kaidan were all present and in various stages of readiness. Liara finished first and helped Jane secure her seals. As she did, Jane said, “We’re likely to run into reluctance by the Primarch to leave Menae, you know.” Sparatus could claim all he liked that they’d called the summit; when it came right down to it, there wasn’t a turian Jane had met during her years of service that didn’t think of their men first. She flashed a quick smile at her asari friend. “That’s part of why I’m bringing you along. He might be more willing to listen to an asari over a human.”

Liara returned the smile and nodded. “I know. I’ll do my best.”

The others headed on over to the shuttle to board while Jane reached inside her locker for one more thing …

“Looking for this?”

Jane whirled around to face Kaidan, smug smirk curving at his lips. He lifted his hand between them and opened it to reveal her biotic amp. Chuckling, she took it from him. “And here I thought the doctor might try to stop me from going,” she mused as she gave it a quick look. “Everything okay?”

He nodded. “I recalibrated it. Shouldn’t give you any more problems …”

His voice trailed off and she grinned up at him. “Until I overclock it again,” she finished for him.

“Or that.” 

She fitted the small device into her implant, took a moment to roll her head and neck to make sure it was secure then tested it. Just as always, the dark energy gathered around her hand at her beck and call. “Works like a charm,” she assured him. She started walking toward the armaments. Kaidan followed. As she selected her weapons, she added, “Thanks, Kaidan.”

“No problem.”


	23. Waiting

One of the weirdest quirks of the Presidium, John decided, was that it had constant daylight. He supposed it was easier for someone like him to tolerate and get used to, having spent most of his life living on ships where the tracking of days was done by chronometers and other artificial means, but the perpetual brightness he wasn’t used to, and that was more of a challenge to deal with. _Huerta_ had a contingency for this; the windows to the building were developed to gradually dim during the day, effectively making it seem as if the sun was moving and a proper day/night cycle occurred. Still, if he sat in the chair staring out through the windows, it never quite seemed to get dark enough for his brain to interpret it as ‘night.’

He pulled his thoughts back to the still form lying in the bed before him. Reaching out, he took Ashley’s hand and gently cradled it between both of his. She felt a little cold, he thought. _Compared to Jane, at least … but then, it was her biotics that kept her hands warm, I guess?_

Sighing, he shook his head and his gaze dropped to stare at the tips of his boots. _Where the hell did that thought come from?_

Anger stirred within him; a never quite forgotten beast. It was impossible to not be upset: Ash had nearly lost her life; Jane had let it happen. A couple of weeks removed from the incident now, he understood Kaidan was more correct than John wanted to admit, but that didn’t change the fact Jane had been the commanding officer at the time. As far as he was concerned, she and she alone was responsible for the well-being of her team members in combat. A not wholly accurate or fair judgement, perhaps, but no one ever said fairness was involved when loved ones were injured, wartime or not.

_Loved ones._

In the weeks since his arrival on the Citadel, John had been in contact with Admiral Hackett twice. Finding out about Anderson’s decision to stay on Earth had been … illuminating. Devastating. Shattering, to some degree, on levels John hadn’t quite expected. Hackett also shared the fates of the Alliance Fleet … and that hit home almost as hard as Ashley’s injuries. 

_Your mother’s ship is MIA …_

_Luna Base was hit hard …_

John tried to suppress a shudder, but was unsuccessful. _I’m in this all alone at the moment._ He ran a hand over his face. He was a grown man, a major in the Systems Alliance, N7. He knew and accepted the risks he faced every single day. His gaze settled on Ashley’s face and he reached over to gently brush some loose strands of hair to the side. With a heavy sigh, he sat back in his chair, eyes lifting to stare at the ceiling tiles. It wasn’t just him; he knew that, but it made the situation so much more of a challenge to face. 

_We all knew this was a possibility. Hell, it could have happened years ago, like Jane’s parents. Certain risks are involved when you enlist. Risks that can occur at any time._ He sighed again. _Risks that no matter how well you prepare for them, they sneak up, steal your breath away and leave you utterly devastated as a result._

He swallowed tightly. It happened three years before when Jane died. It happened again when he found out about Ashley’s injuries. Why would it be any different finding out about his parents? 

For need of something to do, he went through the standard procedures being broadcast throughout the Citadel these days. He left his name and contact information with the personnel assisting the refugees flooding in, just in case his parents were to arrive in such a manner. He also left word with the Alliance base on the Citadel. God knew there were plenty of misplaced personnel after the battles so far. Perhaps his parents would get lucky and find their way here to join up with another crew. They’d also assured him that if word came through from another Alliance base, they would pass it along. His final outreach had been on instinct more than anything. 

The whoosh of the door behind him echoed softly through the ICU unit. “Major Shepard?”

He lifted his head, turning to find a nurse entering the room. “Yes?” His voice was rough as if he’d been sleeping. _No such luck._

“Sir, Councilor Udina has asked if you would join him in the lobby for a few minutes.”

Hope bloomed in his chest. Nodding, John gently returned Ashley’s hand to lie on the bed and rose to his feet. _Has he heard something?_

The halls outside of the unit were busy, but not overly crowded, and John managed to find his way to the lobby within a matter of minutes. He found the councilor speaking with Dr. Michel, but when John neared, the doctor departed. “Ah, major,” the councilor greeted him. “Thank you for joining me.” 

The man gestured across the room to a more private area where only a lone drell sat in a chair, eyes closed, the outside light shining fully upon him. Absently, John was struck by how much it reminded him of creatures that liked to bask in the desert and soak up the sun on Earth. Turning his attention fully to Udina, he asked, “Has there been any word?”

Udina shook his head, true regret crossing his features. “I’m sorry, major, there hasn’t. I have my best people working on the matter for you. As soon as I hear _any_ thing, I will let you know.”

Taking a deep breath, John nodded as he slowly exhaled. It’d been a long shot, anyway. “What can I do for you, sir?”

“Major Shepard,” Udina said, his eyes shifting to light up in a way that told John he was channeling his inner politician, “I have a proposal for you. With the Reaper attack on Earth and a war that has only just begun, I have been authorized by the Council to offer you the position as humanity’s second Spectre.”

John stiffened in shock and surprise. “Spectre?”

Udina nodded. “That’s right.” A smug smile curved at his lips as if satisfied by John’s reaction to the announcement. “I can see you weren’t expecting this.”

John blinked, only able to shake his head.

Udina chuckled softly and continued. “Well, I can assure you that this has been in the works for a while now. Since before Admiral Anderson left my position, as a matter of fact. He thought very highly of you, you know.”

John recalled the first meeting between him and Anderson following the older man’s resignation as councilor. _Don’t think for a minute your actions on Franklin went unnoticed. You’ll hear about it soon enough …_ John groaned softly and nodded. “I … I understand.”

“With the increase of Reaper activity in the galaxy,” Udina went on, “we need exceptional people like you able to make decisions that will help our worlds survive. It’s a very prestigious honor, major.”

Absently, John nodded. It was, of that there was no doubt, but a part of him couldn’t help but wonder at the timing. The man was a politician, and as such, had ulterior motives behind every decision he made. Still, if Anderson had been involved in initiating it, that had to count for something, right? His gaze drifted back toward the doorway leading to the ICU units. “Sir, may I have some time to consider it?” he asked. “Right now, I’ve got larger concerns, and ….”

Udina made a tsk-ing sound, but eventually nodded with some reluctance. “Alright, major, but don’t wait too long. The galaxy needs more people like you in the Spectre ranks, especially during times like this.”

John wasn’t so certain of that, but nodded politely. When Udina left, he remained standing there, staring out of the window. _What have I just gotten myself into?_ he wondered. _I’m not the diplomatic Shepard._ His thoughts drifted briefly to the woman who _was_ the more diplomatic one. As he stared out over the Presidium, he wondered where she was now, what she was doing …

… and why she was tied to Cerberus yet again. A frown creased his brow for a long moment. _Is Udina aware that she is tied to them again?_ he mused silently. _Is_ that _why he is asking me to become a Spectre? Or is there something else behind this move. It’s nothing but politics, that much is clear. I’m better served out there, fighting the good fight. So, why …?_

A loud, hacking cough interrupted his thoughts, pulling his attention away from the view outside. Returning to the present, he turned to find the drell he’d seen earlier; on his feet now, he was barely able to maintain his stance given the violent outburst. It wasn’t difficult to see the man needed help sooner rather than later. Hurrying over, he reached a hand out to the drell’s shoulder, steadying him. “Are you alright?” he asked in concern.

The drell, approximately his height, nodded slowly. “My apologies,” he rasped after a moment, “if I interrupted your conversation.”

John huffed softly. “Not a problem.” He glanced quickly toward the elevators, but Udina was already out of sight. “He was just leaving anyway.” Glancing around, he asked, “Are you a patient here?”

“Yes,” the drell replied. As he breathed in, his lungs rattled slightly. “As a matter of fact, I should head back to my room for now.” He eyed John closely for a moment, blinking slowly. “You look familiar,” he said. “I have seen you around the hospital?”

When the drell started walking to the doors leading back into the ICU unit, John formed up at his side. “Yes, my fiancée is a patient here,” he explained. “She was injured when the Reapers attacked the Sol System.”

They walked slowly out of necessity, and still the drell showed obvious signs of being winded. “Ah, I see,” he replied. He eyed John again; an odd sensation, John thought. He’d only met one or two drell over the years and never had learned how to read their body language well. Extending a hand, he said, “I am Tannor Nuara.”

John took his hand, shaking it. “Major John Shepard, Systems Alliance.”

The amphibian-like eyes blinked twice more as if reassessing him. “It is an honor to make your acquaintance, major,” Tannor replied. 

They reached Ashley’s room at which point John said, “I guess this is my stop. Take care of yourself.”

Tannor chuckled softly. “I will do my best, I assure you. Thank you,” he replied simply. John saw his eyes drift slightly to the side, his gaze moving beyond him to Ashley’s still form in the bed. “I hope she awakens soon.”

John glanced over his shoulder at the still form lying in the bed. “Me too.”

Without another word, Tannor turned and walked off. John hesitated one last moment in the doorway, watching as he walked away. 

~ n ~

Sleep was difficult to come by these days and John was not averse to grabbing it while he could, when he could, wherever he could. It dated back to basic training and was only reinforced over the years of service. Snatching a catnap in the hospital was similar to finding one on the battlefield, however; only here he fought against being in the way of the medical staff and having to block out mechanical beeps, loud groans from patients, and other unusual noises rather than weapons fire or blasts. But he wasn’t about to skip over an opportunity when it presented itself, and over the weeks, the medical staff had become accustomed to his presence.

He sensed the change when he was woken by a subtle movement, though it took a long minute to pull himself together enough to realize it. His first observation was that he’d fallen asleep in the chair again, bent over and resting his head on the side of Ashley’s bed. He sat up while scrubbing a hand over his face, assuming it’d been one of the nurses gently nudging him out of their way or urging him to sit more comfortably.

But when his hand dropped away and he found a pair of dark brown eyes searching his face, a crooked yet fond smile upon him; all thoughts fled from his mind but one. “Ash?”

“H-hey, Skip-per,” she murmured roughly through dry, slightly cracked lips.

John automatically reached over and pressed the call button for the medical staff. Only then did he lift his hand to carefully brush her hair back from her face and gently caress her cheek. A smile formed at his lips as he leaned over and ghosted a kiss across the same cheek. “You are a sight for sore eyes,” he told her with a broad smile.

She started to laugh, but broke off into a wince of pain and a groan. “Yeah … sore is right …” Without moving her head, she looked around the room. “Where … where am I?”

“ _Huerta Memorial Hospital_ , on the Citadel,” he replied. “Do you remember what happened?”

The doors behind them whooshed open, and a nurse stepped inside for a few minutes.

“Mmm.” She struggled to swallow for a moment, until the nurse handed over a cup of water with a straw. After several sips, Ashley managed a nod that she was good. “Mars,” she whispered. “Shuttle. Cerberus …” She frowned. “Someone walking out of fire … Some kind of … synthetic?” Her breathing picked up as the memories started to flow. She groaned again and tried to lift a hand to her head, but John quickly caught it and held it in his. “Jane … Kaidan … Liara … James …” 

“They’re all fine,” John assured her, struggling to remain calm. “You, however, took the brunt of the attack, from what I understand.”

Her eyes closed and she rolled her head so she faced the ceiling. “The … the Reapers,” she breathed. “They … they hit Earth.”

“They’re moving across the galaxy as we speak,” he clarified. “Hackett’s ordered Sol System evacuated.”

A few tears leaked out of the corner of her eyes. “Earth … Anderson stayed behind. I …” She sniffled. “Mom? My sisters?”

Sighing softly, John firmed his grasp around her hand. “I’ve provided contact information to the refugee center as well as Alliance base here about them,” he explained. “I’m waiting to hear about my parents, too.”

She managed to turn slightly and catch his gaze. “She … she was right.” Tears started to trickle from the corner of her eyes.

John frowned. “Who was?”

“Jane.”

John pulled his lip between his teeth. “About the Reapers?”

With a barely noticeable nod of her head, Ashley added, “Them, other things …”

The nurse walked around the bed, coming to a stop beside John. “I’ve given her a sedative,” he whispered so only John could hear. “The doctor doesn’t want her getting overly agitated.”

John nodded his understanding without pulling his attention from Ashley. A quick look at her and he noticed her eyes starting to droop already. “Yeah,” he replied. 

“John …”

“Sleep, Ash,” he murmured, taking her hand again and gently stroking it with his thumb. “It’s going to be okay. We’ll talk more when you wake up.” _And in the meantime, I’ll sit here and wonder what the hell you meant about Jane …_


	24. Fetching a Primarch

Jane’s entire world blurred around the edges and continued to creep inwards from one moment to the next even as a primal scream escaped her lips. Reaching for the familiar feel of dark energy out of instinct, it soon wrapped around her even as the ground beneath her feet rumbled violently. Through a haze of pain and agony, she barely made out the shape of the monstrous beast heading her way; her biotics were in no way enough to protect herself from its massive form.

Vega was the first to jump off the barricade and attempt to intercept. Running across the battlefield, he shouted at it, took aim with his shotgun and triggered what could be considered a devastating blast on most other creatures, then rolled off to his left while tossing a grenade at it. The blast didn’t do much to slow it down, but it did catch the creature’s attention. 

From its opposite side, a shot burst forth and hit the beast in the shoulder, followed by a second. Jane knew she should be focused on scrambling out of its path as Garrus joined in the fray, but the level of pain in her shoulder left her incapable of movement. Kaidan must have realized something was wrong because he ran toward her instead of attacking the thing. On approach, he caught her beneath her good arm then half-carried half-dragged her out of line of sight. They came to a stop behind a rocky patch where he dropped to a knee. The staccato rhythm of his assault rifle was a mildly comforting but did little to stop the pain. 

Minutes later or hours, she had no idea which, Kaidan turned his full attention toward her. After a brief examination of her shoulder area, he explained, “You’ve dislocated it again.”

“Yeah,” she rasped, biting her lip and drawing blood, “I … kinda figured that part … out!”

He was quickly removing parts of her armor in the area. “Garrus, can you help?”

The turian ran over, crouching down beside Jane. “What do you need me to do?”

“Hold her still,” Kaidan replied, bracing himself for the next step. He shared a quick glance with Jane. “This is going to be fast and dirty, and it’s going to hurt.”

_Fast and dirty …_ Jane bit back a groan, but nodded. She recalled the last time she dislocated her shoulder in battle … and the pain that followed. Still, shifting the joint back into place was a necessity; both for now, and for later. Gritting her teeth, she looked at Garrus and preparing herself. Before she could say anything, even joke about the situation to reassure _him_ , let alone herself, a hot white pain lanced through her shoulder as Kaidan tugged her arm and twisted, slipping the joint back into proper position. A scream of agony tore from her throat and her head fell back against the rocks with a thunk. Garrus’ arm tightened across her chest, holding her still, and as the pain receded to something just above tolerable levels, she realized she must have tried to pull away from him.

Vega lumbered over, eyeing the situation then glancing over at the major who was currently strapping her arm to her body to keep it immobile. “You gonna be okay, Lola?”

A snarl, fierce and rumbling, ripped from her throat. “I’m fine!” The moment Kaidan finished strapping her arm to her torso, she awkwardly pushed herself to her feet and shoved her shotgun at James. They still had a mission to complete, and she’d be damned if she was going to let some paltry dislocation stop her. Instead, she reached for her pistol. Changing ammo clips would be a task, but she also had her biotics to fall back on. Vega didn’t argue and slipped the weapon onto his hip for the time being. 

Cautiously, she took a step forward and searched for her balance. Then she took another, and another. Only once did she throw out her good hand in Garrus’ direction to steady herself. The pain was still there, sharp and fiery, but it helped clear her head and fuel her anger. “Alright, let’s go,” she barked. She gestured Garrus and Vega ahead of her. “No one is stealing this Primarch from me!”

Garrus exchanged one last concerned glance with Kaidan whose only reaction was a shrug. “This way,” the turian announced a moment later as he took point.

~ n ~

“ _Commander, are you alright?_ ”

Jane’s eyes closed, head dropping just slightly toward her chest as she faced the admiral. “Sir, it’s nothing that hasn’t happened before. I managed then and I will manage now.” When his skepticism came through clearly, even across the QEC, she added more contritely, “I’ll check in with Dr. Chakwas as soon as I finish here.”

“ _Hmm. See that you do. Hackett, out._ ”

She stood still for a long minute; her right arm braced against the console. 

Kaidan slipped out of the shadows into step beside her with ease. “How much did that cost you?” he asked, a knowing smile curling his lips.

Jane straightened and scowled at him. “Don’t make me space you out the airlock, Alenko.”

He wasn’t worried. In fact, it was safe to say he was no more worried by her threat than he was concerned about a paper cut. “Last time I checked, you need both hands for that,” he pointed out casually, “thus making it an idle threat if ever I heard one. Come on, let’s go see Karin.”

Not unexpectedly, she shook her head and moved away from him a step. “I need to talk to the Primarch first.”

He said nothing and simply followed after her into the War Room. But he was going to keep an eye on her, on the time and on her promise. Despite her assurances to the admiral, which he honestly did not think she would go back on, her reputation of avoiding medical care, even when clearly needed, was well known. It was understandable in the long run, of course. There was a war on, one that required her to be ready to lead a ground team at a moments’ notice. And if Menae was any example, she more than proved she could still fight even when injured. Still, the chances of the doctor restricting Jane’s access in the field access was high given the nature of the injury itself. Kaidan’s battlefield scans proved significant damage to a shoulder that had received serious damage on at least one other occasion. Rest and physical therapy would be likely, and that in spite of her cybernetic implants and regeneration capabilities. 

On the other hand, their next mission was a war summit; that meant a battlefield made up of conference tables and diplomatic dances, with words as weapons. So, unless a physical brawl broke out over the conference table – which, granted, was a valid concern given the importance of the situation – she ought to be safe enough.

When it became clear that her conversation with Victus would drag out for a time, Kaidan left the War Room and headed back to the CIC to check in on the _Normandy_ ’s current status. At some point during the QEC conversation between Jane and Hackett, the ship quietly departed the Apien Crest without issue and they were now well on their way toward the Annos Basin, the location of the war summit. But, even though it appeared they made it out without being seen, Kaidan wasn’t prepared to state they were safe from danger. Not while the Reaper presence in the galaxy continued to grow.

He checked in briefly with Traynor, then made his way to the bridge to speak with Joker. It was on his return through the CIC that he spotted Jane standing at her console to one side of the galaxy map. Their eyes met across the room and his brow arched when he detected a flash of rebellion in the emerald green of her eyes. The right corner of his lips twitched; she saw it, he noticed, eyes widening just a bit. Joining her a moment later, he murmured only for her ears, “You know, it would be far simpler if you just went to see her yourself.”

She tilted her head, seemingly searching for something, what exactly he wasn’t sure, but she must have found it because her usual humor settled in place of the mischievous look just moments before. “Tired of the chase already, Kaidan?”

He snorted softly at her teasing tone and grinned back at her. “I’m always up for a challenge, commander,” he replied, just as coyly. “Haven’t you figured that out yet?”

He was torn between the look of shock in her eyes at his response and the fact that he had given in to her little game. Still, she sighed and lowered her head just a tick in acquiescence to the request, and any awkwardness of the moment soon fled. “Fine, let’s go see Karin.”

~ n ~

“Well, doc?”

Jane sat on the examination table, her eyes fully on her friend and medical advisor as the woman did a more thorough scan of the injury. Kaidan, thankfully, had opted to head over to visit with Garrus during the examination. As much of a friend as he was, there was only so much smugness she could take from him while in so much discomfort.

“The damage could have been far more extensive,” the doctor replied after a few minutes. She lowered the omni-tool. “Extend your arm for me, please.” She ran Jane through several physical displays to gauge range of motion. “Pain levels?”

Jane shrugged with her good shoulder. “What’s the use of complaining?” she countered. “The meds –.”

“Won’t last anyway; yes, I understand.” Folding her arms across her chest, she gave Jane a steady look. “So, how does it feel? Really?”

It was on the tip of Jane’s tongue to lie; to tell her friend and doctor that she was fine, but she and Karin knew each other far better than that now. The doctor was a friend, yes, but in many ways, she was more than that. An older sister, of sorts. They’d gone through hell together the previous year. And when it came right down to brass tacks, Jane simply couldn’t hide the truth from her. Sighing, she shook her head and averted her gaze. “It hurts, and the fact that I admit that to you should tell you something about how much. I don’t have full range of motion, either. Although,” she added emphatically, “it doesn’t feel quite so bad as it was last time.”

Karin’s brow arched at that assessment. “Doesn’t feel so bad, or simply feels as if it’s healing more quickly?”

Jane took a very long minute to consider that. “Good question. To be honest, I don’t know.” She rolled her shoulder cautiously, focusing on the motion, the movement, the pain. “Both, maybe?”

Raising her omni-tool again, Karin opened a file. “I have Kaidan’s initial scan here,” she explained, turning to show Jane. She pressed another button and a second display showed next to it. “And this is the one I just did. I would have to agree – a little of both, perhaps.” Closing the program, she turned to face Jane. “I’m not going to restrict you from duty just yet,” she announced. “Not until we get a better idea of how this will heal. Still, between now and that war summit, I would appreciate it if you paid a bit more attention to taking things easy.”

A soft snicker escaped Jane’s lips, emphasized by the twinkle in her eyes. “Are you serious?”

The solemn look on the doctor’s face never wavered as she nodded. “You should know by now that I’m always serious about my work, commander.”

Hopping off the examination table, Jane patted Karin’s shoulder with her good hand. “That I do, my friend. That I do. Thanks.”

Sighing a little, Karin shook her head. “I know better than to try to stop you, Jane,” she admitted. “And I understand we are at war. I am not, however, afraid to restrict you if you do put yourself in too precarious of a position. Wartime may require certain … compromises, but the one thing I will _not_ compromise is your health.” The doctor inhaled deeply, and as she exhaled, the severe look on her face softened. “We need you to lead the way, Jane. Don’t ever forget that.”

Jane nodded solemnly, all hint of teasing falling to the side as she accepted the assessment as it was intended. “I won’t, Karin, I promise. Thank you.”

Exiting the Medbay, she turned in the direction of the Forward Battery. It didn’t surprise her in the least that Garrus had returned to his previous haunting ground aboard ship, and as she slipped into the room, she found Kaidan and Garrus chatting. Both turned to her as she entered, their conversation drawing to a close.

“How’s the shoulder?” Garrus asked, walking over as he spoke.

Jane carefully rolled it to prove she could. “Not quite good as new, but getting there,” she allowed. “So, Garrus, tell me about Primarch Victus.”

Garrus shrugged. “Pretty much what I told you on the shuttle ride back,” he replied. “He’s the sort of war leader you’d like, Shepard. Thinks outside the box, I think you humans call it?”

Kaidan grinned. The turian certainly had her pegged right. But there were other important questions that needed answering. “Can you vouch for him?”

“In time of war,” Garrus reminded them, “you into battle with the army you have. You don’t have the option to pick and choose.” 

The corner of Jane’s left eye twitched. “I need to know if he will keep his word,” she insisted, glancing over at Kaidan. There was far too much at stake to have any doubts. Any misjudgment on her part could lead to the destruction of the entire galaxy.

“I’ve never known Victus to lie,” Garrus assured them. “Play fast and loose with strategy, maybe, but betray an ally?” He shook his head. “Not his style. But if he did try, well, … we’d just have to find another Primarch.”

Her lips twitched more obviously this time, and a soft chuckle from Kaidan revealed he found the comment amusing as well. “We noticed generals saluting you, Garrus,” she said, unable to hide the smile gaining traction. She winked at the turian. “It was difficult not to, actually. Just how far down the line of succession are you these days?”

Their friend, clearly uncomfortable with the idea, glanced away from them both and pulled at the collar of his armor. “Let’s not go there.”

“Primarch Vakarian, honored war hero,” Jane teased. “Someone’s going to have to rebuild Palaven once this is all over.”

“Yeah, somebody who knows how to hold a hammer,” he replied, buffering back the idea. “Look, Shepard, Victus is our top general. He’ll get the job done.” He sighed. “We all have a stake in this now, whether people want to admit the Reapers are real or not.”

Jane relented, the mischievousness fading quickly. “I believe you, Garrus,” she promised. “And I have to say, I was very impressed with what we saw on Palaven. Your doing?”

He nodded. “Mostly, I guess. After we defeated the Collectors and I returned home, I gave it a lot of thought, but I finally decided to approach my father about it. He was willing to listen as I explained how we came about our information, showed him how we reached our conclusions.” He paused a moment, looking between Kaidan and Jane, then finished, “He couldn’t deny what we’d always seen; the Reapers were coming.”

Kaidan sighed softly and it echoed throughout the room. “I’m glad someone else finally saw it.” 

Garrus nodded. “He did more than that, he took it to Primarch Fedorian.”

Jane’s brow lifted in surprise. “I like his style,” she murmured.

Garrus shrugged. “Unfortunately, the Primarch wasn’t as easily convinced.” 

_The Primarch, like Sparatus, thought like a politician,_ Jane mused to herself. “What did you do?”

Garrus shifted a bit uneasily on his feet. “My father kept pushing until the Primarch agreed to commit some token resources. And, if you call it a ‘task force’ it sounds like you did something about it.”

Kaidan shifted his stance and folded his arms over his chest. “Well, you were obviously able to do something with those resources. Your setup on Menae seemed pretty well equipped.”

Jane nodded her agreement. “Too bad we couldn’t have done the same with Luna Base,” she added.

“Menae is our last line of defense,” Garrus explained. “If we can’t hold there, Palaven won’t stand a chance. So, we strengthened our communications lines, expanded our emergency stockpiles across all our colonies, improved our early detection protocols.”

“That sounds like more than just ‘something,’” Jane observed. “Do you think it helped?”

Again, Garrus shrugged. “I’d like to think it bought us some time,” he said quietly. “We’ll know when this war is over, I guess.”

Jane and Kaidan left Garrus to his ‘calibrations’ after that, exiting the room side by side. “Really,” Kaidan asked as they passed through the mess, “how’s the shoulder?”

Jane sighed softly as she turned in the direction of Liara’s room. “I’ll be fine, Kaidan,” she insisted. “Karin hasn’t restricted me –.”

“Yet,” he interjected with a knowing look.

Jane’s lips twitched. “Yet,” she agreed with a half nod, “but we’re both also keeping an eye on how my … reconstruction affects an injury like this.” Glancing up at him, she noticed his concern hadn’t faded, and for some reason she didn’t quite fathom, it warmed her heart to think he cared so much. _Or, maybe it’s just his inner medical professional._ “I mean, come on,” she added, a teasing glint reaching her eyes again to try and lighten his mood, “do you really think diplomatic discussions will result in full out battle?”

He grimaced and choked out a laugh at the same time, and Jane’s smile widened. “The krogan are involved now,” he reminded her. “Anything is possible.”

Snorting softly, Jane stepped close enough to Liara’s door to trigger it open. Walking in backwards, she responded, “I’ve been known to headbutt the krogan with the best of them, Kaidan,” she said with as much of a straight face as possible. “I think I have it covered!” The startled look on his face as the door closed was well worth it, she decided as she turned to face her asari friend. “So, Liara, let’s have a little discussion about EDI now ‘living’ in Dr. Coré’s body, shall we …?”


	25. What I Need

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Heads up - we are about to head into Nano 2020 and like usual, I have a story plotted (more or less) for this year. I will try to keep up to date with posting but if I miss a week, I apologize ahead of time! In the meantime, enjoy today's chapter!

“ _Commander, the salarian dalatrass and the krogan leader both request permission to come aboard._ ”

Jane stood in front of the mirror in her bathroom as she placed the final pins in her hair to keep it out of her face. Popping her head first to the right and then to the left to ease the tension that just wouldn’t go away, she tapped her comm and replied, “Please inform Primarch Victus, Traynor, then have Vega and Cortez escort the dalatrass and Wrex to the conference room. I’ll be down in a moment.”

“ _Should that be an_ armed _escort, commander?_ ”

Jane fought against a smirk as best she could, but she caught the twitch of her lips in the reflection in front of her. Traynor had just the right amount of sass to get away with it in moments like this. Then again, she wasn’t wrong, either, and that was the more sobering thought. “On second thought, have Cortez escort the dalatrass up. Vega can wait with Wrex for the second run. I’ll grab one of the maintenance ducts to get down.”

“ _Understood, commander._ ”

Jane exited her room, finding the access point to her right just outside her door. As she descended the ladder, she pressed her comm again. “Kaidan?”

His response was immediate. “ _I’m here_.”

“Cortez is escorting the dalatrass to the conference room and Victus should be there momentarily.”

“ _And Wrex?_ ”

“Vega will bring him up after.” She reached the bottom of the ladder and hunched over, making her way through the access tube. “I’m on my way now. Could you meet them at the conference room?”

A soft chuckle filtered across the connection. Just a hint before he cleared his throat. “ _Just in case?_ ”

Jane couldn’t fault him there. They both knew Wrex well. “Just in case.”

“ _Don’t worry, commander, I’m on my way._ ”

Thankfully, her decision to take the maintenance ducts didn’t result in a wrinkled set of dress blues, she noted fifteen minutes later as she exited directly into the. Dusting off her slacks, she spotted Traynor staring over at her. “They’re all in the conference room, ma’am. Major Alenko is keeping the peace … for the moment.” 

“Thanks, Traynor.” 

As Jane waited for the security scan to run, it was impossible to miss the muted, muffled sounds coming from the other side of the far door. When both guards appeared concerned, Westmoreland even taking a step toward the weapons locker behind her, Jane shook her head. Campbell, on the far side of the scanner added, “The dalatrass isn’t too happy with the krogan being here.”

Jane fought the urge to roll her eyes. She didn’t have any first-hand experience with the dalatrasses, or with many salarians, for that matter, but the things Liara had coached her on concerned Jane a great deal. _There is far too much at stake here to fall back onto old hatreds! The Reapers pose the biggest threat we are ever likely to face! Is our extinction really preferable to helping the krogan?_ As the doors opened and she started through, Jane murmured back at the pair, “Wish me luck.”

Entering the conference room, it was immediately apparent that the Primarch and Kaidan were doing their level best to keep some distance between the dalatrass and Wrex; which was probably just as well, given the negative diatribe the salarian continued to prattle on with even after Jane arrived. She let it go on for a moment or two and was about to interrupt when the Primarch saved her the effort. If nothing else, the turian seemed as unwilling to put up with the nonsense as she. That, at least, was someone she could support. He also managed to cut through all of the political posturing to the core of the problem: _Just tell us what you want._

“Reaper scouts have arrived on Tuchanka,” Wrex announced. He gave the Primarch a hard, intimidating stare as he switched positions with him. Victus, Jane noticed, moved out of the way without question, deferring to Wrex, no doubt to keep the negotiations moving. Within moments, a video started to play on the wall behind the krogan. Briefly, Janes gaze flitted to Kaidan. He seemed to be transfixed by the images on the screen. “I’ll tell you what I _need;_ a cure for the genophage.” 

He went on to describe the Reaper presence on his planet and his reasoning behind the need for a cure, and Jane couldn’t argue with it. The krogan were a natural fighting force, one to be reckoned with, even by the Reapers. They, perhaps more than the rest of the races in the galaxy combined, had the potential to hold out the longest in a prolonged war of attrition. If the genophage was cured, there would be no limit to the number of troops they could field.

But then Wrex’s arguments took an unexpected turn. The video switched from Reapers and their armies to the inside of some sort of facility. It didn’t appear to be any place on Tuchanka. Jane recalled the krogan planet as a post-nuclear pile of rubble. Wherever this was looked to be in much better shape, suggesting it was off world. Wrex’s words started to filter in as he continued. _Maelon. Females. Barbaric experiments._ Jane grimaced, the memories returning all too easily; Mordin’s student, Maelon, and his horrific methods in an attempt to cure the genophage all in an effort to assuage his guilt for his part in the sterilization of the krogan race so many years before. At the time, even Wrex refused to support the research. But from the sounds of it, some part of it must have worked and several krogan females survived, fully fertile.

The dalatrass, when faced with the accusations, protested vehemently, but Victus cut her off. Jane, decidedly tired of the political bullshit being slung around on _her_ ship, took a step toward her. “Is it true or not?”

Anger flashing from her eyes, the dalatrass glared back. “You have no say in this! You –.”

“Dalatrass,” Victus interrupted in a very calculated manner, “need I remind you; Commander Shepard is a Council Spectre. She has the authority. If you know where these females are …?”

And still, the dalatrass refused. Her protests took on a more insulting note which, Jane noted, Victus again cut down. He, at least, was being rational about this situation. _Or, is this more your ‘outside the box’ thinking? Are you representing your people’s views, or your own?_ It didn’t really matter, she decided in the end, because he was all the turians had left to speak for them. New Primarch, new direction, whether they liked it or not. If they survived to the end of the war, they could make changes later if they didn’t like it.

“We uplifted the krogan for one purpose only,” the dalatrass said. “To wage war. It’s all they know because it’s all we wanted them to know.”

“That was your miscalculation,” Jane snorted, unable to keep silent. “But now you have the chance to put things right. The Reapers have arrived in the Milky Way, dalatrass. War with the Reapers isn’t going to be some short, conventional, to the point battle; all and done. This will go on as long as they need to exterminate us. Years. _Centuries._ In order to defeat them, we’re going to need help from _all_ races, and that includes non-Council.”

“That includes the _krogan_ ,” Wrex added with a nod.

Victus turned toward him. “If we get you the females, Wrex, will you help us? Finding a cure for the genophage will take time, _years_ that we don’t have right now, and –.”

“My information says otherwise,” Wrex stubbornly insisted. “The dalatrass here sent in a team to clean up the whole mess – and to take these fully fertile female krogan prisoner.”

Four sets of eyes turned to focus on the dalatrass who, for the first time, seemed to fumble. “What? This – this could be … misinformation!”

Wrex leaned across the table in the direction of the salarian. While the table was long and there was no real threat of him making physical contact, both Jane and Kaidan stepped closer just in case. “Don’t insult me!” Wrex bellowed indignantly. “These are my people! They’re immune to the genophage and you’re going to give them back!”

Victus moved over closer to the dalatrass; Kaidan and Jane held their current positions. “Dalatrass, is this true?” the turian leader demanded, echoing Jane’s words from several minutes before.

Defiant to the end, the dalatrass instead made her own demands. “How will this benefit my people?”

Jane dropped her gaze momentarily, biting hard enough on her lower lip that the metallic taste of blood soon tickled across her tongue. “Just how long do you think you’ll hold out against the Reapers? Alone?” Jane demanded, her voice hard, determined. As she looked up, she noticed all eyes in the room now focused on her. _Let them,_ she thought. _It’s about time the other races start understanding the realities of this situation!_ “If you don’t help with this now, _that_ is how you’ll end up.”

Still unwilling to be cowed, the dalatrass spat, “Threats, commander?”

Jane’s green eyes glittered back, but before she could say another word, Victus interjected, “If not from the commander, I promise you, Dalatrass, I will be the last friendly turian you ever see.”

The next few minutes dragged as if in silent slow motion until Jane couldn’t take it anymore. Time was being wasted, and they had none to spare. “What’s it going to be, dalatrass?”

The salarian’s shoulders sank and her head dropped into her hand; clear signs of defeat. “The females,” she said, her voice a near whisper now, “are being kept at one of our STG bases on Sur’Kesh.”

Jane flicked her gaze over to Kaidan, jerking her head toward the door. He nodded, gesturing for Wrex to follow him. Victus wasn’t far behind. As Jane turned to leave, the dalatrass spoke up again, her voice as vitriolic as before. “But I warn you, commander! The consequences of this will be felt for centuries to come!”

Jane turned on her heel, retracing her steps. For all the anger and frustration at the salarian, she barely made note of the others pausing just outside of the conference room. “Why can’t you understand they are _nothing_ compared to what will happen if the Reapers win?” 

“Let’s go get the females!” Wrex said as he rejoined her.

Shocked, the dalatrass spluttered, “You’re not setting foot on Sur’Kesh! This will take time to –!”

“It happens now,” Victus said with emphasis, “with Spectre Shepard overseeing the exchange. Alert them they are coming, Dalatrass, and do so quickly.”

Jane nodded at Wrex to leave ahead of her and she followed out after him. Kaidan fell into step immediately; Victus turning toward the War Room. The dalatrass started shouting something about bullies not having friends, but all Jane could wonder was who she honestly thought the bully was. After all, _Jane_ wasn’t responsible for the genophage.

~ n ~

After changing into her armor, Jane grabbed her helmet and exited her cabin. She was waiting for the lift to arrive when she heard a soft beep at her comm. “ _Commander,_ ” Traynor’s voice said quietly, “ _you have an incoming call on the QEC._ ”

Jumping onto the lift, Jane pressed the button for the CIC. “On my way.” She walked through security moments later, still pondering why Admiral Hackett would be calling her when they hadn’t even left on the mission yet. With a tap to her comm, she said, “Kaidan, I’ll join you, Wrex, Vega and Garrus at the shuttle. I have to take a call first.”

“ _Understood._ ”

She passed the conference room, noting the dalatrass still stood there, eyes focused out through the windows. If she heard Jane passing by, she didn’t indicate it in any way. In the War Room, she walked briskly through, entering the communications room a moment later. Ahead of her, she saw a familiar face take shape … Jane couldn’t hold back a gasp, running the last few feet to the console. “Mom!” 

“ _Jane? Oh, thank god!_ ”

Flabbergasted to see John’s mother’s image before her, she stammered, “Are you … Admiral Hackett said your ship was among the missing after the battle at Arcturus?”

Hannah Shepard nodded. “ _We took some heavy damage, but we managed to get away. It took time to get the ship fixed up enough to hobble back to safety, but we did it._ ” She paused, a pained expression framing her face. “ _Jane, I’ve been unable to reach John …_ ”

Jane sighed. Her head dropped to her chest as she braced her arms against the console. “Mom, he’s … he’s fine. He and Ashley are on the Citadel, last I heard.” She didn’t have the time to go into details, and besides, John should be the one to explain that, right? Glancing back up after a minute, she asked, “What about Dad? Have you heard from him at all?”

Hannah shook her head. “ _No. He was at Luna Base when the Reapers struck. All I know is that it has effectively been destroyed._ ”

Jane cringed at that news. If the base was destroyed, there would be no way for anyone to survive. Not unless … “Perhaps he and some of the others caught a shuttle back to Earth before it was too late?”

“ _That’s my hope,_ ” Hannah replied. 

Chewing on her lip, Jane nodded. “Look, Mom, I … I’m on a very important mission right now. One that could change the tide of the war. Can we talk at a later time?”

Hannah blinked and Jane could see understanding reach her, as if she was really seeing Jane for the first time. “ _Yes, of course we can. Just … be careful out there, okay, Jane? Despite everything that’s happened, I …_ ”

Jane managed a warm smile for the woman who was a second mother to her. “I will, Mom. You stay safe, too. I’ll talk to you soon, I promise, and the next time I see John, I’ll be sure to tell him you are safe, if you haven’t spoken with him first.”

“ _Thank you, Jane. Shepard, out._ ”

Pushing back from the console, Jane ran a hand over her face. The sound of footsteps at the doorway pulled her attention, and she spotted the Primarch waiting on her. With a heavy sigh, Jane walked over. 

“I couldn’t help but hear, commander,” he said by way of explanation as they walked across the room together. “Everything is alright, I hope?”

Jane nodded. “Not a hundred percent just yet, but certainly improved,” she replied. “That was my ex-husband’s mother. Her ship took the brunt of the Reaper attack just before they entered Sol System.” Glancing up at the turian, she added, “Admiral Hackett had to sacrifice the Second Fleet in order to save most of the Third and Fifth Fleets. Mom’s ship is part of the Fifth Fleet, though they took damage and were separated from the rest during their retreat.”

Victus nodded as they reached the door. “I am glad to hear she and her ship made it out safely,” he said. “We are going to need _every_ one in this fight.”

A wry smile curved at Jane’s lips as she eyed him closely. _A simple platitude? Or a reminder of the necessity of our success on Sur’Kesh?_ With a nod, she said, “I will see you when we return, Primarch.”

“Good luck, commander.”

As Jane retraced her steps to the CIC and waited on the lift, she tapped her comm again, hailing Kaidan. “I’m on my way. How long until we launch?”

“ _We’re aboard and waiting on you, commander. Cortez is ready to go as soon as you get here._ ”

The lift doors opened moments later, allowing Jane a few quick minutes to grab her weapons and extra ammo. Cortez already had the engine fired up on the Kodiak, and as she hopped inside and the door closed behind her, she felt the shuttle lift up and move forward. Meeting the eyes of the others, she smiled for the first time in what felt like days. “Come on, Wrex,” she said as she took a seat, “let’s go get those females.”

The shuttle reverberated with the echoes of krogan laughter as it descended through the atmosphere of Sur’Kesh.


	26. Let's Get You Out of Here

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Apologies if the editing isn't top notch - I was going to go through it one more time this morning, but insomnia hit last night and 4 hours sleep does not make an observant editor ... zzzzzz *head hits keyboard* 
> 
> Enjoy!

Kaidan found the beauty of Sur’Kesh a stark contrast to the rest of the galaxy, though he wasn’t really surprised to hear Garrus murmur, “Wonder how long it’ll be before the Reapers arrive here?”

“It looks a helluva lot nicer than Earth right now,” Vega muttered.

Shaking his head, Kaidan led the way after Jane and the salarian she was speaking with walked off. “The Reapers will arrive here soon enough,” he said. “It’s only a matter of time.”

“Unless we do something crazy to improve our chances,” Garrus added. “Like, cure the genophage.”

Vega glanced over at the both of them as they stopped off to the side. “Do you really think this plan’ll work?” he asked. “Curing the genophage, I mean?”

Kaidan nodded. “Have you ever fought with a krogan, Vega?”

The lieutenant shrugged. “A time or two, yeah. Look, I’m not arguing having them in the war on our side is a good thing; I’m totally for that. And don’t get me wrong, I’m in the group that thinks they’ve been punished long enough for what happened way back when.”

Garrus snorted softly and his mandibles fluttered. “Lieutenant, do you know how quickly krogan reproduce?”

“Fast enough to create troops to fight against the Reapers. That’s all I care about.” Vega rolled his head, savoring each pop in his neck. “Besides, Scars, from what I hear, your Primarch is for this thing, too.”

“Primarch Victus understands what it will take to win this war,” Garrus replied. “He’s as military as they come. Whether or not that’s the view of the general turian public or not is another story.”

Kaidan sighed. “And one that won’t really matter anyway if Victus didn’t make this call,” he pointed out.

Garrus nodded. “Right. Because Reapers.”

Jane walked over and joined them then. “Just waiting on clearance to head down to the lab,” she said. Her gaze drifted over to where Wrex stood surrounded by three salarian guards and she folded her arms across her chest before leaning closer to the others. “You know, I swear he’s antagonizing them just for fun.”

Vega and Garrus both laughed, and Kaidan replied with a knowing smile, “Whatever gave you that idea?”

Her lips curled into a smirk. “Oh, I don’t know … the shit-eating grin on his face?” All four glanced over at the krogan who, not surprisingly, grinned in their direction and waved back. It was a move that clearly did not amuse his guards, all of whom glared darkly in his direction. Swallowing a laugh, Jane added, “I also spoke to Major Kirrahe. He has an interesting take on the situation.”

“Oh yeah?” 

Kaidan’s brow arched in question and she nodded. “Sounds like the majority of STG teams are supportive of our actions and not the dalatrass. He promised that he and some friends will be there to assist when we put out the call to liberate Earth.”

“That’s reassuring,” Garrus grunted. “STG is nearly as good as Spectres are in most situations.”

The salarian to whom Jane had spoken, Padok Wiks, joined them, announcing that they were cleared to head to the lab. On the way to the elevator, she paused to take in the view of Sur’Kesh just on the horizon. 

“Beautiful, isn’t it?” Kaidan asked quietly next to her shoulder.

“Mmm.” It was a challenge to pull her attention back to the job at hand, but they were here to get the female krogan, not sight see. “And everything, for the most part, is going to plan.” 

As they stepped onto the elevator and the door closed, Garrus stared at her for a long moment. “You just had to go and say it, didn’t you, Shepard?”

Startled, she stared right back at him. “What? Aside for Wrex’s ‘krogan airdrop,’ it has been, hasn’t it?”

Kaidan chuckled. “That remains to be seen …”

~ n ~

Jane gritted her teeth as she scrambled across the hall, taking cover behind the console. A quick peek around the edge provided line of sight on the Cerberus engineer setting up a turret aimed directly at her. Without really thinking about it, she started to gather dark energy into her right hand. Before the turret could be set up properly, she unleased the energy in the engineer’s direction, knocking him backwards and toppling the device. A blur of movement to her right had her half spinning around, but it was only Vega dropping into place beside her. “Get that elevator moving, Lola, I’ve got you covered!”

Jane glanced through the glass at Mordin and Eve as she entered the clearance code. “Almost there,” she promised. To Eve specifically, she said, “You’ll be free soon.”

“This isn’t your problem, commander. You don’t know me.”

An ache filled Jane’s chest at the words, but she fought it back. Entering the final part of the code, she glanced back and smiled. “No, but I’d like to. Hang in there. We’re almost there.”

“Commander!” Kaidan shouted from the other side of the floor. “More Cerberus incoming!”

Jane slammed her hand on the now green-lit panel that would free the lift. “Mordin, how many more levels?”

“Just the landing area,” he confirmed. “Hope Wrex still waiting.”

The krogan female chuckled dryly. “Wrex can’t keep his hands off a fertile female. He’ll be there.”

Jane started to grin, but a bullet hit just to her left causing her to spin back around into the fight. “Go!” she shouted to Mordin. The lift started moving, albeit slowly. Moving out into the center of the hallway to offer covering fire, Jane spotted a shuttle dropping off a squad of Cerberus troops. “Kaidan!” she shouted while releasing a stronger, broader wave of biotic energy in that direction.

Just before the time the wave arrived, Kaidan managed to hit one of the enemy troopers with his own biotic move. True to form as they’d discovered on Menae, the resultant combination doubled the scope and effect of a normal biotic blast, tossing and scattering the remaining Cerberus troops. Both he and Vega were investigating the results when Garrus and Jane joined them. One of the troopers twitched and groaned, but before any of the others could act, Jane aimed her pistol and took the shot, removing him from the equation. “Alright, we’re almost there,” she told them as she took point. “Mordin says the landing area is right above us. We’ve got to make sure the area’s clear before Cortez set the shuttle down.”

“We got this,” Vega assured her. 

They found the ladder up and started climbing. As she scrambled over the top edge, Jane heard the familiar hum of a shuttle engine. A quick glance up, however, indicated it wasn’t a friendly, but more Cerberus troops landing. “Shit! Okay, Vega, you and Kaidan take the stairs to the right. Garrus and I will clear out the top. Move it!”

It didn’t take them long at all to clear out the remaining troops, and as she descended to start the process of releasing the female krogan, she ordered, “Perimeter check!” It wasn’t in Cerberus’ nature to give up so easily; she fully expected another attack. 

Kaidan and Vega ran off as Garrus joined Jane. “Expecting trouble?”

Jane huffed a soft laugh. “I _always_ expect trouble, Garrus. That’s why I’m still alive!” Her fingers flew over the console, finalizing authorization and activating the carrier. Smiling over at the female, she said, “We’re almost there.”

The pod took a couple of minutes to rise and start transferring the krogan from the lower level to the landing pad and had made it about halfway when Vega’s voice echoed throughout the area. “Incoming Atlas! Look out!”

Jane jerked away from the console and moved to take cover behind a bank of terminals just long enough to pull free her shotgun. As she chambered a round, the floor beneath her shook heavily as the Atlas Vega warned about landed. Behind her, Mordin’s shouts about protecting the pod at all costs fell on deaf ears. Jane peeked around the edge of her cover, all of her focus on lining up her shot. Already, Garrus and Kaidan were unloading a series of technical attacks against it which seemed to slow it down. That gave her an opening. She took aim at the main hatch, but too late she discovered the device’s barriers and shields hadn’t been lowered enough for it to be effective. 

“Fire in the hole!”

Vega’s shout had Jane scrambling back behind cover. Covering her head with her arms, the grenade exploded less than a second later, sending a spray of sharp metal fragments flying over the vicinity. Jane peeked out at the Atlas again. Now assured that this was, by far, the most effective attack upon the Atlas, she ordered, “Do it again! As many as you have!”

Each time he threw, Vega shouted a warning. At some point just after he threw the fifth grenade, the machine exploded, sending yet more shrapnel and debris flying through the air. Jane waited several seconds, arms folded over her head in protection, before she pulled herself from cover. She located each member of her team first, and satisfied they were all okay, she returned to the console to finish the job of transitioning the pod. Movement over on the far side of the landing area flashed the familiar blue, black and white of the Alliance Kodiak. 

Jane helped Mordin from the left before continuing on toward the shuttle. As she arrived, however, an angry, irritated grunt filled the air, and she surprised to find Wrex backing up a few paces from the female’s transport pod. It took less than a second for her to realize the move wasn’t voluntary, but the female krogan pushing him out of the way. Behind her, Garrus and Kaidan both chuckled softly, Garrus murmuring some teasing remark about their krogan friend but low enough Wrex couldn’t hear him. Only Vega’s shout hinted at any remaining trouble. “Watch out!”

All heads turned, spying the two Cerberus troops running in their direction. Before any of them could reach for their weapons, the female krogan yanked Wrex’s shotgun from his hands, aiming them at each Cerberus trooper individually. She only took two shots, but each brought one down. Shoving the weapon back into Wrex’s arms, the female turned and shuffled over to the Kodiak. Jane, intent upon checking on the Cerberus troopers, skirted her way around Wrex, but the krogan apparently was amused by the female’s reaction. That, at least, was one less thing to worry about.

Turning her attention back to the Cerberus troops, she crouched down next to Kaidan who had taken the longer way around. One was clearly dead, but the other still breathed, if somewhat irregularly. “Is he going to live?”

Kaidan shook his head. “Not a chance.”

Reaching over, Jane grabbed hold of the soldier’s breast plate and yanked him upward so they were face to face. “Why is Cerberus here?” she growled, eyes flashing in anger. “What do you want?”

Without responding, the trooper gave one last raspy gasp before his body went completely limp. Kaidan had his medical scanner out and running in less than a couple of seconds. “He’s gone.” 

Releasing him, Jane pushed herself to her feet. She glared down the hall, muttering, “Mordin thinks there is a mole in STG, suggested indoctrination was a possibility.” Turning her gaze back to Kaidan, she added, “After this, I can’t argue with him.”

Shaking his head, Kaidan led the way back toward the Kodiak. “I can’t either.”

Pausing before they arrived, Jane spun around to face him. “What are we dealing with here? We know almost anything directly involving the Reapers has the potential to indoctrinate people. But what has that got to do with Cerberus?”

Kaidan shrugged. “That tech we found on Sanctum was Reaper tech,” he pointed out. “Maybe they’re looking into indoctrination of their own troops?”

“Maybe, but I’m not so sure. Something about this just isn’t sitting right.” They climbed into the shuttle and Jane shut the door behind her. Quietly and for his ears only for the moment, she said, “Let’s check into this when we’re back on board.” 

“Aye, commander.”

Wrex, she discovered, was in the pilot’s seat of the shuttle. Frowning, she stepped into the cockpit to stand between him and her pilot now occupying the co-pilot’s seat. “Wrex,” she said in a stern voice, “are you hijacking my ship?”

The krogan laughed heartily at the suggestion, but it was Cortez who replied, “It’s alright, ma’am. I’m keeping an eye on things.”

“Relax, Shepard,” Wrex bellowed. “The hard part’s over.”

“Uh huh.” She ducked back out into the main portion of the shuttle. Garrus and Vega were seated nearby, the younger man weaving some sort of tale from the battle they’d just escaped and the turian listening but not without the hint of amusement twinkling in his blue eyes. Kaidan sat just beyond them, eyes closed and a pained expression just marring his features. Most people wouldn’t even notice it; but Jane wasn’t most people. With all of the time spent working together over the years, she’d learned to read the subtleties of his face. And now, for the first time in what felt like forever, recognition set in. _Migraine_. She didn’t bother asking him about it as he would only try to brush her concern off. Instead, she made a mental note to check in with him later, perhaps even threaten to pull in Karin into the conversation if necessary if he decided to be stubborn about it. After all, it wasn’t like he hadn’t done the same with her in past.

Instead of bothering him, she moved over to stand beside Mordin and Eve. He and the female krogan were speaking quietly. “How are you feeling?” she asked, grasping the rail above in an effort to maintain her balance.

Eve glanced upward, a smile finally reaching her eyes. “Thank you, commander,” she said, bowing her head in a motion that reminded Jane of her friend Hitomi. 

From the front of the shuttle, Wrex bellowed out loudly, “I told you we could trust her!”

Jane winced, darting a quick glance over at Kaidan, but he sat as he had been before, seemingly undisturbed by the racket. Turning her attention back to Eve, she said, “I’m glad I could help.” To Mordin, she added, “I believe the plan is to have you both stay aboard the _Normandy_ while a cure for the genophage is worked out. Will the Medbay facilities be acceptable for your needs?” A small, apologetic smile curved at her lips. “Your old lab was … repurposed, shall we say?”

“Medical bay should suffice,” the salarian agreed, though he chuckled at her description of his lab. “Will need quiet. No disturbances.” His eyes focused beyond Jane’s shoulder and she half turned to see he was staring at Wrex. “Also will need access to male of the species.”

Jane snickered softly as she replied, “I think we can manage that. If you require any special equipment, check with Dr. Chakwas first. If she doesn’t have access to it, she can put in a requisition for you.”

He nodded. “Understood.” He pulled his gaze back to her and smiled. “Good to see you again, Shepard. Glad to see you suffer no ill effects from incarceration.”

“Incar –?” Jane snorted. “House arrest, Mordin. House arrest. Not quite the same thing.”

He raised his omni-tool and ran a quick scan. “Hmm. Adrenaline levels higher than average. Stress levels –.”

Sighing, she pointed out, “There _is_ a war on, you know? Fighting Reapers would raise anyone’s stress levels.”

“Commander,” Cortez called, “we’re coming in now.”

“Thank god,” she muttered. It gave her an excuse to extricate herself from one awkward discussion at least. 

Once inside the Shuttle Bay, she handed her weapons over to Vega. “Garrus, would you escort Dr. Solus and Eve up to the Medbay for me, please?” She spared a glance over at Kaidan and noticed his eyes were now open, but the pain was more obvious than before. Her concern must have shown on her face, though, because he shook his head in a small, subtle motion to warn her off. Sighing softly, she nodded, respecting his request. After all, she would likely react the same way had she been the one suffering. “Wrex, are you heading to the Medbay too?”

“For now,” the krogan responded as he joined her. “Why? You need help chasing the dalatrass off your ship?”

“I’m sure she can find her way back to her own planet just fine without the need of an escort.” Garrus held the elevator for her, and she hopped on with him, Mordin and Eve. Instead of exiting onto the Crew Deck, however, she took it up one additional level. 

With purposeful strides, she cleared security and made her way to the War Room, noting as she passed the conference room that it was empty. When the doors to the War Room opened, the Primarch was waiting off to one side to greet her. “Ah, commander. I hear the exchange went well enough.”

Jane snorted softly. “It was a bit … challenging at times,” she replied, “but otherwise uneventful.” 

He chuckled. This wasn’t the first time he apparently appreciated her dry sense of humor. “I’m glad to hear you all made it back safely. I suppose it should be concerning that Cerberus found out about the exchange, however.”

“Hmm.” Descending to the lower level, Jane made a quick check for any incoming messages from Fleet. “It was suggested that there might be a mole within STG. Not an entirely pleasant thought, no.”

“Nor is the idea that they would want our talks to fail.” He sighed heavily. “I know there is no love lost between the salarians and the krogan,” he continued, “but the Reapers are the far greater threat at the moment. If we are to have any chance winning this, we need the krogan with us, and if that means a cure for the genophage, so be it.”

Jane eyed him closely for a moment. “You have no political aspirations at all, do you?”

He grunted softly, a two-toned sound with the typical turian flanging. “Assuming I survive this conflict, not particularly, no. However, I represent the turian race in its entirety for now. I will do whatever is necessary to see that we survive.”

“Commander?” a comm specialist nearby called out. “Admiral Hackett is waiting for you on the QEC.”

With a nod and a polite, _If you’ll excuse me_ , Jane extracted herself from the discussion with the Primarch to take the call. Admiral Hackett’s image took clear shape just as she arrived.

“ _Commander._ ”

Jane saluted. “Sir.”

“ _Shepard, I’m hearing chatter that you’re attempting to broker a deal between the turians and the krogan?_ ”

Jane swallowed past a sudden lump in her throat. It was one thing to have permission to negotiate on behalf of humanity, but that didn’t mean he or any other surviving leaders of the Alliance or humanity wouldn’t check her actions. “Sir, in order to get the Turian fleet to help us, they need boots on Palaven. The krogan are the perfect answer for that. But for that to happen, Wrex is insisting on a cure for the genophage. It makes perfect sense when you think about it,” she added. “This conflict with the Reapers has the potential to go on for a very long time. If it does, the krogan are going to need to replenish their numbers.”

The admiral was silent for a long minute. “ _And how does Cerberus get involved in all of this?_ ”

Jane sighed and shook her head. “I don’t know the answer to that at the moment, admiral,” she admitted, “but you can sure as hell bet the Illusive Man is up to something, and it’s probably not good.”

Again, the admiral was silent. “ _Do what you have to do, commander,_ ” he finally said. “ _I can’t overstate what a victory this treaty would be for the Alliance. We’ll need all the help we can get._ ”

Jane stood up straight, nodded and saluted. “Yes, sir. How’s the Crucible coming along?”

“ _Alliance R &D has officially started construction on it,_” he replied. “ _We’re throwing everybody who knows how to hold a hammer at it. This is going to be the most ambitious undertaking in human history._ ”

“Will we get it done?”

“ _I won’t say it won’t be a challenge, but our researchers tell me the designs are elegant. Massive in scope, but strangely simple as well._ ” His gaze focused completely on her.“ _We can do this, commander. You can do this. Never doubt that._ ”

Jane saluted again. “No, sir,” she promised. “I won’t.”

“ _Good. Hackett out._ ”

The image faded and Jane was left alone in the room…


	27. Pieces and Parts

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Author’s Note: You will notice from this point forward that my writing has a tense shift in it; simply me readjusting my writing style. Hopefully it isn’t too jarring!
> 
> Also, apologies for the delay in updating. Nano was crazy this year and took a lot out of me as well as taking hold of my brain and running wild. I made a big dent in that story idea, but it has a long way to go yet. Still, I’m now in a place where I hope that updating this story will come more frequently. Thank you for hanging in there with me!

Jane has the shuttle land mid-Cargo Bay for lack of ‘parking’ space, and though a tight fit, there is enough room to exit without issue. Jack and Kahlee Sanders exit first, acting like mother hens gathering her chicks to their sides. It’s quite endearing, though she doubts Jack would appreciate the observation. Instead, Jane hollers over to Jack, “Why don’t you take them up to the Crew Deck? Mess is fully stocked, and they look like they could use something after that adventure.”

Some things never change, and Jack snorts, an almost derisive sound, but as Kahlee continues on to the lift with the kids, the younger woman backtracks a few steps. “What about you?”

Jane grins as she heads over toward Cortez. “I’ll be there in a few. Make yourselves at home.” When Jack still hesitates, Jane reaches out, pats her shoulder. There is a half second where they stare at one another, where Jane can see through the other woman’s heightened defenses for just a second, but it’s broken when Jack scowls, makes a dismissive sound and turns toward the elevator, hopping on at the last second. The moment the door shuts, Jane breathes a sigh of relief. 

“Sounds like you have your hands full there, commander,” Cortez murmurs as he starts to collect her gear.

Jane sighs as Kaidan and Vega join her. “That’s one way to put it.” Stepping out of the way, she moves to the lockers and changes out of her armor. Side glancing Cortez, she asks, “You okay? That was a hairy mission.”

Cortez’ response is immediate. “I’m sorry I had to leave you like that, but –.”

“No. I’d much rather have you here, safe and ready should we have needed you in any other capacity,” she insists as she tugs on her boots and ties them off before reaching for her hoodie. A smile curves at her lips. “I’m not about to lose _my_ shuttle pilot to Cerberus. They can get their own elsewhere!”

Cortez chuckles agreeably. “If you say so, ma’am.” He nods in the direction of the Cerberus shuttle. “Speaking of Cerberus; what do you want me to do with that?”

Walking back over beside him, Jane taps her chin with her finger thoughtfully as she stares at the shuttle. “Scrap it for parts? I mean, I know we’re still looking to fix the one Vega smashed up.”

“Hey, I heard that, Lola!” Vega shouts back as he enters the lift.

Cortez tilts his head to the side, considering. “I’ll see what I can do,” he promises. “There may be a few parts that are compatible with ours. What do I do with the rest of it?”

Kaidan waves at her to hurry up, and as she starts in that direction, calling back over her shoulder with a shrug, “Sell it for scrap? I’ll leave that to your discretion!”

The ride up is made in silence, until both Kaidan and Vega exit on the Crew Deck. Jane continues to her cabin a few minutes later where she takes a quick shower and changes into clean fatigues. Only then does she retrace her steps back to the Crew Deck where she catches up with both Kaidan and Vega for their debrief, as well as Jack, Kahlee and the biotic students. Towards the end, just as Jane finishes with her notes, Liara joins them. The asari manages to catch the students’ interests, and she and Vega lead them off to the Port Observation Lounge where they can sit and chat, or listen to music and just plain relax and act like the teenagers they are. This gives Jane a few minutes of peace to speak with Jack and Kahlee about what comes next.

“Well, hell,” Jack mutters once the kids are gone. “I was ready to suggest they be restricted to support type assignments, but after that …?”

Kahlee sighs and nods. “They were impressive, I have to agree.” She glances over at Jane, asking, “What do you think, commander? David always seems to trust your input.”

 _David_. Jane’s breath catches momentarily, her thoughts returning to Anderson stuck back on Earth; a sobering thought, to say the least. 

“Front line can be pretty rough,” Kaidan muses neutrally as he sips his coffee. “But I have to agree, they all are quite talented.”

Jane sits back in her seat, eyes falling to Jack. With a small smirk curling at her lips, she muses, “I see you took my advice.” Jack snorts which only causes the smirk to strengthen. “You have a way with them, Jack,” she insists. “And that’s not such a bad thing, especially at their age.” Her gaze drifts over briefly to Kaidan and as their eyes meet, she notices his smile. _It’s certainly different from BAaT, isn’t it?_

“Whatever we ask of them,” Kahlee says, “it isn’t going to be easy. Cerberus won’t give up just because you saved them. If anything, I think it might make them more persistent.”

Jane’s lips press into a thin line. “Unfortunately, I have to agree with you there. The Illusive Man doesn’t take kindly to refusals.” 

Jack curses beneath her breath and mutters something Jane doesn’t quite hear, but the fire in her eyes is enough to catch her meaning. _No one’s going to mess with my kids!_

“Aside from the biotics,” Kaidan interjects, “what about the students who were working on tech?” He looks over at Kahlee. “I’ll admit, I’m most concerned about David.”

“Hmm. I am worried about him, too,” she said, “but I think it may be a similar situation. Cerberus _has_ to know he survived, and if they know that, and let his brother know …”

Jane glances between the two before catching Jack’s gaze again, her brow furrowing in question. “What am I missing?”

Jack is the first to speak up. “While we were off chasing the Collectors, your boy scout here,” she nods at Kaidan whose only response is an arched eyebrow, “and his partner apparently took down a Cerberus facility.”

Startled, turns toward him. “Is this true?”

He shrugs. “More or less, though by the time John and I got there –.”

The mention of John by name catches her off guard and she lifts a hand to cut him off. “Wait, my John? What the hell did the two of you get caught up in?”

He sets his mug aside as he explains. “The intel was developed out of those files from Nepheron. In all honesty, we didn’t so much as ‘take it down,’ as it was already mostly destroyed when we arrived. David’s brother, Dr. Gavin Archer, was running the research program. Apparently, he was trying to –.”

This time it is Jack who cuts him off, anger blazing strong and clear in both her growling tone and the expression on her face. “That son of a bitch was trying to turn him into a geth!”

Kahlee sighs and shakes her head, reaching out to pat the back of Jack’s hand. “That isn’t quite how it played out,” she insists.

“Cerberus had Gavin Archer create a VI specifically designed to communicate with the geth,” Kaidan continues. “If I understood what he was saying at the time, they were trying to gain control of the geth for reasons never really explained, but the VI wasn’t working as they thought it should. Gavin thought by integrating David with the VI it might keep the project from failing, but the process didn’t go smoothly at all, and the VI/David essentially went insane. John and I stopped it from gaining access off planet, at which point we were able to rescue David.”

Kahlee nods. “That’s when David came to Grissom. He’s been working with some of our tech-oriented students on projects for the Alliance while slowly recovering.” 

Horrified, Jane stares at Kahlee with wide eyes for a long minute. “How the hell does someone ‘recover’ from something like that?”

“Not easily, I assure you,” Kahlee replies. “Still, he has made tremendous progress in a very short amount of time.”

Jack starts muttering again, but it is lost on Jane as the full realization of what the boy went through hits her. That knowledge, combined with the datapads found on Grissom indicating Cerberus intentions for the biotic students, leaves Jane numb.

“-mander?”

Kahlee’s voice breaks through, the concern clear in her tone, but Jane is too distracted to respond. It isn’t until Kaidan leans over, his hand closing gently around her forearm that she pulls free of it. “Jane?”

Inhaling sharply, she looks over at him. He squeezes her arm again and her eyes are drawn to where he holds her … and the hiss and sizzle of dark energy where her now flaring corona intersects with his biotic field. He releases her a moment later and it slowly starts to fade. “… what?” _Biotics … what?_

“Hey, Shepard,” Jack snorts, “I wanna go all nuclear on the Illusive Man, too, but let’s wait until he’s within range?”

Heat flushes Jane’s cheeks in a rush and she closes her eyes. _It’s been ages since I’ve done that. Must be more tired than I think._ “Sorry,” she apologizes. “I guess I didn’t realize …”

Kahlee smiles in understanding. “Back to the original point; I’m not sure whether the kids will be best suited to front line or backup support. Either way they’ll be in danger; from the Reapers or from Cerberus. I believe their abilities are best suited to the front lines, but I know Jack disagrees.” The younger biotic nods.

Sighing, Jane nods once, firmly. As always, it falls into her lap to make the tough choices. _One of these days, I really would like a break._ “Front lines,” she decides. “They proved they are skilled enough, and at this point, we need every advantage we can get. It’s going to be a long, hard fought war.” Turning to Kahlee, she says, “Which makes what I have to ask you all the more difficult.” Sanders appears startled, but nods for Jane to continue. “We’ve found the designs for a device that the protheans attempted to use against the Reapers. Admiral Hackett could use all the help he can get to get them translated and the device put together, and –.”

Kahlee smiles in understanding. “I would be happy to help,” she replies. “In fact, that might be the best place to take David. It would keep him from harm, out of reach of Cerberus, and he is one of the best minds I’ve ever seen when it comes to technical designs and interpretation.”

Kaidan nods his agreement quickly. “Sounds like he would be a good match.”

Jane glances over at Jack. “And you?”

A sarcastic snort escapes the younger woman’s lips. “Someone has to keep an eye on my kids, and I’m not about to allow your Alliance people to run them into the ground.”

It’s a challenge to repress her amusement at Jack’s response, but somehow, Jane does. “All right, front lines it is.” Rising to her feet, she adds, “I’ll make sure I put that in my report as well. In the meantime, you guys can use both observation lounges as necessary to relax and get some rest before we arrive at the Citadel. That work for you?”

Jack half-looks as if she might rebel, but nods when Kahlee replies, “That will be fine, commander. Thank you.”

 _Don’t thank me yet,_ Jane thinks. _I just agreed to put your kids in the line of fire. If any of them end up dead …_ “If you’ll excuse me, I’ve got a report to write.”

Jane hops onto the lift and the doors are just closing when Kaidan slips inside. Her eyes find his and hold for the entire ride up to her cabin. Only when they arrive and the doors open does she whisper, “He tried to turn his brother into a human-geth hybrid VI?”

Kaidan nods. 

Groaning, she pushes herself off the wall and retreats to her cabin. She isn’t surprised when he follows. “I knew the Illusive Man had questionable morals, but –.”

“For what it’s worth,” he interjects, “I got the impression that the Illusive Man wasn’t yet aware of the direction the project had taken. I’m sure by now he knows, and from what Gavin Archer said, he probably would have approved if the project succeeded, but at the time I don’t think he was aware.”

A scowl darkens her features as she braces her hands on the desk while staring at her console. She doesn’t dare look at him just now. While not afraid to let him see her anger – hell, he’s seen her far worse more recently – she isn’t sure how he will take it in the moment. Their situations are so changed with the war.

A hand at her shoulder, gentle yet firm, informs her he isn’t going to let her hide from him. “Jane, it’s over.”

“Over?” She spins around; green eyes fiery as they meet his. “I should have done something with those files long before you found them!”

“Dr. Archer said the tests with David didn’t begin until just a few months before John and I arrived,” Kaidan insists. “Had you lived, had you done something about them then, there wouldn’t have been anything to see.”

At the mention of John’s name again, Jane groans. “How did he take it?”

Kaidan shrugs. “Neither of us was very happy with what we found,” he admits. “While I got David free, he dealt with Archer. What exactly that entailed, I never asked him. When I suggested we take David to Grissom, he didn’t argue.” 

Jane bites her lip and lowers her gaze, glancing away from him. “Thank you,” she says quietly after a long minute or two of silence.

“For what?”

A visible shudder works its way through her. “For getting that boy out of there when I couldn’t.”

“Hey.” He uses his fingers to tip her chin upward so she looks at him again. “Don’t go thinking this is your fault.”

Blinking, she shakes her head. “I’m – I’m not,” she insists. “Not really. I put full blame on the Illusive Man and Cerberus for this, trust me. It’s just …”

He smiles as he removes his hand. “I know. And I’m glad I could help.”

Relying on old techniques, she draws in a deep breath, holds it for a ten count, then attempts to let her anger go as she releases it; the process helps a little, but that’s about it. “Okay, I really need to write up that report and then message Hackett.”

He glances at his omni-tool. “I’ve got War Room duty in fifteen. Call me if you need me.”

“Right.” The smile she manages is somewhat relaxed now. “Thanks again.” She’s already in her chair typing by the time he’s out the door.

~ n ~

Docking at the Citadel produces a mad scramble to get everyone off the _Normandy_ and headed in the right direction, but no more than an hour after, Jane meets Kaidan in the CIC. She appears as calm, cool and collected as usual on the outside, internally she heaves a sigh of relief and silently wonders how on Earth Jack – the once, and still, fiery, fiercely independent and practically renegade biotic – manages to handle so many teenagers on a day to day basis. There is no doubt in her mind the younger woman is happy with the job; she proved that time and again during the evacuation. No mama bear is more protective of her cubs than Jack is of her students. Still, it’s in stark contrast to Jane’s prior assessment of her friend.

As she walks over to join her XO, he greets her. “Hey. I was thinking, maybe we ought to go and see Ash.”

Had forward momentum not been in her favor, Kaidan’s words might have stopped Jane cold in her tracks. Instead, she draws her lip between her teeth and gives him a wary look. “John will probably be there. Do you really think that’s a good idea right now?”

If he notes her apprehension, and in all honesty, she isn’t doing much to hide it from him, he at least has the kindness to keep silent about it. “It would go a long way toward proving to him you really are concerned about her welfare,” he reasons, “and that you never intentionally allowed it to happen.”

Jane searches his eyes for a long minute. She doesn’t believe he has any motives beyond those stated – she knows him far too well for him to succeed with that – but his skills are trained to use subtlety to his advantage, and it’s a skill at which he, and by association his students, are very good. On the other hand, she does want to check in on Williams, if only to make certain she is healing. “Alright. You’re right. I just …”

He smiles; all warmth and support. “I’ve got your six, commander. Remember?”

Startled, Jane blinks. He said _we_ , after all. She takes a breath to calm the nerves the idea of a visit brings with it. _You really want to remind me I’m not alone in this, don’t you? It’s easy to think that, far too easy in this situation._ “I remember.”

They catch a skycab to _Huerta_ together. As they enter the Critical Care ward, Jane steps off to her left for a moment to get her bearings. The lobby is filled with people, many more than when they brought Ashley in just a few weeks before. “Refugees?” she muses quietly, nodding in the direction of a small cluster of people with the glassy-eyed stare of those who have seen hell and made it to the other side.

Kaidan nods, indicating another group farther in. “There look to be a fair number of soldiers among them, too. Human and turian, mostly.”

“Yeah.” She cringes at the thought. A moment later, however, she spots a familiar face among the crowds. “You go on ahead and see Ash. I’ll be along in a bit.”

He hesitates, turning as if to question her decision, but she pays him no mind, her eyes already locking onto someone by the windows. “See you then.”

Jane carefully maneuvers her way through the crowds. “Thane.”

The drell spins around, his eyes landing on her as if he expects her there. He probably does, and she didn’t attempt to hide her arrival. “Commander Shepard,” he greets her. “I heard about what happened to Earth.”

Jane nods and leads him over to sit nearby. “Yeah, it was a hell of a ride just to get out of the system.”

His eyes blink once, then twice before he nods. “I can imagine. But you made it out safely?”

“I did, yes,” she explains, “but one of the people with me was severely injured.” She gives him a knowing look. “We ran into a Cerberus infiltration team on Mars. Ashley took the brunt of the attack trying to keep us safe.”

Thane bows his head in acknowledgement. “I did not realize she was a part of your team.”

“Technically, she isn’t.” Chewing on her lip, Jane decides there is no easy way around the subject. “Are you a patient here now?” He nods. “Then you may have seen –.”

He reaches a hand out, touching her arm and finishing for her, “Major John Shepard?”

Jane swallows past a sudden tightness in her throat. “My ex-husband.”

“Yes, I have met him. From what I recall last year, I presumed that’s who he is.” Thane leans toward her, he adding quietly, “I have been keeping an eye on both of them for you, to keep them safe from your enemies.”

The unexpectedness of the comment catches her off guard at first, until the words filter through and she recognizes just how important they are to her. Relief, for the moment at least, helps. “Thank you, Thane. I appreciate it.”

His head bobs lightly as he nods. But before he can respond, he starts coughing. Startled at the severity of the sound, Jane jumps to her feet, preparing to seek out assistance, but Thane waves her back. “I am not as I once was,” he manages once he can speak again.

Jane bites her lip. “Can they do nothing for you?”

“All that can be done is being done.” He returns the smile. “I am near the end of my life, Shepard. Kepral’s Syndrome has put many of my other plans on hold.”

Though his words sound resigned, it’s impossible to miss the acceptance in them, and it breaks her heart. “You know, I could use your help on the _Normandy_ again.”

He shakes his head. “I would not be as I was before. I need medical attention on a daily basis.”

“Dr. Chakwas is –.”

He shakes his head again, slightly more emphatically. “It’s alright, Shepard.” Reaching over, he pats her arm in reassurance. “You need the best at your side to fight the Reapers, and I am far from my best.”

Jane sighs softly in frustration, expecting the answer from him, but she wants to fight, for _him_ to keep fighting. “Your presence will be useful other than on the battlefield.”

Taking her hand in his, he squeezes it gently but firmly. “I am at peace with what I have done in my life,” he insists. “There comes a time when one must rest from war and conflict. That time has come for me.” Releasing her hand, he sits back. “It is not your time, Jane, but it is mine.”

Reluctantly, she acknowledges his refusal, accepting that she cannot change his mind. She stays for another half hour or so catching up with him, trading stories of their lives over the past six months, and savors the time. There aren’t many opportunities for this left, but she’ll take them as she can get them. 

When exhaustion claims him, she excuses herself and heads into the Critical Care unit. Ashley is in the same room as before, and she enters to find her speaking with Kaidan. Both turn toward her when the door opens. “Hey, commander,” Ashley greets her, a hesitant smile at her lips.

It’s all Jane can do to not backtrack out of the door when she sees the bruises and contusions that still mar her features. Kaidan rises from his chair, gesturing for her to take it, which she does. “I’ll be back in a few minutes,” he says quietly then exits. 

Jane tamps down on a moment of panic trying to free itself inside her chest. Leaning forward, she asks, “So, how are you? Really? Because you still look almost as rough as when we dropped you off.”

Ashley winces. “Yeah. I’m better, I guess? Awake, at least.” Her hands toy with the edge of the sheets. “Look, commander, about …”

Jane lifts a hand to silence her. For a long moment, silence fills the room. “I … need you to know,” she finally says, unable to meet Ashley’s eyes, “that despite everything else that’s going on involving us, I never ever intended for you to take the brunt of that attack.”

Ashley huffs softly. “I know that. It was out of your control. I was just in the wrong place at the wrong time. But I’ll be damned if I was going to let that bitch get to Liara first.”

Jane’s lips twitch at the vehemence in Ashley’s tone and she finally meets her gaze. “I’m not so sure. Have you seen Liara in action lately? She’s a pretty fierce fighter in her own right now that she has some experience behind her.”

Ashley chuckles. “Yeah, I suppose she did get quite a bit of that hanging out with us, didn’t she?”

The tension in the air cracks, and Jane reaches a hand into one of her pockets, pulling out a book. This she lays on the bed next to Ashley. “As a matter of fact, I brought this along for you to read. Liara gave it to me last year, and I thought you might find it interesting.”

With a small frown, Ashley picks up the tome and examines it. “Asari poets?”

Jane nods. “I’ve read some of it; it’s not too bad. Similar types of topics to ours, if worded slightly differently. I found it to be surprisingly soothing.”

Ashley sets the book to the table on her left. “Thanks, commander. I’m sure it will help pass the time.”

They talk for a little while longer until Ashley starts tiring and Jane knows she has to get back to it. Rising, she replaces the chair against the wall and about to exit when the door behind her opens. She expects to find Kaidan – his timing in such things is uncanny – but when she turns, she comes face to face with John. Their eyes meet and her breath catches tightly in her chest. Behind him, the shuffle of steps proves to be Councilor Udina who now steps inside the room. Her eyes flit between the two men for an awkward moment before shifting back to Ashley with a lopsided smile. “I … I should go. You take care.”

From the moment John enters, the tension in the room skyrockets, and it’s all Jane can do to force herself to move. When finally she manages, John reaches out towards her, but she side steps just out of his reach and shakes her head. _Not now! I can’t do this right now!_ Nodding respectfully at Udina, she darts outside of the room, stumbling down the stairs in the direction of the lobby, only coming to a stop when a strong hand catches hold of her shoulder.

“Jane?”

Her eyes fly up to Kaidan’s, desperation filling them. “I … let’s go.”

His gaze shifts beyond her for a moment to the door leading to Ashley’s room, then back to her. “What happened?”

Jane shakes her head and pulls where he still has hold of her. “Not _now!_ ”

Kaidan releases her and Jane moves forward. When he doesn’t follow immediately, she glances back to find him staring at the door to Ashley’s room where John stands staring in their direction. His eyes move between Kaidan and her, finally settling solely on her. In that moment, panic grabs hold and she turns on her heel and heads out, not waiting for anyone else. 

Kaidan is back at her shoulder before she reaches the main lobby. “Where to next?”

It isn’t until they reach the elevators and she can sg against the wall that Jane replies. “Spectre office for me. I need to check in while I’m here. I’ll … meet you back on the _Normandy_ later?”

He nods, though Jane notices concern in the movement. The elevator stops at the Embassy level and she exits, heading for the one place John won’t be able to find her…


	28. Old Friends and New

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Happy New Year ... three weeks late! lol 
> 
> Working on a lot of projects for the new year, but this is one of them, don't worry! Enjoy!

In the heat of battle, nothing ever feels so good in Jane’s hands as a weapon upon which she knows she can rely. One she knows well, uses often, and is tweaked to her specifications. Her favorite, unlike most others who classify as Sentinel, is the shotgun. During initial training, it was pointed out to her more than once that use of the weapon requires close proximity to the enemy. Jane’s view, of course, is that by having access to both firearms and biotics, she is nigh unstoppable. 

She isn’t the type to say _I told you so,_ but does find it funny how she is the one who made N7 and Spectre and they haven’t.

Of course, last year, thanks to some wheeling and dealing by Wrex, Jane was introduced to the joy that is the M-300 Claymore. She adopted the new weapon easily and throughout that mission, she and Grunt compared notes and discussed strategies, as well as spent quite a bit of time competing against one another over how many targets they could take down with it. By the time Jane turned herself in to the Alliance, she had that Claymore honed to her exacting standards.

Unfortunately, the Systems Alliance either believed no one but a krogan uses the thing – designed by krogans, its weight is almost twice that of those the Alliance approved – or they don’t think a human can actually carry one. _Probably a little of both,_ she decides upon her return to find it absent from the armory. Ever since leaving Earth space, then, she has been restricted to Alliance weapons, a frustrating position when going into battle for the first time in over six months. 

Still, with the Council’s promise of reinstatement and access to Sepctre resources, she regains access to high end equipment, something she has taken advantage of from her first day as Spectre. Entering the Spectre Office today, she hopes for results as fortunate as in the past. It isn’t access she doubts she will have, but the availability from usual Spectre suppliers. Of course, there will be a cost involved, too. Receiving a gift from Wrex is one thing, having to purchase her own equipment during a time of war when resources are severely limited is something else altogether.

Unfortunately, the Fates are not on her side today.

“That’s all you have?” Her disappointment is obvious. 

“It’s top of the line,” the requisitions officer protests, lifting the weapon easily with one hand to prove the accuracy of his claim. “Lightweight, two shots per round –.”

 _Lightweight._ Sighing, Jane shakes her head. She isn’t in a mood at the moment to argue his claims, but she is quite familiar with this model. She is also well aware of its drawbacks after spending so much time in the Terminus the last year. Many of the pirates and mercs she went up against preferred this one for very reasons the requisitions officer stated. Never mind it’s a piece of crap better left for the scrap heap. _Face it, kid,_ she tells herself, _you’re going to have to rely on something else this time around._ That ‘something else’ is the N7 Crusader she’d found onboard the _Normandy_ ; no doubt intended for Anderson. It’s a good weapon … but it isn’t a Claymore.

Offering her thanks with a wave of her hand, she heads into the firing range. No one else is around, which is fine by her, and she dons her protective gear while laying out her weapons. After adjusting her target to a more realistic distance, she begins with her pistol. 

By the second shot, her focus takes control. Everything around her fades; silence fills her ears, her vision narrows, only the target at the far end exists. She loses track of time as she practices, and by the time she finishes and rolls her shoulders to loosen the ache that crept in, she considers it time well spent. There is a difference between the battlefield and the shooting range, of course, but after six months of incarceration, she knows she’s been lucky to survive out there without taking the time to hone her skills. It also doesn’t hurt that the activity offers a significant release for her anger, frustration and embarrassment from earlier.

She repacks her gear and heads back toward the elevators, overhearing a couple of C-Sec officers discussing the current state of the refugee situation on the Citadel in the process. It doesn’t take long to understand the dilemma; those lucky enough to get free of the Reaper from Earth and turian space are fleeing here, the one place they expect to find help. From the sounds of it, that ‘help’ is limited. Some are fortunate enough to be granted entrance onto the Citadel while the vast majority are restricted to the docking areas. To say it is a concerning situation is an understatement.

She stops by the _Normandy_ first to leave her gear, but the refugee crises keeps rolling around in her head. Her status as Spectre has to count for _some_ thing, right? Grabbing her N7 hoodie, she retraces her steps back onto to the Citadel. Along the way, she runs into Vega who also appears headed that direction. 

“Hey, Lola,” he greets her as they enter the lift together. 

“Hey.” Finding her destination already chosen, she asks, “You’re headed to the holding area?”

“Yeah.” He snorts softly and shakes his head. “The rest of the Citadel hasn’t got a clue what’s going on out there. At least here they’re keeping it real.”

The doors soon open and Jane follows him out. They aren’t even through the security checkpoint before the severity of the issue becomes all too clear. 

“Those _pendejo_ politicians up in the Presidium don’t have a clue,” he mutters from her left. “To them, the war’s not real. Oh, it exists, in theory, but they don’t see it on a day-to-day basis. Not like these people.”

Jane spies a mix of races represented – humans, turians and, interestingly, some batarians. Many appear to be frontline troops – mostly turians – but by far the majority are civilians, and the docking bay is woefully ill-equipped to deal with the numbers. One section is set aside for medical care, but though a large space, it’s already over-flowing. Most of the rest of the bay is a series of cargo holds that have been converted to housing, some with shipping crates stacked up to three high. A small lobby area with plenty of seating is far more open but filled as well. 

She glances up at Vega. “What’s being done for these people?”

The soldier shrugs. “Not enough, that’s for damned sure.” He gestures towards a registration area near the security checkpoint. “They’ve got people doing their best, but more and more arrive each day and they can’t keep up.” He shrugs again. “These people have nowhere else to go.” 

The lines at the registration counter snakes back through the lobby area of the docks. Jane winces. It is reassuring – encouraging, even – to know people are escaping the Reaper attacks, the reality is that there is very little the Citadel can do to accommodate the influx. Beside her, Vega shouts to a group in the distance. “I’ll see you around, Lola.” 

Jane nods absently, her brain churning, seeking solutions for the situation as she selects a different path. Winding her way through the crowds, she investigates the entire setup thoroughly. _There has to be something we can do!_ She pauses near an alcove area that appears to be some sort of memorial, or perhaps it’s simply a place where loved ones can leave pictures and messages for others missing or evacuated separately. It’s a good idea, though she wonders just how effective it is. If nothing else, it offers them hope.

“Shepard!”

Turning on her heel, habit has Jane seeking out the owner of the voice. “Garrus.” She meets him halfway down one of the crowded housing bays; this one, mostly filled with turian soldiers. _Almost all turians go through the military there,_ she corrects herself. _I wonder if any of them are actually classified as ‘civilian’ anymore?_

“You’re looking a bit ragged, Shepard,” Garrus says by way of greeting. 

Jane shrugs. “I’m better off than these people.” Glancing up at him, she asks in return, “How many?”

He appears startled for a moment but seems to guess her meaning. “Not enough. The Reapers are taking them out whole platoons, sometimes several, at a time.”

“And those who arrive here?” She reaches out a hand to grasp his arm and leans in a bit closer so only he can hear her. “Are they still able to fight?”

His sigh is heavy as he shakes his head. “Not in the numbers we’ll need,” he admits reluctantly. “And even then, chances are they won’t be in the right state of mind …”

Grim-faced, she leads him out of the housing area where they can speak privately and not be overheard so easily. “What can we do, Garrus? Do I need to speak to anyone on their behalf? Reroute supplies? Make arrangements to get them into _Huerta_?” A few quick, some dirty, ideas come to mind on how to accomplish that if push comes to shove. After all, she rescued the damned Primarch; she figures Sparatus owes her a favor. Especially for his own people. 

“Everything that can be done for them is being done,” Garrus assures her and he pats her shoulder gently but reassuringly. “That doesn’t mean I won’t keep trying, though.”

A wry smile pulls at her lips, but she remains silent as his subtle reminder that there are some things even she can’t fix hits home. 

As they near the security checkpoint, he asks, “Where are you off to?” Both pass through without any trouble. 

The elevator comes quickly and they both board, Jane opening her mouth to reply when her stomach grumbles. Startled, she glances down at it out of habit then gave him a sheepish smile. “Presidium Commons, I guess? Suppose I ought to fill up my tank, huh?”

He chuckles softly and punches the button. “Sounds like a plan. I need to pick up a few things, myself.”

They split up for a time to do their shopping, agreeing to meet back near the elevators when they are done. Compared to the docking bays, Jane finds the Commons less crowded and far quieter. The contrast is sharp and stark enough to keep that in the forefront of her mind. 

When they reunite a short while later, Jane is distracted to find Garrus holding something in his hand. From a distance, it’s difficult to make out the shape, but as she approaches, memories flood back and a grin curves her lips. “Garrus …”

The lift arrives before he responds, and he steps inside immediately. Once she joins him, he hands over the plastic bag containing water and several fish. “If I know you, Shepard,” he says as he designates docking bay D-24 as their destination, “the tank in your cabin is empty. You need _some_ thing up there to help cheer your mood.”

Jane snorts softly as she hefts the bag so she can see the contents. These she recognizes from their journey together the previous year. “Illium Skald Fish?” She grins at him and winks. “Garrus, you spoil me!”

The turian chuckles. “Well, I remembered how much you liked them the last time, and the way I see it, you’re going to be leading us through this madness. You need to be at your best to get us all there, so ….”

“Thank you.” The smile she gives him is solemn but sincere. “We are in this for the long haul; I know that, and you know that, but while I understand your reasoning, I don’t think –.”

He braces a hand on her shoulder. “Shepard, you know we will help you through this to the best of our ability, if you just let us. You don’t have to take the weight of the entire galaxy all on your shoulders.” He releases her in the next moment as the lift comes to a stop and the doors open. “Besides,” he adds as they work their way through the lobby area to the docking tube leading to the _Normandy_ , “better a home with you on the ship than in that store, right?”

Chuckling, Jane nods. “All right, Garrus, you’ve sold me. However, same rules as before apply.” She glances up at him as they enter the ship. “I can’t be the only one responsible for feeding them.”

He clears his throat roughly and his mandibles flutter slightly as if embarrassed. Narrowing her gaze, Jane pauses near the lift in the ship, her suspicions on high alert. “Garrus?”

“Well … that might not be absolutely necessary …?”

Jane frowns. “What do you mean?” The lift arrives and Jane sets the destination for her cabin.

“You see, there was this aquarium VI,” he hedges. “Inexpensive compared to, say, my Mantis or your Crusader, and ….”

Jane groans and covers her face with her free hand. “You bought me a VI to feed the damned fish?”

“I did.”

The lift arrives and he follows her into the cabin. While Jane could have placed the fish into the tank herself, she returns the bag to her friend. “You do it then since this might be the only time I get you up here to see them.”

He complies willingly, and for a short while, they both watch the fish swim around aimlessly in the water and share a companionable silence. 

“Ever get the feeling we’re like them?” Jane asks after a time.

Startled, Garrus glances down at her. “How do you mean?”

She frowns and shakes her head, wondering, _Where did that thought come from?_ “Something Vega said back on Menae, I guess.” 

The turian pauses, tilting his head as he considers. “Ah. The comment about ‘fish in a barrel?’”

“There’s no way we get out of this war without taking heavy damage,” she says quietly. “We both know that. But there are times I feel like we are just … swimming upstream, right into their nets?” She sighs again and runs her hands over her face. “Sorry, just thinking out loud.” _And they aren’t nice thoughts._

His hands, both this time, return to her shoulders and hold firmly. “We aren’t in this alone, Shepard,” he reminds her for the second time since his return aboard the _Normandy_. “And each day, you find more allies to help. We will do this. We _can_ do this. Don’t ever doubt that.” His eyes meet hers. “More importantly, don’t ever doubt yourself.”

Admiral Hackett’s words return in a rush. At the time, she took them as the normal sort of encouragement a higher-ranking officer uses to boost the morale of the troops, herself included. Out on the front lines, she is no different from the rest; she needs that same kind of support, too. But hearing it from Garrus, a friend, a comrade-in-arms, it holds a different sort of weight. “You really believe we can win this?”

He nods. “For the first time since you and I met, we’re not alone in the fight.”

Jane cants her head slightly to the side, a small, yet unconvinced huff of air escaping past her lips. “With the reluctance of the asari and the salarians,” she points out, “and at the rate the Reapers are destroying everything, by the time they realize they need to join us, it may well be too late.”

He shakes his head. “It’s something I learned long ago in C-Sec,” he insists. “An imminent and painful death has a way of motivating people. Instead of questioning your every word, entire civilizations are going to be begging you to save them.”

She stares up into his face for a long minute until his meaning filters through. “Even after what we saw on Palaven, you still believe that?”

Releasing her, he nods. “I never said there wouldn’t be casualties,” he clarifies. “It’s something turians are taught from birth; if just one survivor is left standing at the end of a war, then it was worth it.”

Jane’s eyes narrow. “But?”

His mandibles tighten. “But humans want to save everyone. In this war, that’s not going to happen.”

Jane pulled her gaze from his, her head dropping slightly. As much as she wants to argue against it, she knows he is right. That doesn’t make it any easier to accept, however. Inhaling deeply, she nods. “Point taken.” 

An awkward silence falls between them. “I should probably get back to work,” he mumbles a moment later to break it. “I still need to get those guns calibrated.”

He exits before she can reply and just steps onto the lift as she watches through the open door when she calls out, “Hey, Garrus?” 

He blocks the lift door from closing, but otherwise says nothing as their eyes meet.

“Don’t be a stranger, okay?”

If turians could smirk, he does in that moment. “You haven’t been able to get rid of me yet, have you?” he counters while letting the door close. 

For a long minute, Jane leans against the wall and stares into her now empty quarters. _Not yet, old friend. Not yet._


	29. Acceptance

Hospitals are the same the galaxy over, never wanting a patient to believe they are truly ‘well’ and capable of moving about on their own until they are out the door. Either that, or they don’t want them finding out the truth. 

_What exactly that truth is, who knows._

Sighing heavily, Ashley sinks further into the seat of her wheelchair, gritting her teeth and mentally preparing herself to tough it out. She would much rather jump ship, so to speak, and fully believes she’d be the better for it, but at the moment she can’t. And even if she could, John will just scoop her right back up and drop her back into the wheelchair as he had back in her room not twenty minutes before. 

He chuckles softly as he backs her into an empty elevator maybe sensing her thoughts, or maybe his ears just burn since he is her current target. Either way, he is amused and she hates that even more. 

“Why can’t you just enjoy the ride?” he asks as he punches the button to get them moving.

Ashley snorts, a derisive sound that comes out of habit as much as irritation. “Because you’re driving and I remember how well _that_ went with the Mako.”

There is a half-second of indignant silence, until it is broken by a deep rumble of laughter. “My, my, someone is in a surly mood today! Did you get up on the wrong side of the hospital bed, I wonder?”

Tipping her head back, she rolls her eyes upwards to bring him into view. “That depends. Are we going to get lost on the way to rehab again?” 

He has the decency to grimace, muttering as he shakes his head, “You’re never going to let me live that down, are you?”

Half turning in her seat, a smug grin of success on her lips, she shrugs. “I wasn’t the one who did it, now was I?”

“Ha.” The lift descends to the appropriate floor, at which point they head to the rehab center. Inside the room, they spot her therapist standing in her usual place, arms folded across her chest, eyes narrowed, just waiting. Slowing, John swallows tightly. Even _he_ is intimidated by the woman at times. Today just happens to be one of them. “Um … want me to stick around today?”

Ashley braces herself in the chair, hands grasping the arm rests tightly, and nods. Tisha doesn’t look happy with her. Again. _And we haven’t even started yet. Shit._ “Please? Never know when I might need to have you stop me from punching someone.”

“Pain can be a bitch.” he agrees, as he pulls to a stop in front of the tall, muscular human female who looks more like a linebacker for the Beijing Dragons than a physical therapist. John winks at her, hoping to improve her mood. Tisha returns the wink and smiles, but says nothing. Realizing that’s about the best he’ll get, he offers his hand to Ashley and helps her to her feet before leaning in close and kissing her cheek. “But at least it means you’re on the mend.”

The initial phase of each session requires Ashley to go over with Tisha various repeats of exercises which she will spend the rest of her time working on. With the war on, and the ever-increasing number of patients moving through the hospital, Tisha’s time is in high demand which leaves Ashley on her own to finish. Ashley doesn’t mind it this way, as it gives her and John more opportunity to talk. Today’s topic is Udina’s offer of the Spectre position.

As John assists her with some of the stretches, she asks, “Are you sure it’s a good idea?”

Kneeling beside her, John frowns. He’s been debating the idea back and forth ever since Udina offered the position. He _thought_ he was decided, even prepared to go visit the man to tell him, but Ash’s question suddenly yanks the concerns back to the forefront. “You don’t think so?”

“I’m not saying that.” A grimace pinches her face as a tight muscle refuses to cooperate, and her attention is pulled away for a couple of minutes to deal with that issue. “All I’m saying is, the guy’s a politician, and we’ve seen first-hand just how little he can be trusted.”

“You’re paranoid.”

“I’m not, John. You haven’t seen the look he gets in his eyes when he’s pushing you.” In the middle of some sit-ups, Ashley pauses to sit upright, half-turning so her eyes meet his. “There’s something going on there,” she insists. “I can see it in his eyes, like the gears are churning. He’s up to something.”

John gently caresses her cheek with his hand. “This has been in the works for a long time, from what I understand,” he says quietly. A half-remembered conversation between him and Jane from near the end of their hunt for Saren returns. “It isn’t anything more than Udina wanting a second human Spectre. You recall how vocal he was about having Jane as the first one. It’s been over three years since then. Maybe with the war on, it could be argued the timing isn’t the greatest, but no one can argue more won’t be needed, now of all times.”

Sighing, Ashley returns to the sit-ups. “And we’ve seen how well that turned out,” she mutters. “I’m telling you; the man has ulterior motives!”

Their conversation is interrupted by shuffling steps and a rattling cough. “I hope I am not interrupting.”

John rises to his feet and smiles at Tannor, gesturing for him to sit and join them. “Not at all. How have you been?”

The drell sits, nodding a greeting at Ashley. “As well as can be expected at this stage,” he replies. His eyes shift from John to Ashley. “And how do you fare, my friend? Your agility appears improved with each session.”

Ashley laughs, offering him a warm smile. “It does, but not as quickly as I would like.” 

Glancing back to John, he continues, “Rumors abound that you are being considered for the position of second human Spectre.”

John nods. “Actually, that’s what we were discussing when you joined us. She,” he gestures to Ashley, “thinks that there is something more political behind the move.”

Tannor blinks twice. “And you do not?”

“Don’t get me wrong, I expect a certain level of that kind of thing from any politician,” he allows, “but Councilor Udina? He is ambitious, yes, but I don’t think he’s the type to go to that kind of extreme.”

“Hmm.” Tannor folds his arms across his chest as he considers this. “From the little I know of the man; I think I would lean more toward Ms. Williams’ opinion about him.” He blinks again. “Which is not to say that accepting the offer is a bad thing,” he adds. “In fact, might I suggest it is a way in which you can possibly keep a closer eye on his activities?”

Sighing, Ashley carefully drops back to the floor mat to continue her sit-ups, muttering beneath her breath while John chuckles and grins over at Tannor. “You know, I hadn’t quite looked at it that way. Thanks.”

~ n ~

Toward the end of the session, John receives a summons from the Alliance post on the Citadel for an urgent incoming QEC message. After dropping Ashley off at her room and leaving Tannor with her to continue their visit, he heads on over. When he arrives, he is immediately guided to a private room where an image flickers to life as the door closes behind him. 

John straightens to attention and salutes. “Admiral.”

“ _Major. First off, I trust that you received word that your mother is safe?_ ”

He nodded. He’d been startled by the short message from Jane, but appreciated her willingness to share the information considering their current situation. “I did, sir. Thank you.”

“ _I have her helping with this prothean project, if that eases your mind._ ”

It’s strange; despite the secrecy involved with the project, and the fact that the more information shared means the better chance of the public finding out, and from there the better chance of a direct attack by Cerberus or the Reapers, knowing that Hannah Shepard _is_ there does help. Considerably. The only thing that could make it better would be information regarding his father’s current location and status. “It does, sir. Thank you.” He inhales slowly. Expectantly. “Sir, I get the feeling you had another reason for your call?”

The image flickers once or twice but remains connected. “ _I do, major. I understand from my sources that you have yet to officially decide whether or not you will accept the position of second human Spectre. Is there some specific reason for the delay?_ ”

_Sources._ It doesn’t surprise him the admiral is aware of the situation. Back when Jane was made the first human Spectre, he, Anderson and Udina were all part of the selection process. _But Anderson is back on Earth, and Hackett is off in the far reaches of the galaxy hiding from the Reapers in an attempt to build a device to destroy them. The only one left is Udina, though I can see all three must have had their hands in this along the way._ “Just trying to make sure it’s the right fit, sir,” he replies.

“ _Hmm._ ” Hackett rubs his chin for a moment with his right hand. “ _Major, I’m sure I don’t need to remind you that there is far more at stake here than simply winning a war against the Reapers._ ”

John closes his eyes and sighs. Involvement in politics, somehow, some way, is inevitable, it seems, whether he likes it or not. “I understand, sir.”

“ _I’m not sure that you do,_ ” Hackett continues. “ _I cannot order you to accept, John; you know that. I will, however, suggest you consider the bigger picture. While the Reapers may seem the major threat in this war, I think you and I know they aren’t the only one we have to watch out for._ ” 

The admiral pauses, connects with John’s gaze, and for a moment, John almost believes the man is trying to send some sort of subtle message he is incapable of deciphering. _This is the kind of thing Alenko’s good at_ , he thinks to himself in irritation. _Who else is there to watch out for? Cerberus, certainly, especially after Mars. But anyone else?_ He isn’t about to admit to the admiral, who clearly doesn’t want to state plainly what he means. Maybe talking with Ashley later might help him? “I understand, sir,” he repeats, hoping he comes across sounding as if he does, “and I will advise Councilor Udina of my decision to accept ASAP.”

“ _Thank you, major. Hackett out._ ”

John disconnects the call and heads back to the hospital. When he arrives, Ashley is resting in her room. Rather than waking her, he decides to head over to the human embassy to give Udina his answer. It comes as no real surprise when he arrives and asks to see the man that he is escorted inside immediately.

“Come in, major, come in,” the politician greets him, more effusive than usual. It strikes John as curious, yet still fitting for what he knows of the man. “Should I presume by your appearance in my office you are here with an answer to my proposal?”

“I am, councilor,” he agrees. “I apologize for taking so long to make my decision, but as you know, I’ve been rather … preoccupied lately.”

“Of course.” Udina leads him further into the office, gesturing toward a small sitting area nearby. “That is completely understandable. I have heard that Lieutenant Commander Williams is recuperating nicely?”

John nods. “She is, thank you, councilor.” A part of him sighs internally, hating the fact he is agreeing to this. Aside from Ashley’s comments earlier, he has his own concerns about the position. Still, he can’t argue that being a Spectre presents an opportunity for humanity that is ridiculous to pass up. And during a time of war? The time is now, as the saying went. _I just wish it didn’t include all the political bullshit that comes with the job._ “That being the case, I would like to accept the position of Spectre.”

Udina’s eyes sparkle with delight as he claps his hands together. “Excellent!” 

The councilor rambles on for the quarter of an hour about what to expect, the ceremony he has in mind, how it will be a morale boost for humankind throughout the galaxy, and John nods in what he hopes are the appropriate places. Outside of that, however, he withdraws into himself. There is a risk involved in him becoming a Spectre, one which he doubts either Udina or Hackett have considered. What is he supposed to do if he runs into Jane while performing Spectre duties? Not only is it possible, but probable. Such a meeting will present an interesting set of challenges; challenges that will test him in ways he has never been tested before. 

Since hearing of Ashley’s injuries and how they came about, since that first outburst to Alenko regarding Jane’s role in the matter, John has revised his opinion somewhat. While he won’t go so far as to say he forgives Jane for allowing it to happen – he is a firm believer that whoever leads a mission is responsible for what happens to the rest of the team – he can see that his views on her association with Cerberus at the time were made hastily. 

Of course, their more recent run in at the hospital was completely unexpected and, on the heels of Udina’s pressure, awkward. All the more so for her, he supposes, given how quickly she ran off. If nothing else, it supports his conclusion that they cannot be friends in any sense of the word anymore. That is more than just a little discouraging; particularly given her assessment way back on the SR1 that he was being groomed for this job. It also likely means she will be unavailable as a resource for him to ask questions regarding the job. 

_Ah, Jane_ , he muses while staring at the Presidium through the windows of Udina’s office while the man prattles on, _would that things were different …_

Sometime later, John departs Udina’s office. As he passes through the lobby, his attention is caught by a news report on the vidscreen.

_… Cerberus forces have reportedly attacked a medical facility on Sur’Kesh. Salarian officials had no comment…._

He frowns at the screen. The news vids have been talking about a war summit for weeks being held near there, also mentioning that the _Normandy_ retrieved the turian Primarch so he could attend. 

For just a moment, all of the reports plus Jane’s prior associations, even his previous arguments with Alenko and Ashley regarding Jane, return to his head, jumbling. _Dammit, why is it so difficult to understand?_ _Every time Cerberus shows up, Jane is there! Am I really the only one who sees it?_

Aggravated again, he growls beneath his breath and heads into a free elevator. As he turns around to close the door, he is startled to see Udina standing within his line of sight; not so much because he is in the lobby of the Embassies – he works there, of course he would be – but the fact he seems fully focused on John in that moment. A wicked gleam twinkles in his eyes, present only for a moment … and the doors shut, cutting off John’s view.

With a hard punch to signal the hospital as his destination, John shakes his head and grumbles. _Just what the hell have I gotten myself into?_


	30. Since You've Been Gone

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In which an old flame returns from Jane's past ...

The door to the Starboard Observation Lounge opens with the softest of whooshes, but Jane doesn’t have to look up to recognize the lumbering steps shuffling in. Seated off to the side and currently navigating no less than four different datapads spread out in front of her on the floor, she murmurs without looking up, “Need something, Wrex?”

Deep, rumbling laughter reverberates throughout the room. “Nothing ever surprises you anymore, does it, Shepard?” he asks as he sits heavily on a bench.

She takes a long moment of silence to complete her current thought and make proper notations, only after which she glances up at her krogan friend, a wry smile twisting her lips into an amused smirk that leaves her green eyes sparkling with mischief. “I don’t know, you always seem to come up with something.” She sets the datapads to one side and gives him her full attention. “What can I do for you?”

“I’ve been looking for you for the better part of an hour.” 

Jane supposes there is a chastisement in the comment, but she refuses to accept it. Part of her is delighted by the fact she can be in plain sight and still not be seen. If only her instructors at the Villa who didn’t think her skills in infiltration were as high as they should be. Her heart flutters a moment later with the realization that most of them probably were killed during the initial Reaper attack. 

Clearing her mind of the distraction, she replies, “You weren’t looking in the right place.”

His head cocks slightly to his left as he watches her closely. “I _expected_ to find you in the War Room.”

Raising a hand, Jane cuts him off before he can get worked up to full blown steam. “It was too crowded. The Primarch has his hands full at the moment, and we don’t need to be tripping over one another. Most of what I need to do doesn’t actually require me being in there, anyway.” Her eyes narrow as she regards him closely. “Something wrong, Wrex? Can’t you two play nice together? Or do I _have_ to be there to act as a mediator?”

Wrex scoffs, the sound something akin to disbelief before suddenly turning serious. “A krogan team has gone missing,” he rumbles in a low tone. “They were scouting out the rachni relay. We had rumors of trouble in the area.”

Jane blinks and leans forward. “Rachni?” she breathes; her voice barely audible. “What kind of trouble are we talking about?”

His head bobs once. “Thought that might get your attention.” He pauses for a moment and sighs heavily, glancing warily around the otherwise empty lounge. “I have a favor to ask, Shepard. It’s a big one.”

Jane doesn’t break eye contact with him as she waits patiently. “I get it, Wrex; you want me to go find your missing krogan team.” He nods again. “Just give me the coordinates and we’ll go investigate. Nice and quiet like.” He punches something into his omni-tool, and a moment later her left wrist vibrates. “Anything specific I need to know before we head in?”

“We know they arrived, but almost immediately they went silent,” he explains. “I have Aralakh Company on standby. Just say the word and they’ll meet you there.”

“I’ll let you know when we head that way.” With that out of the way, she settles herself more comfortably, asking with a hint of a true smile, “So, how goes your clan unification project?”

“The Reaper attack probably did me more of a favor than it did them,” he replies around a chuckle. “If anything, the krogan are uniting under Clan Urdnot so they can say they fought against them.”

Jane folds her arms across her chest as she leans back against the window. “And when the war is over?”

He shrugs. “Who knows. A lot can happen between now and then. Still, if that crafty little pyjack can cure the genophage, I think it’ll do the trick.”

“Mordin says he can do it.” Jane sighs again. “I know you have no love of salarians, Wrex, but remember, he is helping you. I trust him.”

“Your race wasn’t brought to heel by theirs.” 

Rather than argue past history, Jane shifts the topic slightly. “Do you think having Eve on Tuchanka will help?”

Wrex nods immediately. “It certainly won’t hurt. And you haven’t seen her in action yet, Shepard. She really knows how to get through to some of the more knot-headed clans.”

Jane’s lips twitch, but she keeps Eve’s view of the male krogan to herself as promised. 

He doesn’t appear to notice. “So, you … all right after the Alliance locked you up?”

One brow rises. “Concerned about me, are you, Wrex?” She leans forward, places her elbows on her knees and rests her chin atop her folded hands. “Or just my mental state?”

She had no idea a krogan could pull off a casual shrug. “Just hope they treated you right is all. You were in pretty bad shape when I saw you last year.”

Jane snorts softly. “ _You_ were the one who fed me Ryncol, remember?”

His rumble of laughter echoes throughout the room, wrapping around her like a warm blanket. “The occasion called for it! You defeated a thresher maw – no krogan has done that since my Rite of Passage!”

 _Rite of Passage._ Perfect opportunity for a switch of topics away from those dangerous waters. “Speaking of, how is Grunt?” she asks. “I haven’t heard from him since he left last year.”

“Oh, he’s fine. Spent most of his time on Tuchanka learning what it is to be krogan and Clan Urdnot,” Wrex offers vaguely. “He’s … around somewhere.”

“ _Some_ where?” Jane frowns. There was something in Wrex’s tone … something that is not reassuring in the least. “You make it sound like you’ve _lost_ him!”

The krogan sighs and pushes to his feet. He starts toward the door, but he doesn’t leave the room just yet. “C’mon, Shepard, quit acting like his mother!”

Startled, Jane stares up at him. “I’m not! Wrex, I’ve been locked away for six months without access to even a simple omni-tool! I’m still trying to get back up to speed, here!”

“Baaaah!” He waves her off and exits the room leaving her alone. 

Startled by the entire encounter, Jane sits in confusion for several long minutes before turning back to her work. 

A while later, the door opens again. Lost in her datapads, it takes a couple of minutes before she glances up … to find Kaidan standing there, mug of steaming tea in his hands. “Saw Wrex,” he murmurs as he walks over and hands her the mug. “Thought you might need this.”

Jane inhales the aroma and sighs softly, chuckling. “Good call, major,” she replies by way of thank you. “Yeah, he came by. Had some … _interesting_ information to share with me.” She puts emphasis on the word as she looks directly at him.

Sitting back, he rolls his shoulders and stares out the window behind her. “Is that so? ’Interesting,’ is it?” He drops his gaze back to her as he adds, “I could say the same about the Primarch.”

Jane blinks. Today, it seems, is a day for surprises. “Oh?” 

Kaidan nods. “I think he wanted to speak with you, but when I ended up in the War Room and Wrex wasn’t around, he asked to speak with me.” Leaning toward her, he lowers his voice. “He shared some sensitive information about a turian ship on a secret mission on Tuchanka that crashed. Asked if we’d go in and rescue them. He said it was ‘vital’ we rescue that platoon, but wouldn’t explain why.”

As she listens, Jane’s gaze drops to the floor and she absently traces an erratic infinity shape onto the deck with her fingers. “Wrex brought a couple of things to my attention as well.”

“About the turian ship?”

“No,” she assures him quickly, “he said the krogan have been eyeing the Rachni relay. Something about a group of scouts that went missing.”

Kaidan’s breath catches and a moment later he runs his hands over his face. “Rachni,” he murmurs. “You think the queen you let go is involved?”

Just a hint of raggedness in her breathing, she looks over at him, memories returning front and center. “I hope not. Last time, Wrex wanted to throttle me. Remember?”

To his credit, Kaidan doesn’t even flinch. “Yeah. John wanted to lock him up somewhere just to keep you safe.”

“Heh.” _John_. Half a smile tilts at her lips. Her Ex had his moments back then, that was for sure. _That was then, this is now …_ “Somehow, I don’t think that will happen this time around.”

She starts to turn away, but he is quick, reaching a hand out to catch her just beneath her chin, holding her gaze. “This time,” he replies firmly, “you’ll have the rest of the crew standing between you and Wrex.”

“I hardly think that’s necessary.” That said, her smile curves upward just a bit more. “But thank you, all the same. Nice to know someone has my back.”

He stares at her for a long minute, his expression inscrutable, until he releases her and stands up. “You know the entire crew of the _Normandy_ does.” 

When he extends a hand to her, Jane accepts, tucking her datapads into her right leg pocket then grabbing her tea. They exit the lounge side by side. 

“I don’t, actually,” she admits in a moment of bare honesty, but pulls a smile when she looks over at him as they near the lift. “But it’s good to know. A lot has happened over the past few years, Kaidan. I don’t expect things to be the same as they once were.” Her gaze drifts over to the memorial wall, over the names of those not present this time around. Managing more of a smile this time, she looks back to him. “But we’ll get there. At least, that’s my hope. Where are you off to now?” The elevator arrives and she steps inside.

Kaidan follows. “My quarters,” he replies. “Just got off duty and I’ve got a couple of projects I’m working on.” 

She presses the button for the Engineering Deck as well as the Shuttle Bay. When his brow arches in question, she replies, “Still figuring out mods for the Crusader.”

“Have you talked to Garrus?”

“Yeah. Him, James, Cortez. Hell, I even checked in at Spectre requisitions. No one has what I need.” Sighing, she leans back against the wall of the lift. “I’d ask Wrex what he can do, but since he’s _here_ …”

Kaidan chuckles. “Miss that Claymore, don’t you?”

“Yeah, I …” Her breath catches as the lift door opens on deck four. Kaidan is out and the door halfway shut behind him when she shouts, “Hey, wait! How did you – ?”

He grins over at her as the doors close, separating them. “See you later, commander!”

“Alenko!” She pounds the door with her fist and swears she hears him laughing even as the lift descends to the Shuttle Bay. “Vega!” she shouts the minute the doors open, “Set up the firing range and show me what we’ve got!”

“You bet, Lola!”

Jane spends the next hour with Cortez and Vega attempting to mod the Crusader further, but they run out of options and her frustration levels spikes. It doesn’t help that Wrex contacts her twice with updates about his missing team and the current location of Aralakh Company. The next time her comm buzzes, she pulls the damned thing from her ear and throws it across the Shuttle Bay where it collides with the Kodiak and breaks into several pieces. 

Vega, having retreated over to his work bench to ‘try one more thing,’ for her, shouts over, “What’d that thing ever do to you, Lola?”

“Beeped in my ear!”

Cortez’ soft snicker of amusement is nearly drowned out by Vega’s open, rumbling laughter that echoes around the bay. 

“God, why is it so damned _difficult_ to get this bloody thing to work to my specifications? I did it before, why not now?” She steps back from the console where she’d been researching mod alternatives, vaguely recognizing the whoosh of the lift door behind her, but it’s a distant sound. 

Cortez walks over. “Is it possible Wrex can get you what you need?”

She runs her hands over her face, ignoring the smear of grease that she streaks across her forehead in the process. “It was a prototype,” she explains. “It had a couple of minor problems, but we found workarounds for them and by the time we headed to the Collector Base, it worked like a _dream_.”

“Maybe,” Kaidan says from behind her, “you simply didn’t look in the right place for what you need?”

Spinning around on her heels, Jane is shocked to find her XO standing there, M-300 Claymore in hand, outwardly modded to her specifications from the previous year. Inhaling sharply, her eyes wide in shock, she reaches out, slightly hesitant, as if afraid it will disappear the moment she touches it … but sure enough, it’s solid. Metal. The scratches from the Blood Pack Krogan she’d gone one-on-one with on Tarith still marking the barrel. The scorch marks from the Blood Pack Vorcha pyro on Pragia. The ding in the trigger grip from using it to block one of the geth on Canalus when it got too close. 

“Where did you …?” Her head tilts and she notices the sheepish grin on his face. “Never mind!” She takes the weapon and leans up to kiss his cheek. “You’ve just made me the happiest woman in the galaxy, major, I hope you know that!”

Vega snorts from across the bay and Cortez clears his throat as he turns back to working at his work station. Jane sets the weapon on her work station, half turning back when he turns to leave. “Wait … please? Why don’t you tell me what you’ve been up to with this?”

A soft, slightly shy smile curls at his lips as he returns to her side, leaning against the support column with his arms folded across his chest. “Found it after we got back to Vancouver,” he explains with a casual shrug. “Knowing how we, as soldiers, can get rather attached to certain weapons, and seeing how this one had a sort of … well-loved, shall we say, look to it, I figured you probably would want to keep it around.”

She runs her fingers over it, noting the tiny fixes and improvements he’s made along the way. “But how did you know it was mine? We had a krogan with us who liked the Claymore, too.”

Kaidan gestures for her to turn the weapon over. She does and he points to hash marks on the underside of the barrel. “I don’t know what you were counting,” he adds quietly, “but I remember you doing that back on the SR1.”

Jane’s breath catches again as she stares at the hash marks. “Yeah,” she finally manages. “Um … long story.”

He shrugs again and their eyes meet. In them, however, she finds … acceptance. _Tell me, or not. Your call._ Sighing softly, relief ends as a smile and she nods her thanks. “Stability mod?”

“Yeah. Plus, the high caliber barrel, same one you had before, just cleaned it up a bit.”

Lifting it again, Jane turns back to the targeting range. Winking over at him, she asks, “Wanna share some target practice, major?”

His eyes darken with intensity. “Stakes?”

She considers that for all of about a minute. “Steak dinner on the Citadel, loser buys.” Her smile widens. “I seem to recall that’s your usual incentive?”

“It’ll do,” he agrees while walking over to select his weapon, returning moments later with an M-96 Mattock. “You’re on, commander.”

“Vega, might want to move or risk getting your ass shot,” Jane calls over as she moves the targets into position and loads the Claymore. As she takes her position, she lifts the weapon one last time and places a quick kiss to the top of it while murmuring, “Let’s show ‘em how the big girls play …”

~

“Okay, I’m not going to ask.”

Jane snorts, half giggling in the process. “At least you aren’t a sore loser.”

“Hey, I’m willing to admit when I’m beat,” Kaidan protests. “Besides, it isn’t losing if I get steak out of that dinner, too.”

“Fair enough.” Sagging against the wall, Jane can’t quite rid herself of the silly grin that curves at her lips. “I can’t believe you had it all this time.”

“Actually,” he admits as the lift stops on the Crew Deck. He holds the door for her as they exit and head into the mess, “I didn’t. I mean, technically, I did have it, but it was in storage on the Citadel. Didn’t want the Alliance confiscating it.”

Shocked, Jane stares at him while he moves into the galley and starts preparing sandwiches for them both. Jane moves over to start water for her tea. “Mr. Integrity, circumventing Alliance protocol?”

His cheeks darken a little with a flush of color and he rubs the back of his neck awkwardly. “Not … really?”

Chuckling softly, she leans her elbows on the counter and watches as he makes the grilled cheese. Inhaling the smell, she swallows to keep from drooling. “All right, all right, I won’t keep bugging you about it,” she promises. “I’m just … I was afraid I’d never see it again. Not only do I get it back, but it’s in fine shape and ready to take on Cerberus and the Reapers.” He spares her a quick glance and she smiles warmly. “Thank you.”

“Any time.” He flips the sandwiches before adding, “I told you, we’ve got your back, commander. _All_ of us.”

The kettle starts to boil and Jane rescues it before the whistle gets too loud. As she pours the water, she replies, “Understood.” Placing the kettle on the back of the stove, she turns to lean her hips against the counter. “I know it’s ridiculous –.”

“It isn’t.”

“It is, and I’m willing to accept that.” For the first time in a long while, her laughter bubbles up from someplace deep inside, and it feels _good_. “C’mon, Kaidan – the damned thing is near as big as me!”

Laughing, he checks the sandwiches before sliding them onto two separate trays. “All right, you’ve got me there.” He takes a minute to clean out the frying pan before returning it to its storage place. 

Jane adds some chips to their trays as well as a handful each of carrots and celery and her tea. Grabbing her tray, she takes it over to one of the empty tables and takes a seat. About halfway through their meal, her omni-tool buzzes. A quick look indicates Wrex is trying to find her again. Sighing, she replies to the message, assuring him she is on her way. “Gotta run. Wrex needs me. _Again_.” With a grin, she grabs the last half of her sandwich and takes a bite. 

“Go on, I’ll get this for you,” Kaidan promises. 

“Thanks!” She disappears into the lift a moment later just as the doors shut behind her.


End file.
